Metro Relationship

METROPOLITAN MARRIAGE & FAMILY THERAPY, PLLC

Coping with healthy vs unhealthy habits

Coping with healthy vs unhealthy habits

by

As we are faced with retriggered trauma, loss, uncertainty, stress and restraints, now is the time to access our best parts not only to weather this storm well but to be ready for what’s next…

When we allow ourselves to numb out and shutdown, to sink into a hole, to spiral out of control or to simply press pause on our life and our dreams, we are hindering ourselves now and are making things more challenging for later…

Hey, I get it. This are unprecedented times we are living in. This Pandemic is impacting all areas of life and the world. It has thrown life as we know it into a tizzy. But you know what, you don’t have to let it kick you in the teeth!

You do have a choice as to how you deal with your life and everything in it, including the impact of this situation. Please don’t choose being disempowered…

Before this crisis you might have been living your life by how you preferred, now you have to live your life by your Character Strengths… If you were not fully owning your life before the crisis started, you are probably having an even harder time than others now. My heart goes out to you. The struggle is real! I get it.

But you know what, you can start turning things around right now… All you have to do is decide… Yes, decide…

Decide what? Decide that you will not indulge in explanations/excuses, blame, self-pity and gloom… Decide that you will take charge of yourself. Decide that you will own your life and make the most of it… Decide that you will rock it today and going forward, no matter what.

Yes, how you are feeling and how you are doing is the result of the choices you make… Sorry, don’t shoot the messenger. We have so much knowledge and research in the fields of psychology, sociology, neurobiology, epigenetics, and a host of others to know that we create our own state/wellness, health, and success – we create our own reality… Yes, even if the worse stuff is happening…

I refer you to Man’s Search for Meaning a story of triumph (free with Audible trial) by Viktor Frankl, an internationally renowned psychiatrist, who developed a revolutionary approach to psychotherapy based on meaning as a motivational force, while he endured years of unspeakable horror in Nazi death camps!

This is good news! For now, it might rankle as you might have dug yourself into a hole but in the end, this means you can create whatever you want. This means you start now, regardless of the pandemic. It doesn’t cost anything to own yourself…

It doesn’t cost anything to do basic self-care to change your state and how you feel… It doesn’t cost anything to make healthier choices. It doesn’t cost anything to have great supportive and empowering habits… Stop with the excuses!

If you are struggling to the point where you can’t function, have been moping around and laying around, can’t make good decisions, and the like, then it’s impressive that you are even reading this. You get a gold star. And, this tells me you can start taking better care of yourself, just saying… Start really small.

Do get additional support if the struggle is really great. Why suffer unnecessarily? And, if it’s a financial thing – there is plenty of free content and support out there… And, if you can’t bring yourself to find and engage in these, ask a loved one to help you… Start somewhere…

The key is to not let the world chaos dictate our life but to find internal peace and operate from such instead… This we have control over… This is what makes the difference… I promise!

If you have been thinking, We are in this lock-down, everything is closed, there is nothing to be done and you are waiting for things to reopen and “go back to normal”, I have news for you, you are shooting yourself on the foot.

Stop this thinking immediately. This does not serve you. YOUR LIFE IS NOT ON PAUSE! This is an opportunity to Reconnect, Redefine, Recalibrate, to Reset…  To course correct… Your life, as is everyone else’s and the world at large, is going through what I’ve been calling a necessary deconstruction to Reconstruct.

If you are snoozing, are on pause, or are white-knuckling through this, you are missing out on the opportunity… You are making things worse for yourself. For once the lockdown is lifted and we go back to what will be a New Normal, you won’t be ready for it…

You won’t have made the necessary adjustments and have experienced the growth needed to Thrive in the New World. You’ll continue to have a struggle, or just go back to things as usual without the ability to do better… This will absolutely suck if you allow this to happen, please don’t.

If you are just waiting to “go back”, you are missing out on the growth and development you are supposed to have… You are missing out on making the changes you are supposed to make in your life anyway… You are missing out on seeing the opportunities to innovate and serve through this crisis and in the New World… You are missing out on tapping into your purpose and living a more meaningful life…. You are missing out on Living…

So, what does this mean?

