It’s been a wonderful Season so far of clearing, replenishing, and resetting ourselves. As we move into the lovely holiday weekend with Passover and Easter, if you observe, we can expand on the meaning of the holiday beyond the religious message. I love to experience this time as a time for new beginnings… A time for rebirth, for freely pursuing our heart and our dreams, for beginning anew, for blooming, for thriving…
And, I love applying this lens to our Relationship… This is a time for recommitting to our partner and for starting a new chapter in our relationship, maybe even a new book! Regardless of the status of your relationship, here is another opportunity to reinvest in creating the relationship you desire.
You have a chance to create a new relationship with your partner. You have a chance to start new. I’m all for milking any and all opportunities in front of me. How about you?
So, what does this mean for our relationship? Of course, feel free to run with this concept as fits your life, relationship, current status, style, creativity, and such, but for my priming let’s entertain the idea (don’t overthink this!) of how different things could be if you had no choice but to succeed at your relationship…
How would you show up if all of a sudden:
Your relationship is brand spanking new and you’d inherit trillions of dollars if you create a successful relationship…
You only have a few days left to live and want to enjoy a successful relationship experience…
You lost your relationship memory but know you love and enjoy your partner and have a successful relationship…
You are in a gameshow where you win big bucks if you are selected as the best couple with the most successful relationship…
You are the poster couple for relationships being showcased to teach children about successful relationships…
You are the last couple post-apocalypse and have to role model a successful relationship for the future of humanity…
You are going on a very dangerous mission and want to leave a recorded year-in-the-life of Mom and Dad’s successful relationship for your children…
You are in a foreign world where the inhabitants are to be terminated unless they learn from you how to be an amazing couple, and create a successful relationship…
Your life is threatened, unless you engage your partner creating a successful relationship…
You swap identities with the partners of the most well-known/public, wealthy and successful relationship in the world…
What is the common denominator in the above?
To be the best you can be in your relationship, no matter what… It’s interesting what comes up when you entertain this (again, play along, don’t logic this!).
How would you be in your relationship, if you had no choice but to show up with your best self? It’s also interesting to see what happens when we do show up with our best self… This is what I teach our couples. It makes a huge difference once the partners focus on what they contribute and step up their own game…
Your Assignment this week: Right about now is the perfect time to commit anew to your Partner, the Relationship, and to creating a Successful Relationship. Dust-off your yearly goals and see what you had for Relationship Enrichment. Tweak those as necessary to capture the recommitment, starting new, the gorgeous meaning of the season, and properly kick off Q2!
Your relationship is what you make of it… Your relationship depends on the attention you give it… Your relationship depends on what you put in it… Your relationship depends on how you treat your Partner… Your relationship depends on how you show up… Commit to creating a New Relationship with your Partner… It CAN be done…
Be the partner you want to be… Be your best… Regardless of how your partner is being… You always have the option of no longer being in the relationship. But if you are in it, Be ALL in!
Stay tuned for the next issue on how to create your New Strategy.
Share your insights and impact by leaving a comment below! I’d love to learn what you are able to accomplish and create when you are resourced.
Happy Committing!
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
… Newness generates inspiration, energy, motivation, momentum, new heights… How do you keep things Fresh in your life? How do you inspire and motivate yourself? How do you strive for new heights?
Building on our current Spring Renewal Theme, when we declutter, detox, spring clean and reenergize the outcome is a phenomenal spaciousness, surge, and drive… This generates a new perspective from which anything is possible…There is so much opportunity and beauty in this…
Spaciousness – When we don’t run around like a chicken without a head. When we don’t triple schedule ourselves. When we generously create transition, buffer, down/lazy, unscheduled/open, leisure time. When we allow for time to think, process, plan. We engage our creative juices, problem solving, healing, and other inherent human gifts.
Surge – When we refresh, replenish, and reset, we generate more and better energy. This allows us to connect with our desires and fuel our dreams, our vision, our Journey. This keeps us engaged, interested, curious. This keeps us joyfully in the game.
Drive – When we are properly resourced, we can effortlessly put in what it takes to make what we desire happen… Too often people are not properly resourced and quit midgame… Or, hey, they might not even get in the game. When we are resourced, the fuel allows us to leverage, to pick up momentum, to take off effortlessly.
