Have you decided how you want the rest of the year to go yet? Yes, this is a decision… Regardless of what the world is doing out there you still have control over your mind, your feelings, your actions, your home, your work and the rest of it…
This is a hard concept for some to accept. Some might get hang up on how challenging things will be with Back-2-Sschool and Back-2-Hecticness regardless of what form that will take, what will happen with the election, what will happen with the economy, etc.
There are plenty of external factors always at play in our world… Unprecedented pandemic and all, there is always something going on…
Our job is to choose what we want for ourselves, our loved ones, and our lives regardless of external circumstances.
Some things are just that bottom line – who you are as a person, how you want to love your loved ones, and the impact and contribution you want to make. These things hardly change, regardless of what is happening out there…
These are the areas you need to explore, clarify, and own… For when you are clear on these essentials, they serve as a filter and a guide. The rest flows from there… This is how you stay the course, find motivation, stay focused, feel amazing and inspired, and create awesomeness.
Borrowing Simon Sinek’s Golden Circle concept, we can inspire ourselves and others to action, innovation, and creation by understanding our Why.
I love the concept and want to help you use it for yourself to transcend your current world and its next chapter, and create your New World, your New Reality… I want to help you take your life to the next level – in spite of the pandemic, actually as a result of the pandemic. Take that to the bank, Covid-19!
First, decide on the Whatyou want – What kind of person you want to be (become who you truly are), what kind of relationships you want to have (partake in), and what kind of life you want to live (create) – Self, Relationship, Life…
This in and of itself can stump people. Some have no idea, or haven’t owned, what they want… So, give it some good thinking, pondering and kicking around.
Once you know the What, then you can play with and figure out the How to make what you want happen… This is where people usually get stuck. Because they don’t know how to do something or how to create what they want, they give up or don’t even start going for it…
This is because they don’t know the Why they want what they want, their What. Without a Why, there is no compelling reason to start or stick with something, to figure it out, to be all-in to create the What. The Why is the Purpose, the belief, the drive, the energy, the spark. It is usually what makes our What special and different. This is why we get up in the morning.
So, after you have your What think about Why you want it. Give this some good thinking and percolating time. Once you have your answer, ask yourself Why that answer, and then again, and again, until you really get to your Core Why. Your Core Why needs to move you to tears. If it doesn’t, you haven’t gone deep enough yet. Keep going…
Once you have the Why, then you are ready to play with the How… We can tweak and entertain the ‘How’ to nauseam. There is an infinite number of ways to get our results, our What… We can keep trying things until we crack the code, or until we feel like changing things up again. Trust me, I know. LOL
This is what makes life, our Human Experience, so fun and interesting. It is for us to own, play with and enjoy!
So, you see if you are not clear on What you want and have no clue as to your Why you want it, how are you to figure out How to create it especially when the tough gets going. It’s very easy to lose focus and motivation, to feel beat, and to give up. We don’t have what it takes to figure out the How if we don’t have a strong Why…
It behoves us to crack the code on our Golden Circle so we can stay the course and enjoy the ride!
ASSIGNMENT: Explore these to inspire, empower and motivate yourself, and others, to create your Best Human Experience!
What kind of human (body/mind/spirit) do you want to be, and WHY?
What kind of partner, parent, family member, friend, team member / boss, leader, entrepreneur, citizen do you want to be, and WHY?
What impact and contribution do you want to make, and WHY?
Get in the know with these. Get clarity. Get inspiration and motivation. Get juiced up. Get aligned. Get on your own page…
From here you can pretty much do anything, from here you can go with the flow in this crazy world and still come out on top.
From here you can master back2school and back2hecticness with ease and transcend the nutty to end up with a fabulous 2020 in the end!
Happy Mastering!
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
The time has come to decide who you really are, who you are meant to become, what kind of relationship you want and what kind of life you want. This is it! Do you want an extraordinary life?
Have you noticed that more and more systems are breaking down and revamping (deconstructing and reconstructing…)? We are at a moment of truth. This is our chance to barely hang in there by a thread or to take matters into our own hands, to take our existence to the next level. The choice is ours.
If we continue to look at everything from a survival stance, that’s what we’ll do. Just merely survive. If we want to live our extraordinary life, we have to accomplish extraordinary things. We cannot have an extraordinary life and accomplish extraordinary things by doing the minimum and the basics, and then hoping for the best…
To accomplish extraordinary things, we have to have extraordinary thoughts and take extraordinary action…
Have you noticed that the most successful people in the world have extraordinary visions and accomplish them? That doesn’t happen by accident. They groom and fully own how they think, their mindset, their habits, their self-management, their calendar, their word, their actions, their commitments, their investments – EVERYTHING…
Not only do they fully own themselves, but they stretch themselves and go big… They develop themselves to handle bigger.
To take advantage of the inherent opportunity built into our current world situation and reconstruct with extraordinary results, we have to embrace things differently than we usually do…
The version of ourselves that got us this far can only get us this far… If you are Ok with your status quo, then you are good. But if you are striving and pivoting for a better life, if you want to live your Best Life, if you want to have an extraordinary life, you have to take yourself to the next level.
You can’t settle for your current version of you and expect to do better… never mind extraordinary.
I’m imploring you to embrace a growth and personal development approach to your life so you can go big and do extraordinary things. So you can join the movement of creating a New World… So you can leave a legacy and have a positive impact. For you right now extraordinary can just be accomplishing more than you have been, and that’s perfect.
Whatever your goal or next level, it is vital to your future that you improve your present… This requires you to think differently, to make a mega commitment to your endeavor, and take massive action. If this sounds like too much work and not for you, that’s Ok. You can stay where you are. But if you want more, this is what it takes…
Assuming you are on the Journey to more with me, today we’ll add another concept to our repertoire. This is not a new concept; you might already be familiar with it. I don’t usually write about it so it’s fairly new here. It’s the concept of implementing The 10X Rule…
This means that whatever you want, envision it as 10X more, bigger, better… For when our vision is this large, we approach the related goals, projects, tasks, and what it takes very differently.
Don’t let the hugeness scare you. For if you come up short on a 10X goal, you’d still be better off than if you accomplished 10% of that goal…
The beauty is in the hugeness of it, for it requires different strategies, tactics, systems, resources, support, and the like. It also requires more and sustained discipline, focus, dedication, stamina, and resilience to stay the course – hence my ongoing focus on personal development…
We’d approach a project much differently if we are planting a forest that just a tree… You see the difference of what we are able to accomplish depending on what we set out to do?
So, the key to an extraordinary life is to 10X what we want. We 10X the vision and we 10X our approach in turn… We don’t stop after we plant 1 tree. We have a plan for planting a forest.
And, this doesn’t mean we kill ourselves working. This just means we apply ourselves differently… In the end the effort is the same, but the results are nowhere in the same ballpark!
ASSIGNMENT: Take stock of your current life and where you are going. What are you shooting for?
-Are you trying to merely survive? Are you trying to get ahead? Are you shooting for Mars?
-What is your approach to your life? Are you invested in having an extraordinary life, or are you settling for average? The key is to make a choice. If you desire an extraordinary life, you have to approach your life with that intention in mind. Don’t be trying to have an extraordinary life by making an average investment… LOL
-If you want more than average, take a look at what you are working on and how you are going about it. Now 10X that! 10X what you are shooting for and 10X the actions towards achieving it… And, note that you don’t need to do all the work yourself… Ha! This is where people starting on this journey get hung up…
-Take one action today to get on the Extraordinary Life Track!
Think big, go big, create big! You can do it, just set your mind to it!!
