There is a difference on how successful couples show up to their relationship, versus how couples who struggle in their relationship do. The couples that create an amazing relationship are fully committed to their partner and to making the relationship work. They know that life might throw curveballs and that they might experience challenges, but they are committed to seeing them through together. They don’t look at their relationship and their partner as disposable if they hit a rough patch in the relationship. They are all in and willing to figure it out.
They are willing to put in what it takes to crack the code at creating a radiant and successful relationship. They invest in themselves and the relationship to continue to uplevel their game.
Making this level of commitment might be innate to the partners, who they are as people, and their development level. It might also have to do with how much personal work they’ve done for themselves, and how they have embraced a Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle. Meaning that they are super intentional about minding their relationship and prioritizing their partner…
Through my work with couples during almost 3 decades at this point, I have come to see similar patterns that playout in relationships for couples that are struggling. These cluster into 5 main areas of relationship. These patterns when not addressed wreak havoc in the relationship and present a serious struggle for the partners. Gone unaddressed create demise for the relationship. They corrode the bond and the partners’ love. They get in the way of partners creating the relationship they desire and love.
Addressing those patterns, facilitating personal development and expansion, and providing relationship insights, tools and skills, informed a therapeutic approach that I’ve named the Transcendental Relationship Therapy™, that includes our signature process, the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
THE SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP STRATEGY™
The Strategy consists of 5 Elements, the 5 relationship areas, that when optimized create a transformation for a couple that is struggling. Successful couples tackle these elements naturally, intentionally investing in improving on them as needed. They bring higher level of awareness to their relationship.
Here I provide a brief description of the Elements along with how partners who struggle go wrong in these areas, and a takeaway for immediate implementation and transformation. And I offer 4 virtues to cultivate for each of the 5 Element to assist you uplevel in that particular aspect of your relationship. You’ll have 20 virtues to play with as you like to start transforming your relationship to the relationship you desire and that you both love…
Element 1 – Circumstance (Context) & Mindset
This has to do with how we choose to show up, what we contribute to the relationship including our believes, our values, our dreams, and our desires. This is all our mental content and patterns, all our subconscious programs and conditioning. And how we approach boundaries and personal ownership.
Couples that struggle bring stories of victimhood and have old scripts and limiting beliefs running rampant and coloring their experience. They also have thought patterns, habits, and a strong negativity bias that don’t support them in creating what they desire. They point fingers, blame, and pass the bucket. They don’t have strong accountability or take full responsibility for themselves. These partners are quick to state how they partner needs to change or what they need to improve…
Takeaway > Focus on cleaning up and updating your relationship mindset to that of being fully in and being allies, for engaging with your partner as the most important person in your life- your Partner in this life Journey…
Virtues to Cultivate
Commitment – Demonstrating loyalty and dedication shows your partner they can count on you, even through challenges. Commitment reinforces the longevity of the relationship. >> Commit to a specific caring gesture your partner loves that you’ll do at a cadence of your choice
Confidence – Believing in yourself and your worth enhances self-esteem and helps create a balanced relationship where both partners feel valued. >>Take on a hobby or activity you enjoy to stretch and expand yourself
Conviction – Standing by your values and principles helps guide the relationship in a positive direction, ensuring both partners grow together with integrity. >> Identify your values (get our Core Values Guide!) to share with your partner and to create shared ones
Contentment – Appreciating your partner and the relationship as it fosters gratitude and satisfaction, reducing unnecessary friction or conflict. >> Implement a shared Relationship Gratitude Journal, Appreciation Sessions, or other gratitude practice
Element 2 – Communication & Alignment
This has to do with getting on the same page, resolving conflict, making decisions, having genuine apologies, and having meaningful conversations. It involves using healthy communication skills and tools, being respectful, receptive, attuned, and authentic. Having great communication goes a long way.
Couples that struggle focus on saying their piece, pushing their agenda, and getting their way. Even the quiet partners have this underlaying pattern, though they might have different drivers and motivations. They don’t utilize proper communication tools and skills, even when they have them. Making assumptions about their partner’s motives, intentions, desires, and so on. They escalate disagreements, don’t repair properly, if at all, and have a difficult time getting to any resolutions.
