It is very easy to neglect our relationship and our partner, if we are not intentional about showing love, giving care, and investing in all the enriching ways… We live in a world where work is the priority… We spend more time working than we do taking care of our personal life and sharing time with our loved ones… The grind and the rat race are still very much alive. I had hoped that the pandemic would have made a larger impact in this regard. But old habits, social constructs and a deeply ingrained systems will obviously require a more sustained, compassionate, and cooperative approach to change… In the meantime, it is up to us to safeguard our bond and our relationship from the onslaught of life’s demands…
It is up to us to make a concerted effort, investment, in prioritizing our partner and our relationship. When we are not intentional the tentacles of chaos and other demands have free reign to reach into every crevice with an ounce of energy and snatch it up… Because of our programming and because of the world we live in, we allow this to happen. Other things appear more important in the moment to moment, until we are zapped and have nothing else to give.
But making a conscious and intentional decision to set up our routines, days, weeks, and months in a ways that build in the space, the time, the energy conservation, and mechanisms for having time for each other, for being resourced, for being present and available, and for being conscious and attuned, allows us to really be in relationship and enjoy our connection.
Going about our life and our relationship this way, allows for the Us to not only survive, but also thrive… It allows us to focus on what is important and to have the time and the energy for it. And, most importantly, it doesn’t allow for the rest of life to get in the way and wreak havoc.
When we do this reset and Alignment, we tap into the synergy inherent in our relationshipand are then better able to utilize it as the Life Partnership it is meant to be. It is our rock, our haven, our source of joy and so much more. It elevates it to its rightful place from which we can draw what we need to have our amazing life adventure and best Human Experience…
Embracing this relationship enrichment mindset and approach ensures our love is protected, nurtured, expanded, and everlasting… This is the abundance available to us if we just tune in and choose our partner everyday…
Being aware of how our current reality sets us up for the grind and disconnect, and how our systems reinforce separateness, competition, and lack, allows us to make different choices than if we blindly go along. And being proactive about collaborating in not allowing the machine to win, while being compassionate to those still under its spell, makes for an easier transition into more harmonious and joyful living.
Together we can conquer all…
In today’s episode, I have an enlightening and informative conversation with Dr. Jeffrey Dunne about the concept of interconnectedness, unity consciousness, and implications for a more harmonious and loving relationship and a more sustainable future…
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
As the Love Month is coming to an end, our attention is now to focus on carrying on with the love theme… As being kind, loving and romantic for one month out of the year just won’t cut it…
To create an amazing relationship, we must be amazing partners… It is common to get sidetracked with the business of life and to neglect, or lose focus on, our partner and our relationship. Let’s set ourselves up to change this as our relationship is the cornerstone of our life! Follow these 3 powerful steps to take your relationship to the next level.
Of course, I’m assuming you are interested in becoming your Best Self, in being the Best Partner, in creating your Best Relationship, and living your Best Life. If you are satisfied with everything as it is and don’t want to continue to evolve and see how awesome you can make things, then we are not your cup of tea- and that’s ok.
Our content and work are geared for partners and couples who are high achievers and performers and who want to take full advantage of what this life has to offer. They want to crack the codes and win at the game of life… They want to have a radiant and successful relationship…
If you are with us, take these 3 powerful steps to keep the love alive and keep enriching and nurturing your relationship. Let’s take your relationship to the next level…
The 3 Powerful Steps
We can only create the relationship and life we desire when we are intentional and proactive about it. An epic love affair with our partner, keeping the love and spark alive, and creating a meaningful life don’t happen by accident or by default…
The relationship and life we desire need to be designed and then created…
It’s funny to me when people ask, Should having a great relationship require work? The answer is a resounding, YES! But note that I don’t look at it as work though, you see… I look at anything relationship related as relationship enrichment, nurturing, tending, minding, creating and the like- and it’s lovely to do!
You wouldn’t go about building a house without designing it and having a blueprint first, would you? The following steps help with the design and the blueprint…
STEP 1 – The State of the Union…
In this step, the idea is to assess how your joint life and relationship are going. You’d first review the overall quality of your life and relationship, and then specific aspects of them.
You can assess the things that are important to you now. There are seasons in life and in our relationship. Different things are important to us at different times.
