Even with the best of intentions, and even if we activate full grind and grit mode, sometimes we just can’t make the changes we want… This is because everything we do in our relationship and our life is actually driven by underlying programming. We can force this all we want, but ultimately the changes don’t stick if the driving patterns are not also changed. So, let’s focus on deprogramming these presets. We are talking about unconscious and subconscious patterns…
~ Where the unconscious patterns are more visceral, emotional, wiring, and structural of our embodied nervous system… A mind-body connection. Not directly accessible. ~ And where the subconscious patterns are more of a mental and feeling nature, a product of the mind. It includes fears, limiting beliefs, meaning systems, personal narratives, and the like. These can be accessed when we tune in with deepened awareness.
Our job is to identify what’s not working in our life and address it from a deprogramming perspective, not just a behavioral and action taking one.
The more superficial level depends on sheer willpower and discipline, which we know ebbs and flows depending what’s going on in our life and our priorities.
But a deeper approach is more systemic. Once we deprogram, change the preset, everything automatically flows from there with no additional effort or input from us. Ahh…
This is how we truly level up and create the relationship and life we love- not through effort but by resetting the system underneath it all. You with me?
Deprogramming the Layers
When our programs don’t get a proper upgrade, they keep running outdated scripts. Those scripts trigger defenses that reinforce the very patterns we are trying to change. That’s how we get stuck even when we’re doing all the work
The most common dynamic we see in couples is the pursuer-distancer, maximizer-minimizer, relational overfunctioner-underfunctioner, or simply the codependence pattern…
The names vary, but the flavor is the same of how couples keep cycling through conflict and disconnection in their relationship.
This is the new codependence, not necessarily tied to recovery like it was at its inception… This pattern is driven by a low sense of self and programs of insecurities, unworthiness, fear of abandonment, or feeling not good enough, shame, controlled or suffocated. All developed due to less-than-perfect-caregiving growing up…
The Codependence Pattern in Action
The Pursuer – They need reassurance and connection to feel safe or their abandonment and unworthiness wounds get triggered (Usually core female energy partner, core need is connection)
~~ They – Nag, complain, over explain, are very emotive, chase, control, are manipulative
The Distancer – They need acknowledgment and appreciation to feel confident and strong or their not-good enough and shame wounds get triggered (Usually core male energy partner, core need is freedom)
~~ They – Dismiss, hold it in, not very verbal, shut down, distance, gaslight, are passive aggressive
Note: We all have both sets of energies so this is not so black-and-white and both apply to us to some extent…
The Unconscious Deprogramming
The Pursuer – Heal abandonment and worthiness wounds by not abandoning themselves… Taking care of themselves, their needs, self-soothing and self-regulating, nurturing and pampering themselves.
~~ Reparenting in Action – Mothering with nurturing and pampering, Fathering with protection and security
The Distancer – Heal not-good-enoughness and shame wounds by acknowledging themselves… Taking note and being proud of their strengths, uniqueness, accomplishments and achievements.
~~ Reparenting in Action – Mothering with compliments and praise, Fathering with structure and discipline
The Subconscious Deprogramming
The Pursuer – Deconditioning fears, beliefs and stories about being left, not being wanted, being alone, having to take care of everything, not being able to count on others, distrust, being unlovable, being too much, being too needy
The Distancer – Deconditioning fears, believes and stories about being controlled, suffocated, trapped, not good enough, not measuring up, feeling behind in life, being unsuccessful, being used or taken advantage of, not being appreciated or valued
~~ Updating Meaning Systems – Do reality checks being mindful of confirmation bias, look for the exemptions, focus on and cultivate what does work or meets your needs, check for secondary gains- what do you get out of something not working…
Upleveling the Relationship
The Pursuer – Make requests to help you meet the needs for togetherness and connection without being controlling and triggering your partner’s wounds of feeling trapped, without throwing them in a cage
The Distancer – Make requests to help you meet the needs for separateness and freedom without being evasive and aloof or distant and triggering your partner’s wound of feeling abandoned, without throwing them off a precipice
This addresses a couple’s main theme and pattern. Of course, each couple and partners are unique– so apply this to your situation as you see best.
~ The aligning on values and setting boundaries ~ The improving communication skills and tools ~ The intentionally meeting your own and each other’s needs ~ The building connection and intimacy ~ The implementing systems for a smooth collaboration and strong partnership
If we want to level up our life and our relationship, we have to change the preset that’s maintaining the status quo.
No matter how much effort we put in to changing our behavior, habits and circumstances, if we don’t change the underlying programming, all our work will eventually revert back to the established preset…
Identify which part of the dynamics you usually land in and commit to addressing the driving programming to change your preset. This is how you’ll create sustainable and lasting change. Here is to your upleveled relationship!
Happy Deprogramming…
With Much Love & Light!
JUST FOR YOU
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RESOURCES
~~ Watch our related videos on our YouTube channel
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2025 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
What is Love? Love is many things, and we can all define it differently. And, we can all give it and receive it differently… It is common in couples for the partners to feel that they give more love than their partner does. It’s interesting when both partners in the relationship feel this way. The reason for this is that they are giving love the way they themselves like to receive love, not necessarily in the way that their partner likes to receive it. This leaves the partners giving love that the other doesn’t even register…
What a conundrum, right? The partners give the love, and the other doesn’t feel it.
They are both investing in their relationship with no impact. They get frustrated at giving the love that seemingly it not being reciprocated. The partners struggle to understand what’s happening, feeling resentful at not being loved enough…
When this continues, with the partners none the wiser that they are both investing just not in the required way, the resentment starts manifesting in poor interactions. Which are riddled with cynicism, criticism, control, defensiveness, passive aggressiveness, defiance, power struggles, and other pesky ways.
This can all be easily shifted when the partners give their love in the way the other likes to receive it!
This idea was developed by Dr. Gary Chapman and presented in his popular book, The 5 Love Languages. He shares the 5 love languages commonly desired by partners and how to give love in those languages. Now we all like to receive love in all the 5 languages, but usually we have 2 top ones we prefer.
I teach clients to focus on giving their partner love in their top two languages, so they no longer spin their wheels giving love how they like to receive it and it being lost on their partner. This shift in how they give love makes a great impact as the partners start to immediately feel more loved. An investment well worth what it requires to shift their approach.
Dr. Chapman also presents pitfalls to avoid according to each love language. It’s interesting that partners have the hardest time giving the love in the way that their partner desires it, and do exactly the things that hurts the other the most… This is all part of our relationship dynamics and our patterns.
The way we struggle giving the right love for our partner and avoiding the related pitfalls is all part of how we are to continue to evolve… This is yet another way in how we are a perfect match for each other…
Here are the 5 Love Languages and Their Pitfalls
Learning our Love Languages is key in ensuring we are showing each other love in the way that touches are heart the most and avoid the common pitfalls that hurt our partner.
1~ Words of Affirmation
Partners with this love language feel most loved through verbal expressions of affection, praise, and encouragement. This also includes compliments, appreciation, acknowledgment, credit, and validation.
These Have this Flavor: ~ Saying, “I love you,” frequently. ~ Giving genuine compliments like, “You’re amazing at what you do.” ~ Leaving a heartfelt note or sending a thoughtful text message.
Pitfalls to Avoid: ~ Insincere or forced compliments can feel empty. ~ Negative or critical words can be especially hurtful to someone who values affirmation. ~ Assuming your partner “already knows” you appreciate them without saying it.
2~ Acts of Service
Love is expressed through helpful actions rather than words. Doing things that make life easier for the partner is the key to their heart. These partners really appreciate practical and hands on support. Help with their to-do list or getting things done.
These Have this Flavor: ~ Cooking a meal for them when they’ve had a long day. ~ Taking care of household chores without being asked. ~ Running an errand they’ve been putting off.
Pitfalls to Avoid: ~ Doing things out of obligation rather than genuine love. ~ Assuming your acts of service are meaningful to your partner without asking. ~ Expecting praise in return, or having strings attached, rather than giving selflessly.
3~ Quality Time
Undivided attention and meaningful experiences are the primary ways these partners feel loved. This is where the attunement, presence, and protected couple and intimate time come into play.
These Have this Flavor: ~ Planning a date night with special touches. ~ Engaging in deep conversations without distractions. ~ Taking a weekend trip together to reconnect.
Pitfalls to Avoid: ~ Being physically present but mentally absent (e.g., scrolling on your phone). ~ Assuming quantity of time matters more than quality. ~ Failing to plan meaningful activities together.
4~ Physical Touch
Physical affection is the primary way these partners feel connected and loved. This doesn’t always mean physical intimacy or sexy time. It can be as simple as touch. These can look like caressing, petting, patting, grazing, kissing, and the like…
These have this flavor: ~ Holding hands while walking together. ~ Giving hugs, back rubs, or gentle touches throughout the day. ~ Cuddling on the couch while watching a movie.
