I wrote in the last issue about feeling like we are embarking in a New Era. Feels more and more like that every day. I’m so excited thinking on the fact that we are starting a whole new decade. We are at the beginning of a new huge chunk of time. It makes me dizzy to think about what this means.
To step back and think of what I’d like to create in the next 10 years of my Human Experience… Looking at this New Beginning this way is humbling, and so super Inspiring. Have you pondered similarly?
This brings me to today’s writing about Intentionally Co-Creating the life we Desire… As we start a New Year, and a New Decade!, this is the perfect time to Dream, Design, Develop, Display… Before I fully jump into the Topic, if you would allow me to invite you to work with us…
If you feel you would like support making changes, we are here for you! We can help you create the relationship and life you Desire… If you want to go for it, to rock this year and set up a stupendous decade, and are interested in working with us, why wait? You can get started on creating your awesomeness now. Why not?
Waiting for whatever to get started is just postponing what you Desire… Why do that to yourself? Let’s be nicer, kinder and more proactive in beautifully taking care of our Life this year, this decade… Yes? You can still take advantage of our super discounted 10-Session Package and get started right away… Let’s do this!
Today’s topic of Co-Creating the Life we Desire is part of the last element, Element5, in our Sequence for better implementing the Successful Couple Strategy™:
Element1 – Context & Mindset
Element2 – Communication & Alignment
Element3 – Clarity & Dynamics
Element4 – Connection & Intimacy
Element5 – Collaboration & Partnership
The Elements are fundamental and powerful in and of themselves, but this is the one where the changes being made become the most apparent, where they manifest in a variety of ways… Collaboration and Partnership are key for a thriving relationship. A relationship that is not only amazing in its own right, but creates a rippling Impact…
The state of our relationship allows the creation of our magnificent Life… Time and again in Visiting with couples it is obvious that they are stagnant, even struggling, in their life because the partners are getting in their own way and they haven’t figured out how to tap into the inherent synergy of the relationship… This is addressed through the prior Elements.
It is very challenging, a white-knuckling endeavor really, doing Life without having more fully figured out and addressed ourselves, and how we fit with our Partner… Once this piece of the puzzle fits, the rest of the puzzle just comes together beautifully with ease… Then focusing on creating our Masterpiece flows naturally and becomes the joyful endeavor it’s supposed to be.
Creating our Masterpiece has to do with Intentionally creating the life we desire. We get to Dream, Design, Develop and Display our ever-evolving Creation, throughout our Human Experience. This is where Living our life by Design requires Co-Creation. For we do not live in a vacuum, we live in relationship(s). And, that impacts and influences the quilt of our life…
Creating our Masterpiece also has to do with inviting, allowing and abiding by Inspiration. It is about having Vision, and not merely having an idea of what we want and setting goals to achieve it… It is grander and more meaningful than that. This is where we connect with our Why. Where we bring in Purpose. Where life makes sense. It has to do with having Inspired Intentionality™ at the heart of creating the life we desire…
It has to do with deciding, owning, who we truly are and are becoming more every day. It has to do with setting up our life to allow and promote this development. It has to do with deciding who we are as a couple, as a partnership. It has to do with defining our Personal and Couple Brand… It has to do with living authentically and honoring ourselves and our partnership.
Our Masterpiece is a weaving together of the Partners’ contributions, gifts, Essence. It is our responsibility to crack the code for a seamlessly weaving experience. So we do get to create a gorgeous and magnificent Masterpiece. We don’t want to end up with a mediocre masterpiece at the end of the day, for that would have been a wasted Human Experience… We want our Masterpiece to be our Legacy…
If all this sounds too grand to you, it’s time to wake up to your Life! It’s time to embrace what you signed-up for… Make this life the best it can be. Make your life a world-class life.
