Using the 5 Love Languages for giving and receiving the right kind of love

Using the 5 Love Languages for giving and receiving the right kind of love

What is Love? Love is many things, and we can all define it differently. And, we can all give it and receive it differently… It is common in couples for the partners to feel that they give more love than their partner does. It’s interesting when both partners in the relationship feel this way. The reason for this is that they are giving love the way they themselves like to receive love, not necessarily in the way that their partner likes to receive it. This leaves the partners giving love that the other doesn’t even register… 

What a conundrum, right? The partners give the love, and the other doesn’t feel it. 

They are both investing in their relationship with no impact. They get frustrated at giving the love that seemingly it not being reciprocated. The partners struggle to understand what’s happening, feeling resentful at not being loved enough… 

When this continues, with the partners none the wiser that they are both investing just not in the required way, the resentment starts manifesting in poor interactions. Which are riddled with cynicism, criticism, control, defensiveness, passive aggressiveness, defiance, power struggles, and other pesky ways. 

This can all be easily shifted when the partners give their love in the way the other likes to receive it! 

This idea was developed by Dr. Gary Chapman and presented in his popular book, The 5 Love Languages. He shares the 5 love languages commonly desired by partners and how to give love in those languages. Now we all like to receive love in all the 5 languages, but usually we have 2 top ones we prefer. 

I teach clients to focus on giving their partner love in their top two languages, so they no longer spin their wheels giving love how they like to receive it and it being lost on their partner. This shift in how they give love makes a great impact as the partners start to immediately feel more loved. An investment well worth what it requires to shift their approach. 

Dr. Chapman also presents pitfalls to avoid according to each love language. It’s interesting that partners have the hardest time giving the love in the way that their partner desires it, and do exactly the things that hurts the other the most… This is all part of our relationship dynamics and our patterns

The way we struggle giving the right love for our partner and avoiding the related pitfalls is all part of how we are to continue to evolve… This is yet another way in how we are a perfect match for each other…

Here are the 5 Love Languages and Their Pitfalls

Learning our Love Languages is key in ensuring we are showing each other love in the way that touches are heart the most and avoid the common pitfalls that hurt our partner.

1~ Words of Affirmation

Partners with this love language feel most loved through verbal expressions of affection, praise, and encouragement. This also includes compliments, appreciation, acknowledgment, credit, and validation. 

These Have this Flavor:
~ Saying, “I love you,” frequently.
~ Giving genuine compliments like, “You’re amazing at what you do.”
~ Leaving a heartfelt note or sending a thoughtful text message.

Pitfalls to Avoid:
~ Insincere or forced compliments can feel empty.
~ Negative or critical words can be especially hurtful to someone who values affirmation.
~ Assuming your partner “already knows” you appreciate them without saying it.

2~ Acts of Service

Love is expressed through helpful actions rather than words. Doing things that make life easier for the partner is the key to their heart. These partners really appreciate practical and hands on support. Help with their to-do list or getting things done. 

These Have this Flavor:
~ Cooking a meal for them when they’ve had a long day.
~ Taking care of household chores without being asked.
~ Running an errand they’ve been putting off.

Pitfalls to Avoid:
~ Doing things out of obligation rather than genuine love.
~ Assuming your acts of service are meaningful to your partner without asking.
~ Expecting praise in return, or having strings attached, rather than giving selflessly.

3~ Quality Time

Undivided attention and meaningful experiences are the primary ways these partners feel loved. This is where the attunement, presence, and protected couple and intimate time come into play. 

These Have this Flavor:
~ Planning a date night with special touches.
~ Engaging in deep conversations without distractions.
~ Taking a weekend trip together to reconnect.

Pitfalls to Avoid:
~ Being physically present but mentally absent (e.g., scrolling on your phone).
~ Assuming quantity of time matters more than quality.
~ Failing to plan meaningful activities together.

4~ Physical Touch

Physical affection is the primary way these partners feel connected and loved. This doesn’t always mean physical intimacy or sexy time. It can be as simple as touch. These can look like caressing, petting, patting, grazing, kissing, and the like…

These have this flavor:
~ Holding hands while walking together.
~ Giving hugs, back rubs, or gentle touches throughout the day.
~ Cuddling on the couch while watching a movie.