This means you start slowly claiming your power and making changes. It’s as simple as starting to implement wellness, connection and success habits, for Intentional Habits™…

This means living more intentionally, mindfully and proactively…

SO:

Don’t do these!

  1. Overeating, overloading on carbs, over snacking, eating late at night
  2. Partaking in stimulants and suppressants – caffeine, alcohol, marijuana, etc.
  3. Taking all kinds of over the counter medicines to help you sleep, go to the bathroom, for sniffles, for this, for that
  4. Laying around, sitting for too long, and otherwise not moving or exercising your body
  5. Binging on Netflix where you are consuming seasons upon seasons of different shows
  6. Killing time gaming
  7. Getting lost in social media, the news or scrolling online
  8. Policing, minding and hating on what a neighbor, a friend, a coworker, the Cuomos, Trump, or an Influencer is doing their stuff
  9. Over stocking your home with goods
  10. Focusing on what your partner is doing or not doing…

Sound familiar? Well, not for nothing you might not be feeling and doing so well…

Do these!

  1. Start Intermittent Fasting and low-carbing
  2. Take supplements
  3. Detox and alkalize – first thing in the morning, drink warm lemon water with turmeric, ginger and cayenne pepper as desired, stay hydrated
  4. Exercise, stretch and do intentional movements throughout the day, take walks or bike rides
  5. Meditate (here is a nice meditation), listen to affirmations, journal, plan your intentional day
  6. Listen to or read inspirational and motivational content
  7. Clean and declutter your environment, organize your home, tackle overdue projects and tasks
  8. Pursue a hobby or interest; stay social by creating and attending virtual gatherings and staying in touch with loved ones
  9. Spread positivity with praise, compliments, appreciation, acknowledgement, shifting to higher level conversations…
  10. Brainstorm and innovate to address an issue or serve better at work or in your business

Take advantage of this opportunity to shift… This is what you’ve been waiting for… If you miss this message, sign, chance, then gosh, not sure what you need to wake up. This is the 2×4, this is it!

Here are prior related Blog posts for quick reference, for you to grab what fits your current state and help you shift…

ASSIGNMENT: Oh boy, isn’t this fun?! I love playing with creating and developing new Habits. I wish this for you as well as it makes a massive difference on how you feel and how you do… Pick one unhealthy habit you commit to letting go and a healthy one you commit to integrating into your daily routine that you’ll do instead.

Be compassionate and gentle with yourself, but don’t enable yourself to fall off… Don’t allow yourself to get too far off course in the face of obstacles or after you got in your own way… Get back on it, and keep course correcting…

You have a chance to shift into your better life… How often are we faced with such a colossal opportunity? Will you jump on it, or will you stay behind? It is up to you…

Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.

Happy Shifting!

 

   Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? 

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: 
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com. 

 

Do you know that you create your reality?

Do you know that you create your reality?

by

I know it still feels surreal that we are in the midst of a Pandemic and we are, what I’m calling, grounded… And, now that the shutdown has been extended to May 15th in our NY/NJ area, our resilience is being further tested. But, let me tell you that I’m super impressed with the stories I’m hearing from clients on how well they are managing this very stressful and uncertain time.

I know that not everyone is doing well. I know that the empty streets, the wailing sirens, the face masks, the challenged food supply, the isolation, the uprooted routine, the death tolls, and all the rest of it is wreaking havoc for some. Thankfully, there is talk of beginning to ease up on the shutdown just down the pike.

In the meantime, I know that what you usually deal with, whatever stressors you usually experience, whatever issue you have, is still there and probably to a higher extent. I know that if you had gotten a handle on your thing, that you might have regressed or might be retriggered.

I know that it is more challenging to have self-discipline right now. I know that is harder to stick to healthier habits. I know that some might have been good sports at the start of this, but know the situation is wearing on them.

I get that the thought of the shutdown being extended is too much for some.