How? Dream, Design, Develop, Display… Here is your Prescription:
1 – Do your own Personal Development work (we can help!) so you don’t get in the way, encourage your partner to do the same… Combine your Learnings…
2 – Develop Courage to go for it! Own your Why, your Purpose. Make this your Life Lens, let it inform your Vision. Create a Joint Vision…
It’s the beginning of 2020, a New Year, a New Decade, a New Era, a New Version of You. You 2.0.Your Life 2.0. No matter where you are in your life, the formula above is pertinent… You can just be waking up to your life, or you can be a bit of a veteran on the Journey. Regardless, apply the Prescription to your current situation and you’ll be cruising along gracefully and joyfully to your best life experience yet…
ASSIGNMENT: Well? Are you going for it? If not, give it a good thought as to why you are holding yourself back from your Best Self and your Best Life… Isn’t it time to stop the nonsense and step up your game? Just saying…
If you are going for it, Yay! Congratulations! It might feel a bit scary, for we do have to deconstruct to reconstruct… Hang in there… You just made the best decision of your life… Seriously…
If you are going for it, have a heart-to-heart with your Honey about Committing to your Best Lives ever… If you find for whatever reason that you can’t do this, it’s totally fine and kind of normal… This just means YOU start the Journey… This is Your life after all… You are responsible for it. You are the boss of it…
Next is to decide what kind of life you want and to start making changes to create it…
Dream, Design, Develop, Display…
You can have a better life. It’s just a matter of how much you want it… I say, Just go for it already! And, Enjoy!
We completed this Series. Yay!! Stay tuned for a compilation of prior series for a richer integration… Here is to our Best Year yet. Here is to our Best Life!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Creating!
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
As we embark on a new era… I want you to come along… I want your life to continue to become better and better as well. I want us to continue to Design and enjoy our Best Life. I want us to continue to have an amazing Human Experience and for it to get better every day.
Now, I know that the holidays are tough for most… I also know that even though we are all pumped with the New Year, the new decade!, that in a few weeks people crash… I also know that people still have challenges and struggles in life… This is why I’m writing the current sequence, I’m getting to it – I promise!, to help you realign your relationship and kick-off the New Year with pizzazz!
But, I’m not naïve in thinking that a few blog posts are enough, though I try to give you so much, to help you change your life if you are feeling stuck and are struggling. This is why I want to offer you the opportunity to easily get support to help you over the hump. You can really make this your best year yet… How about it , will you let us help you?
Ok, and now on to Element4 of our Sequence for better implementing theSuccessful Couple Strategy™:
Element1 – Context & Mindset
Element2 – Communication & Alignment
Element3 – Clarity & Dynamics
Element4 – Connection & Intimacy
Element5 – Collaboration & Partnership
Today’s topic – Stopping the disconnect by getting your swag on. Aside from not moving forward in the relationship, not feeling supported, not getting along and arguing a lot, feeling disconnected from our partner is a top contender for couples not feeling satisfied and happy in their relationship, and in their life…
Feeling disconnected is a real tough one, it eats at your soul… Where there is fighting there is passion. But with disconnect there is deeper, black, gut wrenching pain…
Disconnect breeds feelings of aloneness, loneliness, rejection, unworthiness, despair, hopelessness which in turn trigger anxiety and depression, and other goodies… I’ll spare you the heaviness of presenting this topic from this angle. But know that all this is very serious and dangerous to our wellbeing. Feeling disconnected is not to be taken lightly.
I want to address the topic instead from my usual lighter and more practical angle to prompt your shift… I offer an alternate perspective to how you might usually look at things, that keeps you stuck… When you change your usual lens, you can more easily realign and create the changes you seek… You can more easily get out of your own way… You can effortlessly invite, allow, and cocreate what you Desire…
This is the gentle, loving and compassionate way of saying you contribute to your disconnect… Hang on if you had a reaction just then… Don’t shoot the messenger! LOL I know that when we feel disconnected we usually blame our partner for it… We claim they are too busy.
They don’t care as much as we do. They are insensitive and don’t have feelings. They are too arrogant. They are narcissistic… I’m not taking away from any of these. They are probably true! So what!?
These do not mean you cannot have a caring, loving, satisfying and happy relationship with your partner. This just means you have work to do… This means there is a reason you attracted and are with this partner… If this is what you got, this is what you need…
This is your second chance at getting what you didn’t get back then… [Refer to the last issue/post] Hey, again, don’t shoot the messenger. You can always choose to try again with someone else. But, while we are here, we might as well try it my way. Ok? What have you got to lose?
