There is such a thing as not being on the same page with our partner about our physical intimacy… You know, like when they want to be intimate a lot more than you, they want to do it at all hours, in all the places, whenever the mood strikes. Which seems to be all the time…
You? Not so much. You are more subtle. You need to feel ready, to be comfortable, to be wooed into it. You need all the stars to line up. The running joke I have with our clients.
In today’s podcast episode, I cover what this is about. It’s called Desire Discrepancy that’s influenced by the partners’ seemingly opposite desire styles.
Where one partner, usually the man, has a Spontaneous Style. Meaning they are pretty much always ready to go.
And the other, usually the woman, has a Responsive Style. This means they have to be (get) ready to go… They become ready, and responsive, when they can relax into the safety, security, and spirit of the moment…
If the partners don’t intentionally attend to these styles, they run the risk of creating the Female Orgasmic Disorder (the woman has a challenging time reaching orgasm if at all) and the Penile Erectile Disorder (the man has a challenging time getting and / or maintaining their erection)…
Not being mindful of each other’s styles sets the partners up to get stuck in a pattern that could lead to those dysfunctions.
Additionally, the hectic modern life we lead now adays, does not serve us when it comes to promoting a healthy and satisfying intimate life.
It creates patterns in our lifestyle that deplete us of our life energy and therefore our zest for life. Our radiance and our vitality.
In other words, it kicks our libido in the teeth. If we have no life force, it is very challenging to drum up energy for a satisfying and passionate love life.
5 Culprits of Low Desire…
Exhaustion
Well, it’s not surprising that if we are tackling all the world’s problems that we’d be exhausted at the end of the day. Also, the overachievers, multitaskers and overdoers run out of time to tackle their super aggressive agenda, so they cut into their sleep time to compensate.
Not to mention that if they are women, they are probably the one waking up more in the middle of the night with little ones, especially if they are nursing. Yeah, fun times!
This state messes with patience, bandwidth, mood, outlook, body image, appetite, libido… Not only are you too tired to do it, you also have no interest…
And, if you are a woman and somehow got over this hump, then you run into not being able to turn your brain/ruminating off… You can’t get in the mood and your female physiology doesn’t cooperate to boot. And, this is only culprit #1 on this list!
Domesticity
Once we move in together, and even more so once children come along, the focus of the relationship changes to creating a life together. The focus becomes on the domestic. Before, it was about sharing, now is about managing.
There is Being in sharing… But, there is a lot of doing in managing when tackled as a big long *a—s to-do list… This in and of itself is terrible as not only does this contribute to the exhaustion, but our awesome Self is not showing when we are in doing mode…
And, as if that’s not bad enough, when we don our Domestic hat, and live in our husband/wife and father/mother roles, we mute the person, the essence of ourselves – the male/female energy in the relationship…
The roles are not interested in intimacy. They are all about duty, responsibility, and such. They are the antithesis of intimacy. Unless you look at intimacy as duty! A different topic.
I’m sure you are familiar with how fast the mood/moment changes when your baby cries, or one of the children comes to your door, or into your bed!
Expectations
It gets better. Add to the above all the junkie thoughts you allow to rent space in your head. And, I am not referring to just your unfinished to do list, brainstorms about a project, thinking about a problem or concern, the big presentation tomorrow, or worrying about whatever you worry about.
I’m referring to thoughts of your own inadequacy and misguided expectations about your partner, your intimacy and the relationship as a whole. You can be downright mean to yourself and your partner in that head of yours.
You might have thoughts of what sucky lovers you might each be, how gross your bodies might be, how disappointing as partners you might each be, etc…
You might even have thoughts micromanaging your partner’s love making. Or, about how much pleasure you should have or how you are supposed to get there.
We can be our own worst enemy in all areas of our life!
Enmeshment
This is a tricky one because it’s not as obvious as the others. It refers to how close the partners are… I’m sure you have friends or know people, or this might even be you, that do everything with their partner. And, they think this is a good thing. They call each other best friends.
They know everything about each other and every moment of their day. They are in constant contact. They only have couple friends and look down on single people. All their activities are family and kid related. They don’t leave their kids with others.
They don’t take couple vacations, never mind trips without their partner. You get my drift.
This might sound idyllic to partners who feel distance and disconnection from their partner. But, these enmeshed partners are not better off. Their supposedly closeness picks up too much of a friendship vibe…
They are too close, too together for mystery, interest, and desire to spark. The male and female energy necessary for attraction and passion gets muted…
Yikes! These are the partners that are the most surprised to discover a possible affair.
