Whether we celebrate Halloween or not, the holiday can still bring us fun and excitement… We don’t have to necessarily be a part of it to pick up inspiration… We can just soak up the vibes for an infusion of aliveness. Which at times can be much needed in our relationship…
It is common for partners to experience a rut in their relationship. Where they feel stuck, stagnant, bored, bland, distant, or disconnected. Partners can tap into the excitement of Halloween to liven up their relationship.
But I can already feel partners’ resistance about how lame the holiday is, and how it’s only for kids or immature people. Or how it goes against their religion. Or how tired and time restricted they are to engage in such frivolous activities. Or other some such…
Well, what I want to offer has actually very little to do with Halloween itself… But more with riding the wave of its exciting energy…
When We Have the Best of Intentions but Fall Flat
It doesn’t take that much to create change in our relationship. I’m sure you are aware that how you interact with your partner informs how they’ll interact back… How you choose to respond to them invites how they respond back. How much you choose to invest in your relationship, inspires them to invest back. And I’m talking about the right kind of investment mind you…
I often here things like: I’ve tried it all. I do it all. I do so much, I can’t do any more. Or, I’m the one that does the things.
But usually, the tried things overcompensate, undermine, castrate or snuff, sabotage, are codependent or misaligned in some way… We get in our own way with old scrips or narratives, projections, and unrealistic or unexpressed expectations.
The key is to focus on what we are doing and not what our partner is doing. Bringing understanding, compassion, and genuine engagement from the heart. No strings attached…
Take a look at how you show up to your relationship and honestly identify if you are showing up with your Best Self as much as possible. If you are taking the High Road as much as possible. If you are being mindful of not setting your partner up to fail you as much as possible… No Ego here please. Be truthful. This is the only way that you can create the change you seek.
This honesty helps us polish how we show up, so we inspire our partner to show up better for us… And voila! That’s how we create change…
Clean up how you perceive yourself showing up in your relationship and how you actually show up… And then properly invest in having amazing interactions with your partner and in creating the relationship you love…
5 Spooky Strategies to Spice Up Your Relationship
Halloween’s exciting energy offers an opportunity to tap into different possibilities… Even if we are not partaking in the holiday per se, we can tap into the energetics around us to shake things up…
Playing Pranks
Pranks and being playful is one of the simplest ways to bring levity, laughter, and fun to your relationship. Pulling something off and getting this kind of attention is always exciting. I love it when my husband sneaks up to scare me. After decades together, he still manages to pull this off. LOL Step up your playfulness game for more giddiness and joy.
Playing Dress Up
This can mean anything from wearing costumes on Halloween, to getting dressed up to go on a date, to getting all decked out for a special occasion, to wearing sexy or other fun outfits to sexy moments. Life is too short to hold back, bring out the fancy you. Wrap yourself to shine and dazzle your partner with the gift of you.
Playing New Roles
There are spoken and unspoken agreements in our relationship about what roles we each play… Who is the fixer. Who is the jokester. Who is the spender. Who is the talker. Who is the chef. Who is the initiator. Who is the instigator. All kinds of roles. Bring forward a way of being, a skill, or talent that’s different from your usual to surprise and delight your partner.
Playing with an Identity Upgrade
How we show up, interact, and contribute to our relationship is befitting who we believe we are, our identity… The habit of being ourselves… We can upgrade our identity to anything we want. Upgrade yours to capture who you’d be if you had already created your epic love affair with your partner. If you already were the Best Partner… And start being the Best Partner…
Playing with a New Reality
Envision a new reality where you are living an upgraded life, with an upgraded relationship, with an upgraded version of you. What does that reality look like? What’s different about it? How are you different? How are you different in your relationship? What does it feel like? Generate those feelings going forward to live in the new reality…
Whether you go trick-or-treating or host a Halloween party, or just choose to dole out candy, or simply ignore the holiday, know that you can get your freak on anytime. You can show up with a different version of you at any time.
I say let’s show up with all the possibilities. Let’s expand our repertoire. Let’s not be so predictable. Let’s stretch into different versions of ourselves. Let’s really embody our Best Self. And let’s delight our partner with a new partner. Let’s shake things up. Let’s spices things up in our relationship this Halloween.
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
It is not uncommon for relationships to experience an intimacy or sex drought. Where the partners are just not being as intimate as they would normally prefer. There is usually one partner that expresses less interest, but it can happen where both are just not into it. The partners might have different reasons for the lack of desire and interest. And they most likely have different libidos, desire levels, and preferences for timing, frequency, and duration of their physically intimate moments as well as what they entail… In other words, what kind of sex they like to have. It is a wonder that we even make babies, but that’s a different topic…
There is much intricacy in each of these factors making each couple unique in their experience and what kind of relationship they create. And even within the couple, the partners have very different experiences and ideas from each other about what is going on… Not for nothing this is a very sensitive, delicate, and complex situation for partners to address and be able to change.
The uniqueness of each partner in-and-of-itself plays a significant role. Two unique individuals coming together to create a joint life is no easy feat. All the differences that made the match of the partners so special in the first place now make an elaborate undertaking to align and synchronize for optimal bliss within the relationship…
The richness and gloriousness of what is a couple, and a relationship, gets lost on most people. There is so much going on that meets the eyes, and even more underneath it all.
Couples are super special. They are the coming together of two people to create a greater whole, a much larger One. This whole, the relationship is the vehicle through which we navigate and live our life. It is imperative that we take care of it so we can have a wonderful Journey…
What does this mean for our connection, intimacy, and sex life?
~ This means that we can’t allow ourselves to get sucked into our negativity bias, into our limiting believes and scripts, into righteousness, into poor communication hygiene and habits, into our reactions and defensive patterns, into complacency and denial, into competition, comparison and tit-for-tat. That we are mindful and intentional about how we do ourselves- who we choose to be and how we choose to show up.
Partners are on the same team! They are allies. Yet they might fall prey to seeing and treating each other as the enemy. This just compounds the difficulties and disconnect they might be experiencing…
~ This means that we choose to address anything that is getting in the way from our most epic relationship and love affair with our partner. That we choose to get medical attention and other services for anything physical or emotional affecting our health, wellbeing, and everything else.
~ This means that we address the circumstances affecting our relationship, our connection, our intimacy, our libido and our passion.
~ This means that we address any relationship issues or concerns, anything we are fighting about or that gets us, any egoic patterns, any relationship patterns, and anything that keeps us from getting along, getting on the same page, connecting deeply and meaningfully, from having the best sex, from really having fun with our partner, from creating the strongest partnership…
~ This means that we give some serious, and some playful, thoughts to our purpose, the meaning of our life, the kind of life we want to live, the type of human we want to be, the kind of legacy we want to impart, the kind of relationship we want to be a part of to help us sort through all this and enjoy the process…
I offer to not get hang up in the weeds of what is going on with your intimacy… I offer to take a larger view of your situation and how everything interconnects… You might be surprised as to what comes up to tweak to help all the dominos fall into place… All the above becomes so much easier and a pleasure to mitigate, address, deconstruct, and even transcend…
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Some people love managing their money, others dread it. And this is usually the case for couples… One partner is great at doing the accounting and managing the finances, while the other prefers to bury their head in the sand. Sound familiar? There are a lot of reasons for why this happens ranging from subconscious programming around worthiness and deservingness to finding numbers, spreadsheets, and related details just too tedious. The thing is, regardless of our preference, finances still need to be managed and they need to be managed collaboratively if we are in a relationship.
Money is a very important aspect of our adult life that provides security and awesomeness for us now and in our future… And it is up to us to find a way to make the best out of our money management in our relationship.
The key is to have awareness into our own relationship with money and money programming that might affect its management, and to have insight and knowledge into our partner’s as well.
The partners should know about each other’s financial histories, money management styles and strengths, and overall relationship with money. This is especially important information if your relationship is fairly new, and you are increasing levels of commitment…
Full transparency and accountability are a must for the couple’s healthy financial life. Regardless of what financial plans and systems they put in place, the key is to device these respectfully, collaboratively, and intentionally to ensure a secure financial future.
The partners might have different expectations, wishes, preferences, and desires about their finances and their future. But as with anything else in the relationship, this has to do with getting on the same page and working together to achieve shared goals.
When money impasses are encountered, please know this is usually not about the money itself. This has to do with your personal programming and your relationship dynamics. To move forward, focus on addressing the underlying patterns and don’t get stuck on the details of the situation and the circumstances. And mind the meaning you are assigning to what’s happening!