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples to succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
The state of our country is kicking most of our people’s butts… If you’ve been feeling specially overwhelmed, tired, unmotivated, hopeless, cranky or such you are certainly not alone… We are just not used to this kind of sustained global impact on our way of life… It is taxing our emotional bandwidth… It is not conducive to thriving…
It is not easy to not get triggered one way or another by everything that is happening around us and how our world has been turned upside down. We can’t seem to get our new footing and replenish ourselves fast enough. Yes, we are on a spectrum of how impacted we are, but we are nonetheless impacted…
Regardless of where you fall on the spectrum and for what reasons, your job is to take care of yourself… Your job is to make sure you can weather this storm. Your job is to make sure you turn this around for yourself… Your job is to find the blessing, the good, the opportunity, the reason to pivot and how to best course correct… Your job is even to figure out how to Thrive… For everything happens For us…
I’ve been saying from day one that we are deconstructing to Reconstruct… It seems this is permeating every area of our lives more everyday…
What are you deconstructing in your life? Do you know the larger meaning of this for your life yet? Do you know how this is in Alignment with who you are, with what you are supposed to be doing, with the kind of Human Experience you signed up for?
These are the thoughts that Transcend the nonsense, the pain, the tragedy we might be experiencing. These are the thoughts that enliven us, that empower us, that energize us, that motivate us… These are the thoughts that give rise to innovation, reform, modernization. These are the thoughts that revolutionize our way of life into a New World…
We didn’t experience “the end of the world”, but we are experiencing a New World… We are kicking off a New Era! What is your place in it?
Hey, you are not merely looking to find a job, keep a job or get as much of the bonus you were going to get at your job… You are not looking to add a new service line, so your business stays afloat. You are not even looking for how to deliver your service better…
I’m talking about putting your Gift to real use… You have a unique gift and Purpose. There is a Reason why you chose this time to come have your Human Experience. Do you even know what your Gift and Purpose are yet so you can finally really have your full Human Experience…? Either way is informing your experience of our current world… The sooner you crack this code and Align with your Purpose the better your experience…
Will you rise to the Challenge to identify your gift and purpose? To use your Gift and Purpose for the highest impact and fullest Human Experience?
Will you match your gift and purpose to bridge the gaps in our current world and society for the best imaginable outcome, to leave your footprint, to make a difference? And, hey, I’m not necessarily talking about being on the front pages every day. I’m talking about just touching our world enough that you make a difference…
For you see this is the key. It’s not merely surviving, making do, meeting a need and doing well enough. It’s about fully matching who you are to our world for the greatest imprint… So, the world is different because you were in it…
Where do you start? You start by taking care of yourself… You start by designing your best daily life and sticking to it… You start by Aligning with your Self every day… You start by showing up with your Best Self to everything you do… And, you start by expanding your capacity, so you have a larger reach…
How do you do all this? You make a commitment to Personal Development and you play with it every day!
ASSIGNMENT: What is included in your Self-Care Practice? How do you take care of yourself? If your life is not AMAZING yet, you need to uplevel whatever you are doing…
-Start by how you are treating your body… Think rest, hydration, nutrition, supplements, cleansing, exercise, posture, stretching, grooming and pampering… When you play with these, you immediately feel better and are more resourced…
-Become aware and proactive about what you allow to rent space in your mind… Mindset work is huge in creating our Best Life… Target your negativity bias, reprogram your limiting beliefs and old scripts, heal old wounds, create new emotional patterns, consume uplifting, clean and motivating messages…
-Most importantly, connect with your Highest Self daily. Shoot for being Connected ongoingly… This takes practice… Build it into your routine!
Select what is the most challenging for you right now and commit to conquering it. The thing that is the most challenging is your biggest barrier… Once removed the rest is much easier… And, you’ll be having your amazing Human Experience and be on your way to creating your Best Life…
I know that thinking Best Life, Best Human Experience, Impacting the World, and such can seem very intimidating… But, it doesn’t have to be. Start with the basics to get in the Flow and you’ll be smooth sailing soon enough!
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples to succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Are you setting yourself up for your Best Year Yet? I want to help, this is what we’ll do…
First though, I’d like to point something out. I’m sure you’ve noticed that even though we specialize in working with couples, that my writing focuses on bringing out your Best Self to play… I cover this from a lot of different angles bringing it back around to the context of the relationship…
The reason for this is that we have a tendency to get in our own way, and then are not able to show up with our Best Self to our Relationship… The focus is on taking charge of ourselves to create the relationship and life we desire. This personal development is hugely important if we are to have our Best Life.
So, for the next several weeks to ease us right into the New Year, I’ll be covering very specific Relationship Success topics with the usual personal angle and flair. The idea is to prime the pump if you may to setup your relationship for its next level of awesomeness in the New Year. Eh?
Today’s topic – Feeling Stuck. Feeling Stuck is a very common feeling for couples. Partners feel stuck in a variety of ways. Here are some popular ones:
Not moving to the next level of commitment – moving in together, getting engaged, getting married
Not feeling close – feeling like ships passing in the night, disinterest from the other, not being a priority
Not feeling supported – having different preferences for leisure, in-laws issues, conflicting parenting styles, financial management concerns, general disapproval
Not progressing in life – having children, getting the first home or moving out of a starter home, having better jobs or positions, increasing business revenue or impact
Not feeling great in the relationship – experiencing a general sense of dissatisfaction, boredom, apathy, unhappiness
Feeling Stuck is par for the course in relationship at some point or another in its lifespan. Being in a successful relationship is one of the most challenging undertakings in life, with successful parenting being a close second… It is bound to have difficulties, challenges, and ups-and-downs. It is not easy to create a Radiant Joint Life where there is just the right balance of coupling and individualism, and of merging of two lives…
The fact that Feeling Stuck is normal at some point in our relationship doesn’t make it any easier. And, the fact that it’s normal doesn’t mean that we grin and bear it and wait for it to pass. We have to be intentional about addressing it properly or it can end up having severe consequences on the relationship and our life.
Of course, it would be even better to be preventative and hardly at all if ever have to experience this. But usually we learn how to be preventative of future stuckness by going through this at least once… It’s not something we usually start with, “Hm, let me make sure I don’t Feel Stuck at any point in the relationship”…
So, if you are Feeling Stuck, don’t worry you are not alone and know that you can change this. Sometimes when the feeling strikes it feels so numbing, uncomfortable, devastating, hopeless and such that the only way to alleviate the feeling is to get the heck out. But, don’t be rash in making this decision. Stuckness doesn’t have to be pervasive. You can get beyond it and create the relationship you desire… Only you can decide if it’s worth the investment.
It takes commitment to weather the storm, to hang in there, to address the uncomfortableness, to make changes. This is definitely not for the faint of heart. It takes courage to have faith and stay committed when faced with what seem indicators to the contrary.
Others in your life might question your sanity. You might question your sanity. But, it’s during this hesitation and ambivalence that we need to let go of ego and soften our heart…
It’s during our ambivalence that we are the most vulnerable and make rash decisions. I hear often that people wish they would have tried harder or differently to save a prior marriage or relationship.
Note, this is trickier to do when there are severe issues in the relationship – affairs, addictions, mental illness, or others. It doesn’t mean it can’t be done but be prepared for an intense ride. In this platform, I’m not talking to these situations for they require a little more TLC.
It’s during the ambivalence that we have to put our Feeling Stuck into proper Context and not lose sight of the forest for the tree… It is during this time that we have to Transcend our noise, our nitpicking, our stubborn position, our judgement and criticism, our arrogance and high-horse, and such.
It is during this time that we get in touch with what is important to us, why we are in this in the first place, who we actually are and the possibilities, who are partner actually is and the possibilities, the potential…
This is not so easy to do, but boy is it empowering if you are able to get out of your own way and see… For this becomes your Why, the inspiration, the driver, and the strength. This is what’s needed to stay the course. This is how it’s easier to stay committed…
From a committed place you have strength to do what it takes to create change. A key approach is to deconstruct the stories and scripts you have running through your mind, and see how you are cocreating the Stuckness… It is imperative that you take full ownership of your side in it. This is the only place you have control and power. When you exercise your agency, you can create change…
ASSIGNMENT: Make a date with yourself to have an empowering sit down. Create a time free of distractions that is cozy, soothing and restorative.
During this time, explore the story of your relationship. Look at it from every single angle. The only caveat is that you look at it as to how you’ve been in it, from inception until now…
What have been your strengths, your contributions, and your gifts?
What have been your weaknesses, defenses, and erosions? It’s ok to see how your partner might have induced these from you… But it’s NOT ok to blame your partner for the state of things, or for how you chose to react and be… All of that is ultimately on you!
Take full ownership for your side of things… This is where the Transformation starts…
Once you get a taste for how liberating and empowering this is, you’ll feel like a new person. This is how the Stuckness starts to breakdown… This is where the juice is! This is a worthy undertaking for from here anything is possible… Milk this feeling and keep coming back to it. Carry it into the New Year and beyond.
Stay tuned for next week’s issue on a Communication topic…
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Deconstructing!
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
It’s been a wonderful Season so far of clearing, replenishing, and resetting ourselves. As we move into the lovely holiday weekend with Passover and Easter, if you observe, we can expand on the meaning of the holiday beyond the religious message. I love to experience this time as a time for new beginnings… A time for rebirth, for freely pursuing our heart and our dreams, for beginning anew, for blooming, for thriving…
And, I love applying this lens to our Relationship… This is a time for recommitting to our partner and for starting a new chapter in our relationship, maybe even a new book! Regardless of the status of your relationship, here is another opportunity to reinvest in creating the relationship you desire.
You have a chance to create a new relationship with your partner. You have a chance to start new. I’m all for milking any and all opportunities in front of me. How about you?
So, what does this mean for our relationship? Of course, feel free to run with this concept as fits your life, relationship, current status, style, creativity, and such, but for my priming let’s entertain the idea (don’t overthink this!) of how different things could be if you had no choice but to succeed at your relationship…
How would you show up if all of a sudden:
Your relationship is brand spanking new and you’d inherit trillions of dollars if you create a successful relationship…
You only have a few days left to live and want to enjoy a successful relationship experience…
You lost your relationship memory but know you love and enjoy your partner and have a successful relationship…
You are in a gameshow where you win big bucks if you are selected as the best couple with the most successful relationship…
You are the poster couple for relationships being showcased to teach children about successful relationships…
You are the last couple post-apocalypse and have to role model a successful relationship for the future of humanity…
You are going on a very dangerous mission and want to leave a recorded year-in-the-life of Mom and Dad’s successful relationship for your children…
You are in a foreign world where the inhabitants are to be terminated unless they learn from you how to be an amazing couple, and create a successful relationship…
Your life is threatened, unless you engage your partner creating a successful relationship…
You swap identities with the partners of the most well-known/public, wealthy and successful relationship in the world…
What is the common denominator in the above?
To be the best you can be in your relationship, no matter what… It’s interesting what comes up when you entertain this (again, play along, don’t logic this!).
How would you be in your relationship, if you had no choice but to show up with your best self? It’s also interesting to see what happens when we do show up with our best self… This is what I teach our couples. It makes a huge difference once the partners focus on what they contribute and step up their own game…
Your Assignment this week: Right about now is the perfect time to commit anew to your Partner, the Relationship, and to creating a Successful Relationship. Dust-off your yearly goals and see what you had for Relationship Enrichment. Tweak those as necessary to capture the recommitment, starting new, the gorgeous meaning of the season, and properly kick off Q2!
Your relationship is what you make of it… Your relationship depends on the attention you give it… Your relationship depends on what you put in it… Your relationship depends on how you treat your Partner… Your relationship depends on how you show up… Commit to creating a New Relationship with your Partner… It CAN be done…
Be the partner you want to be… Be your best… Regardless of how your partner is being… You always have the option of no longer being in the relationship. But if you are in it, Be ALL in!
Stay tuned for the next issue on how to create your New Strategy.
Share your insights and impact by leaving a comment below! I’d love to learn what you are able to accomplish and create when you are resourced.
Happy Committing!
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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