When we feel disconnected from our partner is because we are choosing to focus on everything our partner is doing wrong… We think, and even usually vocalize, how we think they should be, operate, feel and the like. We go in their circle… We don’t followgood boundaries protocols…
When we are in their circle, we are not in ours… When we are in their circle, they feel crowded and shy away… When we are not in ours, we are disempowered and unattractive… Bam!
This is part of what creates disconnect… There are a lot of other factors but tackling this is the quickest way to start creating change… When we get out of our partner’s circle, they can stop withdrawing, running, hiding and the like. All of a sudden, they are more available and interested…
When we come back into our own circle, we feel amazing! For that’s where we are supposed to be. There is awesomeness in our circle. There is power and beauty in our circle. This is where we have Swag…
When we own ourselves, embody our Authentic, our Higher Self, and show up with our Best Self, then there is no chance in heck that our partner can ignore us, not be interested in us, not be attracted to us and not want to do everything for us… This is on us. We only get this when we don’t demand it… We only get this when we do Us…
And, then there wouldn’t be disconnect anyway… (Wink!)
ASSIGNMENT: By Golly, stop focusing on how your partner sucks and start focusing on how to do You better! That’s it. Seriously. It’s time to stop whining and start owning your life. What can you take on by the horns? It’s a New Year.
It can be a New You if you mean business. It’s time. Get off the sidelines and get in the game. It’s time for a new Relationship (with your partner), a new Life. And, it all starts with You. Change the focus to your Self and how to continue to become your Best Self.
When you have You, there is no disconnect… When you have you, your Partner has you… This is where the disconnect goes away… Enjoy You, and enjoy a newfound Connection…
Next week’s issue is the last of the Series. Don’t miss it! I’ll be covering how create a Strong Partnership in the New Year! Here is to our Best Year Yet!!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Connecting!
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
We’ve been making our way through the 5 Elements of our Successful Couple Strategy™ to launch us into the New Year ready to create the best version of our relationship yet.
Today’s topic – The Same Thing Over and Over. Unless we make sure we don’t get stuck, that’s exactly what happens… When partners wing things in their relationship they will find themselves creating repeating patterns. That’s just the way of things. Even if they don’t necessarily “wing it”, but are not intentional, mindful, informed, and use Relationship Enrichment Skills this is still what happens…
What happens? What drives the repeating patterns? Why do partners get stuck here, no matter how smart they are? As I’ve said once or twice in session, this is not a logical problem to be solved with an intellectual conversation or approach, or as if it’s a riddle… No matter how much you kick it around in your head that’s not how you change this.
This happens because at some level we are looking to get what we haven’t gotten yet… It’s our unconscious mind at work, it’s a built-in mechanism to give us a second chance. A second chance at getting our needs met, at fully growing up, and at actually becoming who we are…
So even though it’s super frustrating to be stuck in repeating patterns, this is actually a Gift, a Blessing. This is an opportunity in disguise. This is a chance to give it another try! This happens FOR us not TO us.
This means our relationship is a gift, our Partner is a Gift… For in this context we have the perfect situation to do our work and have our human experience… It gives us the opportunity to practice, try again, and crack the code. How many situations in our life are as rich as this…?
Ok, so how do the frustrating things keep repeating against sometimes our bestest efforts and wishes? They repeat because is not the specific behavior or situation that is the issue or that needs to change, and that’s what the partners focus on…
Like leaving the toilet seat up
Like not getting up early to help with the children
Like not doing the dishes
Like always running late
Like telling white lies
Like leaving crumbs on the counter
Like not responding to texts fast enough
Like listening to the T.V. too loudly
Like not immediately picking up after the dog went in the yard
Like not buying groceries frequently enough
These are all real examples from couples I’m currently working with, and the list goes on and on. Any resonate for you? What is the thing that’s getting you?
Partners get stuck on items like this and what ensues when trying to address them… As you can see from the behaviors listed, the focus is on what the partner is doing or not doing! Right off the bat they are off in the wrong direction… The mere focus on these items as the partner being a perpetrator of some kind automatically affects one’s mood, state, experience and approach… And, it disempowers us…
The key with these and other similar focus items is to understand what they trigger for us… The trigger, the emotional response, is the hook… It’s not the behavior per se that’s so egregious, but what it does to us, how it makes us feel… As we are on the lookout to no longer get hurt in the same old way, to not feel that pain again, we are sensitive to any experience that might trigger it…
Some of the behaviors listed above wouldn’t bother someone else to the same extent if at all… Partners are not usually aware of the trigger, or get so triggered that they can’t help themselves, so they just get hang-up on the particular behavior for its own sake…
Partners then focus on correcting the infraction and getting their way. When faced with certain behaviors, we assign some negative meaning to them that triggers us. This by the way, happens at lightning speed where most of the time we are not even aware of our process…
And, then we react to the trigger, triggering our partner, who reacts to their trigger, triggering us some more.Fun times! LOL Thus, we go around and around, we create a repeating loop, we get stuck in a Power Struggle where both partners are focused on getting their way (getting their needs met and relieving their pain)… They end up creating repeating patterns, stuck dynamics. This creates stuckness in the relationship…
Changing the focus from our partner’s behavior in trying to take care of ourselves to caring of how we feel and what got triggered is how we shift the stuckness, change the dynamics and the patterns. When we change to this approach, we heal…
When we stretch to meet our needs appropriately, and our partner’s when addressing their concerns, we grow… When we intentionally work together we create a deeper understanding, more connection and greater intimacy…
This is how we create an everlasting bond, a rock-solid Partnership. This is what enables us to Flourish and create our Brilliant Life…
ASSIGNMENT: Take a moment to,
Identify the infractions, your partner’s imperfections, that you tend to focus on in your relationship.
Identify what they trigger for you, what feelings come up when faced with them. Note, that this is a pervasive feeling… It just gets exacerbated during certain times…
Identify what the feelings call for. What are the associated needs? What do you imagine you need when those feelings come up? This is where the focus needs to be, on the feeling and how to meet the needs driving it. And, the need is NOT, I need my partner to do the dishes! LOL
Identify ways to appropriately meet your needs- to address the pervasive feeling… And remember, it has nothing to do with the actual items that get you. They are just messengers…
Play with this to your heart’s content, heal yourself and grow yourself up. You’ll notice how much easier and beautiful your life becomes… Embrace the opportunities!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Embracing
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
So many of our “big projects” are coming to gorgeous fruition. Life indeed is Grand! How about you? What accomplishment or deliciousness are you celebrating from this year? Nothing is irrelevant, a given or expectation. Anything beautiful in your life you Allowed and coCreated. Acknowledge it, own it, celebrate it. We create the life we have, take credit and delight…
We get what we put in… This brings me to today’s writing. We are on Element2 of the Successful Couple Strategy™:
Element1 – Context & Mindset
Element2 – Communication & Alignment
Element3 – Clarity & Dynamics
Element4 – Connection & Intimacy
Element5 – Collaboration & Partnership
Today’s topic – Fighting Without Resolution. Unfortunately, it is very common for couples to fight and not resolve the issue at hand. There is a multitude of reasons for this. Here are a few, the partners:
Engage in discussing what’s bothering them at inopportune times, or downright inappropriate times
Start discussions with a hothead, when they are still triggered
Address their concern by going after their partner and the perceived infraction
Get hang up on being right, making their point, winning the argument
Lose sight of the topic at hand and bring up other prior (also still unresolved) frustrations
Turn the discussion into how the other is not showing up right, or is fighting unfairly
Make it their business to teach the other skills, tell them what they did wrong or what they could do better
Take on a defensive stance and go on the offensive
Use the moment to address everything that is bothering them
Go at the conversation attacking their partner, their character and making character flaw observations
Can you see how these would not be conducive for addressing concerns, understanding each, getting on the same page, resolving issues and building and sustaining intimacy? What’s really interesting is that even though this approach doesn’t work, partners keep doing this over and over. This is how they keep trying to work on things and make changes. It doesn’t work!