Some of us operate from this state much more consistently than others, and boy, what a difference it makes. I’m sure you can pick out your colleagues, friends and families that operate from a resourced state vs not… These are the people in your life that are doing well, that seem to have it all together, that seem very lucky, that are effortlessly high producers, that seem to be creating and living the life they want, and more.
When we are resourced, we are able to have a better perspective and approach life differently… This is where the magic happens… Let’s apply this to our relationship:
When we are resourced, we can be the Partner we want to be… When we are resourced, we can show up better and interact with our partner more lovingly and meaningfully… When we are resourced, we can give more grace, be more openminded and more resilient (less easily triggered…). When we are resourced, we can appropriately meet our and our partner’s needs with ease.
Your Assignment this week: Play with the Spring Renewal Theme (see related links below) to resource yourself to the max, and keep playing with this for ongoing benefits… Keep tabs on how you feel, how you are able to show up differently, and how exchanges and outcomes turn out much better than usual…
Why go through your Journey on fumes, sputtering as you go, and potentially running out of gas?! What a terrible way to live. Start resourcing yourself better now and enjoy the ride!
Share your insights and impact by leaving a comment below! I’d love to learn what you are able to accomplish and create when you are resourced.
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Life is full of little wonderful surprises if we allow ourselves to see them and let them in… When was the last time you were delighted by the unexpected? Are you being flexible with your approach to life, work, schedule, perspectives? Are you letting your energy flow freely? Do you allow your life approach to energize you, sustain you, elevate you? This is how the magic happens…
Embracing the new season, we know that Spring is all about what I call:
The FiveRs – Recharging, Restoring, Renewing, Reinvigorating and Rejuvenating.
After the push of the new year, the grind and the stagnation of winter, it’s time to shake things up to refresh and reenergize ourselves and our world.
How do you keep yourself fresh and going? How do you generate your personal energy? How do you stay motivated and inspired? How do you stay productive, efficient, effective? How do you make a difference? I find these concepts so fascinating as some people rock and others totally struggle with these and their lives.
I’m forever researching, exploring and playing with these to continue to evolve myself and do my own humanness better, but also to bring more awesomeness to you. I integrate my learnings in different ways for easier consumption, assimilation and results. Hence the 5Rs’ flavor in this writing.
The 5Rs help us keep things moving in our desired direction with ease and gusto. They can be applied as we wish to whatever we wish, but here is to getting you started:
Recharge – Tweak your routine to refuel yourself. It is common for our routines to get stale or played out, or for us quit a good one soon into the new year. Spring is a wonderful time to reset ourselves with a touched-up routine that captures our current needs and the new season. This is a great time to start transitioning to warmer weather activities to reawaken us from the slumber or hibernation of winter.
Restore – Address a thorn in your back to restore flow. There are always things in our lives that are annoying, bug us, deplete us or obstruct our way. Our job is to be on an ongoing lookout to prevent allowing these things from embedding themselves and wreaking havoc, and to proactively remove any old ones in our midst. Find your current thorn and pull that sucker out!
Renew – Recommit to a good habit or investment. By definition a habit is something ingrained and not easy to get rid of. Unfortunately, we do get side tracked from good habits regardless. Renew your commitment to a good habit you desire in your life that you know supports your Journey.
Reinvigorate – Refocus on a priority. Gosh, life gets so hectic and we take on more than we should in our attempt to live the Successful life we want… Take this opportunity to refocus on your values and your priorities. Keep in mind your desire to feel Peace, Joy and Love… Put your focus on One Thing at a time to Thrive…
Rejuvenate – Think longevity, add a new health/wellness habit. This never gets old for me! I believe I shared with you that one of my life goals is to live to 120… This means I better live a VERY healthy life. LOL I’m working on it. My self-care and wellness routine and the habits within are so amazing.
I’m in love with all the different aspects, tools, products, etc. By no means do I do my extraordinary routine to perfection. But, doing the most and best I can with it makes a huge difference in and of itself. I implore you to take this tactic seriously. It’s literally “life saving”…
I find the human condition so very interesting, with our given uniqueness, set of circumstances and what we do with them… I’m sure every single person reading this resonated with something different, took something different and will apply whatever grabbed them differently…
Our experience being the writer/creator and the reader/consumer is so varied and rich. As we are with each other in shared mediums, we are cocreating our reality… As you take what serves you from this writing and apply it to enhance and enrich your life, you are adding to our collective experience. You doing you better actually serve me as well! Heh?
