Are you feeling like you are moving slow getting the New Year and your Best Year Yet started? The first couple of weeks of the year are always rough. Either we overcommit to new stuff to create our new life, or we just can’t seem to get it together to get moving… Either way we are not properly approaching the changes we want to make to get the results we want… But there is a better way and that’s Embracing Self-Management and Flow…
Self-Management is one of the 4 Aspects of Self-Love: Self-Honoring and Being Self-Management and Flow Self-Care and Resilience Self-Connection and Radiance
Self-Management has to do with taking full responsibility for ourselves- with learning how to properly manage ourselves and strive for excellence and high performance. It is about flowing through our days creating our Best Life…
Embracing Self-Management in our Self-Love Practice allows us to truly have our own back and support ourselves in our Journey…
Self-Management is a multifaceted endeavor, it includes managing our thoughts, feelings, behaviors, energy, time, space, and everything else…
For the purpose of our Self-Love Practice, I’m honing-in on how we set up and go about our days to effortlessly achieve our goals, experience joy and fully live our life.
Watch the video for 5 Tactics for managing yourself… Enjoy!
APPLICATION: Self-Management is a super skill. When we manage ourselves well, we are unstoppable! Here are tactics to help you easily start better managing yourself for more high-performance, productivity, and flow… Let your Core Values guide you as you work through this exercise.
Set some time aside to Design the Life You Want to Live…
🌟Time Mapping – Decide how you want your weeks to flow… Design your Ideal Week. Designate days with themes and part of the days for different Life Areas. For example:
–You can have writing or content creation days, client days, meeting days, admin days and such.
–You can have Self-Love/Me Time, Couple Time, Family Time, Chores Time, you get my drift.
This guides where you add your commitments in your calendar, where you focus your attention and what you work on, and helps you manage how you use your time, energy, and bandwidth… This is a one-time exercise that you tweak as you see fit.
🌟Time Blocking – Now, within your Time Map, you get to drill-in how you use any given time. You designate time chunks for tasks and commitments. This is a weekly task where you plop in what you want to work on and accomplish into specific times of your week.
Be sure to judiciously block time including buffer time and transition time. We want to allow for context shifting and build in grace for when things don’t work out as planned. This ensures more flow and ease in your days…
–This is a great activity to do on Friday before the closedown for the day, so you are ready for the next week and avoid the Sunday Scaries (AKA Sundaynitis in my home). Or, a Saturday Morning Reset activity, or a Sunday Afternoon Reset activity. Whatever makes sense for your life.
Decide when you’ll do your weekly Reset with Time Blocking. Add it to your calendar as a recurring event…
🌟Routines – This is my favorite. When we create rich routines, we can make any change we desire in our life. We don’t change in a vacuum. Creating change is very challenging and routines provide the context where the change can happen. It reduces friction, creates support and motivation. The things you are trying to do happen automatically without you having to white-knuckle your way.
–Choose a time of day where you and your family experience the most stress, where most conflict happens, where everyone ends up crying, yelling or both, or where you’d like to add more richness for a better life… This usually includes mornings, evenings, and bedtime, and other transition times like Friday evening, Sunday evening, before and after vacations or trips, and such.
–And, in terms of adding richness: Self-Care/Love Routine, Bedtime Routine, Skin Care Routine, Food Prep, Family Night, Couple Time, Date Your Partner, etc.
–Select your time by activity to improve, richness to integrate, most stressful to eliminate, by whatever you’d like to tackle first that will have the most immediate impact in your life…
Then design a routine that will address the friction and issues you encounter. For example, choose a time to start transitioning to the evening routine and what does that entail- daily review, organize for next day, closedown technology/work, connect with family members, discuss timing of next activity, start meal prep, etc.
Once you design the look and feel, tweak your schedule/calendar and your environments (declutter, layout stuff, set reminders, send notices, and such) to support your design…
🌟Habits – These are the ingredients of your routines!
Depending on what segment of the day or routine you are targeting to create more ease in your life, you can implement new habits to make that routine or time of day work better.
AND, to achieve your goals, you must have repeating targeted behaviors, tactics or habits to go along with them. Goals are achieved through taking consistent action…
—Health/Wellness Habits do very well as part of a morning self-care routine and part of weekend reset routine (meal planning, food shopping, food prep).
—Connections Habits do well as part of transitions, evening routines, and weekend routines.
—Success Habits do well as part of targeted work time blocks…
🌟Special Days – These are the exceptions to your routines and the sparkle sprinkles! Think of different ways of playing hooky if you may. LOL These are theme days to take care of things and enjoy things outside your regular routines.
–Specials days can be used as: Fun Day, Me Day, Mommy-Daughter Day (or other family combos), Adventure Day, Admin Day, Reset Day, Shoot Day, Lazy Day, and so on.
Make a list of all the Special Days that would make sense and that you would enjoy in your life. Then add them to your calendar as recurring events or keep as things to be scheduled during reset or planning days.
And that is the powerful way of taking charge of your days and creating the flavor of your life.
Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
As we start a New Year, we are looking forward to a new chapter, and possibly a new book, in our life. The thing is that the person that got us here, our current self, is not the person that can get us there… The person that got us here and only do more of the same…
For us to create something new, we have to be able to Be in a new way… The new self can create our new chapter, our Best Year Yet. A way to the new self is through Embracing Self-Love and Being.
Part of our Human Experience is to continue to grow more into who we really are… To continue to evolve. Shedding the slumber, the character defenses, the defense mechanisms, and other unconscious patterns to become our Best Self. This is the pursuit of Self-Growth…
I’m looking at the pursuit of Self-Growth as having two key components:
🌟Self-Love Practice for our Being
🌟Personal Development Practice for our Becoming
This month’s series will focus on our Self-Love Practice with today defining Self-Love and setting us up for a deep dive into developing a rich practice that really honors who we are and takes care of us.
Self-Love has to do with:
💖 Self-Honoring – Respecting and honoring ourselves- our values, our needs, our body, our feelings, our intuition, our perspectives, our space, our time, our preferences, our wishes, our dreams and so on.
💖 Self-Management – Taking full responsibility for ourselves- with learning how to properly manage ourselves and strive for excellence and high performance.
💖 Self-Care – Taking care of ourselves- with having a wholistic self-care practice that generates vitality, health and wellbeing.
💖 Self-Connection – Having a strong relationship with ourselves- with fully knowing and accepting all parts of ourselves, with keeping our own company, with having our own back, with being more present, with nurturing ourselves.
Each of these can be a whole newsletter or blog in and of themselves. LOL Nonetheless, we’ll be covering some aspect of each in the coming weeks, starting today with respecting and honoring ourselves.
Watch the video for 5 Tactics for honoring yourself… Enjoy!
APPLICATION: You’d think it’d be easy to be us. To be who we are. To be ourselves… As you might be aware, this is actually not the case and our Journey is about learning and evolving ourselves… Therefore, it’s imperative that we integrate tackling this intentionally in our lives…
Set some time aside to give yourself some Self-Love…
💗Values – We have to know our Core Values to help us filter our decisions and pursuits in our lives… Complete the Identifying Core Values exercise, and let your discovery inform other practices and tactics for more cohesiveness… Get the guide HERE.
💗Essence – We have to choose what flavor human being we want to be. LOL In your journal, list qualities of people you admire and who you consider role models.
1️⃣Underline the qualities you have in common with them. 2️⃣Circle the qualities they have that you’d like to embrace more in yourself… 3️⃣Summon the essence of that quality and strive for integrating it into yourself… Do this when you need a little pick me up, inspiration or motivation.
💗Feelings – Thoughts lead to feelings… Therefore, we can generate whatever feelings we like!
1️⃣Decide what kinds of feelings you want to experience more in your life…
2️⃣What kinds of thoughts would you have to have to generate those feelings? 3️⃣In your Journal, capture the thoughts so you can reference them as needed if you are having a hard time generating them, and their related feelings, on any giving day… 4️⃣Make it a habit of choosing the feelings you desire for the day first thing in the morning and go about generating them…
💗Intentions – We can be pretty chaotic in how we show up to our life and the days in our life if we are not intentional about it… Intentions are a powerful thing… You can choose how you want to show up everyday, and self correct at any giving moment…
1️⃣In your Journal, make a list of intentions about different ways you’d like to show up in your life.
2️⃣Keep this handy to draw from as needed to bring more intentionality and personal engagement in your life… 3️⃣You can use these as daily intentions, weekly themes, sprinkles for kicks and to keep things fresh
💗Roles – This one is super important. I often discuss this in our work with clients in terms of what kind of people they want to be regardless of how the people in their lives are being…
1️⃣Ponder on what kind of human you want to be, what kind of man, woman, or other gender, what kind of partner, what kind of parent, what kind of “child”, what kind of sibling, what kind of in-law, what kind of friend, neighbor, boss, and so on… 2️⃣In your Journal, capture your musings. 3️⃣Identify where you’d like to tweak how you are being in any relationship and get to making the corrections or upgrades…
Isn’t this work just so delicious!? This is a quick way to embrace you and Be more of who you want to be, who you really are… You’ll just be intentional about really Being you…
Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
We are knee deep in setting ourselves up for an amazing New Year! Do you usually give this much thought? Do you do personal End of Year and New Year Planning? Do you take the time to be with yourself and get inspired to design the life you want and map out how to make it happen? I do, and I know that those who do also create Masterful Lives…
Therefore, I’ve added the Sparkling Step to my planning process to help you do it as well. Today, we are covering The Masterful Part of this step (2of3).
But, first a quick recap – End-Of-Year & New-Year Planning (E.N.P.):
The Inspirational Part covered how to get in touch with your Essence and bring it forth more…
Today’s Masterful Part covers how to capture and integrate better habits and activities for more efficiency, productivity, ownership, empowerment, focus, presence, harmony, joy and enjoyment in your life…
The Masterful Part
To have a Brilliant Human Experience™ we have to Live our life… This might mean different things to different people. To some it might mean achieving great success professionally and making an impact.
To other it might mean mastering themselves, physically, emotionally, etc. To others it might mean partying it up every weekend. To others it might mean going on great adventures a few times a year. And, yet to others it might mean a combination of these and other essential experiences and masteries.
It is up to us to create our Best Life, a life we love. And a life well lived at the end of the day that truly represented our essence and how we wanted to have lived it…
From the work we’ve done so far, we already know what we are working towards. Now we’ll add how we want to go about making it happen. How we want to do the Journey…
Watch the video for 5 Tactics to help you Masterfully enjoy your Journey…
APPLICATION: This process just gets more and more fun from here. Woot!
A note of caution first, you really need to doSteps 1-3 of theEnd-Of-Year & New-Year Planning (E.N.P.) process if you haven’t yet… This is you guiding North Star… You can sprinkle all the sparkle you want into your life and still not create your Best Life if you don’t know what you are creating at the end of the day…
Again, set time aside to play with this process, work through the steps in order, though 1 and 2 can be swapped depending on your situation.
And, now on to the Tactics of The Masterful Part…
VERY IMPORTANT: Don’t create the lists below in a vacuum. They need to flow from your vision, goals, and tactics to support your overall approach and desires for the New Year… They are additional ways to help you create your vision and achieve your goals. They are the icing on your cake. They are not meant to be miscellaneous extra things to overload you…
🌟Stop/Start List – Create a list all the minutia, redundancies, and painful tasks you do. Add to this list the negative habits, commitments, and anything else that just suck your life energy out of you. This is the Stop part of your list. Now make a list of skills, healthy habits, and activities you want to add to your life to recharge you, enrich your experience and create more efficiency and joy. This is the Start part of your list.
Select a couple from each to tackle Q1 of next year. Weave the Start items into your flow, time map, routine, calendar, schedule, to ensure you fully execute this; remove the Stop ones as you go (scrap, automate, delegate, outsource) …
🌟Life Rules – Create a list of rules to live by. This is about setting more effective boundaries in your life… This has to do with you fully owning yourself and taking charge of your life… Of not being a push over, people pleaser, codependent, and generally being at the bottom of your own list… What will you no longer tolerate, put up with or get sucked into in your life?
Select a handful to master in Q1… Diligently set out to have the necessary conversations or take the action steps to establish your boundaries.
🌟Spend for Happiness – Create a list of things you’d like to purchase that you believe will bring you more joy and happiness… Create a Spending Plan to map out your purchases for the year.
Pick out the ones for Q1 and implement your savings tactics to enable your purchases. This will keep you focused on your saving strategy and make your spending more intentional… This tames the consumerism bug, supports minimalism and essentialism philosophies and supports a more meaningful lifestyle.
🌟Special Days – Create a list of the types of Special or Theme Days you’d like to have, like: Declutter or deep clean day, life admin day, shoot day, content planning day, reset day, inspiration day, me day, celebration day, feel good day, hooky day, and such.