It doesn’t work because they can’t expect their partner to be able to discuss or address something potentially intense at any given moment because they want to. Or, for the other to have that expectation in turn. Partners need to proactively select a time to have a productive discussion.
It doesn’t work because they start conversations from an unresourced state. They are triggered and sensitive. They go in with guns blazing blaming, criticizing, shaming, demanding, controlling, attacking and the like. They go in making their partner wrong off the bat.
They go in as a victim and injured party. They don’t give the partner the benefit of the doubt, speak about their own experience and never mind taking ownership for what they contributed to the situation.
It doesn’t work because they get caught up in the reactive moment and lose sight of the topic at hand. The interaction becomes about everything else. How they are talking, how they are not using skills, how they do everything wrong, how they always do this, how it’s hopeless, how everything stinks, and on and on… They miss the forest for the tree. Instead of showing up with their best self, with a collaborative, compassionate and flexible approach.
And, even worst of all. It doesn’t work because they are attacking who the other person is… They are devaluing, questioning, and shredding their partner. Who the heck are they to question the other? How dare they assume they have that right? Because you are disgruntled, married, hurt and possibly your partner actually wronged you, it still does not mean you get to be a jerk.
It is our job to be our best human self that we can possibly muster at any given time, and to give ourselves the opportunity to that. Going into discussions without that intention doesn’t serve anyone! It sets you up to show up with the little you. And, it sets you up to get nonsense from your partner. Why do that to yourself?
This is why when we are in session the discussions go much better, because these things are not allowed. It behooves you to bring a cleaner version of your approach to your conversations. And, you don’t have to have the most amazing skills in the world, be perfect at delivering them and be a saint. Your attempt at doing things differently goes a long way in and of itself… Your partner can see the investment and they usually respond in kind…
Note, sometimes you might try, and the moment still turns into a s*t show. Listen, nobody and no relationship is perfect. It happens. What becomes important then is what you do afterwards. How you conduct yourself and go back in… How you learn from the experience and work on doing better next time. Learning from your mistakes and continuing to invest on becoming the best version of you. This is at the crux of it all.
ASSIGNMENT: Do a review of how your discussions usually go and identify how you contribute to the conversation going south. If you can’t find anything this could be part of the issue in and of itself… If you were in the conversation, you contributed to how it went… Own your side and focus on making the changes you need to make… This alone helps start a new pattern…
As usual the focus is on what we can change and what we have control over… Stop wasting your energy and time trying to change your partner and focusing on creating something different by telling your partner what they need to change… Stop giving your power away! Focusing on your side is super empowering and that’s how you create change, and ultimately the relationship and life you want. You can do it!
Stay tuned for next week’s issue on a Changing Dynamics topic…
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Changing!
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Are you setting yourself up for your Best Year Yet? I want to help, this is what we’ll do…
First though, I’d like to point something out. I’m sure you’ve noticed that even though we specialize in working with couples, that my writing focuses on bringing out your Best Self to play… I cover this from a lot of different angles bringing it back around to the context of the relationship…
The reason for this is that we have a tendency to get in our own way, and then are not able to show up with our Best Self to our Relationship… The focus is on taking charge of ourselves to create the relationship and life we desire. This personal development is hugely important if we are to have our Best Life.
So, for the next several weeks to ease us right into the New Year, I’ll be covering very specific Relationship Success topics with the usual personal angle and flair. The idea is to prime the pump if you may to setup your relationship for its next level of awesomeness in the New Year. Eh?