Pitfalls to Avoid: ~ Assuming all physical touch is romantical- non-intimate affection is important too. ~ Withholding touch as punishment. ~ Forgetting that small, spontaneous gestures of touch can mean a lot.
5~ Receiving Gifts
For some, tangible symbols of love carry deep emotional significance. It’s not about materialism but about the thoughtfulness behind the gift. Though some partners have higher expectations on the kinds of gifts.
These have this flavor: ~ Bringing home their favorite snack just because. ~ Giving a meaningful birthday or anniversary present. ~ Surprising them with a small, sentimental token that reminds you of them.
Pitfalls to Avoid: ~ Thinking it’s about money rather than meaning. ~ Forgetting special occasions or failing to put thought into gifts. ~ Assuming a generic or last-minute gift will have the same impact as something personal.
Understanding and speaking our partner’s Love Language, and knowing and communicating our own, can be truly transformative in our relationship.
Identifying and prioritizing our love languages can help prevent unnecessary conflicts, and deepen our connection. If you don’t already know yours, check out Dr. Chapman’squiz!Here.
This is a fun exercise to share with your partner to realign, add more dimension to your relating, and just for kicks. Why not?
If you notice resistance in giving your partner love in their Love Language, take some time to explore what’s behind that for you and how you need to stretch for your own growth…
Often when couples struggle in their relationship, or when they feel they are in a bit of a slump, it has to do with Relationship Neglect… When life gets hectic with demands and we barely have time to sleep, the further thing from our mind is being cute in our relationship. Because we are so used to a life of grind, this state of affairs is common. Where the relationship and our bond take a major blow.
The relationship can sustain challenging times, but ongoing neglect takes its toll. There are specific factors that play a role during these difficult times, that can at times be pervasive in the relationship making matters worse. Shifting these is key to getting out of the slump along with intentionally and effortlessly investing in the relationship.
Don’t have a Membership with us yet? Here are our current memberships that give you access:
Radiance Membership – Subscription of transformational content and much more! (at only $29 per month) Get Enrolled Now Success Membership – Subscription of therapy sessions, it includes the Radiance Membership! Get Started with an Initial Session
RESOURCES
~~ Watch our related videos on our YouTube channel
~~ Download our Date Your Partner Protocolto learn how to better date your partner for more fun, connection and love!
PPS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2025 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Call me weird, call me naïve, call me a hopeless romantic, but I choose to believe there is more love in the air and in the world than we sometimes see… I know this might be an unpopular opinion given the state of the world, but our reality is what we make of it. While plenty may challenge this belief, our reality is shaped our own state of mind…
Have you ever seen the movie It’s a Beautiful Life? It’s about a father in a concentration camp who shields their young son from the horrors of their situation by turning it into a game. Because of his father’s unwavering perspective, the boy never experiences the trauma of their conditions in the same way. Watch the trailer here
This story reminds us of something profound:
We are super powerful creators…
What we think and what we believe, we manifest…
What we focus on, grows…
Why not put this superpower to work, as we can create whatever we desire.
For me, that means focusing on love- helping couples create their radiant and successful relationship and rekindling their love. Actually, not just rekindle it but create something new, a New Love…
What is this New Love?
For starters, the concept of New Love is about transcending our limitations to be as loving as we can be…
~ Letting go of the pettiness of our lower self
~ Releasing attachments to perceived limitations
~ Having grace for our own and other’s shortcomings
~ Being generous with- kindness, openness, flexibility, understanding, acknowledgement, acceptance, forgiveness, empathy, compassion, attention, affection, nurturing, support, cooperation, collaboration (Correlating to the 5 Elements of the Successful Relationship Strategy™)
~ Investing in win-win outcomes and elevating love as a collective experience
This Higher Perspective elevates us for a Grander Experience…
When we filter life through pettiness, we act petty
When we filter life through generosity, we act generously
When we filter life through love, we act lovingly
We can identify what we want to create and experience, and have it grow by simply focusing on and cultivating its related virtue, quality, feeling or state.
What this mean for our relationship
Here is the beautiful part: Aside from just feeling amazing and having a fabulous personal experience, you’ll notice your partner starts to shift along…
We can’t possibly operate from this Higher Perspective and not have it rub off on others, especially the ones closest to us, like our partner.
But a word of caution: Our approach has to be authentic and heart-felt. Not just lip service, hedging, conditions, or strings attached. Which are lower-self’s rules of engagement… With limiting underlying programming still running the show… This is the larger part of us and wins every time. So if there is a discrepancy between how we are showing up or our desire and what our programming dictates, the programming will impact the outcome no matter how hard we try…
Your partner and others will always respond to the underlying patterns, regardless of the words and actions. That’s why so many people say, “I tried everything, and nothing worked.”
We want to bring consciousness to our patterns allowing for a sustainable Higher Perspective. For there we can fill the space left behind by the dissolved patterns with the good stuff…
Now is the time to embrace this New Love.
Give it shot: Address your patterns and replace prior sabotaging habits with ones that nourish you, nurture your relationship, and delight your partner…
~~ Watch our related videos on our YouTube channel
~~ Download our Date Your Partner Protocolto learn how to better date your partner for more fun, connection and love!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2025 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
There is a difference on how successful couples show up to their relationship, versus how couples who struggle in their relationship do. The couples that create an amazing relationship are fully committed to their partner and to making the relationship work. They know that life might throw curveballs and that they might experience challenges, but they are committed to seeing them through together. They don’t look at their relationship and their partner as disposable if they hit a rough patch in the relationship. They are all in and willing to figure it out.
They are willing to put in what it takes to crack the code at creating a radiant and successful relationship. They invest in themselves and the relationship to continue to uplevel their game.
Making this level of commitment might be innate to the partners, who they are as people, and their development level. It might also have to do with how much personal work they’ve done for themselves, and how they have embraced a Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle. Meaning that they are super intentional about minding their relationship and prioritizing their partner…
Through my work with couples during almost 3 decades at this point, I have come to see similar patterns that playout in relationships for couples that are struggling. These cluster into 5 main areas of relationship. These patterns when not addressed wreak havoc in the relationship and present a serious struggle for the partners. Gone unaddressed create demise for the relationship. They corrode the bond and the partners’ love. They get in the way of partners creating the relationship they desire and love.
Addressing those patterns, facilitating personal development and expansion, and providing relationship insights, tools and skills, informed a therapeutic approach that I’ve named the Transcendental Relationship Therapy™, that includes our signature process, the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
THE SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP STRATEGY™
The Strategy consists of 5 Elements, the 5 relationship areas, that when optimized create a transformation for a couple that is struggling. Successful couples tackle these elements naturally, intentionally investing in improving on them as needed. They bring higher level of awareness to their relationship.
Here I provide a brief description of the Elements along with how partners who struggle go wrong in these areas, and a takeaway for immediate implementation and transformation. And I offer 4 virtues to cultivate for each of the 5 Element to assist you uplevel in that particular aspect of your relationship. You’ll have 20 virtues to play with as you like to start transforming your relationship to the relationship you desire and that you both love…
Element 1 – Circumstance (Context) & Mindset
This has to do with how we choose to show up, what we contribute to the relationship including our believes, our values, our dreams, and our desires. This is all our mental content and patterns, all our subconscious programs and conditioning. And how we approach boundaries and personal ownership.
Couples that struggle bring stories of victimhood and have old scripts and limiting beliefs running rampant and coloring their experience. They also have thought patterns, habits, and a strong negativity bias that don’t support them in creating what they desire. They point fingers, blame, and pass the bucket. They don’t have strong accountability or take full responsibility for themselves. These partners are quick to state how they partner needs to change or what they need to improve…
Takeaway > Focus on cleaning up and updating your relationship mindset to that of being fully in and being allies, for engaging with your partner as the most important person in your life- your Partner in this life Journey…
Virtues to Cultivate
Commitment – Demonstrating loyalty and dedication shows your partner they can count on you, even through challenges. Commitment reinforces the longevity of the relationship. >> Commit to a specific caring gesture your partner loves that you’ll do at a cadence of your choice
Confidence – Believing in yourself and your worth enhances self-esteem and helps create a balanced relationship where both partners feel valued. >>Take on a hobby or activity you enjoy to stretch and expand yourself
Conviction – Standing by your values and principles helps guide the relationship in a positive direction, ensuring both partners grow together with integrity. >> Identify your values (get our Core Values Guide!) to share with your partner and to create shared ones
Contentment – Appreciating your partner and the relationship as it fosters gratitude and satisfaction, reducing unnecessary friction or conflict. >> Implement a shared Relationship Gratitude Journal, Appreciation Sessions, or other gratitude practice
Element 2 – Communication & Alignment
This has to do with getting on the same page, resolving conflict, making decisions, having genuine apologies, and having meaningful conversations. It involves using healthy communication skills and tools, being respectful, receptive, attuned, and authentic. Having great communication goes a long way.
Couples that struggle focus on saying their piece, pushing their agenda, and getting their way. Even the quiet partners have this underlaying pattern, though they might have different drivers and motivations. They don’t utilize proper communication tools and skills, even when they have them. Making assumptions about their partner’s motives, intentions, desires, and so on. They escalate disagreements, don’t repair properly, if at all, and have a difficult time getting to any resolutions.
Takeaway > Focus in upgrading, upleveling and enhancing your communication skills and tools
Virtues to Cultivate
Clarity – Communicating your needs, feelings, and thoughts clearly prevents misunderstandings. Clarity also means being transparent about intentions and expectations. >> Identify a small topic that usually trips you up, and invite your partner to chat about it with better skills
Civility– Being polite and respectful during both good and bad times ensures that conflicts are handled gracefully and that feelings are protected and the bond safeguarded. >> Invite your partner into a challenge or game of civility- see who wins at being more courteous!
Carefulness– Being thoughtful about your words and actions shows care for your partner’s feelings. It ensures that decisions are made with their well-being in mind. >> Take an action you’ve been postponing to show your partner you get it and care
Courage– Having the courage to express vulnerability, tackle tough conversations, or navigate challenges strengthens the bond and promotes growth. >> Create a moment to share 3 vulnerable or risqué thoughts about yourself with your partner…
Element 3 – Clarity & Dynamics
This has to do with our relationship dynamics… The patterns we repeat from unresolved childhood issues, wounds, or disappointments… We call this the relationship loop… This is where a partner’s sensitivities or wounds get triggered, to which they respond with their usual defense mechanisms, which in turn trigger their partner, and when they respond with their own defense mechanisms trigger the initial triggered partner some more… This is where all the emotional content, patterns, and programming resides. All our unconscious and buried conditioning driving the show.
Couples that struggle have a hard time self-regulating, they are easily triggered and become reactive, turning disagreements into arguments and possibly fights with the potential for further escalation. They have the same repeating conflicts and unresolved issues. They have poor insight and awareness as to their sensitivities, emotional drivers, and patterns. And they also lack awareness as to their impact on their partner and their needs, boundaries, and sensitivities. These are some indicators of codependency in the relationship.
Takeaway > Focus on identifying and addressing your triggers, your core wounds or unresolved issues, and your defense mechanisms that contribute to getting stuck in a power struggle- your loop…
Virtues to Cultivate
Calmness – Remaining calm during disagreements helps prevent escalation and promotes constructive communication. It fosters a peaceful environment where both partners feel secure. >> Implement a mindfulness practice to assist you get grounded, integrated and regulated for more resilience
Composure – Staying emotionally composed during conflicts prevents regrettable actions or words, allowing for thoughtful resolution and healing. >>Think on the things that usually aggravate you and identify a deeper need beneath it that you can meet
Compassion – Empathizing with your partner’s struggles and offering support without judgment deepens emotional intimacy and trust. >> On a daily find something to be compassionate for towards your partner
Consistency – Being dependable and predictable in your behavior builds trust and security in the relationship. Small, consistent acts of love make a big difference. >> Identify a behavior that meets your partners deeper needs to do on a regular basis
Element 4 – Connection & Intimacy
This has to do with creating, maintaining, and deepening connectionin our relationship. As well as exploring our physical intimacy, expanding our passion, and taking it to new heights for sacred love making and earth shuttering connection. This is where partners flirt, play and have fun together.
Couples that struggle barely show up to their relationship. They show up with toxic habits and old patterns, and with their Lower Self… They neglect their relationship and not prioritize their partner. Everything else gets their best energy and attention- from their children to their career or business to miscellaneous stuff! When our partner is THE most important partnership and resource we have in this life experience… Neglecting our relationship is like boarding up a gold mine…
Takeaway > Focus on prioritizing your partner and the relationship in your thoughts, your actions, and how you manage your energy, bandwidth, and time
Virtues to Cultivate
Caring – Expressing genuine concern for your partner’s physical and emotional health strengthens trust and deepens the bond. Small acts of care, like checking in or offering support, go a long way. >> Build in Connection Habits™ to automate nurturing your relationship!
Charity – Practicing generosity in giving time, attention, and support demonstrates selflessness in the relationship. Charity here also includes giving grace and forgiving mistakes. >> Set aside consistent Couple Time to have fun together, debrief or address things, and connect more meaningfully
Cheerfulness – Bringing joy and positivity to the relationship helps create an uplifting atmosphere. A cheerful attitude can lighten tense moments and keep the relationship fun. >> Bring out the fun, lightness and joy with cute, funny, and playful gestures
Creativity – Finding new ways to keep the relationship exciting and fresh, such as planning unique dates or surprises, enhances joy and connection. >>This is where Dating Your Partner comes in – make it fun! (get our Dating Your Partner protocol!)
Element 5 – Collaboration & Partnership
This has to do with creating a strong partnership, a well-oiled machine to run the business of life and create a shared life you both love. The key is to divide and conquer utilizing your own strengths and having each other’s back. Setting up structures and systems and implementing support to smoothly take care of the mundane responsibilities, and saving time to apply to meaningful projects, ventures or activities.
Couples that struggle are chaotic and overwhelmed. They haven’t clarified expectations, clearly divided responsibilities, they don’t have efficient and rewarding daily and weekly routines, they don’t have systems for collaborating and taking care of business. They get in each other’s way and sabotage any progress they might make. They are inconsistent in their efforts and frequently end up behind the eight ball.
Takeaway > Focus on creating cadences to help you synchronize with your partner around sharing responsibilities and running a smooth life
Virtues to Cultivate
Collaboration – Collaborating on a shared vision, planning the future, shared goals, and mapping out strategies strengthens unity and alignment. >> Have a talk about what kind of life you want to create and live and how you’d like to go about creating it
Cooperation – Working as a team to achieve goals, get things done, manage your shared life, and resolve conflicts, demonstrates teamwork and mutual respect. >> Make sure you have a divide and conquer approach to all your responsibilities (get our Relationship Collaboration System!)
Compromise – Finding common ground during disagreements ensures that both partners’ needs are met, strengthening understanding, acceptance and belonging. >> Identify an activity or pursuit that you usually struggle getting on the same page on and find the common ground there
Competence – Being reliable and capable in fulfilling responsibilities (e.g., managing finances, supporting during tough times) contributes to a stable and dependable partnership. >> Select a task or project flowing from your shared goals that can draw from your brilliance to run with and crush it
This is a framework to assist you assess where you need to invest more or differently in your relationship to create the transformation you seek and ultimately your Radiant and Successful Relationship, and meaningful life.
Hope this information serves you and helps you get on the path to your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life.
NEW! Monthly Activating Protocols Establish Your Highest Potential in 10 Key Life Areas, Design Your New Life Having a North Star ensures we stay the course on the path we desire on our Journey. It ensures we create the relationship and life we love, and have the Human Experience we desire… In this activation, we walk through a Visioning and Expansion Process to reprogram and reset for the New Year… We take a deep dive and activate the Highest Potential in 10 Life Areas to drive your reset. You get to explore your heart’s desires and identify the specific actions, tactic, or habits you’ll implement to create your New Beginnings, and your Ideal New Life… We design your ideal lifestyle you can start living immediately that’s the framework to live your Grand Life Adventure…
Don’t have a Membership with us yet? Access it and much more through our Radiance Membership! (Only $29 per month) Get Enrolled NOW
RESOURCES
~~ Watch our related videos on our YouTube channel
~~ Download our FREE 1-pg Core Values Guideto align your vision today! Make your relationship resolutions, goals and dreams come true and create a shared life you love!
We can help with our select memberships: Radiance Membership– Transformational content and experiences subscription (Only $29 per month!) Success Membership – Private sessions and Radiance Membership access! (Start with an Initial Session)
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DISCLAIMER: This content is meant to support your Journey and not as a replacement for professional assistance. Additionally, the ideas and resources provides by our guests are their ideas and recommendations alone and not necessarily a reflection of mine
Copyright (c) 2025 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Feeling the winter blues? You are not alone. This second part of January is usually challenging for people for several reasons. But we don’t have to let the blah mood, feelings, and energy take over, and make life more difficult for ourselves. We can increase our awareness of what is happening for us, instead of being steeped in it with no light in sight. Picking up our head and bringing more consciousness to our situation allows us to tap into our resources and snap ourselves out of it.
