As there has been so much talk of doom and gloom about the economy and everything economy related, crashing oil prices, recession in line with the Great Depression, major layoffs and furloughs, businesses closing down and the rest of it, finances are on our minds more than ever.
This is usually a hot topic for couples regardless of recessions or pandemics. We teach our couples a protocol to get on the same page that eliminates stress and conflict around managing their finances.
Hey, if you have conflicts around money, you are not alone. And, this is regardless of your tax bracket. There is usually a more lax-about-money partner in the relationship that is partnered up with a more conscientious-about-money partner.
This should not come as a surprise as partners are usually pretty opposite in most personal characteristics… This is part of the attraction, the glue, and a source of conflict that at the end of the day serves as growth opportunities for the partners…
Their differences create annoyance and conflict for the partners who need to stretch in order to understand each other, engage with what’s in front of them and to figure out how to mitigate their gap. This promotes growth and evolution for the partners…
Money conflicts can take on many forms where the partners don’t agree how the other operates, and is affected by the other’s approach…
These are some financial areas where partners don’t see-eye-to-eye or that tend to become issues for partners:
Level of spending
Obsession with frugality
Amount contributed to the household
Managing finances and related tasks
Carrying debt
Taking risks
Being irresponsible with things like gambling or purchasing luxury items
Subsidizing addictions
Achieving milestones
Planning for the future
Having opposite styles, different knowledge base and management skills, and different mindset and relationship with money creates a pervasive undercurrent in the relationship that when not addressed undermines the partnership.
It behooves the partners to get on the same page about different financial topics:
Address who contributes how much, when and how
Create a management system
Assign specific tasks and responsibilities
Set goals
Establish a budget
Address decision making
Agree on spending
Set up staying current
Address specific issues and needs (gambling, debt reduction, saving, etc.)
Enlist appropriate professionals (to help with prenups, wills, insurances, investing, etc.)
Of course, every couple’s financial situation is different, just as is their story, their background and everything else. The protocol we provide helps partners address financial topics and collaboration despite their situation. We help partner address limiting believes, bad habits and financial relationship skills.
Obviously, we don’t provide financial or legal advice. When we have these conversations, we direct our clients to consult with the appropriate professionals to make sure their numbers and plan make sense for their life. We don’t do numbers, we do feelings, scripts and processes.
Also, when we have these discussions, we encourage the partner that is more-lax-about-finances to empower themselves with more knowledge and support that’s appropriate to their situation. They usually lack information and skills that are holding them back, in addition to the emotional and mental barriers around being responsible for their financial wellbeing… We recommend SavvyLadies for the women in this category.
And, I recently partnered with Down to Earth Finances, to assist women who are stressed about money and are lagging in taking charge of their finances. They are offering a 3-month program for Personal Finance, Legal and Self Care with live webinars every month plus to-do lists, templates, check-ins and community: Woman’s Compass: The Course— very reasonable and launches May 5th!
This is an in-depth and detailed program to help move you from “mole-whacking” to mindfully managing your finances, legal needs and overall wellness including nutrition, exercise and mindfulness. Over three months, you’ll create your plan and build the knowledge and confidence to tackle it intentionally, with direction, understanding and support … While listening to your own personal inner compass!
Finances don’t have to be a source of stress in your relationship. The key is to not to randomly address your finances, but to get on the same page about it with your partner and to have a plan.
Remember, that even though a conversation is about money and finances, relationship skills and you showing up with your best self are still needed for that conversation to go well…
ASSIGNMENT: Assess your current financial situation to identify your messes and your successes, and how you are currently collaborating with your partner:
Celebrate your successes and give yourself a pat on the back!
What are the items you need to address? Increasing revenue/income, reducing spending/debt, getting organized, having a system, setting goals, planning for the future, synchronizing and collaborating with your partner, consulting professionals for assistance
Decide which item to tackle first, add it to your to-do/calendar, and commit to taking care of it!
Invite your partner into a conversation to improve your financial situation
As things are a little nutty in the world right now, it’s important that we get our bearings and take care of our business. Step up your game today!
Here are recent Blog posts for quick reference, for you to grab what fits your current state and situation…
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Collaborating!
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
As we are faced with retriggered trauma, loss, uncertainty, stress and restraints, now is the time to access our best parts not only to weather this storm well but to be ready for what’s next…
When we allow ourselves to numb out and shutdown, to sink into a hole, to spiral out of control or to simply press pause on our life and our dreams, we are hindering ourselves now and are making things more challenging for later…
Hey, I get it. This are unprecedented times we are living in. This Pandemic is impacting all areas of life and the world. It has thrown life as we know it into a tizzy. But you know what, you don’t have to let it kick you in the teeth!