Takeaway > Focus in upgrading, upleveling and enhancing your communication skills and tools
Virtues to Cultivate
Clarity – Communicating your needs, feelings, and thoughts clearly prevents misunderstandings. Clarity also means being transparent about intentions and expectations. >> Identify a small topic that usually trips you up, and invite your partner to chat about it with better skills
Civility– Being polite and respectful during both good and bad times ensures that conflicts are handled gracefully and that feelings are protected and the bond safeguarded. >> Invite your partner into a challenge or game of civility- see who wins at being more courteous!
Carefulness– Being thoughtful about your words and actions shows care for your partner’s feelings. It ensures that decisions are made with their well-being in mind. >> Take an action you’ve been postponing to show your partner you get it and care
Courage– Having the courage to express vulnerability, tackle tough conversations, or navigate challenges strengthens the bond and promotes growth. >> Create a moment to share 3 vulnerable or risqué thoughts about yourself with your partner…
Element 3 – Clarity & Dynamics
This has to do with our relationship dynamics… The patterns we repeat from unresolved childhood issues, wounds, or disappointments… We call this the relationship loop… This is where a partner’s sensitivities or wounds get triggered, to which they respond with their usual defense mechanisms, which in turn trigger their partner, and when they respond with their own defense mechanisms trigger the initial triggered partner some more… This is where all the emotional content, patterns, and programming resides. All our unconscious and buried conditioning driving the show.
Couples that struggle have a hard time self-regulating, they are easily triggered and become reactive, turning disagreements into arguments and possibly fights with the potential for further escalation. They have the same repeating conflicts and unresolved issues. They have poor insight and awareness as to their sensitivities, emotional drivers, and patterns. And they also lack awareness as to their impact on their partner and their needs, boundaries, and sensitivities. These are some indicators of codependency in the relationship.
Takeaway > Focus on identifying and addressing your triggers, your core wounds or unresolved issues, and your defense mechanisms that contribute to getting stuck in a power struggle- your loop…
Virtues to Cultivate
Calmness – Remaining calm during disagreements helps prevent escalation and promotes constructive communication. It fosters a peaceful environment where both partners feel secure. >> Implement a mindfulness practice to assist you get grounded, integrated and regulated for more resilience
Composure – Staying emotionally composed during conflicts prevents regrettable actions or words, allowing for thoughtful resolution and healing. >>Think on the things that usually aggravate you and identify a deeper need beneath it that you can meet
Compassion – Empathizing with your partner’s struggles and offering support without judgment deepens emotional intimacy and trust. >> On a daily find something to be compassionate for towards your partner
Consistency – Being dependable and predictable in your behavior builds trust and security in the relationship. Small, consistent acts of love make a big difference. >> Identify a behavior that meets your partners deeper needs to do on a regular basis
Element 4 – Connection & Intimacy
This has to do with creating, maintaining, and deepening connectionin our relationship. As well as exploring our physical intimacy, expanding our passion, and taking it to new heights for sacred love making and earth shuttering connection. This is where partners flirt, play and have fun together.
Couples that struggle barely show up to their relationship. They show up with toxic habits and old patterns, and with their Lower Self… They neglect their relationship and not prioritize their partner. Everything else gets their best energy and attention- from their children to their career or business to miscellaneous stuff! When our partner is THE most important partnership and resource we have in this life experience… Neglecting our relationship is like boarding up a gold mine…
Takeaway > Focus on prioritizing your partner and the relationship in your thoughts, your actions, and how you manage your energy, bandwidth, and time
Virtues to Cultivate
Caring – Expressing genuine concern for your partner’s physical and emotional health strengthens trust and deepens the bond. Small acts of care, like checking in or offering support, go a long way. >> Build in Connection Habits™ to automate nurturing your relationship!
Charity – Practicing generosity in giving time, attention, and support demonstrates selflessness in the relationship. Charity here also includes giving grace and forgiving mistakes. >> Set aside consistent Couple Time to have fun together, debrief or address things, and connect more meaningfully
Cheerfulness – Bringing joy and positivity to the relationship helps create an uplifting atmosphere. A cheerful attitude can lighten tense moments and keep the relationship fun. >> Bring out the fun, lightness and joy with cute, funny, and playful gestures
Creativity – Finding new ways to keep the relationship exciting and fresh, such as planning unique dates or surprises, enhances joy and connection. >>This is where Dating Your Partner comes in – make it fun! (get our Dating Your Partner protocol!)