Pitfalls to Avoid:
~ Assuming all physical touch is romantical- non-intimate affection is important too.
~ Withholding touch as punishment.
~ Forgetting that small, spontaneous gestures of touch can mean a lot.

5~ Receiving Gifts

For some, tangible symbols of love carry deep emotional significance. It’s not about materialism but about the thoughtfulness behind the gift. Though some partners have higher expectations on the kinds of gifts. 

These have this flavor:
~ Bringing home their favorite snack just because.
~ Giving a meaningful birthday or anniversary present.
~ Surprising them with a small, sentimental token that reminds you of them.

Pitfalls to Avoid:
~ Thinking it’s about money rather than meaning.
~ Forgetting special occasions or failing to put thought into gifts.
~ Assuming a generic or last-minute gift will have the same impact as something personal.

Understanding and speaking our partner’s Love Language, and knowing and communicating our own, can be truly transformative in our relationship. 

Identifying and prioritizing our love languages can help prevent unnecessary conflicts, and deepen our connection. If you don’t already know yours, check out Dr. Chapman’s quiz! Here

This is a fun exercise to share with your partner to realign, add more dimension to your relating, and just for kicks. Why not? 

If you notice resistance in giving your partner love in their Love Language, take some time to explore what’s behind that for you and how you need to stretch for your own growth… 

Happy Loving…

With Much Love & Light!

 

JUST FOR YOU

This Month’s Activating Protocol: 

Realign for More Love in Your Relationship, Learn How to Date Your Partner

Often when couples struggle in their relationship, or when they feel they are in a bit of a slump, it has to do with Relationship Neglect… When life gets hectic with demands and we barely have time to sleep, the further thing from our mind is being cute in our relationship. Because we are so used to a life of grind, this state of affairs is common. Where the relationship and our bond take a major blow. 

The relationship can sustain challenging times, but ongoing neglect takes its toll. There are specific factors that play a role during these difficult times, that can at times be pervasive in the relationship making matters worse. Shifting these is key to getting out of the slump along with intentionally and effortlessly investing in the relationship. 

Don’t have a Membership with us yet? Here are our current memberships that give you access: 

Radiance Membership – Subscription of transformational content and much more! (at only $29 per month)
Get Enrolled Now

Success Membership – Subscription of therapy sessions, it includes the Radiance Membership! 
Get Started with an Initial Session

 

RESOURCES

~~ Watch our related videos on our YouTube channel

~~ Download our Date Your Partner Protocol to learn how to better date your partner for more fun, connection and love!  

PS: Related Articles
How to get more love from your partner
Yes, you can love too much…
Are you giving enough to your honey?
Are you being nice to your partner?
Do you play with your partner?
Are you ready for deeper connection with your spouse?
Break the barrier to connection
Flexibility enables connection
Perception, mood and connection

 

PPS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?

Interested in Couple Therapy, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Coaching, Individual Therapy or Support Sessions?

We can help with our private and group memberships:
Success Membership
Radiance Membership

Look forward to seeing you inside!

 

   Copyright (c) 2025 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Valentine’s Day Special: How to Be Partners in Love (Ep.33)

Valentine’s Day Special: How to Be Partners in Love (Ep.33)

It is not uncommon for couples to feel they are in a slump. Specially during the cold winter months when we tend to hibernate, have the winter blues, or just totally feel out of sorts. Relationships can lose their spark.  But when this feeling lingers beyond seasonal blues, it can erode intimacy, connection, and the overall bond between partners.

What’s tricky is that many couples don’t even recognize they’re in a slump. They assume this is just what happens in long-term relationships. They settle into routine, accepting an “okay” relationship instead of striving for something deeper, richer, and more fulfilling.