You do have a choice as to how you deal with your life and everything in it, including the impact of this situation. Please don’t choose being disempowered…
Before this crisis you might have been living your life by how you preferred, now you have to live your life by your Character Strengths… If you were not fully owning your life before the crisis started, you are probably having an even harder time than others now. My heart goes out to you. The struggle is real! I get it.
But you know what, you can start turning things around right now… All you have to do is decide… Yes, decide…
Decide what? Decide that you will not indulge in explanations/excuses, blame, self-pity and gloom… Decide that you will take charge of yourself. Decide that you will own your life and make the most of it… Decide that you will rock it today and going forward, no matter what.
Yes, how you are feeling and how you are doing is the result of the choices you make… Sorry, don’t shoot the messenger. We have so much knowledge and research in the fields of psychology, sociology, neurobiology, epigenetics, and a host of others to know that we create our own state/wellness, health, and success – we create our own reality… Yes, even if the worse stuff is happening…
I refer you to Man’s Search for Meaninga story of triumph (free with Audible trial) by Viktor Frankl, an internationally renowned psychiatrist, who developed a revolutionary approach to psychotherapy based on meaning as a motivational force, while he endured years of unspeakable horror in Nazi death camps!
This is good news! For now, it might rankle as you might have dug yourself into a hole but in the end, this means you can create whatever you want. This means you start now, regardless of the pandemic. It doesn’t cost anything to own yourself…
It doesn’t cost anything to do basic self-care to change your state and how you feel… It doesn’t cost anything to make healthier choices. It doesn’t cost anything to have great supportive and empowering habits… Stop with the excuses!
If you are struggling to the point where you can’t function, have been moping around and laying around, can’t make good decisions, and the like, then it’s impressive that you are even reading this. You get a gold star. And, this tells me you can start taking better care of yourself, just saying… Start really small.
Do get additional support if the struggle is really great. Why suffer unnecessarily? And, if it’s a financial thing – there is plenty of free content and support out there… And, if you can’t bring yourself to find and engage in these, ask a loved one to help you… Start somewhere…
The key is to not let the world chaos dictate our life but to find internal peace and operate from such instead… This we have control over… This is what makes the difference… I promise!
If you have been thinking, We are in this lock-down, everything is closed, there is nothing to be done and you are waiting for things to reopen and “go back to normal”, I have news for you, you are shooting yourself on the foot.
Stop this thinking immediately. This does not serve you. YOUR LIFE IS NOT ON PAUSE! This is an opportunity to Reconnect, Redefine, Recalibrate, to Reset… To course correct… Your life, as is everyone else’s and the world at large, is going through what I’ve been calling a necessary deconstruction to Reconstruct.
If you are snoozing, are on pause, or are white-knuckling through this, you are missing out on the opportunity… You are making things worse for yourself. For once the lockdown is lifted and we go back to what will be a New Normal, you won’t be ready for it…
You won’t have made the necessary adjustments and have experienced the growth needed to Thrive in the New World. You’ll continue to have a struggle, or just go back to things as usual without the ability to do better… This will absolutely suck if you allow this to happen, please don’t.
If you are just waiting to “go back”, you are missing out on the growth and development you are supposed to have… You are missing out on making the changes you are supposed to make in your life anyway… You are missing out on seeing the opportunities to innovate and serve through this crisis and in the New World… You are missing out on tapping into your purpose and living a more meaningful life…. You are missing out on Living…
Listen to or read inspirational and motivational content
Clean and declutter your environment, organize your home, tackle overdue projects and tasks
Pursue a hobby or interest; stay social by creating and attending virtual gatherings and staying in touch with loved ones
Spread positivity with praise, compliments, appreciation, acknowledgement, shifting to higher level conversations…
Brainstorm and innovate to address an issue or serve better at work or in your business
Take advantage of this opportunity to shift… This is what you’ve been waiting for… If you miss this message, sign, chance, then gosh, not sure what you need to wake up. This is the 2×4, this is it!
Here are prior related Blog posts for quick reference, for you to grab what fits your current state and help you shift…
ASSIGNMENT: Oh boy, isn’t this fun?! I love playing with creating and developing new Habits. I wish this for you as well as it makes a massive difference on how you feel and how you do… Pick one unhealthy habit you commit to letting go and a healthy one you commit to integrating into your daily routine that you’ll do instead.
Be compassionate and gentle with yourself, but don’t enable yourself to fall off… Don’t allow yourself to get too far off course in the face of obstacles or after you got in your own way… Get back on it, and keep course correcting…
You have a chance to shift into your better life… How often are we faced with such a colossal opportunity? Will you jump on it, or will you stay behind? It is up to you…
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Shifting!
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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