Today’s topic – Feeling Stuck. Feeling Stuck is a very common feeling for couples. Partners feel stuck in a variety of ways. Here are some popular ones:
Not moving to the next level of commitment – moving in together, getting engaged, getting married
Not feeling close – feeling like ships passing in the night, disinterest from the other, not being a priority
Not feeling supported – having different preferences for leisure, in-laws issues, conflicting parenting styles, financial management concerns, general disapproval
Not progressing in life – having children, getting the first home or moving out of a starter home, having better jobs or positions, increasing business revenue or impact
Not feeling great in the relationship – experiencing a general sense of dissatisfaction, boredom, apathy, unhappiness
Feeling Stuck is par for the course in relationship at some point or another in its lifespan. Being in a successful relationship is one of the most challenging undertakings in life, with successful parenting being a close second… It is bound to have difficulties, challenges, and ups-and-downs. It is not easy to create a Radiant Joint Life where there is just the right balance of coupling and individualism, and of merging of two lives…
The fact that Feeling Stuck is normal at some point in our relationship doesn’t make it any easier. And, the fact that it’s normal doesn’t mean that we grin and bear it and wait for it to pass. We have to be intentional about addressing it properly or it can end up having severe consequences on the relationship and our life.
Of course, it would be even better to be preventative and hardly at all if ever have to experience this. But usually we learn how to be preventative of future stuckness by going through this at least once… It’s not something we usually start with, “Hm, let me make sure I don’t Feel Stuck at any point in the relationship”…
So, if you are Feeling Stuck, don’t worry you are not alone and know that you can change this. Sometimes when the feeling strikes it feels so numbing, uncomfortable, devastating, hopeless and such that the only way to alleviate the feeling is to get the heck out. But, don’t be rash in making this decision. Stuckness doesn’t have to be pervasive. You can get beyond it and create the relationship you desire… Only you can decide if it’s worth the investment.
It takes commitment to weather the storm, to hang in there, to address the uncomfortableness, to make changes. This is definitely not for the faint of heart. It takes courage to have faith and stay committed when faced with what seem indicators to the contrary.
Others in your life might question your sanity. You might question your sanity. But, it’s during this hesitation and ambivalence that we need to let go of ego and soften our heart…
It’s during our ambivalence that we are the most vulnerable and make rash decisions. I hear often that people wish they would have tried harder or differently to save a prior marriage or relationship.
Note, this is trickier to do when there are severe issues in the relationship – affairs, addictions, mental illness, or others. It doesn’t mean it can’t be done but be prepared for an intense ride. In this platform, I’m not talking to these situations for they require a little more TLC.
It’s during the ambivalence that we have to put our Feeling Stuck into proper Context and not lose sight of the forest for the tree… It is during this time that we have to Transcend our noise, our nitpicking, our stubborn position, our judgement and criticism, our arrogance and high-horse, and such.
It is during this time that we get in touch with what is important to us, why we are in this in the first place, who we actually are and the possibilities, who are partner actually is and the possibilities, the potential…
This is not so easy to do, but boy is it empowering if you are able to get out of your own way and see… For this becomes your Why, the inspiration, the driver, and the strength. This is what’s needed to stay the course. This is how it’s easier to stay committed…
From a committed place you have strength to do what it takes to create change. A key approach is to deconstruct the stories and scripts you have running through your mind, and see how you are cocreating the Stuckness… It is imperative that you take full ownership of your side in it. This is the only place you have control and power. When you exercise your agency, you can create change…
ASSIGNMENT: Make a date with yourself to have an empowering sit down. Create a time free of distractions that is cozy, soothing and restorative.
During this time, explore the story of your relationship. Look at it from every single angle. The only caveat is that you look at it as to how you’ve been in it, from inception until now…
What have been your strengths, your contributions, and your gifts?
What have been your weaknesses, defenses, and erosions? It’s ok to see how your partner might have induced these from you… But it’s NOT ok to blame your partner for the state of things, or for how you chose to react and be… All of that is ultimately on you!
Take full ownership for your side of things… This is where the Transformation starts…
Once you get a taste for how liberating and empowering this is, you’ll feel like a new person. This is how the Stuckness starts to breakdown… This is where the juice is! This is a worthy undertaking for from here anything is possible… Milk this feeling and keep coming back to it. Carry it into the New Year and beyond.
Stay tuned for next week’s issue on a Communication topic…
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Deconstructing!
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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With this Mini Course learn how to immediately Break your Impasse, Improve your Communication, Increase your Intimacy, Connection and Fun, & Create a Strong Partnership...
And with Emma’s weekly Love rich with Personal Development & Relationship Enrichment know-how, announcements, resources and more straight into your inbox.
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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