Next, schedule those into your calendar for Q1. Woot!
🌟Challenges – Make a list of 30-Day Challenges you’d like to do to stretch yourself, develop character strengths or personality traits, install better habits, improve some aspect of your life, stay intentional and engaged in your life daily, or just for kicks and conversational content. Here is a cool collection to inspire you.
Select the 1-3 you’ll tackle in Q1 (1 per month at most…) and schedule prep-ahead-time for each to launch into them seamlessly.
🔔Once you finish integrating these into your lifestyle, set up a reminder in whatever app makes sense in your life to grab another set of these to tackle in Q2, and so on.
The beauty of this Part is that the tactics support our achieving our goals and make the process more tangible and fun. They help us uplevel our life experience on their own right.
Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS –Check out past Holiday posts to help you Thrive this Holiday Season and start the New Year right!
Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
In my ongoing quest to do our life better and enhance our wellbeing, I started paying closer attention year-in and year-out to how to we do this Season… What has developed over the years is my End-of-Year & New-Year Planning (E.N.P.) Process (condensed from its original version which can be found here). I’m so excited for its sparkling newest Step and its rich parts. Today we are covering: The Inspirational Part (1of3).
We’ve covered Steps for clearing, celebrating and contemplating and now we are on to candescenting, to adding Sparkle…
I am adding this new step to add more Sparkle into our life… This is what this step is all about. We tend to focus on work, grinding, and what’s wrong in the world. We usually don’t acknowledge the good things or focus on how to better do leisure, fun, recharging, taking care of ourselves, and enjoying the finest things in life.
Our Human Experience needs to be more well-rounded…
⚡️Most people don’t dream of their future. ⚡️Most people don’t set goals to achieve their dreams. ⚡️Most people don’t develop a plan to achieve their goals. ⚡️Most people don’t design their flow (routines) to work their plans. ⚡️Most people definitely don’t add Sparkle to their flow…
These people are at risk of their life being dull and a grind… You might recognize yourself in all the above, or some. Don’t worry I’ve got the antidote in adding Sparkle into our life…
The first part in the Sparkle Step is Inspiration…
The Inspirational Part
When our life is monotonous, when we tend to grind, when we don’t recharge ourselves, we dull ourselves. We are like a house that hasn’t been dusted in a while and the surfaces no longer sparkle. We lose our sparkle…
It is our job to figure out how to do our life well, so we have our best human experience, a Brilliant Human Experience™…
It is up to us to draw inspiration and flow from inspiration as much as possible. This is a wonderful estate of Being to aspire to on an ongoing basis…
Watch the video for 4 Tactics to help you find and fuel your Inspiration…
Set time aside to play with this process, it’s so worth your investment. Work through the steps in order, though 1 and 2 can be swapped depending on your situation.
For Step 4 – Here are the tactics for The Inspirational Part:
Personal Brand – Decide how you’ll continue to evolve in the coming year. Who is your Authentic Self, what are they all about? How will you become more You? What parts do you need embrace or develop? How do you need to stretch? What can you put in place to practice Being more of who you are? Choose an Identity Phrase™ or word to capture your personal brand and what you are aiming to become…
For example: Conscientious, adventurous, learner, connector, risk-taker, nature lover, wellness obsessed, turn everything to gold, and such.
Intention or Focus Term™ – Set an Intention for the upcoming year of how you’ll want to feel, what you want to experience, or who you want to be more. Choose a Focus Term™ to capture the essence of the intention to serve as your mantra, lens, filter or focus throughout the year…
For example: Ease, intentional, proactive, receptive, spaciousness, excellence, abundant, generous, confident, playful, self-care, courage, and such.
Theme – Explore what you want your overall focus to be for the year. What kind of things do you want to experience, accomplish, achieve? What life area will you be focusing on primarily and what aspects of that life area do you want to target? Name your Theme to add another layer of focus and filtering for the year.
For example: Health, fitness, romance, parenting, adventure, legacy, reading, self-care, self-love, spirituality, and so on.
Vision Board – And now you get to make it pretty! Capture the work you’ve done for Step 3 and in this Part of Step 4 into picture form. For this, Pinterest is your friend. You can create your board anyway you like.
