It is common for couples to be opposites also in their sexual styles! Like it’s not enough for the partners to be opposite in everything else… As we know opposites attract and this is one of the reasons partners appear to be so different from each other… This is not a bad thing, there are actually a host of benefits in being so different (opposite) from our partner… Though this might make couples feel they are not compatible, compatibility has nothing to do with the things the partners like to do… Real comparability goes way beyond that. Having different interests and liking different things is just something to manage, and this includes different sexual styles…
Sexual styles influence the partners’ expectations about their sex life, are the drivers behind their sexuality, and are a part of the filter for their sexual experience.
When the partners don’t identify their sexual styles and don’t intentionally work with them, they find themselves in a misalignment and out of sync. This fuels what we already know areculprits to low intimacy… Leaving the partners further struggling for joint pleasure, connection, and love…
But as with everything relationship, this doesn’t have to break your relationship… There is a way to get on the same page and create a mutually satisfying and terrific sex life with your partner regardless of your differences, and other intimacy concerns…
In today’s podcast episode I’m excited to have a very informative and reassuring conversation with Deborah Fox, Sex Therapist, about how conditioning and other factors affect libido and desire, how partners are usually also opposite in sexuality styles and what to do about it, reasons for difficulties with female orgasms and male erectile dysfunction and how to address them, the truth about sexual satisfaction when couples have been together a long time and in older couples, and how to maintain a healthy sexual relationship to ensure a mutually satisfying sex life… This is an episode not to be missed!
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
How much do you love Valentine’s Day? That’s a tricky question, posed as an invitation for you to think about Relationship Nurturing… Regardless of how you feel about the holiday, and regardless of the status of your relationship…, I encourage you to use it to earmark a moment to step it up in the love department in your relationship…
For you see any excuse to be nicer, more generous, more nurturing, more wooing should be an automatic, Yes. This is how you uplevel your relationship by delighting your partner…
I obviously agree that this should not just be left for Valentine’s Day… Let me offer my yearly disclaimer and then we can get to delighting your partner. 😉
Part of what makes good relationships great, is the extra mile the partners go to for their partner… This is beyond the business of life… They are willing to put in the time, to give the attention, to create the fun and funny memories, to create traditions, to do special gestures outside of the routine, to create special moments that highlight what is important.
Celebrating birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day and the rest of the holidays by adding something special for your partner shows your partner they are your person… Your partner should not be treated like everybody else and obviously not worse, which unfortunately happens too often…
So- Valentine’s Day is just another opportunity to do something special for your partner. Ok? Ok.
And hey, I get that figuring out what to do for fun, what to do for Date Night, and how to woo your partner for Valentine’s Day and otherwise can leave most partners at a loss. Delighting your partner can be such a pleasure for them and for you…
Let me show you how to be Delighting…
Delighting Your Partner
Delighting your partner has to do with doing gestures that touch their heart. Plain and simple. We can go completely out of our way to do something for our partner but if they don’t want it, like it or appreciate it, we are just wasting our time.
It is very easy for us to think of what is best for our partner and to think we know what they need, according to us. But most of the time when we are coming from this place, we are just in their circle (owning them, crossing boundaries, codependently caretaking) and not really being delighting…
The key to Delighting our partner has to do with giving them what they would like because they’ve told us or from what we know about them (not from a caretaking place). If getting the nuance here is challenging, refer toother boundary setting and ownership work.
Even after that distinction it might still be challenging to think of how, and to keep things fresh and interesting.
Some ways to help you come up with ideas is to use your partner’s:
• Practical Needs • Emotional Needs • Love Language • Interests • Idiosyncrasies • Desires • Dreams
You can generate a list of gifts, gestures, activities, and more for each item listed to prime yourself and get the creative juices going. Don’t limit yourself to what you come up with, let this serve as an inspiration and a tickler to generate additional ideas…
Be always on the lookout for what might tickle your partner’s heart.
You don’t have to torture yourself to be super creative and think outside the box for the most special gift ever and the most romantical outing ever. LOL
The key to Delighting your partner is to know your partner and do the things that pleases them…
Other Categories
You can come up with as many other categories as you’d like, and then flesh them out for specific Delighting gestures… For example:
Routine & Sustenance Related – On a recurring basis as a ritual or spontaneously as a treat, do anything from this list or your version of them for your partner
• Breakfast in bed • Morning coffee • Workout shake • Green smoothie or juice • Cut up or baked vegetables for snacking • Salad or other healthy lunch • Healthy midafternoon snack or treat • Flavored tea • Favorite dinner • Decadent dessert
Romancing & Wooing Related – On an ongoing basis, for special occasions, or just because, use these romantical and wooing gestures and activities or your version of them towards your partner (We have a few vendors we like, check them out Here!)