This is the beauty of our experience, reality and coexistence. We are all in it together. So, let’s make it a real good one! Let’s Energize our Journey…
Share your experience by leaving a comment below! I’d love to learn which R you’ll be playing with.
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
In last week’s issue we covered Detox. Another Springtime favorite is of course – Spring Cleaning. I like to cover the usual topics from a different angle that include a personal growth/wellness and relational enrichment component…
Personal – There is tons to clean out in our personal domain. I’m sure you’ve heard of Marie Kondo, author of The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. Her philosophy is of only keeping things that Spark Joy… This concept is a great addition to the Minimalism and Essentialism Themes I like to play with for not everything needs to be functional, have utility or a purpose. The purpose can be purely to Spark Joy. Isn’t that a marvelous concept?
Yes, it’s great to Spring Clean in the usual sense – declutter, clear out any build ups, make everything fresh and sparkling. But I like to take this concept to the next level, that of getting rid of accumulation and what doesn’t serve us.This is when the Minimalist/Essentialist lens comes in very handy…
And, I like to apply this concept not just to physical/tangible items, I actually like to apply this concept primarily to non-physical/tangible items… This is why I find the concept of only keeping things that Spark Joy so wonderful.
How many commitments, tasks, projects, people, routines and such are currently in your life that don’t Spark Joy for you? If you’ve been reading me for a while, you probably noticed a weaved-in theme of consistently clearing our environment… A way of keeping up with our lives so we don’t drown in it. Our lives are too full, and a lot of times not of the good stuff… Or the stuff that serves us, enriches our life, Spark Joy for us… So,
H.W. number 1 – do the usual-plus Spring Cleaning, and then super-size it! Organize, freshen up, clear out, and polish your physical environments and systems…
This can range from things like getting a facial and exfoliating your whole body to backing up your significant email from the past 10 years and deleting it from your machine… We did this recently. I kept my email going back only 5 years, and stored everything else back to when I started the Practice… So liberating!
Another example is shredding legal and financial paper documents (if older than 7 years and no longer relevant), converting anything remaining to electronic format as long as it has relevancy and value, and no longer accumulating paper… This was hard for me, I love paper… I’m still making my way out of it. But, I’m making a dent and it makes me super happy to have better systems that really support how I work and play.
As you can see, it’s not just about mopping floors and dusting shelves. It’s about getting rid of stuff from dead cells, to superfluous clothing, to old email, to clunky systems. You with me?
H.W. number 2 – do the deluxe Spring Cleaning! Now, this is where the fun comes in. This is actually a process for enriching and upgrading your life beyond what resulted from the above … The above flows from the Minimalist/Essentialist approach. Now we fine tune with the whatSparks Joy approach.
Step back and take a look at your life. After you cleaned it from the noise, clutter, build-up and extras, it’s time to remove any lingering negativity producing items. Or better yet, anything that doesn’t Spark Joy!
This ranges from what you eat, how you exercise, the music you listen to, what you wear, how you commute, the plants you have (hence the addition of Peonies to my garden!), the pictures on your wall, the subscriptions you allow, the social media you partake in, the groups you belong to, people you spend time with, the daily tasks you perform, everything is up for question… Why have anything in your life you don’t like?
This might feel a bit radical to you (Radical begets change…). Specially if you subscribe to the mindset that life is a struggle, that you should endure suffering, that you become a better person by overcoming challenges, and such…
I believe there is value in those beliefs, but I’m also becoming a stronger proponent of making life as simple, enjoyable and meaningful as possible. There is no need to get stuck in the struggle… We can take what we are meant to have from it when faced with it, and then move on to the next best thing…
Review everything with this new lens. Make it a mission to start removing things that don’t Spark Joy, and to only allow things in your life that Spark Joy…
Relational – And, speaking of which, what better source of Joy than our loved ones? Specially our Partner?