Element 5 – Collaboration & Partnership
This has to do with creating a strong partnership, a well-oiled machine to run the business of life and create a shared life you both love. The key is to divide and conquer utilizing your own strengths and having each other’s back. Setting up structures and systems and implementing support to smoothly take care of the mundane responsibilities, and saving time to apply to meaningful projects, ventures or activities.
Couples that struggle are chaotic and overwhelmed. They haven’t clarified expectations, clearly divided responsibilities, they don’t have efficient and rewarding daily and weekly routines, they don’t have systems for collaborating and taking care of business. They get in each other’s way and sabotage any progress they might make. They are inconsistent in their efforts and frequently end up behind the eight ball.
Takeaway > Focus on creating cadences to help you synchronize with your partner around sharing responsibilities and running a smooth life
Virtues to Cultivate
Collaboration – Collaborating on a shared vision, planning the future, shared goals, and mapping out strategies strengthens unity and alignment. >> Have a talk about what kind of life you want to create and live and how you’d like to go about creating it
Cooperation – Working as a team to achieve goals, get things done, manage your shared life, and resolve conflicts, demonstrates teamwork and mutual respect. >> Make sure you have a divide and conquer approach to all your responsibilities (get our Relationship Collaboration System!)
Compromise – Finding common ground during disagreements ensures that both partners’ needs are met, strengthening understanding, acceptance and belonging. >> Identify an activity or pursuit that you usually struggle getting on the same page on and find the common ground there
Competence – Being reliable and capable in fulfilling responsibilities (e.g., managing finances, supporting during tough times) contributes to a stable and dependable partnership. >> Select a task or project flowing from your shared goals that can draw from your brilliance to run with and crush it
This is a framework to assist you assess where you need to invest more or differently in your relationship to create the transformation you seek and ultimately your Radiant and Successful Relationship, and meaningful life.
Hope this information serves you and helps you get on the path to your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life.
NEW! Monthly Activating Protocols Establish Your Highest Potential in 10 Key Life Areas, Design Your New Life Having a North Star ensures we stay the course on the path we desire on our Journey. It ensures we create the relationship and life we love, and have the Human Experience we desire… In this activation, we walk through a Visioning and Expansion Process to reprogram and reset for the New Year… We take a deep dive and activate the Highest Potential in 10 Life Areas to drive your reset. You get to explore your heart’s desires and identify the specific actions, tactic, or habits you’ll implement to create your New Beginnings, and your Ideal New Life… We design your ideal lifestyle you can start living immediately that’s the framework to live your Grand Life Adventure…
Don’t have a Membership with us yet? Access it and much more through our Radiance Membership! (Only $29 per month) Get Enrolled NOW
RESOURCES
~~ Watch our related videos on our YouTube channel
~~ Download our FREE 1-pg Core Values Guideto align your vision today! Make your relationship resolutions, goals and dreams come true and create a shared life you love!
We can help with our select memberships: Radiance Membership– Transformational content and experiences subscription (Only $29 per month!) Success Membership – Private sessions and Radiance Membership access! (Start with an Initial Session)
~~ Interested in being our Guest? Interested in having Emma be a Guest in your Podcast? Contact us about a possible collaboration!
DISCLAIMER: This content is meant to support your Journey and not as a replacement for professional assistance. Additionally, the ideas and resources provides by our guests are their ideas and recommendations alone and not necessarily a reflection of mine
Copyright (c) 2025 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
It seems that it is so easy to abuse ourselves if we are not being intentional about loving ourselves… Self-abuse can take on so many forms that we might be abusing ourselves and we don’t even know it… Self-abuse is anything we do that doesn’t serve us, and directly or indirectly harms us… Abusing yourself takes on many forms and sabotages your life…
Yes, I know the word abuse is very loaded. And it tends to easily get thrown around. I’m OK with that as it highlights the severity of the matter or the users experience…
The thing is that it is our responsibility to take care of ourselves so that we actually live the life we are meant to live. We are on this earth to have a Human Experience and to evolve into the best version of ourselves, expanding our consciousness…
But the way we go about our life is in resistance to this… It creates friction, and dis-ease, and stuckness, and physical illness, and mental illness, and broken homes, and other suffering…
What is the kicker here is that we are carrying on with this unbeknownst to ourselves. Yikes!