Boredom
And, here is where it gets fun. The easiest way to kill the human spirit (and desire and intimacy!) is through boredom. We are meant for variety, exploration, curiosity, adventure, feeling Alive…
When our lives are monotonous, too safe, without meaning or purpose, and the like we lose oomph. We don’t have a fire in our belly, drive, hunger… There is no aliveness. There is no mysticism.
To make matters worse, this carries into the actual relationship – it’s just there. It’s taken for granted. It’s expected to last a lifetime without nourishment… As we very well know anything that is neglected withers, breaks down and dies.
This is true for a garden, a car, health, finances, and anything you can think of. If the relationship doesn’t get attention it doesn’t exist, it’s just a contract, an agreement… How fun is that? Never mind radiant…
And, then add a boring bedroom life for good measure. If you get to the lovemaking the same way all the time and do the same things all the time, where is the curiosity, the enticement, the anticipation, the draw, the eagerness, the yearning, the build-up…? That is if you even get to intimacy…
For you see our intimacy is driven by our brain which needs proper stimulation…
And, you wonder what happened to your intimacy? The answer is: Plenty!
3 Love Hack Practices
Listen to the podcast for solutions to each of the culprits… And, for more on these 3 Top Practices to keep you in alignment for a radiant love life.
Exquisite Connection
Focus on properly and generously showing up to your relationship… Bring the attunement, bring the presence, bring the aligned and meaningful interactions.
Golden Sex Rule
Cover your basic intimacy quota… Yes, schedule sex so at least you have the minimum intimacy covered to stay in the flow with each other. You can have all the additional sex you like…
Consciously Date Your Partner
Bring it on. Have your dates as if you just met, or recently started dating… Bring your essence. Bring the woo. Bring the swag.
Having an amazing, radiant, and successful relationship, and a hot love life, doesn’t happen by accident. You need to be intentional about protecting your energy and properly aligning with your partner. Synchronize and the universe is the limit…
Hope this information serves you and helps you get on the path to your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life.
Nourish Yourself to Elevate, Nourish Your Relationship to Cultivate More Love Hello second quarter, hello spring and hello springing back to life! Yes, the seasons and the weather help, but we have to also invest in ourselves and our relationship for us to thrive… If we don’t invest in ourselves not only can we not show up with our Best Self to our life, but we very quickly burnout… If we don’t invest in our relationship, our love withers and dies… So, let’s make sure we nurture ourselves and our relationship so we can flourish…
Don’t have a Membership with us yet? Access it and much more through our Radiance Membership! (Only $29 per month) Get Enrolled NOW!
What’s Next
~~ Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
We can help with our select memberships: Radiance Membership– Transformational content and experiences subscription (Only $29 per month!) Success Membership – Private sessions and Radiance Membership access! (Start with an Initial Session)
~~ Interested in being our Guest? Interested in having Emma be a Guest in your Podcast?
DISCLAIMER: This content is meant to support your Journey and not as a replacement for professional assistance. Additionally, the ideas and resources provides by our guests are their ideas and recommendations alone and not necessarily a reflection of mine
Copyright (c) 2025 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
We usually think of Spring Cleaning as decluttering our home and detoxing our bodies. But those of us who take healing, performance, development and evolution (lightly) seriously take a deeper and more meaningful approach.
We consider all the things we need to release in all areas of our life.
And if we are really serious, we go deeper. We look at the patterns that drive us in creating who we are, our circumstances, our relationship, and our life.
To that end, today’s Episode is about reprogramming the patterns that no longer serve us. I present the Reset Patterns Formula™ (AKA: The Fuel Equation), a framework designed to help you transition from reactive to responsive living… By reprogramming our mental, emotional, and behavioral patterns that are keeping us stuck.
I have called this Formula the Fuel Equation as each aspects fuels the next, and back around…
When something gets triggered at any aspect it sets off an automatic chain reaction.
When we haven’t done much healing, personal development and training, we usually operate from a surface, reactive level.
When we do our work, we are less negatively triggerable, and operate from a more grounded, deeper and responsive level.
Here’s How It Usually Unfolds
In a nutshell, an event happens…
~ At the Reactivity Level– It triggers distorted thoughts which fuel symptomatic feelings which fuel defense mechanisms and coping.
~ At the Responsive Level – It triggers realist thoughts which fuel vulnerable feels which fuel healthy functioning.