The partners that struggle are the ones dear to my heart, because they feel the possibility for more and they are rebelling against being mediocre. I say, Good on you. Your struggle is just a way of shaking things up. To have both partners’ attention making changes for the radiant and successful relationship and epic love you desire…

Being in a slump or experiencing relationship struggle is an unpleasant, challenging, and disconcerting experience to say the least. The disconnect, loneliness, emptiness, conflict, frustration, resentment, hopelessness, can totally take a toll on the couple as well as the partners themselves… These partners are a loss for how to regain their connection, feel their love, and create alignment and aliveness in their relationship.

I truly commend the couples that have the courage to admit they are struggling and invest in transforming and upleveling their relationship. My hat off to you!

6 Signs of a Relationship Slump 

Partners can experience their struggle or averageness in a variety of ways. The more of these ways they experience, the more difficult and painful their situation. But regardless of how severe their experience is, they can turn their relationship around by investing in it…

Here are 6 signs that your love life needs a reboot:

1~ The relationship doesn’t make it to the priority list – It’s interesting how often partners complain of feeling disconnected, but they don’t make any time to spend with each other. Or, they might have some time together, or even a lot, but it lacks depth and meaning. Being in the same room doesn’t constitute as quality couple time… And this goes beyond making time for each other. There is also little courtesy, kindness, tenderness, nurturing, attentiveness, mindfulness…

2~ The connection is dampened, the bond is frayed – Aside from not spending quality time together, the partners might do things that cut at their bond. Crossing boundaries and being neglectful, mean, inconsiderate, absent, controlling, manipulative and so on, are all tactics that make the partners put up defenses and keep their heart locked away.

3~ The romance got lost in translation – Partners allow the busyness of life to pull them away from what is actually the most important asset in their life… Their Partner in their Journey… And this is not merely a partner to create a life together – which couples also get wrong by the way. But a partner in Love… This part of the relationship is at the crux of our human experience… This is how we create the energy and flavor of our life, our shared life… And the romance is what activates the romantic feelings! This is where the essence of the partners get invited to play… Now this doesn’t have to be T.V. style romance. We can have a real life, down to earth approach that is more realistic and powerful.

4~ The attraction fizzled – The attraction doesn’t just fizzle. It fizzles because it is as if it was smothered by a damp cloth of insults, injuries, betrayals, let downs, neglect, rejection… When we are constantly in doing mode, like ships passing in the night, totally exhausted, not resourced, and at the mercy of our and our partner’s poor mood states, we are in the crossfires for survival. Then never mind being radiant and full of life that creates attraction… Add to that both partners usually being in their masculine energy, a formula for a dead sex life.  

 5~ The lovers are MIA – Then it makes sense that the lovers are MIA. There is no juice, no attraction to speak of, a lack of exhausted energy, no polarized energy between the genders, and a pervasive conscious or unconscious feeling of resentment and contempt. A lack of trust. No emotional safety. How are the partners to really let go to be present as real lovers?

6~ The intimacy is mechanical or superficial, or nonexistent – So then obviously the intimacy suffers. There is very little of it and the little that’s there is not what it could be… Partners are not on the same page about what intimacy they prefer, they might not even be in touch with what they prefer. And additionally, they struggle creating the space for any intimacy. Everything else gets in the way…

Now, couples can have some or all of these, and to varying degrees. No one couple is the same. And they each bring their unique set of circumstances to their story and situation along with their own uniqueness, needs and desires. So, don’t compare yourself with your friends. Each couple is special. Yes, there are similar patterns that are inherent to couples, relationships, and the human condition. But let the comparison stop there.

11 Power Moves to Transform Your Relationship

It doesn’t have to be difficult, complex, or intimidating investing in our relationship so we can turn it around, or to take it to the next level. It can actually be quite simple…

There might be mental health issues, unique patterns, and level of development the partners bring to the table that might require additional attention, nonetheless the basics are the same.

Bring your Best Self to your interactions to the best of your ability.

If this in and of itself is challenging, then professional support might be indicated for you. You know you need assistance if you or your partner have a difficult time doing the things recommended below. Or you try these but feel that a stronger dose of relationship know-how medicine is needed… We are here for you if you need support!

Now, on to the things to bring to your interactions to get out of the slump or to uplevel your relationship

  • Flirtation
  • