Here is the thing, a lot of people don’t know how to be High Performers, the Masters of their lives. Most people don’t know how to create the most from their lives by increasing productivity, creativity, peacefulness, joy, love and connection… They don’t know how to stay healthy, have increased vitality, and feel amazing most of the time… Actually, they might know but haven’t learned the self-discipline to pursue this with gusto for great results…
I know self-discipline can be challenging, especially when we have a lot going on. It can take insurmountable amounts of willpower when we might already be in a depleted state. This is when we end up feeling stuck, hopeless, depressed, anxious and other goodies.
The key is not to push yourself, beat yourself, shame yourself, or numb yourself… The key is to show up better with less effort!
When we think about our Best Life and then compare it to our current life, this might feel discouraging…
The first step is to own where we are at. A lot of times we get stuck, spin our wheels, and get paralyzed in confusion because we are living with our head in the sand… If we don’t know where we stand, how do we know where to start to get to where we are going? What’s worse, some don’t even know where they are going! What kind of life is this?
If we don’t know where we stand and we don’t know where we are going, how are we create an amazing life…? For what are we striving for? Where is the purpose? Where is the life built by design? How do we create our Masterpiece?
An unowned life doesn’t make sense… Not for nothing this doesn’t feel so good…
So, let’s start by owning the starting point. This is not going to feel so good at first either for it’ll be obvious how much things are not going as you’d prefer, and you created these results so far… But you know what, it’s ok to feel like crap about this because it is crap. Just don’t beat yourself up over it as you didn’t know any better, or couldn’t do any better with who you were then…
See that’s the trick, to create a better version of your life the better version of you needs to come out to play… Your job is to Become your Best Self, for this is how you create your Best Life. Take that to the bank! LOL
…Sit with being extremely unhappy with what you created so far, feel uncomfortable, feel the unease, feel the pain, feel the anger… Sit in the gap… For that’s all it actually is… (Smile. We’ll crack this!)
The next step is to forgive yourself, and never blame those around you…, for what’s happened so far… Start clearing and letting go… Cleanse…
Keep on clearing – get rid of anything you are tolerating… Anything that doesn’t float your boat. Anything that’s an aggravation, inefficient, painful, torturous, a joy kill, etc… This is a great Summer Project by the way.
Feel the feelings that come up, and address the reactions, from yourself and others, as they come up… Don’t push stuff down, shrug it off, dismiss it or keep tolerating it. It’s time to uplevel!
This is probably the most important step. If you give up too quickly or numb yourself through the process…, you won’t get over the hump. You haven’t achieved the tipping point… Keep going. Be present, be persistent, be consistent, stay the course… It pays off, I promise.
Finally, as you go through this, make sure you are super kind, gentle, tender and loving towards yourself… Have compassion for your old self… Appreciate all it was capable of doing and being with the limited resources it had… Now, looking back give yourself credit for all the awesomeness created so far. Pat yourself on the back and give yourself a gold star!
This is a powerful exercise in allowing You 2.0 to emerge and come out to play. In allowing yourself to Become your Best Self… This is so good…
Now there is room for the new… Now you get to show up differently, not white-knuckling and drawing for self-discipline… Now there is room for more energy, for flow, for new Habits. This is how you become a High Performer and the Master of your life!
ASSIGNMENT: Decide you want to make a shift and Become the Master of your life. Decide you want to create your Best Life!
Step1- Own where you are at: Take stock of all main areas of your life and rate them as to how satisfied you are in each. Be truthful!
Step2- Forgive yourself for the status quo: Feel the sucky feeling that comes with the reality of things…
Step3- Be kind and compassionate to yourself: Give yourself credit for how far you’ve come with what you had
Step4- Become the Master of your life, create your Best Life: Create new/better Wellness, Connection and Success Habits!
Taking charge, shifting, transforming and creating your Best Life doesn’t have to be impossible. It can be a little challenging, but then so worth it in the end… Take on the challenge and start creating awesomeness today!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
What positive and healthy tactics have you embraced recently that are having a good impact on you? That are allowing you to be your Best Self?
As you might know, when we show up with the best version of ourselves, we can conquer anything… This includes creating our radiant, authentic and successful relationship.
What does showing-up with our Best Self mean? It means we embrace a Relationship Enrichment approach, we:
Set empowering effective boundaries so we honor ourselves and don’t get in each other’s way
Fully own ourselves in all we do so we build trust with ourselves and our partner
Mind our lens and perspectives so we look at our partner as our ally and not the enemy
Rewrite old running scripts so we don’t enact self-fulfilling prophecies and confirmation biases
Address limiting believes so we Become, individually and together, all we desire
Embrace a growth mindset so we consistently evolve toward our full potential
Are life learners so we consistently upgrade our skills, tactics, tools, resources and know-how
Use the skills and tools we have so we get along with our partner and properly shower them with love
Moderate our feelings, self-regulate, and self-soothe so we remain available for positive interactions
Meet our needs and address unresolved past issues so we prevent power struggles and recurring dissatisfying patterns
Be mindful of meeting our partner’s needs and giving them love in their love language so we touch their heart
Operate purposefully and intentionally so we properly take care of ourselves and care for our partner
Participate in a rich self-care practice so we consistently connect with ourselves and don’t depend on receiving attention from others
Build courage and vulnerability so we are able to pursue deep connection and intimacy
Apply relationship nurturing tactics on an ongoing basis so we stay fresh and crisis free
Exercise understanding, compassion, giving grace, and letting go so we can have smoother, more rewarding and more meaningful interactions
Close any exits and change unhealthy habits so we protect our bond and energy and tap into our synergy
Create proactive routines and rituals so we create a harmonious and joyful home
Establish efficient systems so we can easily collaborate and our home runs like a well-oiled machine
Dream our big dream and pursue it with gusto so we ongoingly show up with vibrancy, enthusiasm, and passion
This is personal-relational work you can do to enrich your relationship and create the relationship you desire. This is work you can do by yourself or you can invite your partner to do with you. But note, you both do your own work regardless, alone or together…
There is immense beauty in doing it together as you see how the pieces of the puzzle fit together, you see the synchronicity around the patterns, and you can see your dynamics more clearly. You also get to experience deeper levels of understanding, compassion, connection and intimacy. But, when one partner is resistant or more laidback about the work, the other can totally do their side and still create a shift in the relationship…
So, no more excuses. If you want an amazing relationship, you do the work! If your partner joins in even better, but not required…
ASSIGNMENT: Select a personal-relational tactic to embrace and integrate into your life to start creating the relationship you desire.
Communication / Alignment – Improving communication and getting on the same page (deescalating fights, resolving conflict, detailed communication protocols) – Tired of fighting without resolution?
Clarity / Dynamics – Changing patterns, getting needs met, resolving recurring issues (self-healing and growing, self-reprogramming, self-regulating) – Tired of the same old issue?
Connection / Intimacy – Increasing connection, intimacy and fun (feeling connected, rekindling desire, dating each other) – Tired of feeling disconnected?
Collaboration / Partnership – Creating a strong partnership (synchronizing, sharing the load, creating your dream home, relationship and life) – Tired of feeling overwhelmed?
Step 1 – Select the type or element that resonates the most, identify the related tactics and choose one to focus on
Step 2 – Play with that tactic till it feels like second nature. You can create a Habit (repeatable behavior) of it to more easily integrate into your repertoire…
As you can see you are not at the mercy of your partner and their wish to improve the relationship or not. You have all the control and power needed to create the changes you want…
The choice is yours. You can continue to put up with dissatisfactions, annoyances, triggers and a mediocre relationship, or you can create the relationship you desire, alone or together. Regardless, it can be done!
Here is to creating your radiant, authentic and successful relationship!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Creating!
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Does it feel like we are turning a leaf to you? It feels like that to me, so grateful, though we are still dealing with significant restrictions around here.
I know some are feeling burnt out with all pandemic related topics and impact.
I know some are enjoying aspects of the temporary new normal.
I know some are still getting their bearings as this thing threw them for a loop.
I know some days are better than others.
I know most are wondering what the future brings…
Regardless of where you are, and you have your own spectrum, it’s all good. It’s part of your own Journey… As I’ve been writing, the key is to find the good in this for you and how to make that work even better for you…
Do you miss in-person contact? I’m sure you do.
Do you miss getting about? I’m sure you do.
Do you miss not having access to things that make life richer and easier? I’m sure you do.
Is the amount of screen-time zapping your energy? I’m sure it is.
Just like I’m sure you miss other things as well. Or worse, you’ve been impacted in more significant ways. Yes, this thing has not been easy.
But are you going to let it define your existence? Are you going to let it kick you in the teeth? It doesn’t have to. Things happen, we survive them, we even become better because of them. That’s the Human Experience we signed up for! This is the point…
So, our batch of experiences included 911, the market crash of ‘08, the pandemic of 2020 to name a few, and who knows what else is in store for us. Not claiming to enjoy crisis, but hey they give us life content to work with…
What are you doing with your experience? You don’t have to be the next Elon Musk, Bill Gates, and such people that revolutionize the world (all politics aside). Though you can be if that is what’s burning in you. I’m talking much simpler than that. I’m talking about you becoming your better you through this… You 2.0. Taking this opportunity to up your game…
You don’t have to tackle that massive project you’ve been putting off.
You don’t have to declutter your whole house.
You don’t have to do, whatever you think you have to do, that you don’t want to do… LOL
This is not about doing… I think the more enthusiastic among us might be getting this confused…
This is about Becoming… This is about how we show up differently, how we lead differently, how we create, and co-create, differently…
This is about starting again differently. For those of you dying to go back, please stop that! We do not want to go back!
We want to reStart… We want to go into a New Normal that is better than what we were doing before… This is the whole point… This is the reset button you’ve been waiting for, even if you didn’t know it… So, don’t miss it…
I’d really hate to see people throw away this opportunity to Be in their lives differently… To learn better Self-Mastery…
I’d love to see you be who you’ve longed to Be…
Feeling your feelings and being your full authentic self because of them… To not depend on any numbing…
Meditating or embracing a Quiet/Silence Practice, or some other form of mindfulness, if you believe meditation is not for you.
Owning your calendar and your time. Learning how to flow in your days with ease, joy, love and great results in all you put your mind to.
Expanding your self-care practice. If you still think you don’t have time, I challenge you to clean this script… Make the time! The same goes for the interests, the hobbies, the relaxation, the leisure, and like we call it in our house, the “lazy time”.
Trimming and honing your socializing with whom and on what inspires you. We are now in-touch, and long-distant-in-touch to boot, more than ever before!
Designing and creating a new lifestyle that honors and serves you. That flows from your values, priority, goals and mission… Then bringing this with you into the reopening, into your New Normal…
This is your chance to set up what you want…
This is your chance to influence and impact…
This is your chance to course correct, pivot, or just align more…
I implore you to take on this perspective and don’t merely survive this pandemic and this shutdown…
ASSIGNMENT: Let’s get a grip and start creating what we want and how we want to be!
~~ Select 3 areas you want to focus on decoding and mastering, i.e.:
Wellness
Relationship(s)
Finances
~~ Select 1 tactic for each that you’ll integrate now into your lifestyle, i.e.:
Wellness – meditating, journaling, taking supplements, exercising, eating low carb and intermittent fasting, doing skin care regimen, keeping a gratitude ledger
Relationship(s) – starting the day aligned, staying in touch, connecting for lunch, doing the little things, having intentional dinner, being courteous and mindful, doing Appreciations, having a nighttime ritual, planning fun dates
Finances – knowing your numbers, staying current, having a place for important documents and sharing access, having clear goals, having a debt reduction strategy, having a savings system, having an investment partnership
~~ Schedule an action for each into your calendar now! Then keep taking actions to master that tactic. Move on to another one once the first is completed or integrated.
And, this is how you design and create the life you want and how you want to show up now that you can bring into your New Normal…
It doesn’t have to be complicated. New us 2.0, innovating for the future, and other such lingo can sound overwhelming… But all we are looking to do, is what we were supposedly always trying to do – have our Best Life!
It doesn’t have to be about creating a new world out there. It totally has to be about creating a New World with us…
Here are recent Blog posts for quick reference, for you to grab what fits your current state and situation…
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Becoming!
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
I’m hearing a whole range of experiences from people, depending on who they are, where they are and how much of an impact the lockdown had in their life for starters. Just know that whatever your version is, whether you are bogging out, are having a reaction, or are feeling guilty for being fine, it’s ok and you are not alone…
We are all on our own Journey, and this includes what we make of and take away from this Pandemic…
This is a collective experience that will have a long-lasting effect… We don’t know what that will look like yet, but we are beginning to experience the shifts already…
> Most have been dealing with the immediacy of the lockdown.
> Some are thinking of the longer-term impact.
> A few are thinking, What is the bigger picture here? What is the larger global and humanistic impact? What is the longer-longer-term impact? What are we deconstructing…? How do we reconstruct better…?
I notice that the type of thinking and focus people allow themselves determines how they feel, how they show up, and how they embrace the good of this situation… And, yes, there is good!
I challenge you to embrace a personal development approach, to entertain different perspectives, to engage in progressive conversations… To stretch yourself. To ask poignant questions. To shift your focus. To take charge of your wellbeing and your influence… To own your power, your gifts, your impact. We all have these… You have these also!
How? One way is to think of this situation as traumatic… It has been traumatic in a global scale, albeit to different degrees for different people but non-the-less traumatic… This is a good thing. Because once you get in touch with your trauma, then you have the option to experience your Post Traumatic Growth.
Post Traumatic Growth is learning to deal with the impact, manage what comes of it, and do better because-of it, not in-spite-of it…
Let me repeat that: You will do better ~ Evolve ~ because-of it, not in-spite-of it…
Note, in-spite-of implies victimhood… Whereas Because-of implies an opportunity, a Gift… Everything in our life happens For us, not To us. We are all on a Journey…
You experienced the Pandemic and lockdown just how you needed to experience it for your own Evolution… Don’t shoot the messenger! I’m sorry, if you are offended by that… But, please see what is true about that for you… This is where you’ll find your growth opportunity, your chance for the better… Don’t miss out on the gift!
Are you one of the Most, one of the Some or one of the Few? The choice is yours…
So, what are you making of your Pandemic Experience? How are you Evolving because-of it, how are you evolving during this? How is that impacting how you show up to your life? How is that impacting what you create in your life? How is that impacting how you design and create your life? What will you be doing differently in the New World?
Isn’t this line of thinking so super exciting? This is where you create your juice! I always get compliments on my energy and how energetic I am… I’m always asked how I do it. I have a bunch of tactics up my sleeve, but minding my perspective and approach is a powerful one…
ASSIGNMENT: Embrace the built-in opportunity to up-level your life because-of the current situation…
-Pay attention to what you have been struggling with during the lockdown… (i.e., feeling overwhelmed, stressed and anxious)
-Translate the struggle into your growth opportunity… (i.e., owning self more)
-Choose a tactic to help you address this opportunity… (i.e., improve self-management)
-Create a repeatable action from it and integrate it into your daily routine… (i.e., get grounded and in control with a brain-dump at the end of the day and then planning the next day)
-Monitor your progress – Are you sticking to your daily action? How many out of 7 do you have each week? Keep increasing that number…
Enjoy the Evolution!
When people are faced with other’s position on having a Productive Pandemic, they feel intimidated and coward. This approach and perspective does not have to be intimidating. It’s not about you taking on the world and changing it by tomorrow.
It does have to do with you doing You well. It has to do you still properly showing up to your life. And, it has to do with you seeing any inherit benefits in the situation and milking them for what they have to offer…
Don’t feel intimidated and stick to binging on Netflix. All you have to do is make a commitment to having a growth mindset and growing/evolving one tiny bit at a time. You can do it!!
Here are recent Blog posts for quick reference, for you to grab what fits your current state and situation…
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Evolving!