This is why Christine Luken, our Podcast Guest in our latest episode, shares that money is emotional. She offers wonderful insights on how to manage money in your relationship. Check out its video below!
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Often times partners share their wondering about how exclusivity, monogamy, and fidelity is possible in a longterm relationship. It is usually the male partners who pose this question when their female counterpart is not present.
I appreciate their honesty, risk and willingness to explore this topic and concern.I completely understand their plight. Unfortunately, this is often chucked to “boys will be boys”, “it is unnatural for a man to be monogamous” and the like making men appear archaic. I would like to believe that we are more evolved than this. That society is not caging an animal with marriage that when let loose it will wreak havoc.
No, not “I would like to believe”, I DO believe that. I believe that the primal impulse to conquer and be “king of the jungle” has evolved and moved to the career and money earning potential realm. This is why men who don’t feel comfortable in their level of success, as measured by society’s standards in this regard, are depressed, dissatisfied, “searching” and managing the associated pain by numbing themselves in some way.
Yes, the “successful” ones experience some of this as well because they still don’t feel as the “king of the jungle” at some level… Their primary relationship is not meeting this need… I hear the uproar from women, feminists and social keepers…
But, let these men loose and they are still not happy… The answer lies in the balance between togetherness and separateness not just when it comes to how much time we spend together, but at an identity and energy level. If we are “too close” we lose our selves, our individuality, our uniqueness. This is a traumatic and annihilating loss.
Women have a higher tolerance level for this as historically and culturally they’ve been taught, and even threatened, to be in this role, and because their brain is wired for “weness” to serve an evolutionary purpose.
Men might experience this more as the caged-in syndrome. They are more likely to experience exclusivity as restrictive and believe that the answer might lie in going elsewhere to find and engage the other parts of themselves…
Sexual intimacy as we know it in relationship, is laden with burden and restrictiveness. Women bring in the caretaking and men the protectiveness (restrained aggression). Neither is bringing their primal and adult-evolved selves, whose basic needs are being met, to their interaction. This creates neediness and apathy. This is boring!
What we usually fail to see is that in absence there is longing. In separateness we can embrace and share our splendor, and herein the “king of the jungle” thrives. Here is where men and women get to be themselves without the burden of stereotypes and other prescriptions…
So, how do we set up security, connection and closeness to meet our security needs, and yet allow for space, separateness and individuality to meet our identity and erotic needs? We think (or react…) through our interactions. We think through our lovemaking.
Thinking creates emotional intimacy (when positive…), but with the caveat of impeding erotic intimacy. We do not allow ourselves to feel and be present. We do not fully express ourselves physically. We do not fully engage our embodied soul. We feel empty and dead.
We might fall pray to believing we’d feel more alive by increasing the number of sexual conquests we notch on our belt, but we are bigger than this! It is instead about how we fully express our Selves in our human dimension in every interaction and every moment. It is not about numbers, it is about being…
So, while we continue to invest in meeting our basic needs it behooves us to be with ourselves, in our body and have a full experience of our Selves that we share with our partner. Yes, reality has its limitations and consequences. It is challenging to achieve this level of Being.
In the mean time the use of fantasy, Imagination, in sexuality is a vehicle that allows for the expression of unmet security needs, unburdened loving, and engagement of our embodied soul. As Esther Perel suggests, “sex is somewhere we go, not something we do” and the goal in our relationship is to have intimacy through sex – erotic intimacy.
Our committed relationship, marriage, is then not a cage but a mechanism for self exploration, development and expression. This marrying of meeting our security and identity needs, eroticism, frees us to transcend our human experience, and the perceived limitations of monogamy, allowing us to embrace our latent Spiritual Being…
At the end of the day, fully embracing our humanity and physical body is our pathway to our Spiritual Self… Complete the MetroRelationship (sm) Assignment to help you effortlessly start implementing this, make changes and immediately experience the relationship you want. There is no need to be archaic – transcend the limitations and embrace the possibilities!
Happy Transcending!
~ Your MetroRelationship ™ Assignment Find something romantic to do with your partner, your self and/or a platonic someone else… Engage your body and senses… Give from the heart, use your imagination, get creative, be indulgent – savor the giving, savor the moment, savor the love. Enjoy!