I love to go into conversations with the above acknowledgement in mind to be met instead with people being ready for a longer shutdown. I love seeing the positive effect the shutdown is having on some… Yes, we don’t hear about this too much… The News likes to catastrophize events and heighten emotions… But, yes, I’m hearing about all the wonderful things that are coming out of this upside-down world…

I’m hearing of people creating new health habits, having more personal time, slowing down the living pace, enriching their lifestyle, creating richer connection rituals and traditions, getting more creative, and the list goes on…

For those that are not here yet, and that are experiencing this Covid-19 kicking them in the teeth, please know that this is possible for you as well…

I have noticed that the people that get stuck in their script, narrative, story of what is bad that is happening TO them, how they are being wronged by this situation or some experience of it, or how they are at its mercy, that those are the people that are having the hardest time. Their mood, motivation, energy, bandwidth and the like are getting more and more depleted. They seem to be spiraling down fast and hey can’t seem to catch themselves…

To you, I say:

  • Don’t get lost by missing the forest for the tree… Mind what you allow to rent space in your head and the narrative you entertain so you gain perspective and strength…
  • Don’t get stuck in helplessness… Tap into your wisdom, insights, resourcefulness, talents, gift/brilliance for you have everything you need…
  • Don’t give your power away… Address the things you have control over and don’t harp on the circumstances out of your control…
  • Don’t run yourself rugged or regress… Step up your personal ownership with boundaries, positive habits and routines that support you…
  • Don’t trigger anxiety with the noise… Operate from your center of Influence, which starts with you – you resource yourself, you generate uplifting messages, you take positive action, you be a role model…

If you have a reaction to this, please know that I’m walking my talk as are those around me, including our clients, and this works… All you have to do is ease the white-knuckling, be with your Self, and take charge of yourself…

If the challenges you are experiencing the most are related to your relationship, the above tactics will help you make changes… The key is to clean up your side of the street…

  1. Clean up the story that your partner does things on purpose to be mean to you, that they don’t care, that you care more, that they are lazy, that they are sabotaging or undermining you, etc. These are usually not true. Your partner wants to please you…
  2. Your partner is also on a Journey and having a Human Experience… They have their own lessons to learn and codes to crack. Bring your wisdom and strengths to your relating, Transcend the minutia and drama in your interactions…
  3. Mind what you are contributing to your status quo and relationship, and don’t focus on what your partner is doing or not doing… Focus on your %80 (from the 80/20 rule where any issue is %80 about you, and only %20 about what your partner did or didn’t do)… This can keep you busy for a while… Focusing on the %20 is a waste of time as you have no control over that %20… and a sure way to get stuck…
  4. It’s draining to be in conflict, to worry, to ruminate, to manipulate, to control, to nag, to shutdown, to dismiss, etc… Take charge of what you do and how you do it, and what you’ll tolerate – the boundaries are for you… Implement a self-care practice where you connect with yourself – here is the juice/energy/recharge, this is how you get centered/grounded, this is how you are less triggerable… This is how you can be the partner you want to be…
  5. The more you allow yourself to worry about what’s going to happen and about things outside your control, like what your partner does or will do…, the more you’ll experience anxiety… Focus instead on getting a bird’s eye view, a higher level understanding of your partnership, the why of your relationship… Then operate from this higher-road perspective…

These tactics flow from Element1-Context/Mindset of my Successful Couple Strategy™. Getting a handle on how you choose to look at things is the first step in creating change in your relationship, and your world… Super empowering!

Here are prior related Blog posts for your quick reference, for you to grab what fits your current state:

9 Tactics for weathering your quarantine (lockdown)

5 Insights for your physical and mental health

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional

Focus on building stamina and resilience

Ready for positiveness yet?

We are at the center of our universe… We are at the center of our circle of influence… We are it! It behooves us to own our own power and to do awesomeness with it, for ourselves and everyone and everything around us… 

ASSIGNMENT: Grab a few moments to sit with your thoughts and be witness to what is renting space in your head… What kinds of things are you entertaining? What scripts are you playing over and over? How are you taking yourself on a ride? How is the story you are telling yourself about your situation disempowering you?

Pay attention how the narrative makes you feel? Notice what actions you take, or not…, as a result of how you are choosing to look at things… Notice how this is impacting your wellbeing, your relationship, your life…

Notice what is working and what is having a result you don’t prefer… What thoughts would you need to think to feel better, and to take the actions that would give you the results you are looking for?

Well? Have at it…

Remember, you create your outcomes. You create who you are… You create your relationship… You create your Life… What will you create? Well? Have at it!

Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.

Happy Creating!

 

 

   Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? 

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: 
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com. 

 

Pin It on Pinterest