We are to reprogram the aspects of the reactive level to show up to life free from patterns and free to become more who we really are. Not a big old pattern and habit…
So we can step into intentional living and create the relationship and life we love.
Reactionary Level
At the reactionary level, we are victim of our circumstances, we are easily triggered, and disempowered.
Thoughts
Our minds can be unruly if we’re not mindful. Thoughts become distorted, limiting, and negatively biased, fueling unwanted emotional states and behaviors.
Distorted Thoughts- Overgeneralization, personalization, black-and-white thinking, and projection to name a few. These patterns cloud reality and keep us stuck.
Limiting Beliefs- Programs installed from childhood and cultural conditioning. They often run unnoticed, shaping perceptions about self-worth, love, intimacy, success, money and more.
Scripts and Narratives- The stories we tell ourselves about our past, ourselves, circumstances, relationships, and all our experiences keep us locked in old patterns.
Negativity Bias- A survival mechanism once helpful for physical threats now makes us see danger or negativity everywhere. Including in our relationship, where we often mistakenly assign negative motives to our partner.
~ Identify all our thought patterns that might be keeping us stuck.
Feelings
Triggered thoughts lead to triggered emotions like anxiety, frustration, anger, or overwhelm. We often dismiss or suppress feelings, overlooking their critical role as messengers. Feelings are our guide to what we need, to know if something is right for us, and provide other wealth of information.
~ Pause to acknowledge our feelings and start understanding them.
Behaviors
Unaddressed thoughts and emotions drive reactive behaviors like impatience, poor self-care, emotional eating, drinking, shopping, or shutting down. We might turn to these to numb out and make ourselves feel better. Some are just acting out and irresponsible.
~ Own all our bad habits and behaviors that don’t server us.
Responsive Level
At the responsive level, we shift to being more intentional, mindful, and empowered.
Thoughts
To clean up your mental clutter, engage in conscious reprogramming:
~ Monitor, challenge and replace your distorted cognitions, limiting believes, script and stories, and negativity bias with more real based versions.
Feelings
Recognize feelings as valuable signals and address their messages:
~ Go beyond the reactive ones to what’s beneath them- the vulnerable ones, feel and honor them, then translate them into needs you can address.
Behaviors
With clarity on your thoughts and feelings, intentionally implement behaviors and habits that align with addressing your needs and creating the relationship life you want:
~ Integrate wellness, connection, and success habits into daily routines, prioritizing meeting specific needs and practicing self-regulation and care.
The beauty of this Formula is its flexibility. You can start the reset from any point, thoughts, feelings, or behaviors. The transformative process ripples through all three, reprogramming and freeing you from old patterns that kept you stuck.
Which aspect feels most out of balance for you right now? Identify where you need to focus your attention and take your deep dive.
Listen to the Episode below for a thorough walkthrough of working with each aspect at both levels.
Let this spring reset launch you toward your most radiant, intentional relationship and life yet.
Hope this information serves you and helps you get on the path to your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life.
Ride the Wave of Massive Change, Do All the Letting Go Yes, we are going for it. No more tiptoeing around wanting change, but then holding ourselves back. If we want real change, we have to own it. Which I know it’s not always easy to do. It can be scary and destabilizing. But this is a good price to pay for entry into our next level… Don’t you think? Let’s do all the decluttering (remove), detoxing (stop doing), and defragging (restructure) to let go of the old and allow in the new…
Don’t have a Membership with us yet? Access it and much more through our Radiance Membership! (Only $29 per month) Get Enrolled NOW!
Resources
~~ Watch our related videos on our YouTube channel
~~ Download our Refresh for Newness Checklistfor ideas and inspirations on what to declutter, detox, and defrag for a powerful spring reset!
~~ Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
We can help with our select memberships: Radiance Membership– Transformational content and experiences subscription (Only $29 per month!) Success Membership – Private sessions and Radiance Membership access! (Start with an Initial Session)
~~ Interested in being our Guest? Interested in having Emma be a Guest in your Podcast? Contact us about a possible collaboration!
DISCLAIMER: This content is meant to support your Journey and not as a replacement for professional assistance. Additionally, the ideas and resources provides by our guests are their ideas and recommendations alone and not necessarily a reflection of mine
Copyright (c) 2025 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
It’s funny how we start a relationship because of attraction and interest in each other, only to have that dwindle or get lost in the everyday grind as we progress to a higher level of commitment and create a shared life together. As we move from romantic partners to life partners, there’s often a struggle because this isn’t an ideal state for couples. They need to be partners in love first.