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
We are slowly starting the reopening and easing up on the lockdown. Different areas have had different levels of lockdown, and people have taken it seriously to different degrees.
Regardless, it’s been a long haul already managing the restrictions and their impact, and looking into what this means going forward as this pandemic won’t be over any time soon… Is the reality of the longevity of this hitting you hard? You are certainly not alone! People are fatigued, but we can combat this!
First, let’s understand what the fatigue is about. It has to do with:
Being in a completely different daily environment/context than our usual (being locked-in with loved ones ongoingly without respite)
Creating and managing a different daily routine and workflow (adjusting to our days being different than the usual with all the new intricacies of restrictions to boot)
Learning how to do our tasks in a completely different way (learning, working and managing life solely online)
Having less support, amenities and services (having to do without childcare, cleaning and other services, personal care services and the like)
Mitigating the current responsibilities to others, financial and otherwise (carrying expenses in the face of less income or revenue, having sick family members to tend to, having larger responsibilities at work, and so on)
Taking care of our health if we get or are sick on top of everything else (feeling unwell or getting really sick where priorities totally need to shift)
Experiencing trauma, loss and grief (getting triggered, losing loved ones, missing out on life milestones and celebrations)
Having limited social and other interactions (having less opportunities for connecting outside our inner circle and having additional contact)
Missing out on activities, events, outings and the like (being limited in our repertoire and opportunities to refresh ourselves and savor life)
Dealing with the unknown, the uncertainty and being ready for what the future might bring (questioning ongoingly what’s up and what’s next, not knowing what to do or how to carry on)
Phew! Well not for nothing! And, you might even have other stuff in your life to add to this list. Feeling fatigued totally makes sense. I’d like to give you a gold star for hanging in there to the extent that you have. Yes, it is hard, and it makes sense you are tired.
But, at the end of the day how you come out of this pandemic is really up to you, regardless of the struggles and challenges. What you choose to focus on is up to you… How you end up feeling is up to you… How you choose to show up is up to you… What you choose to do about anything is up to you… Watch the thoughts that might trip you up and not let you fully take this in and embrace it!
Second, what do you do?
It’s time to take the bull by the horns and take charge of your life. Even though it makes sense to feel fatigued, at the end of the day it doesn’t have to kick your butt! It actually doesn’t have to feel so bad… For starters:
Don’t stack your thoughts against yourself, others, the situation – what you allow yourself to think will perpetuate whatever feelings you are feeling. Don’t think ugh, gloom and doom, disaster and worst-case scenarios. Focus instead on what is a lesson for you, what is your growth place, what opportunity this creates, how can you serve better, and the like…
Think on how you want to Be… How are you Being that way already and how you can be that way more…
Think on what you want to do the rest of the year… What philosophy will you embrace and how will you run your life accordingly?
Approaching life from this angle is more empowering and relieves the stress and fatigue. It actually is inspiring and motivating… I promise.
The key is to want to feel better. Sometimes we just love to wallow in self-pity… We love to whine, complain and entertain conspiracy theories. Listen, regardless of what is going on out there, you are in charge of what is going on in your mind… For that is where the perspective, feelings and decisions are generated, and actually where life is created…
ASSIGNMENT: Decide to feel better, take charge of your mind, take charge of your life…
Make a list of all the thoughts and scripts running through your mind, check them for logical validity and clean them up…
Decide what values you want to live by and how you want to show up. Clean up parts of your routine that get in the way of this.
Choose what is one accomplishment you want to have under your belt during the lockdown, and then one for the rest of the year. Focus on accomplishing the goals, share it with loved ones to infuse it with good mojo. The rest of the to-dos are secondary… Prioritize accordingly.
That’s it. Don’t over think it. Don’t over complicate it. You can create what you want. Set your mind to it and do it.
When you simplify your approach and shift your focus, you feel much better… You’ll be able to replenish, build community and enrich your life easier even under restrictions… You can do it!
Here are recent Blog posts for quick reference, for you to grab what fits your current state and situation…
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Recharging!
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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