Believe me I know that our loved ones, including our Partner, are not always a source of Joy… Sometimes it’s actually quite the opposite. But it doesn’t have to be. The same concept as above can be applied to relationships…
You say, What? Yes, I’m not kidding. Translate H.W.1 and H.W.2 to relational terms…
Relational HW1 – Clean the basics and then some…
Context/Mindset – Clean your negative, blaming, assuming, reactive thinking
Communication/Alignment – Clean your verbal and non-verbal communication from interruptions, poor eye-contact, distracted listening, raising your voice, name calling
Clarity/Dynamics – Clean your predictable response, let go of the script, the chip on the shoulder, the defenses
Connection/Intimacy – Clean/close your exits, remove activities and things that take away from connection, intimacy, and fun
Collaboration/Partnership – Clean your systems, routines, plans, calendars, to-dos
Relational HW2 – do the deluxe cleaning…
This means that after you remove all the junk you put in your interactions and contribute to your dissatisfying dynamics (which is no easy feat to begin with…), that you step it up a notch. The next level is to clean out responses, tendencies, habits, and idiosyncrasies that don’t serve you nor your loved one. These are subtle but still carry negativity and have a corrosive impact on the relationship.
These might include things like talking too loud, driving too fast, taking long showers, leaving stuff all over the place, keeping a pristine environment at whatever cost, burping and other unseemly behaviors, digging into a meal before the other joins, having poor manners, being noisy while the other sleeps, being on your device while the other is talking, etc. etc. Being inconsiderate… These definitely don’t Spark Joy!
Sometimes relationships get so flooded with these types of behaviors that the partners stop liking each other. It’s so silly! To disrupt this pattern, I have been known to tell partners to treat their partner as if they are roommates… for they’d actually be nicer and more considerate!
We can be really annoying and even mean without even realizing it, or realizing it but not giving a hoot about it. This carelessness chips away at the bond and the beauty of the relationship, at the possibilities of the partnership… These suck the Joy out of the relationship…
So, what say you? Are you ready to Spring Clean your personal domain and your relationship? When you get to the Deluxe Cleaning, it’ll be like cleaning the windows of your Soul… You’ll be stepping it up, Aligning with Joy…
I covered a lot of territory to assist you in whatever area, way, and level is right for you… Note, you don’t have to do it all, and definitely not all at once… Start playing with one item from the Personal Domain and one from the Relational. That small investment will give you massive returns in and of itself. Keep targeting small bits at a time for a richer life and relationship…
Share your experience by leaving a comment below! I’d love to know what are your and your partner’s pet peeves – what would you target in your Deluxe Cleaning?
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
It was incredibly nice disconnecting from the usual during our Spring Break… Even when life is grand it’s nice to change things up. I found myself not interested on being on my phone or any other electronic device. It was a struggle checking-in on things and people. It felt like being pulled from a magical dream.
This experience was perfect as it resonated with today’s topic of Detoxing… You know I have to cover it as soon as Spring comes about. LOL Detoxing is a magnificent way of shedding off anything unwanted that has accumulated over time.
So, with one week left to Q1, and the focus being on getting to its finish line and getting ready to rock Q2, it’s a perfect time to assess what we need to Clean out to lighten our burden… and Clear our path…
First off, I’d like to point out that 3/20 was Happy Day. Did you know that? It’s interesting how these kinds of days get identified. It does make sense though. People’s moods are already lifting. Hope this applies to you!
Let’s keep shedding, not just the blah mood, but everything that is a potential block to your Health, Wellness and Success… And, your Successful Relationship…
Think of the areas of your life you are currently focused on upgrading (most likely your goals are targeting these). Or, that you would like to focus on if you are just starting to focus on making changes… Then think of the things that might be getting in the way of making the upgrade or change…
Most likely the things that are getting in the way have to do with the cumulative impact of bad habits and toxicity of some kind… Consider which below might be getting in your way and consider their antidote:
HEALTH:
Sleep deprivation – Sleep 6 to 8 hrs per night of good sleep.
Dehydration – Drink 32 to 64 onz of structured water per day.
Malnutrition – Eat your allotted caloric intake per day of non-inflammatory foods rich in omegas and protein observing a minimum of an overnight 12 hr window before your first meal of the day (basic intermittent fasting). And, minding your intake of gluten, sugar and derivatives, eggs, dairy, meats, soy, peanuts, processed foods and condiments, and certain fruits and vegetables that don’t agree with your body (intuitive eating).