For example: Print the images and glue them into a posterboard, tack them to a corkboard; or go with an electronic version by creating a background for your desktop or your phone in Canva.
The key here is to capture who you are becoming and where you want to go. Make sure you give yourself the gift of time and attention to really honor your Self and take care of Future You.
This Step is so fun. Make sure you do the leg work of steps 1-3 to really set yourself up for success for the rest of the year and for the upcoming year. Then dive in and have fun with this Step!
Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS –Check out past Holiday posts to help you Thrive this Holiday Season and start the New Year right!
Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
It is uncommon to speak in terms of Mothering and Fathering in the context of our relationship… Unless of course we are talking about raising our children. But I’ve been presenting this concept as a way to continue to heal and grow ourselves.
As a personal development tool, and more recently as a relationship enrichment tool… Today I’m expanding the Fathering repertoire by sharing the importance of personal and partner’s character strengths.
Remember, we all have female and male energy and can embrace characteristics and embody attributes from both. When I’m presenting on Mothering and Fathering, and Female and Male Energy, I’m not talking about gender or sexuality… I’m referring to our inherent energies… Our job is to balance how we embrace, activate and utilize them…
Mothering flows from female energy and Fathering flows from male energy, and they can both be done by women and men… There is no judgement as to which is better or preferred, and this is not a form of sexism, genderism, or such. This just is. Anything else is a social construct we’ve unknowingly accepted…
But please note, I’m not denying the oppression of female energy and women over millennia… If nothing else, I’m actually highlighting the importance of undoing this oppression. I’m doing it through what I know best, which is personal development and relationship enrichment…
Mothering has to do with nurturing and caring.
Fathering has to do with structuring and disciplining.
When we embrace providing these characteristics to ourselves, we reparent ourselves… I refer you to the book Healing Your Emotional Self, for top notch work on reparenting ourselves…
Reparenting ourselves means giving ourselves what we needed and didn’t get growing up. How we were hurt and not met growing up created wounds, limiting believes and other goodies that have permeated how we organized ourselves and cope with life. Including how we show up in relationship, get triggered and create our stuck dynamics… Reparenting ourselves is a way of healing and releasing ourselves from that stronghold…
Then, bring this to the context of our relationship and we have an exponential impact… Now, I’m not talking about being a mother or a father to your partner and vice versa. That’s the worst thing we can do… I’m talking about being Mothering and Fathering. I’m talking about your interactions and how you approach your partner and the relationship using more:
Nurturing, compassion, softness, flexibility, and such (Mothering) for engendering feelings of belonging, worthiness, and acceptance.
RoleModeling/guiding, routines, structure, systems and such (Fathering) for engendering feelings of safety, security, and stability.
You see how these can be salve to core wounds?
The key here is to sprinkle the Mothering characteristics into your interactions with yourself and your partner. And the Fathering characteristics to how you do your relationship and your life.
So, where do Character Strengths come in? Working on developing our Character Strengths is a Fathering tactic as it involves learning, honing, applying. Mothering is feminine with being, expanding, flowing… The active and directed part of this endeavor is masculine and therefore Fathering…
Working on developing our Character Strengths helps us become more of who we are, more integrated and robust. It helps us have a richer human experience, and it helps us bring a better self to our relationship and our partner…
Having strong Character Strengths helps partners avoid the many pitfalls they would otherwise encounter in their relationship…
Our personal and our partner’s character strengths influence the character of our relationship with things like a love, kindness, gratitude, honesty, forgiveness, perspective, self-regulation, teamwork, etc.
Doesn’t it make sense that to develop this further in ourselves would only but enrich our relationship?
As we continue to expand our Fathering repertoire, we are polishing the use of our male energy for more security, stability, productivity, efficiency, and results in our life. Let’s continue to create our Best Self, Best Relationship and Best Life!
ASSIGNMENT: Intentionally integrate your Character Strengths into your life and your relationship…
Take the surveyto identify your current strengths and where you can stand to invest in some more development.
The easiest way to work on developing a characteristic is by creating a Habit to help you practice it… Choose 3 Character Strengths you are looking to develop and create Habits for them into your daily routine: Doing a behavior or activity that would help you practice the strength. And, keep working this method until you feel you’ve made progress developing the Character Strengths you desire.
As with anything, when you bring consciousness, focus and attention to something, Awesomeness happens. I wish this for you in your life and your relationship.
Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…
Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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