Couples need to be lovers. But when they focus too much on the business of life, they dampen that part of the relationship. The result? They struggle not only with feeling connected but also with being good life partners.
And what’s interesting is that many couples tolerate the loss of romance but fight hard to make the partnership side work. This is where they hit friction, sometimes so intense and conflictual that the relationship completely breaks down.
It’s challenging to address this when partners are already feeling disconnected and stuck in a negative place. That’s why our Successful Relationship Strategy™ focuses on shifting mindset and resetting how partners approach each other and the relationship first.
Then, we work on communication and alignment, removing bad habits and unhealthy interaction patterns that weaken the bond. This helps partners get on the same page more easily so they can go deeper in creating the relationship and life they want.
Finally, we address emotional patterns that drive the dynamic and focus on rebuilding connection and intimacy.
When couples go about creating their shared life from a strong mindset—aligned, resourced, and connected—it becomes much easier to collaborate.
These elements flow best in this order, but they’re not mutually exclusive. They can be worked on simultaneously and continue to evolve as the couple grows.
That said, even with a strong romantic connection, couples may still struggle with how to be great partners in life…
Great Partners in Life
Being great partners in life means we properly position our partner and our relationship for their due importance in our life… This is a requirement for creating the strongest partnership. We have to embrace a higher perspective for proper life Journey…
Mindset Shift 1: Our Partner with a Capital P.
Our partner is our Partner, THE partner of all partners… They are the one we chose to have our Journey, our grand human experience, and create our extraordinary life with. If that is not a significant role in our life, I don’t know what is…
The problem is that partners lose sight of this mega role and treat their partner worse than they treat strangers sometimes… Isn’t that nuts?
The key is to reset how we look at our partner, their priority in our life, and treat them with the due reverence their role warrants. As well as bring back the couplehood aspect, the romantical aspect, to keep the energy alive… This is the relationship juice, the creative energy that fuels everything.
It is very easy to get too busy and forget to even acknowledge our partner and their importance. And to neglect our relationship…
SHIFT- Create a cadence for couple time and protect it with your life.
Mindset Shift 2: Our Partner is Our Ally
Being true partners means being allies. But too often, couples get stuck in power struggles, unconsciously trying to get their needs met. They lose sight of the fact that they’re on the same side. Instead, they treat each other like enemies, with suspicion, mistrust, control, manipulation, and other nasty tactics.
This only creates a downward spiral of disconnection and dissatisfaction.
These patterns can get so entrenched and pervasive that the partners dig their heals in until things break.
SHIFT- Reframe your partner as your ally and address a stuck issue with this perspective.
Mindset Shift 3: The Relationship is the Mechanism for Transformation and Mastery
Something that gets overlooked is that our relationship is our playground. A space where we get to explore, practice, discover, and master our skills, strengths, and selves.
In our relating there is so much potential for our expansion and for creation…
SHIFT- Identify one personal growth area and explore it with your partner until it’s mastered.
Your Attraction is Your Glue
Our initial attraction happens at an unconscious and subconscious level. So if you have a checklist you are measuring your partner against, you’d do well to just chuck it.
The truth is, we were attracted to each other for a reason. Our programming brought us together as part of a grander design- to create the human experience we desire. Cracking those codes is part of the Game of Life.
The key is in increasing our awareness of what’s playing out and be intentional in how we interact so we can uplevel our cocreation…
Appreciate Complementary Aspects and Uniqueness
Opposites attract for a reason. Our partner has complementary characteristics and strengths to our own, and their own special flavor. At first, we find these differences incredible. But later, we start holding them against each other. How ridiculous is that? Instead of resisting them, we could be capitalizing on their awesomeness.
APPLICATION- Identify one of your partner’s complementary strengths, acknowledge it, and discuss how you can leverage it together.\
Appreciate Play on Sensitivities
Another part of the attraction, is that our partner has the uncanny ability to trigger our old wounds (because of the unconscious match), and vice versa.
But this is gold, it offers the perfect opportunity for healing and growing…
APPLICATION- Select one of your sensitivities, share with your partner what’s underneath it, and discuss what would help soothe it.
Playing the Game of Life
Too often, we put our heads down and grind through life. Before we know it, we’ve spent years with blinders on, not truly creating the life we want.
We get stuck in routines, neglect joy, and sometimes leave a trail of collateral damage- our health, our relationships, our family, our creativity, and our impact.
How do we play the game of life? We play to win…
And to win, we need to know how to play the game and what winning looks like.
We can all have different definitions of winning, the key is for us to know what those are for ourselves and for our partner and to get on the same page about them for an aligned approach, and fulfilling, meaningful, harmonies and joyful journey.
EXPLORE THESE TOGETHER:
~ What kind of love do we want to experience?
~ What kind of relationship do we want to create?
~ What kind of life do we want to build?
~ What kind of experiences, impact, creations do we want to pursue?
If you are not asking these questions, you’re just going through the motions… These help you better align with your partner, for an easier and more joyful Journey…
Intentionally Design and Live Your Life
If we don’t know what we’re creating, we create by default. Our programming has a field day creating a reactive and painful life. Our defenses have a relationship with our partner’s defenses creating a relationship riddled with friction, codependence, and misalignment. We don’t get very far with this approach.
But if we:
~ Reset our relationship mindset
~ Invest in prioritizing ourselves and our relationship
~ Strengthen our connection and meet our needs
~ Tap into our synergy- our relationship juice
~ Align on a life vision
Then, bam! We create the life we deeply desire… When these things are in place, everything flows. Without them life is uphill battle.
The Practical in the Collaboration
The soft side of relationships, the mindset, connection, and synergy, drives success. But let’s be real, the practical side matters too! A strong partnership needs systems and habits that support it.
Here are some key collaboration tactics to keep things running smoothly (check out the podcast time stamps for more in-depth description of these):
Shared Calendar – Keep track of shared responsibilities, appointments, events, and reminders in a calendar you both have access to.
PRO TIP: Bonus points for using collaborative tools or apps to manage the business of life efficiently.
Weekly Sync-Up – Every Sunday, check in about the upcoming week. Get on the same page about schedules, responsibilities, and anything that needs attention.
Division of Labor– Divide and conquer, don’t let one person carry the entire mental load. Use a shared responsibilities list to divide tasks fairly.
*Get our FREE Downloadable to master your division of labor
Staying Current – Keep communication open with regular check-ins:
~ Morning coffee chats
~ End-of-day debriefs
~ Visioning sessions
~ Planning meetings
~ Financial reviews
Outsourcing – If a task doesn’t require your unique skills and you can afford to outsource it, do it! Life is too short to spend time on the mundane.
Transitions – Most arguments happen during transition times- coming home, shifting tasks, starting or ending the day. Be extra mindful and intentional during these moments.
Weekend Planning – Avoid last-minute stress and mismatched expectations by discussing weekend plans before Friday hits.
Morning Routines – Start your morning routine the night before. Reduce morning chaos by prepping in advance. A smoother start sets the tone for the day.
Vacationing – Identify the expectations, the flavor and what would make it successful as you plan it…
Being Proactive – If the same arguments keep coming up, fix the root issue. Identify patterns, address them directly, and put a lasting solution in place.
This can feel like a lot to address at the same time, I know. But you don’t have to overhaul everything overnight.
Just pick one of these strategies that resonated with you and take action on it today. Even the smallest investment can make a big difference. Intentionality is key. As you make these shifts, you’ll notice everything starts changing…
Hope this information serves you and helps you get on the path to your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life.
Realign for More Love in Your Relationship, Learn How to Date Your Partner Often when couples struggle in their relationship, or when they feel they are in a bit of a slump, it has to do with Relationship Neglect… When life gets hectic with demands and we barely have time to sleep, the further thing from our mind is being cute in our relationship. Because we are so used to a life of grind, this state of affairs is common. Where the relationship and our bond take a major blow. The relationship can sustain challenging times, but ongoing neglect takes its toll. There are specific factors that play a role during these difficult times, that can at times be pervasive in the relationship making matters worse. Shifting these is key to getting out of the slump along with intentionally and effortlessly investing in the relationship.
Don’t have a Membership with us yet? Access it and much more through our Radiance Membership! (Only $29 per month) Get Enrolled NOW!
Resources
~~ Watch our related videos on our YouTube channel
~~ Download our Date Your Partner Protocolto learn how to better date your partner for more fun, connection and love!
We can help with our select memberships: Radiance Membership– Transformational content and experiences subscription (Only $29 per month!) Success Membership – Private sessions and Radiance Membership access! (Start with an Initial Session)
~~ Interested in being our Guest? Interested in having Emma be a Guest in your Podcast? Contact us about a possible collaboration!