So here is list of ways we abuse ourselves to get you started identifying how you might be being mean to yourself without even knowing it…
You drink alcohol or have other substances most evenings
You go to sleep too late
You watch TV or have other blue screen time till the moment you fall asleep
You sleep plugged into your devices or with them running in the background
Your room is not set up for a restorative night sleep
You hit snooze several times or beat yourself up to get out of bed to get your day started
You barely have enough time to get ready in the morning before getting your children off to school, getting to or starting work
You start your day by pumping yourself full of caffeine and eating a sugary/carb-loaded something
If you happen to be fasting, you don’t properly break your fast and might be overdoing your fasting
You grab what you can for lunch and eat at your desk while working, scrolling on social media, or surfing the web, you barely hydrate, and don’t really see the sun
You go from meeting to meeting or staring at a screen for hours
You have some more caffeine and a sugary treat in the afternoon to keep you going till the end of the workday
You rush to get your kids from school and get them to some activity, to figure out dinner, and to get them to bed
You crash on the couch to do some Netflix binging, your partner might be sitting there with you, and start the whole cycle again
And this is just what happens on the outside…
On the inside:
You beat yourself up for being exhausted and for not having figured out a better evening routine- actually for haven’t figured out how to live your meaningful and joyous life
You complain to yourself about how your partner sucks because they don’t do half as much as you do, and they whine about and want a star for the little they do to boot
You give free reign to all your scripts and limiting believes about your body, your self, your partner, your finances, the government, the world and the rest of it
You live in your head, from the neck up
You criticize, judge, condemn, control, manipulate and other tactics inside your head (and outside) to manage your world
You live in other people’s circles and barely mind your own
You don’t take care of yourself or meet your needs, you might not even know what your needs are or how to meet them
You don’t feel or express your feelings
You put on a mask and live with it on, you don’t even know yourself
You have programs running your life that you are barely aware of, you just know you do because you feel stuck, dissatisfied or keep repeating unwanted patterns
Now, not all of the above might fit for you, and you might have your own to add to the lists. The point is thathow we are doing our life is not how we are supposed to do our life!
We think that all that doing and pushing is going to create our Best Self, our Best Relationship and our Best Life. Well, I got news for you- it ain’t.
There are lots that can be done with all the above:
But the key is to do these not from doing more, from working on improving ourselves, from trying to get somewhere else and the like. All that efforting has the same energy as all the items on the list… It is driven from judgement, from lack, from not deservingness and such…
It is driven from not being good enough, from not accepting ourselves, from not honoring ourselves. The activities are much better intentioned but all that doing won’t make that much of difference if it is still done from the head up, from fear and reactivity…
How about we just chill out for a bit?
How about we pause all the noise we usually make, and go about our life by living our life? How about we just Live?
How about we breathe? How about we feel? How about we experience?
How about we honor, and express, and forgive, and let go, and accept, and love, and savor?
What if we actually show up to our life? To our body? And unplug from the Matrix?
What if we no longer buy into all the constructions we’ve been fed? What if we just show up and enjoy?
What if by just showing up we actually create/allow our Better Self, Better Relationship, and Better Life?
What if we Allow the most magnificent expression of our Human Experience…
APPLICATION: Choose to start being kinder to yourself… In a couple of minutes upon waking:
~ Start your day by bringing your shoulders to your ears with a big inhale and release with a big ahh exhale
~ Then visualize taking a shower of white radiant light cascading over you and around you
~ Then identify a few things you are grateful for- such as having breath, having running water- don’t over complicate it
~ Finally set an intention for what you’d like to feel this day and cultivate that feeling as you go
~ Observe anytime when you might not be being kind to yourself and change the moment as possible
Remember life is about Being, not doing…
By being kinder to yourself, showing up to your life and allowing flow, you’d shift any funky energy and patterns you have running you… It’s time to create/Allow a life of overall abundance…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Complete the Relationship Enrichment Course to help you take your relationship to the next level!