You might already have done a tremendous job improving, enriching, and enhancing the quality of your life and relationship so a higher-level assessment would be in order for you. You might already have a great relationship and life, but do you want to have an extraordinary one? How is your lifestyle, your legacy, your impact?
And, if you are struggling in your relationship and your life, you’ve come to the right place. You’d assess personal characteristics, mindset, skills, habits, self-management, resilience, and strategies both at the personal and relational level that affect how you go about creating your relationship and life…
You’d also assess your relationship mindset, communication and alignment, dynamics and patterns, connection and intimacy, collaboration and partnership…
What have you been working on and why?
STEP 2 – How Far You’ve Already Come…
It is common for us to lose sight of the Journey we’ve been on, how much we have already accomplished, how far we’ve already come personally and with our partner…
In this step the focus is on acknowledging all the hurdles, all the challenges, all the difficulties we’ve been through and how we’ve managed to survive them and possibly even thrive because of them…
Here we get to give ourselves and the partnership credit for everything we have already addressed, fixed, resolved, learned, implemented, improved, and everything else. We don’t live in a vacuum, and we don’t live static lives. You have been on a Journey, you are better for it, alone and together. Grab all the yummy stuff that’s already here…
If you are having a difficult time finding the progress, the achievements, the successes – focus on all the attempts, efforts, and things you’ve tried to help you improve your lot. You have done plenty, believe me. Just give yourself and your partner credit for what you’ve already done.
Your efforts might feel like they were in vain, but they were not. They are all a part of you and who you are Becoming… Nothing is a waste… Grab all the investment you’ve put into your relationship and your life already…
Celebrate that you’ve been living your Journey…
STEP 3 – On to What’s Next…
You might have really enjoyed Step1 and Step2 and are really looking forward to this final step. Or, the first 2 steps felt like a 2×2 upside the head. Either way, this step helps you take things to the next level…
Here we get dust off our relationship and life blueprint… If you have been with us for a while, you might have your Life Vision handy… This is your North Star, your guiding mechanism.
Your vision doesn’t have to be written in stone, it can be revised, updated, and even overhauled as you go. But at any given time, you need to be striving towards something… Otherwise you are creating by default- and we don’t want that!
If you don’t have a Vision, now is the time to dream yours up… Make it a stretch, make it fun, make it meaningful… Cover all life areas- what would your Best Life look and feel like? What do you want to create? What’s your Partner’s role, contribution, and impact? How do you Co-Create?
This is what you want to build… This is what you want to create with your partner- Relationship and Life…
Take note of where you’d like to be, and how you’d like to be… What specific things or areas need attention?
Now that you have where you’ve been, where you are, and where you want to go you are ready to take your relationship, and life, to the next level…
APPLICATION: Now that Love Month is over, is time to set up for more Loving throughout the year… Take your relationship to the next level with a plan for working out the kinks and continuing your nurturing…
Set time aside to explore the steps for yourself, process them in your Journal, make a list of specific things that stand out, highlight the things of note:
STEP 1 – The State of the Union…Review the status and state of your relationship and your life. The overall feel and the specific areas. Take note of these as well: Relationship mindset, communication and alignment, dynamics and patterns, connection and intimacy, collaboration and partnership… What is your current area of focus, and why?
STEP 2 – How Far You’ve Already Come…Review and capture all the ups and downs in your relationship and your life. Identify the patterns, the lessons learned and the things you accomplished, addressed, and resolved. Give yourself credit for all the effort invested. Give yourself, and your partner, compassion for the Journey you are on.
STEP 3 – On to What’s Next…Review your Life Vision, or create one…, to serve as your North Star for going forward. Filter everything in your relationship and life against this Vision as you go to help streamline, focus, stay in alignment, and on the right path…
IMPORTANT: Schedule time to meet with your partner to share and get on the same page. Give them a heads-up beforehand so they are not blindsided and so they can do this exercise themselves or at least have given it some thought.
Grab these for your takeaway: ~ Areas of focus to smooth out kinks in the relationship ~ Adding/continuing relationship nurturing activities ~ Corrective measures to your lifestyle and goals/projects to course correct and better align with your vision
When you are intentional about what you are creating, you’ll create what you desire…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Masterclasses
If you missed this month’s Masterclass, or any previous ones, you can still get them through our Member Center with a Lifestyle Membership! Enroll HERE
This month’s Masterclass Relationship Enrichment Mini Retreat- Connect More Deeply, Rekindle Your Love Keeping the love alive is not easy. Relationship slumps are common, but they don’t have to do you in. Come learn how to recharge your relationship and rekindle your love. Includes Recording and gorgeous Workbook of transformational processes
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
You know, it’s not enough to desire to have an amazing relationship. For us to have an amazing relationship, we have to want it and create it… This is where partners go wrong. They might just expect it to happen on its own.