DISCLAIMER: This content is meant to support your Journey and not as a replacement for professional assistance. Additionally, the ideas and resources provides by our guests are their ideas and recommendations alone and not necessarily a reflection of mine
Copyright (c) 2025 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
What is Love? Love is many things, and we can all define it differently. And, we can all give it and receive it differently… It is common in couples for the partners to feel that they give more love than their partner does. It’s interesting when both partners in the relationship feel this way. The reason for this is that they are giving love the way they themselves like to receive love, not necessarily in the way that their partner likes to receive it. This leaves the partners giving love that the other doesn’t even register…
What a conundrum, right? The partners give the love, and the other doesn’t feel it.
They are both investing in their relationship with no impact. They get frustrated at giving the love that seemingly it not being reciprocated. The partners struggle to understand what’s happening, feeling resentful at not being loved enough…
When this continues, with the partners none the wiser that they are both investing just not in the required way, the resentment starts manifesting in poor interactions. Which are riddled with cynicism, criticism, control, defensiveness, passive aggressiveness, defiance, power struggles, and other pesky ways.
This can all be easily shifted when the partners give their love in the way the other likes to receive it!
This idea was developed by Dr. Gary Chapman and presented in his popular book, The 5 Love Languages. He shares the 5 love languages commonly desired by partners and how to give love in those languages. Now we all like to receive love in all the 5 languages, but usually we have 2 top ones we prefer.
I teach clients to focus on giving their partner love in their top two languages, so they no longer spin their wheels giving love how they like to receive it and it being lost on their partner. This shift in how they give love makes a great impact as the partners start to immediately feel more loved. An investment well worth what it requires to shift their approach.
Dr. Chapman also presents pitfalls to avoid according to each love language. It’s interesting that partners have the hardest time giving the love in the way that their partner desires it, and do exactly the things that hurts the other the most… This is all part of our relationship dynamics and our patterns.
The way we struggle giving the right love for our partner and avoiding the related pitfalls is all part of how we are to continue to evolve… This is yet another way in how we are a perfect match for each other…
Here are the 5 Love Languages and Their Pitfalls
Learning our Love Languages is key in ensuring we are showing each other love in the way that touches are heart the most and avoid the common pitfalls that hurt our partner.
1~ Words of Affirmation
Partners with this love language feel most loved through verbal expressions of affection, praise, and encouragement. This also includes compliments, appreciation, acknowledgment, credit, and validation.
These Have this Flavor: ~ Saying, “I love you,” frequently. ~ Giving genuine compliments like, “You’re amazing at what you do.” ~ Leaving a heartfelt note or sending a thoughtful text message.
Pitfalls to Avoid: ~ Insincere or forced compliments can feel empty. ~ Negative or critical words can be especially hurtful to someone who values affirmation. ~ Assuming your partner “already knows” you appreciate them without saying it.
2~ Acts of Service
Love is expressed through helpful actions rather than words. Doing things that make life easier for the partner is the key to their heart. These partners really appreciate practical and hands on support. Help with their to-do list or getting things done.
These Have this Flavor: ~ Cooking a meal for them when they’ve had a long day. ~ Taking care of household chores without being asked. ~ Running an errand they’ve been putting off.
Pitfalls to Avoid: ~ Doing things out of obligation rather than genuine love. ~ Assuming your acts of service are meaningful to your partner without asking. ~ Expecting praise in return, or having strings attached, rather than giving selflessly.
3~ Quality Time
Undivided attention and meaningful experiences are the primary ways these partners feel loved. This is where the attunement, presence, and protected couple and intimate time come into play.
These Have this Flavor: ~ Planning a date night with special touches. ~ Engaging in deep conversations without distractions. ~ Taking a weekend trip together to reconnect.
Pitfalls to Avoid: ~ Being physically present but mentally absent (e.g., scrolling on your phone). ~ Assuming quantity of time matters more than quality. ~ Failing to plan meaningful activities together.
4~ Physical Touch
Physical affection is the primary way these partners feel connected and loved. This doesn’t always mean physical intimacy or sexy time. It can be as simple as touch. These can look like caressing, petting, patting, grazing, kissing, and the like…
These have this flavor: ~ Holding hands while walking together. ~ Giving hugs, back rubs, or gentle touches throughout the day. ~ Cuddling on the couch while watching a movie.
Pitfalls to Avoid: ~ Assuming all physical touch is romantical- non-intimate affection is important too. ~ Withholding touch as punishment. ~ Forgetting that small, spontaneous gestures of touch can mean a lot.