Whether you need an overhaul or next level inspiration, this course helps you:
Break the impasse, be empowered, feel hopeful and inspired again
Improve your communication and deepen your understanding of each other
Change your patterns and better meet your and your partner’s needs
Enrich your connection, enhance your intimacy and truly enjoy being with each other
Strengthen your partnership, strive towards your Joint Life Vision, role model a radiant and successful relationship
You can access it through our Member Center, FREE with our Lifestyle Membership Access it HERE
You don’t have a Lifestyle Membership yet? No worries, you can get yours now for only $29 per month! Get it HERE
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
We can twist ourselves into a pretzel to get everything right in our relationship. We can wait for our partner to change. Or we can manipulate or control our partner into doing what we want. But none of these tactics work for creating our radiant and successful relationship, and joy in our life. Have you wondered how to change your relationship? The best way to create change in our relationship is to use connection and compassion…
I’ve been offering that to create change in our relationship, we have to change ourselves first. For this invites our partner to respond differently and hence shift the dynamic. And that is how we inspire our partner to change as well…
That is all true, but we can take the “change ourselves first” a bit too seriously and then feel discouraged and not even try…
What I want to offer today is some lightness into all this…
We CAN create the relationship we desire with our partner without turning ourselves into a pretzel, waiting for ever, or forcing our partner into anything… The way to do it is so simple that it almost flies under the radar… We tend to make things too complicated when they don’t have to be. Enriching our relationship is one such thing.
Change Your Relationship
So, what is this elusive tactic that is the magic bullet? The answer is to show up softer…
When we enter an interaction with our partner and they get defensive, reactive, and hijacked, that is our cue that they erected a wall. Now, no amount of pounding is going to get us through without both being unscathed.
In this case, the best approach is to try approaching them again with a softer approach. The softer approach will invite our partner to drop the wall and become available.
What does softer look like? Softer body language, softer voice and tone, softer language, softer energy…
Did you feel the shift in your body just reading that description? Imagine showing up shifted… Your partner doesn’t get physically and emotionally triggered- their unconscious and subconscious don’t need to erect protection… They don’t go into freeze, flight, or fight mode…
Going softer can be a challenge in and of itself if we are triggered, right? The key is to take a pause, take a deep belly breath, adjust ourselves, and then engage. Sometimes the pause needs to be longer than a breath if you are very activated… In that case, give your partner a heads up if appropriate- for sometimes discontinuing the engagement or not engaging at all is indicated, and then take a time out, a little break, to regroup, reset…
From the gentler place you can address your concern or needs, still being mindful of not aggressing your partner… Not going into their circle. Not judging or criticizing. Not making them wrong. Not canceling them. You do it by speaking your truth…
Speaking our truth can be challenging to do as well if you are disconnected from ourselves, and if our dynamics have been scary where we don’t feel safe showing up.
Please remember that your truth doesn’t mean that you are right, and that your partner is wrong- they have their own truth. Both partners are right in their own experience… Partners have a hard time with this.
They can’t hold space for both existing… This is why it’s so important that when you address your side that you don’t invalidate your partner’s… That you don’t go after them reinforcing whatever programs and triggers they have going on themselves… And to not confirm whatever fears they already have running rampant…
Going softer is a super simple tactic that does require a commitment on your part to do what it takes to show up softer… And to be mindful to speak your truth without canceling your partner in turn… Using your compassion should do the trick…
To know your truth and have the courage and wisdom to show up with it just requires connecting to yourself…
~ When you are disconnected from yourself, you are operating with your lower-self, blindly…
~ When you are connected with yourself, you are operating with your higher-self, brilliantly…
Note that when you operate from your higher-self, you are a lot more attractive and easier to connect with… Your partner won’t be running for the hills.
APPLICATION: Take a moment to ponder what usually triggers you in your relationship with your partner, then:
~ Identify the stories and scripts that run through your mind
~ Identify the vulnerable feelings that come up
~ Identify where these feelings reside in your body
~ Identify what symptoms and ailments they create
~ Identify how you usually numb yourself, so you don’t have to feel your feelings
~ Identify what defenses you use when relating with your partner for protection
~ Recognize how you are living in a life hologram- not authentically you…
Start changing this by becoming more present in your life using mindfulness practices…
Creating the relationship you desire, doesn’t have to be hard work. It doesn’t have to be painful. It doesn’t have to feel impossible. It just requires a commitment to being nice to yourself and each other… 😉
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Complete the Relationship Enrichment Course to help you change your relationship and take it to the next level!