Here are 5 reasons we are feeling the winter blues, including seasonal affective disorder (SAD), and 3 powerful ways of addressing them to elevate ourselves into new beginnings, and our New Ideal Future…
5 Reasons for the Winter Blues
There is no shame or judgement about being afflicted by the winter blues. You might be experiencing some blahs and lack of motivation. Or you might be feeling straight up *depressed. Regardless of where you are on the spectrum, these will help you have your own back, feel better and get moving in the right direction for you and for your new future…
The Holidays are usually toughand their impact have a tendency to linger. You might have had a bit of momentum with the start of the New Year with stepping up your game to start the new year right. But soon after, any lingering and new negative feelings emerge as the accelerated pace, excitement, personal time, and availability for connection go back to normal and there is a sense of loss or let down.
Cold and Dark Winter Days
As there is a bit of hibernation, isolation, less sun light, fresh air, connection to nature, and shorter days that make it difficult to feel in the flow, bright and energized. Our circadian rhythm is off as we don’t properly align our life with sunup and sundown… And a lot of our biological systems get thrown off affecting our brain function and mood. Our mental healthis impacted.
Financial Strain
Around this time is when it becomes more obvious how much the holiday season had an impact on our finances. Even if we were intentional about our spending, there might still be a part of us that feels the impact of the additional spending.
Unfulfilled New Year’s Resolutions or Intentions
We all have the best of intentions to have our Best Year Yet, but nonetheless might be quick to fall into our usual routines, patterns, and lose sight of the changes we want to make. We let up on creating the new habits. And on addressing any frictions or obstacles to fully implementing any changes to our routines.
Lack of Motivation
We are already feeling depleted from all the above, and additionally don’t we might not have a dream, a vision, and goals to pull us forward, inspire us and excite us. It makes sense that we’d be lost, stuck or gloomy and not feel like tackling anything.
We can experience any combination of the above to some extent. The result is having a bumpy start to the new year and feeling like we are behind the 8ball. That we are not upleveling properly and timely for our best year yet. We might feel impostor syndrome, judgment, shame, fear, inertia at being in this place, making the whole thing even worse.
3 Empowering Ways to Beat the Winter Blues
The only thing to do is to be kind and compassionate with ourselves when we are not feeling well. To be gentle and loving, and to have our own back to get ourselves on the right track, and rocking it before we know it.
Manage Yourself and Your Feelings
The key is to self-soothe/regulate, self-care and energize ourselves.
Self-soothe – Use practices to manage and alleviate the feelings, change your mood, and uplevel your state: Meditation, breathing techniques, EFT, mindfulness, journaling, addressing limiting believes, cultivating joy, decreasing screen time, and focusing on things that are in our control (personal ownership and accountability).
Self-care – Aside from the above focus taking care of yourself: Proper sleep, nutrition, hydration, supplementation, exercise, personal care.
Step up the fun and connection – Be super intentional about having positive experiences and nurturing connection: Schedule connection time with your partner and other loved ones, intentionally participate in your networks, map out and schedule or book fun experiences, play at old or new hobbies.
Address Financial Distress
Regardless of your financial situation, the key here is to get a handle on where you are at and to make a plan to get back on track. Whether it’s to eliminate debt, replenish savings, start investing or some other goal. Of course, consider consulting a financial advisor to support you implement the right plan for you to achieve your financial goals.
Activate Your North Star
This one is my favorite. Aligning ourselves with our higher-self, our purpose, and what kind of life we want to live is the way to create that life. Identify what is your Grand Life Experience you are here to live… What is the vision, the purpose, the dream. Then identify specific goals against that vision to create it… And specific habits, tactics, and strategies to achieve them. Without a roadmap, a vehicle, and the gas you won’t get very far. This is the inspiration and motivation to propel you forward. You don’t need to depend on will power, discipline and grit. Tap into inspiration!
If even the above feel daunting, know that it is totally fine to move at your own pace, to honor where you are, to take care of yourself, and take tiny actions on the above to get yourself moving in the right direction. And, of course, get yourself support as needed!
Wishing you clear sunny days, and an amazing New Year and New Future…
Hope this information serves you and helps you get on the path to your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life.
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DISCLAIMER: This content is meant to support your Journey and not as a replacement for professional assistance. Additionally, the ideas and resources provides by our guests are their ideas and recommendations alone and not necessarily a reflection of mine
Copyright (c) 2025 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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