5~ Receiving Gifts
For some, tangible symbols of love carry deep emotional significance. It’s not about materialism but about the thoughtfulness behind the gift. Though some partners have higher expectations on the kinds of gifts.
These have this flavor: ~ Bringing home their favorite snack just because. ~ Giving a meaningful birthday or anniversary present. ~ Surprising them with a small, sentimental token that reminds you of them.
Pitfalls to Avoid: ~ Thinking it’s about money rather than meaning. ~ Forgetting special occasions or failing to put thought into gifts. ~ Assuming a generic or last-minute gift will have the same impact as something personal.
Understanding and speaking our partner’s Love Language, and knowing and communicating our own, can be truly transformative in our relationship.
Identifying and prioritizing our love languages can help prevent unnecessary conflicts, and deepen our connection. If you don’t already know yours, check out Dr. Chapman’squiz!Here.
This is a fun exercise to share with your partner to realign, add more dimension to your relating, and just for kicks. Why not?
If you notice resistance in giving your partner love in their Love Language, take some time to explore what’s behind that for you and how you need to stretch for your own growth…
Often when couples struggle in their relationship, or when they feel they are in a bit of a slump, it has to do with Relationship Neglect… When life gets hectic with demands and we barely have time to sleep, the further thing from our mind is being cute in our relationship. Because we are so used to a life of grind, this state of affairs is common. Where the relationship and our bond take a major blow.
The relationship can sustain challenging times, but ongoing neglect takes its toll. There are specific factors that play a role during these difficult times, that can at times be pervasive in the relationship making matters worse. Shifting these is key to getting out of the slump along with intentionally and effortlessly investing in the relationship.
Don’t have a Membership with us yet? Here are our current memberships that give you access:
Radiance Membership – Subscription of transformational content and much more! (at only $29 per month) Get Enrolled Now Success Membership – Subscription of therapy sessions, it includes the Radiance Membership! Get Started with an Initial Session
RESOURCES
~~ Watch our related videos on our YouTube channel
~~ Download our Date Your Partner Protocolto learn how to better date your partner for more fun, connection and love!
PPS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2025 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
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It is not uncommon for couples to feel they are in a slump. Specially during the cold winter months when we tend to hibernate, have the winter blues, or just totally feel out of sorts. Relationships can lose their spark. But when this feeling lingers beyond seasonal blues, it can erode intimacy, connection, and the overall bond between partners.
What’s tricky is that many couples don’t even recognize they’re in a slump. They assume this is just what happens in long-term relationships. They settle into routine, accepting an “okay” relationship instead of striving for something deeper, richer, and more fulfilling.
The partners that struggle are the ones dear to my heart, because they feel the possibility for more and they are rebelling against being mediocre. I say, Good on you. Your struggle is just a way of shaking things up. To have both partners’ attention making changes for the radiant and successful relationship and epic love you desire…
Being in a slump or experiencing relationship struggle is an unpleasant, challenging, and disconcerting experience to say the least. The disconnect, loneliness, emptiness, conflict, frustration, resentment, hopelessness, can totally take a toll on the couple as well as the partners themselves… These partners are a loss for how to regain their connection, feel their love, and create alignment and aliveness in their relationship.
I truly commend the couples that have the courage to admit they are struggling and invest in transforming and upleveling their relationship. My hat off to you!
6 Signs of a Relationship Slump
Partners can experience their struggle or averageness in a variety of ways. The more of these ways they experience, the more difficult and painful their situation. But regardless of how severe their experience is, they can turn their relationship around by investing in it…
Here are 6 signs that your love life needs a reboot:
1~ The relationship doesn’t make it to the priority list – It’s interesting how often partners complain of feeling disconnected, but they don’t make any time to spend with each other. Or, they might have some time together, or even a lot, but it lacks depth and meaning. Being in the same room doesn’t constitute as quality couple time… And this goes beyond making time for each other. There is also little courtesy, kindness, tenderness, nurturing, attentiveness, mindfulness…
2~ The connection is dampened, the bond is frayed – Aside from not spending quality time together, the partners might do things that cut at their bond. Crossing boundaries and being neglectful, mean, inconsiderate, absent, controlling, manipulative and so on, are all tactics that make the partners put up defenses and keep their heart locked away.
3~ The romance got lost in translation – Partners allow the busyness of life to pull them away from what is actually the most important asset in their life… Their Partner in their Journey… And this is not merely a partner to create a life together – which couples also get wrong by the way. But a partner in Love… This part of the relationship is at the crux of our human experience… This is how we create the energy and flavor of our life, our shared life… And the romance is what activates the romantic feelings! This is where the essence of the partners get invited to play… Now this doesn’t have to be T.V. style romance. We can have a real life, down to earth approach that is more realistic and powerful.