They don’t necessarily know how to go about creating their extraordinary relationship. Or, they try but their attempts don’t pan out… Sometimes the relationship might feel like a dry sponge, it needs more than one drop of water for it to work well as a sponge… Embrace nurturing your relationship, use the 5 relationship boosting activities to get you going…
Note though, that any relationship strengthening, enrichment, and nurturing exercises and activities can’t happen in a vacuum. In and of themselves they won’t do much…
The key is to have a Relationship Enrichment Mindset™– to recognize the relationship as the cornerstone of our life, to decide to have a radiant and successful relationship, to choose to be the Best Partner, and to embrace relationship enrichment and nurturing as a lifestyle…
One such great addition to your lifestyle it to Date Your Partner… Aside from doing the Connection Habits, the Delighting Your Partner and other nurturing tactics, it is important to stay romantically engaged to keep the spark alive…
The 5 relationship boosting activities help bring the romance back…
Relationship Boosting Activities
You can add these to your repertoire of activities you integrate into your lifestyle to create your extraordinary relationship…
1 ~ Reminiscing – We have very short-term memories for the good stuff… We tend to forget all the good we’ve been through… During Couple Time, Date Night, special time set aside for this, or on the go, bring back memories of special moments, cute situations, fun experiences, anecdotes, pranks and anything else that sparks joy and connection and brings a smile to your faces.
2 ~ Complimenting – We are great at complaining and pointing out what we don’t like and what’s been done wrong… How about we flip that on its head and focus instead on acknowledging, appreciating, and pointing out all the good things. And, how about making it a point of praising and complimenting our partner daily going forward…
3 ~ Wishing – We are usually too focused on the daily grind to pick up our heads and think and plan for the future. Specially for the fun things… Couples get in a rut as this happens and it becomes harder to think of fun things to do, to plan them and to actually have fun doing them… Invite your partner to create a joint Fun Wish List and/or Bucket List of things to experience together. Enjoy the brainstorm and building the anticipation.
4 ~ Experiencing – It is not enough to live in the same home, raise our children, and go on vacation a couple of times a year. Relationships need meaningful, touching, and fun moments to become memorable and feel special. Partners need to feel each other, enjoy each other, and enjoy life together. Play with your bucket and wish lists to have great experiences and have great fun together, create amazing memories to cherish for a lifetime.
5 ~ Touching – Make it your business to touch your partner… This includes all kinds of touching- putting your hand on their shoulder, arm, or lower back, holding hands, kissing good morning and good night, cuddling, hugging, kissing, caressing, touching more intimately, making out and go from there…
Our relationship is what we make of it… Our relationship is what we make it…
Watch the video on the 5 Relationship Boosting Activities… Enjoy!
APPLICATION: Choose a Relationship Boosting Activity to play with and integrate into your life this coming week:
1 ~ Reminiscing – Set time aside to remember the good times 2 ~ Complimenting – Praise and compliment your partner on something daily 3 ~ Wishing – Create a Fun Wish List or Bucket List together 4 ~ Experiencing – Map out and schedule your fun experiences 5 ~ Touching – Experiment with different ways of touching your partner…
Creating an extraordinary relationship doesn’t have to be challenging. All that is required is the will and being intentional about it… You CAN create the relationship you desire… Keep the spark alive!