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
When we are “too close”, whether we are getting along or not … , we can’t see each other. If we can’t see each other, how can we possibly decide if we like each other and feel attraction?
This concept is confusing to most, when we live in a society where relationships struggle and the ideal is based on fairy tales and believing our partner should be our best friend.
This is wrong. We do not want our partner to be our best friend. This places them in the familial category which makes the relationship incestous. It makes sense that the attraction wanes, or doesn’t exist!
But even when we are not getting along, we might be too close for attraction and desire. We might think we are not feeling sexy feelings because we are fighting or are not seeing eye-to-eye. When in truth, we might not be feeling desire, because our energies and needs are enmeshed. This lack of differentiation is detrimental to relationships. It causes too much angst and erosion.
It’s an actual conundrum for partners as they need to experience separateness and differentiation to activate and maintain attraction, desire and passion (this is different from drama!), but need to experience togetherness and security to tolerate separateness and be able to thrive. This is where couples go wrong. They do funny business to juggle this dichotomy.
Due to this contrary nature, when we are psychically invested in meeting our emotional needs we can’t at the same time meet our erotic needs leaving couples to focus on the primary relational tasks of getting along, fighting well, communicating better, feeling closeness and spending fun times together.
This assists manage crisis, prevent relational trauma, repair damage, heal wounds, grow-up and joyfully and peacefully “stay on the horse.” For most couples this in and of itself is a life journey through which they get to enjoy a satisfying and intentional relationship.
The problem comes in when the enmeshment and psychic needs are so prevalent that even this foundation is challenging to achieve. The next phase of creating and sustaining desire, passion and eroticism is then inconceivable … Couples would benefit from distinguishing between these two stages of relating and not placing the cart before the horse which only creates more confusion, dissatisfaction and hopelessness.
Whether you are trying to establish a strong and secure structure or get to the next phase, fear not for as long as you are investing in this journey you’ll get results and create the life and relationship you want …
Here is to adding perspective and investing productively:
Closeness, togetherness and security (physical – intellectual – validation): Stand on your own two feet and own only yourself … Mind what you are doing and operate from your strengths. Let your partner do the same without judging or criticizing them.
Separateness and differentiation (psychic – emotional – empathy) – not to be misunderstood as being individualistic and ego driven: Explore uniqueness and tolerance … Learn to self manage and regulate, implement a lot of self care, embrace your uniqueness. Embrace our partner’s uniqueness.
Oneness and synergy (energetic – transcendent, visionary, creative – compassion, altruism): Unleash your Authentic Self and Light … Attune to what makes you happy and feel good in everyday life, your feelings are your guiding mechanism, get in touch with your Mission and get to it. Invite your partner to do the same.
Note these are not mutually exclusive and are fluid in nature. It is helpful to see them as a progressive range or stages (a ramp), and not as concrete steps or levels (a set of stairs). Most couples operate from some overlap of the first two stages, so know you are not alone!
Keep working your ramp and your desire and attraction quotient will skyrocket! Complete the MetroRelationship (sm) Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing the relationship you want. Enjoy more attraction, desire and loving today!
Happy Attraction and Loving!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Pick an activity, outing or hobby you’ve been admiring from afar and work with your partner to integrate it into your schedule and routine. Build-in a reconnection ritual for when you get back …
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
STAY CONNECTED WITH US, SUBSCRIBE TO OUR NEWSLETTER
And, Get a FREE Relationship Enrichment Mini Course!
You CAN create the relationship you desire!
With this Mini Course learn how to immediately Break your Impasse, Improve your Communication, Increase your Intimacy, Connection and Fun, & Create a Strong Partnership...
And with Emma’s weekly Love rich with Personal Development & Relationship Enrichment know-how, announcements, resources and more straight into your inbox.
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
Pin It on Pinterest
We track visits and User's visit information to analyze our performance and trends in order to create targeted messaging and programs to best serve you. We use cookies to provide a personalized and smoother browsing experience. Refer to our Privacy Policy for additional details.
You consent to our tracking and cookies when using our Websites.OK
![Simple, sexy and super generous money management in your relationship [VIDEO]](https://akiaiw4iby4ubmrqrbvqcomhaystacksoftwarearq.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/08020857/Simple-sexy-and-super-generous-money-management-in-your-relationship-1-1080x675.png)