• Fresh flowers bouquets, wreaths, plants • Perfumes, candles, essential oils • Handcrafted chocolates or other delicacies, novelty, or decadent treats • Tickets to events or activities • Gags and pranks • Couple classes (i.e., flower arrangements, cooking, chocolate making, dancing) • Other experiences (i.e., massage and body ritual, food and wine tasting, driving experience) • Being in nature (i.e., hiking, camping, stargazing, fruit picking) • Relationship scrapbooking or music playlisting • Sexy toys, clothing, activities
Delighting your partner doesn’t have to stump you. Just take a moment to don your generous, nurturing and playful vibes and give it a think.
Watch the video for inspiration on embracing Delighting Your Partner… Enjoy!
APPLICATION: Decide to embrace a Relationship Nurturing Practice that includes Delighting Your Partner…
1. Select or identify a Delighting Category you’ll play with this month 2. Flesh out what kind of gestures, activities, and gifting it might include 3. Map out your delivery of this deliciousness throughout the month
Have fun Delighting your partner!
Now think what would happen to your relationship if you did this every month… How is that for a challenge, will you accept it?
Remember, that to have an amazing relationship means, we have to create an amazing relationship… Here is to yours!
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Masterclasses
🌟 This month’s Masterclass
Relationship Enrichment Mini Retreat- Connect More Deeply, Rekindle Your Love Keeping the love alive is not easy. Relationship slumps are common, but they don’t have to do you in.
Come learn how to recharge your relationship and rekindle your love. Includes Recording and gorgeous Workbook of transformational processes Register HERE
🌟 If you missed the embracing a Self-Love Practice Masterclass, you can still get it through our Member Center with a Lifestyle Membership!
A Self-Love Strategy for Creating Your Best Life- Stop Self-Sabotage, Increase Resilience, and Generate More Joy
Includes Recording and gorgeous Workbook of transformational processes Enroll HERE
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
Happy Love Month! This is when things can begin to look up. It is up to us to grab the possible new vibe… It is up to us to create a new vibe… Will you continue to feel exhausted, burnt out, unmotivated and blah?
Or will you replenish yourself with a rich Self-Love Practice and set the right tune for the year? Will you generate lovely notes to fill your heart and share it with others? Will you be open to giving and receiving more love in your relationship? Connection Habits help enhance or rekindle love…
Partners operate as if once they have a commitment from each other that the relationship box can be checked off.
Because we finally found our Soulmate (our best possible match for us now with all the potential in the universe), it doesn’t mean that we can now move on to other projects or life endeavors…
This is the furthest thing from what we should be doing (yes, I’m using the word should– that’s how important this is!). If we don’t make a commitment to be fully invested in our relationship from now till we choose otherwise, we won’t have a choice about it eventually… If we don’t invest in our relationship, if we don’t nurture it, it could get so bad we’d be running for the hills, or living a very unhappy life…
Our relationship is like a garden, if we don’t water it, it withers and dies…
Most partners have no clue how to Nurture their relationship, especially if they are struggling or going through a slump. Nurturing our relationship doesn’t have to be this illusive concept and challenging effort…
The easiest way to strengthen your bond, deepen your connection, and enhance or rekindle your love is through Connection Habits.
Connection Habits
When partners think about how to improve or uplevel their relationship, they often find themselves at a loss.
There are many factors at play in our relationship that make it challenging for us to figure out where to start to make things better… A lot of times our efforts are Band-Aids on dirty wounds. Even the best of intentions are taken the wrong way and do more harm than good. But this is not as hopeless as it seems. The key is to first plant a flag to stop spinning, and then go from there.
What is this flag? This has to do with having a Relationship Enrichment Mindset™… If our mindset is messed up about our relationship (or relationships in general!) and about our partner, we are starting off on the wrong foot. Therefore, the best thing to do is to address our mindset…
With an upgraded relationship mindset, the universe is the limit!
Your Bond is the Essence of your relationship. This is what makes you feel like you are in a relationship, that you belong, that you are not alone, that somebody has your back, that you are a Partnership.
Connection Habits in this area have to do things like staying in touch, checking-in, sharing, debriefing, doing caring or caretaking activities.
II. Connection Habits for Deepening Your Connection
After a while relationships tend to go south or flat if the partners have not intentionally addressed concerns and patterns and if they haven’t nurtured each other and the relationship. It is very easy to feel disconnected from our partner. We might go through the basic motions of being in a relationship, but if the interactions remain superficial based on the mundane we start to feel less connected…
Connection Habits in this area have to do with having deeper and more meaningful interactions like processing triggers, discussing life, sharing desires, wishes, dreams, developing traditions, having planning sessions
III. Connection Habits for Enhancing or Rekindling Your Love
If we neglect the relationship and our partner, the love does fade away (sorry, don’t shoot the messenger!)… Love is a verb, it is not a noun… When we are not loving we can’t feel love… For us to feel the love for our partner, we have to cultivate it. The more we cultivate the more we harvest… This is also true for if you are not feeling romantic love for your partner or if you believe you “fell out of love”…
Connection Habits in this area have to do with doing the loving, wooing, and charming gestures that are fun or romantic, spark joy, create memories, have a ritualistic aspect, touches the other’s heart, makes the other feel special and cherished…
We can easily stay on a path to creating a successful relationship and epic love with our partner by intentionally and systematically being nurturing with Connection Habits…
Watch the video for inspiration on establishing Connection Habits… Enjoy!
APPLICATION: This Month of Love step up your game nurturing your relationship and your partner.
💗Depending on the current state or feel of your relationship, decide where your relationship could use an infusion of Connection Habits:
• Strengthening Your Bond • Deepening Your Connection • Enhancing or Rekindling your Love
You can add one habit per category for a balanced approach, or focus on one of the categories with more habits to really upgrade that area.
💗Decide what kind of feelings you’d like to feel and what kind of feel you’d like the relationship to have, and design your habit/s with the intention of generating those feelings.
💗Integrate the habit/s into your daily, weekly, monthly routines to automate nurturing your relationship…
Have fun design and integrating habits that tickle your hearts!
It doesn’t have to take work to nurture your relationship and show your partner love. Implementing a Connection Habits Tactic takes all the effort out of creating a loving and joyous relationship!
Here is to much connection and love this month and the rest of the year!
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: If you missed the Self-Love Masterclass, you can still get it through our Member Center with a Lifestyle Membership!
A Self-Love Strategy for Creating Your Best Life Stop Self-Sabotage, Increase Resilience, and Generate More Joy Includes Recording and gorgeous Workbook of transformational processes Enroll HERE
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
It’s interesting that we seek “togetherness” in our relationship, but this is exactly what brings about its demise and our general unhappiness … As a culture, we are experiencing numbness, a lack of Desire in our Relationship … Monogamy, exclusivity, our partner-meeting-all-our-needs, marriage for love is a fairly new phenomenon in our society, a conundrum actually.
We set up the institution of marriage to fail by bringing our archaic Being into it. Our un-evolved, wounded, low frequency, disowned Self has the prime directive to feel safe through attachment, and therefore approaches “togetherness” with a reactive balancing act of clinging and distancing for self preservation …
This is an Ego approach to togetherness, relationship, and marriage which creates physical and energetic space, distance and disconnect.
All while remaining psychically fused, enmeshed, symbiotic, codependent, “together” … The death of actual intimacy, excitement and Aliveness …
Our culture’s obsession with individualism, independence and autonomy creates attachment rupture early in life and then tops this injury with inadequate launching of its young breeding the Ego approach to life and relationships and preserving the underdeveloped psyche, Self.
As a result, we buy into the illusion of being “separate” (individual) and attempting to be “together” (close) when the opposite is true. We are fused and distant perpetuating disconnect, detachment, indifference, paralyses, dissatisfaction, stuckness, ambivalence, and apathy. Definitely not Desire and Aliveness …
We mean well. We have the right idea, to pursue togetherness (intimacy, closeness) while remaining separate (individual) but we are going about this all wrong. Our unmet emotional needs prompt us to seek “togetherness” through the clinging and distancing pattern we all know too well eternalizing the status quo with its continuous recreation of rapture and disregulation.
Our psychic investment in getting our emotional needs met tromps our ability to be effectively separate creating a missing the forest for the tree syndrome …
This proximity prevents us from seeing our Partner, from knowing them for who they truly are and vise versa. This proximity prevents us from genuinely showing up, from being who we are … It robs us of the opportunity to see the Man or Woman behind the label (boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband, mother, father); to be the Man or Woman behind the label …
There is no faster way to kill Desire than by playing our everyday roles … They are familial, domestic, routine and restrictive. They are not sexy!
Further more, this level of “proximity,” trying to get our emotional intimacy needs met and following societal definitions of our prescribed roles, thwarts curiosity, mystery, and longing elemental to Desire. So, not only do we not get to see our partner, we also don’t get to miss our partner… And, we don’t even know what we might be missing! We just stew stubbornly in our unhappiness …
The key is to ride the uncomfortable edge, to straddle the line between closeness and space, with mindfulness, respectfulness, receptiveness, acceptance, openness, flexibility, compassion, forgiveness, humanity, responsiveness and progressiveness …
No longer be me- or other-focused, just Be. Bring your Self to the in-between … Expand the in-between, Play there … Now this is sexy! This unleashes Attraction, Desire, Passion, Aliveness … And, in this space you are One … Remember to look for the MetroRelationship ™ Assignment below to assist you effortlessly make changes and immediately start experiencing the relationship you want!
Happy Playing!!
~ Your MetroRelationship ™ Assignment
What makes you You? What is unique and beautiful about you? What are your interests? What grabs your attention? What’s your philosophy in life? How is your lens different? How does this manifest in your surroundings, opportunities, relationships and how you carry your Self? How do you show this to your partner? Do you show this to your partner? Does your partner get to see you? Make two “moves” that will allow your partner to see you …
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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