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Masterclasses
❤️This month’s Masterclass Relationship Enrichment Mini Retreat- Connect More Deeply, Rekindle Your Love Keeping the love alive is not easy. Relationship slumps are common, but they don’t have to do you in. Come learn how to recharge your relationship and rekindle your love. Includes Recording and gorgeous Workbook of transformational processes Register HERE
❤️If you missed the embracing a Self-Love Practice Masterclass, you can still get it through our Member Center with a Lifestyle Membership! A Self-Love Strategy for Creating Your Best Life- Stop Self-Sabotage, Increase Resilience, and Generate More Joy Includes Recording and gorgeous Workbook of transformational processes Enroll HERE
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
If you are feeling stuck in your relationship, resentful, cranky, and easily annoyed by your partner, your relationship lens might be a bit smudged… Partners have a tendency to blame their partner for the status of the relationship and how unsatisfied and unhappy they might be… They tend to point fingers, get finicky and demanding or withdrawn and disengaged, and critical of their partner and their ways. Feeling stuck is usually a relationship mindset issue…
What is relationship mindset? Relationship mindset has to do with how you look at your partner and your relationship, what your beliefs are about how partners and relationships should be…
Couples usually have strange ideas of what’s appropriate,expected and required in a relationship and from their partner. They might have very rigid or loose expectations, parameters and desires. And, they might not actually be aware of these, and never mind having them be known to their partner.
This creates unspoken expectations, needs and desires for each partner that the other might not have any clue about. How are they to do right by their partner?
To make matters worse, partners love to be in each other’s Circles, in the other’s business or personal domain… They love to tell each other how to think, feel and behave… When partners impinge on the other’s circle they are not minding their own and are crowding the other’s. This is disempowering to both creating impasses and stuckness…
Between having a messy view of how relationships should be and not having great personal boundary setting skills, the partners set themselves up for disillusion, disappointment and drama.
The Relationship Enrichment Mindset™ has to do with:
Looking at your partner as your Life Partner, they are your person
Understanding that your Partner is not perfect and that their imperfections fit perfectly with your sensitivities to give you an opportunity for healing and growth…
Looking at your relationship as your playground to learn how to play better…
Embracing your Partner as your Ally in your Journey and that there is inherent synergy in your relationship
Operating from a heart-compassion-love vs head-ego-fear lens
Embracing a both/and vs either/or approach
Giving your Partner the benefit of the doubt, grace and consideration
Understanding that nothing is static, and your relationship will have ebbs and flows
Owning your contribution for the status and flavor of the relationship
Being accountable, transparent, available and engaged
Pursuing personal development and relationship enrichment as a matter of course
Having a growth, progress and success approach to life and the relationship
Deciding what kind of partner you want to be and pursuing that with gusto regardless of where your partner is at
Staying in your own circle and addressing concerns from your circle
Knowing what you are willing to accept and tolerate and clearly expressing it
Knowing what you are not willing to accept and tolerate and clearly expressing it
Knowing your needs, expectations, desires and wishes and clearly expressing them
Expressing yourself without making others wrong, stopping the self-righteousness
Establishing what you’ll do when your boundaries are crossed – other’s impinge in your circle or you are not honored
Responding moderately and appropriately when you are crossed or wronged in some way
Taking ownership of your day, schedule, belongings, environment, body, thoughts, feelings and all actions
Taking responsibility for meeting your own needs
Taking responsibility for your self-care
Taking responsibility for investing in your relationship and being the best partner you can beAren’t these concepts beautiful?
Some of them might seem to you farfetched or impossible to implement. I promise that they are all extremely possible and easy to take on, and life and relationship transforming once embraced.
Our couples love the concept of the circles. They find this has been the easiest way for them to learn how to fully own themselves and not their partner… And the easiest way to implement setting effective boundaries.
The boundary setting is on and for us, not our partner… People have the misconception that we set boundaries on others. This is a ludicrous concept as we can’t make others do things and be a certain way!
How are we to implement what others do and effect how they are? It doesn’t even make any sense. And, furthermore, people are taught to apply consequences to others when they cross their boundaries. Let’s think about this for a minute. How do we set a boundary on somebody, and who are we to give them consequences, or worse punish them?
Can you imagine your partner punishing you because you crossed a boundary they set on you?!
This is such a backwards way of looking at boundary setting, not for nothing most people are not great at setting them. Intuitively they know these is the wrong approach.
We don’t set boundaries on others, we don’t give them consequences or doll out punishment…
Aside from the prescription above, the way to set boundaries is to speak from our circle, to make our wishes and desires known and to make mindful and appropriate requests accordingly. Then we decide what we’ll do should the other not respect our wishes, honor our desires, respond to our requests or meet our needs as previously agreed.
You see how much more control and power we have over ourselves and our lives when approaching interactions and situations setting boundaries this way?
Don’t be intimidated about upleveling your relationship mindset and about setting boundaries. Start by taking in the mindset and taking ownership being in your circle and not your partners. You’ll see…
ASSIGNMENT: Take stock of where you can stand to have better boundaries and own yourself more…
1- Make a list of all the areas that need attention and all the people you might need to address…
2- Select one area to tackle and go at it with gusto – implement what you must to own it
3- Select one person you need to address to set better boundaries with them – share what you will no longer accept or do, and what you will do should that thing become an issue again
As with anything, when you bring consciousness, focus and attention to something, Awesomeness happens. I wish this for you in your life and your relationship.
Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…
Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
It is uncommon to speak in terms of Mothering and Fathering in the context of our relationship… Unless of course we are talking about raising our children. But I’ve been presenting this concept as a way to continue to heal and grow ourselves.
As a personal development tool, and more recently as a relationship enrichment tool… Today I’m expanding the Fathering repertoire by sharing the importance of personal and partner’s character strengths.
Remember, we all have female and male energy and can embrace characteristics and embody attributes from both. When I’m presenting on Mothering and Fathering, and Female and Male Energy, I’m not talking about gender or sexuality… I’m referring to our inherent energies… Our job is to balance how we embrace, activate and utilize them…
Mothering flows from female energy and Fathering flows from male energy, and they can both be done by women and men… There is no judgement as to which is better or preferred, and this is not a form of sexism, genderism, or such. This just is. Anything else is a social construct we’ve unknowingly accepted…
But please note, I’m not denying the oppression of female energy and women over millennia… If nothing else, I’m actually highlighting the importance of undoing this oppression. I’m doing it through what I know best, which is personal development and relationship enrichment…
Mothering has to do with nurturing and caring.
Fathering has to do with structuring and disciplining.
When we embrace providing these characteristics to ourselves, we reparent ourselves… I refer you to the book Healing Your Emotional Self, for top notch work on reparenting ourselves…
Reparenting ourselves means giving ourselves what we needed and didn’t get growing up. How we were hurt and not met growing up created wounds, limiting believes and other goodies that have permeated how we organized ourselves and cope with life. Including how we show up in relationship, get triggered and create our stuck dynamics… Reparenting ourselves is a way of healing and releasing ourselves from that stronghold…
Then, bring this to the context of our relationship and we have an exponential impact… Now, I’m not talking about being a mother or a father to your partner and vice versa. That’s the worst thing we can do… I’m talking about being Mothering and Fathering. I’m talking about your interactions and how you approach your partner and the relationship using more:
Nurturing, compassion, softness, flexibility, and such (Mothering) for engendering feelings of belonging, worthiness, and acceptance.
RoleModeling/guiding, routines, structure, systems and such (Fathering) for engendering feelings of safety, security, and stability.
You see how these can be salve to core wounds?
The key here is to sprinkle the Mothering characteristics into your interactions with yourself and your partner. And the Fathering characteristics to how you do your relationship and your life.
So, where do Character Strengths come in? Working on developing our Character Strengths is a Fathering tactic as it involves learning, honing, applying. Mothering is feminine with being, expanding, flowing… The active and directed part of this endeavor is masculine and therefore Fathering…
Working on developing our Character Strengths helps us become more of who we are, more integrated and robust. It helps us have a richer human experience, and it helps us bring a better self to our relationship and our partner…
Having strong Character Strengths helps partners avoid the many pitfalls they would otherwise encounter in their relationship…
Our personal and our partner’s character strengths influence the character of our relationship with things like a love, kindness, gratitude, honesty, forgiveness, perspective, self-regulation, teamwork, etc.
Doesn’t it make sense that to develop this further in ourselves would only but enrich our relationship?
As we continue to expand our Fathering repertoire, we are polishing the use of our male energy for more security, stability, productivity, efficiency, and results in our life. Let’s continue to create our Best Self, Best Relationship and Best Life!
ASSIGNMENT: Intentionally integrate your Character Strengths into your life and your relationship…
Take the surveyto identify your current strengths and where you can stand to invest in some more development.
The easiest way to work on developing a characteristic is by creating a Habit to help you practice it… Choose 3 Character Strengths you are looking to develop and create Habits for them into your daily routine: Doing a behavior or activity that would help you practice the strength. And, keep working this method until you feel you’ve made progress developing the Character Strengths you desire.
As with anything, when you bring consciousness, focus and attention to something, Awesomeness happens. I wish this for you in your life and your relationship.
Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…
Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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