Whether you need an overhaul or next level inspiration, this course helps you:
Break the impasse, be empowered, feel hopeful and inspired again
Improve your communication and deepen your understanding of each other
Change your patterns and better meet your and your partner’s needs
Enrich your connection, enhance your intimacy and truly enjoy being with each other
Strengthen your partnership, strive towards your Joint Life Vision, role model a radiant and successful relationship
You can access it through our Member Center, FREE with our Lifestyle Membership Access it HERE
You don’t have a Lifestyle Membership yet? No worries, you can get yours now for only $29 per month! Get it HERE
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
The next 90 days can make a real huge difference as to how you end up making out for the year. This is the time to regroup so you can reset your focus, targets, and desires…This is also the time to realign against your values and how you want the rest of the year to go. What kind of year do you want to have in all?
How do you want this one to go down in history? How do you want to have made your life better? How do you want to have gotten a bit closer to your Life Vision? The key is in mapping out meaningful experiences through the next 90 days…
You see, I used to be a real grinder… I can still be- I’m highly productive, can work tirelessly for endless hours, and do it without blinking an eye… The difference is that not only have I learned to work smarter and get better support, but now also I prioritize myself and my lovies a lot better and more than I ever used to.
For instance, I have embraced cultivating a Self Love Practice, that goes way beyond my already rich Self Care Practice… These have made such a massive difference in my wellbeing, health, connection, and just in my overall abundance. Not only did this help with safeguarding my energy, mental health, bandwidth, and time, but also with optimizing them…
A favorite tactic that I have truly enjoyed from this practice is Mapping Out Experiences. Since I’ve had such wonderful success with this, I wanted to highlight it here for you so hopefully it has the same beautiful impact in your life.
Because we are starting the last quarter of the year, I wanted to offer something that would have a significant impact on the flavor of your year so it’s more memorable… And usually, things that are memorable have to do with feelings, connection, memories and the like… The softer side of life…
To that end, I want to specifically focus on Mapping Out Experiences through the Next 90 Days. I’m sure you’ve heard that we are moving from the Information Age to the Experiences Age…
So, Mapping Out Experiences it is:
This has to do with identifying what kind of person you want to show up as in this world, and expanding your identity as necessary creating the new version of you…
This has to do with creating a master working list of experiences that help you stretch into, practice, and personify the new version of you.
This has to do with creating a seasonal, yearly or life bucket list to inspire you into new or repeat favorite experiences that bring you joy.
This has to do with identifying interest and pursuits and creating a cadence to engage in them, so they are consistently an inspiration and recharging source in your life.
This has to do with creating rituals and upgraded traditions that add more flavor, meaning and richness to your interactions and life flow…
Playing with any of the above will improve your life significantly… The key here is to pursue this in moderation yet playing full out. You don’t want to overload yourself and then end up shooting yourself on the foot because your life is so crammed that even the fun things are not enjoyable…
Once you have identified all the awesomeness you want to enrich your relationship/s and life with, then it’s time for Mapping Out Experiences.
APPLICATION: Complete the experience list/s that made your heart skip a bit when you read it. Which resonated most for you?
~ Review your list/s for the items you’d really like to experience or implement sooner than later. Mark all that apply.
~ Now go back and prioritize them becoming more selective. You want to sprinkle these into your lifestyle, not overrun it…
~ Then add one or two interests into your weekly/monthly routine following some sort of cadence.
~ Then schedule fun outings, events or other plans and experiences.
~ Finally, dust your plan with a new ritual or tradition to really take the whole thing to the next level…
Do this for the next 90 days, and keep this as part of your reset to do on a quarterly basis… And, this is how you keep creating your Best Relationship/s and Best Life… Enjoy!
Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed while we do what we are meant to do with our Journey… Make the most of it by intentionally pursuing the things that give you joy and purpose…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Complete the Relationship Enrichment Course to help you take your relationship to the next level!
Whether you need an overhaul or next level inspiration, this course helps you:
Break the impasse, be empowered, feel hopeful and inspired again
Improve your communication and deepen your understanding of each other
Change your patterns and better meet your and your partner’s needs
Enrich your connection, enhance your intimacy and truly enjoy being with each other
Strengthen your partnership, strive towards your Joint Life Vision, role model a radiant and successful relationship
You can access it through our Member Center, FREE with our Radiance Membership Access it HERE
You don’t have a Radiance Membership yet? No worries, you can get yours now for only $29 per month! Get it HERE
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Do you feel like life is a struggle? Are you having a hard time in your relationship? Do you find that you can’t seem to get along with your partner? That no matter how hard you try, you just can’t seem to get on the same page?