4~ The attraction fizzled – The attraction doesn’t just fizzle. It fizzles because it is as if it was smothered by a damp cloth of insults, injuries, betrayals, let downs, neglect, rejection… When we are constantly in doing mode, like ships passing in the night, totally exhausted, not resourced, and at the mercy of our and our partner’s poor mood states, we are in the crossfires for survival. Then never mind being radiant and full of life that creates attraction… Add to that both partners usually being in their masculine energy, a formula for a dead sex life.
5~ The lovers are MIA – Then it makes sense that the lovers are MIA. There is no juice, no attraction to speak of, a lack of exhausted energy, no polarized energy between the genders, and a pervasive conscious or unconscious feeling of resentment and contempt. A lack of trust. No emotional safety. How are the partners to really let go to be present as real lovers?
6~ The intimacy is mechanical or superficial, or nonexistent – So then obviously the intimacy suffers. There is very little of it and the little that’s there is not what it could be… Partners are not on the same page about what intimacy they prefer, they might not even be in touch with what they prefer. And additionally, they struggle creating the space for any intimacy. Everything else gets in the way…
Now, couples can have some or all of these, and to varying degrees. No one couple is the same. And they each bring their unique set of circumstances to their story and situation along with their own uniqueness, needs and desires. So, don’t compare yourself with your friends. Each couple is special. Yes, there are similar patterns that are inherent to couples, relationships, and the human condition. But let the comparison stop there.
11 Power Moves to Transform Your Relationship
It doesn’t have to be difficult, complex, or intimidating investing in our relationship so we can turn it around, or to take it to the next level. It can actually be quite simple…
There might be mental health issues, unique patterns, and level of development the partners bring to the table that might require additional attention, nonetheless the basics are the same.
Bring your Best Self to your interactions to the best of your ability.
If this in and of itself is challenging, then professional support might be indicated for you. You know you need assistance if you or your partner have a difficult time doing the things recommended below. Or you try these but feel that a stronger dose of relationship know-how medicine is needed… We are here for you if you need support!
Now, on to the things to bring to your interactions to get out of the slump or to uplevel your relationship
Flirtation
Playfulness
Curiosity
Interest
Attunement
Adoration
Devotion
Affection
Connection
Intimacy
Passion
Check out the podcast episode below for a description of these!
You might be struggling in your relationship, your relationship might in a slump, or you are looking to just take things to the next level. Regardless of your relationship status, the key is to bring commitment to making it work and to creating what you desire, to bring our Best Self to it, and to invest in it to keep it fresh and vibrant.
Embrace the power moves mentioned above, cultivate rich states around them to activate good relationship vibes, and shower your partner and your relationship with that TLC.
~ Play – Experiment with the moves and characteristics to keep things activating and elevating
~ Practice – Cultivate the states around each power move to make them accessible as you go
~ Pledge – Honor your commitment to your partner and the relationship, be all in to crack the codes
Realign for More Love in Your Relationship, Learn How to Date Your Partner Often when couples struggle in their relationship, or when they feel they are in a bit of a slump, it has to do with Relationship Neglect… When life gets hectic with demands and we barely have time to sleep, the further thing from our mind is being cute in our relationship. Because we are so used to a life of grind, this state of affairs is common. Where the relationship and our bond take a major blow. The relationship can sustain challenging times, but ongoing neglect takes its toll. There are specific factors that play a role during these difficult times, that can at times be pervasive in the relationship making matters worse. Shifting these is key to getting out of the slump along with intentionally and effortlessly investing in the relationship.
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Resources
~~ Watch our related videos on our YouTube channel
~~ Download our Date Your Partner Protocolto learn how to better date your partner for more fun, connection and love!
We can help with our select memberships: Radiance Membership– Transformational content and experiences subscription (Only $29 per month!) Success Membership – Private sessions and Radiance Membership access! (Start with an Initial Session)
~~ Interested in being our Guest? Interested in having Emma be a Guest in your Podcast? Contact us about a possible collaboration!
DISCLAIMER: This content is meant to support your Journey and not as a replacement for professional assistance. Additionally, the ideas and resources provides by our guests are their ideas and recommendations alone and not necessarily a reflection of mine
Copyright (c) 2025 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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