Include targeted supplements into your intake; and cleansing techniques such as lemon water and apple cider vinegar first thing in the morning…
Lack of exercise – Move and stretch every day, and adhere to an exercise routine that you enjoy and includes HIIT (high interval intensive training).
Indulging – Eliminate/reduce (numbing…) tobacco, caffeine, alcohol, elicit and over-the-counter drugs, even prescribed drugs…; unprotected sun exposure, and damaging agents in products and other exposure.
WELLNESS:
Aging – Improve your health with the above, have a great skincare routine that is collagen restorative, keep great oral hygiene (gum disease implicated in Alzheimer’s, along with certain bacteria and viruses including Herpes!) and exercise your brain to stimulate continued neuron regeneration and protect plasticity.
Chaos – Immediately address clutter, disorganization, overwhelm, over commitment, extra responsibilities, poor boundaries, drama, caretaking.
Stuckness – Immediately address repeating patterns, defense mechanisms, scripts, behavioral numbing and time-sucks (over working and spending, dating, TV / Netflix binge-watching, online browsing, social media scrolling, gaming). Pursue Personal Development.
Unhappiness – Upgrade your self-care routine making sure it includes a mindfulness and gratitude practice. Practice compassion and self-love… Own your uniqueness, beauty and gifts. Embrace your voice and your power. Nurture Connection to your higher-power, self, partner, family, community and world at large…
Dissatisfaction/Complacency – Improve the company you keep and your activities, commitments, projects, environments, lifestyle and pursue your dreams (see below)…
SUCCESS:
Limiting Mindset – This is the death of you. If a heart attack doesn’t put an end to your awesome life, this will! Address tendencies to blame, pass on responsibility, thinking “can’t be done”, overcomplicating things, analysis paralysis, not stretching or wanting to learn, taking the easy way out, not going the extra mile, letting low self-esteem and fear get the best of you…
Debt – Stop accruing debt immediately, only exceptions are for investing in yourself as noted in this writing and within reason… Pay off your debt as fast as you can!
Aimlessness – Know your passion, gift, calling, Purpose. Have a Vision, a Strategy, and Goals. Even have a 100-year Plan…! Shoot to leave a Legacy, to make an Impact… Live a life by Design. Live a life well lived.
Non-Committal – Make sure your word means something, have an honor code, be trustworthy, reliable, accountable. Commit to the task, project or any undertaking. Go all in! Show up with gusto!
Inflexible – Stay open to feedback. Be ready to course correct. Always be tweaking and improving – this doesn’t mean embracing perfectionism, this means embracing excellence.
Were there areas that you felt like, “Hey, I got this!”? Were there areas that kicked your butt? Most people do great in some areas of their lives, and not so great in others… The key is to find the areas that are holding you back from your Best Life… These are the areas that need Detoxing…
Select an area you want to address and choose a related specific Habit to change – get really specific… Set up a plan for eliminating (drastically reducing) the bad habit by replacing it with a given antidote. For example: Health / Malnutrition, eating inflammation causing carbs, doing food swaps containing non-gluten grains…
Now, let’s apply this concept to your relationship… What needs detoxing in your relationship?
Context/Mindset (seeing your partner as your enemy or at fault) – bad attitude, blaming, selfishness, inconsideration, rudeness, poor boundaries, assumptions, scripts
Communication/Alignment (being in frequent fighting and disagreements) – interrupting, yelling, cursing, picking, criticizing
Connection/Intimacy (feeling alone, unloved and disconnected) – no affection or physical interaction, distance, absence, unavailability, exits
Collaboration/Partnership (feeling overwhelmed, unsupported and stuck) – taking on too much or too little, not enough No, not enough Yes, disorganization, unfinished projects, no systems, no check-ins, no established roles, expectations and goals
Find the Habit that is sabotaging your relationship from its next level of awesomeness. Eradicate that sucker! Replace it with a Connection Habit™ or upgraded relationship skill (refer to the related issues listed below).
Note that this approach is taking Detoxing to the next level. We are striving to get rid of toxicity, and what is holding you back, forever. We are not settling for a quick cleanse! Let’s do it!
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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