That you can’t create and sustain connection? That you can’t make headways in creating the life you want? Do you feel stagnant, stuck, hopeless? If so, you are not alone. Unfortunately, wanting to fix your relationship is a common desire. Things might not be working right now, but they can…
You want to have an amazing life but even thinking of pursuing a Life Vision feels foreign and overwhelming. You have no clue as to where to start. And thinking about living your best life feels ridiculous when your life is a struggle every day.
When you are constantly at odds with your partner. How can you possibly think of a dream life, a dream future? You don’t even know what would be in it- it is so far removed. And if you had an inkling it really just lives in dream land…
You can’t even consider going for it as you are in mostly survival mode. Yes, you have some good days and some fun times, but in all you are just grinding and surviving. You are not alive. You are not living your best life.
You are not on the same page, feeling deeply connected and having a flowing collaboration with your partner. You are not creating your joint Life Vision every day. The concept of manifesting it together is extraterrestrial talk.
When you pause to think about your life and your relationship, it feels like life is passing you by. It feels like you are incompatible with your partner- that they don’t get you and that you don’t care to get their ridiculousness.
You deeply want to fix your relationship because every conversation and interaction ends up in a disagreement, escalation, or at minimum both feel really bad- not heard, understood, gotten, valued or cherished. You keep triggering and annoying each other, you are constantly walking on eggshells, and are running on empty.
You can count on one hand how many times you were intimate in the past couple of months or had real fun together. So then, how can you possibly have bandwidth and energy for collaborating on a joint Life Vision…
I get it – even considering a joint Life Vision is the furthest thing from your mind…
What if I told you that you can come back from this disillusioned grim place? And that the way is actually quite simple, not easy but simple?
Fixing Your Relationship
The reason it’s not easy is because we love to blame our partner for what’s wrong. We focus on who they are, how they are, what they do, and not do, and so on. This is really an epidemic. When the couples we work with are stuck, it is partially because they refuse to not focus on their partner and how they supposedly ruin things…
You see focusing on your partner and how they should change- how they should stop lying, or start apologizing, or stop yelling, or start being nice, or stop being compulsive, or start being more compassionate, and so on- is not the answer.
We can’t make people do anything, we are not inside their brain and body to make them do the things we want. We can’t demand respect, understanding and niceness. This is not how we create our radiant and successful relationship…
But what I can tell you with certainty, is that you do have control over yourself and what you do… And, that when you do something different or show up differently that your partner automatically responds in kind… A different approach invites, inspires, a different response…
This is how you create change- this is how you help your partner change… This is how you create a different relationship that is the cornerstone of creating your best life. From this place you can envision and create your joint Life Vision… Voila!
Hey, I know that this is super hard to do for different reasons. It is especially hard to make our own changes and to show up differently, when our partner is doing what they do that so hurt or annoy us… But if you want to create your best life, it needs to start with you!
You can’t keep waiting for your partner to change or to do something different. You can be waiting a very long time, and that is if you even make is as a couple… You have the power, all the power, to change your relationship for you have control over what you do and what you do creates change…
It’s up to you. Do you want this relationship to work? Do you want to create an epic love affair with your partner? Do you want to create your best life? Do you want to strive for your Life Vison jointly? Well, let’s go- you can do it!
APPLICATION: How can you possibly change your relationship by yourself? The key is in fully owning all of you and showing up with your best self, as much as you can, as often as you can…
When you do this, your awesomeness will inspire your partner (and others!) to show up better themselves– and so in actuality you are both working it at the end of the day…
But when you wait for your partner as supposed to inspiring your partner, that’s when things move super slow and they are more painful than they have to be…
So, where do you start? Start as simply as possible and that is by having awareness of your self- your triggers, your sensitivities, your scripts, your stories, your wounds, your defenses, your shadows, how you show up and what you put out, your patterns, what you love, what you desire, what gives you joy, what’s fun and exciting for you, etc. Become more aware of you and learn yourself better!
How? Start with simple mindfulness practices, journaling, being with yourself, staying open and receptive… Strengthen yourself from within…
If you are at a loss for how to do this and stay the course for better taking care of and learning yourself, and how to inspire your partner- we can help.
Take one action today to get you moving on your new track: Get a meditation app, get a new journal, schedule a Self Date, schedule an appointment with a couples therapist or other professional support, anything towards investing in yourself… Have fun!
You can do it! You can fix your relationship! Become your most radiant self and invite your partner to shine with you…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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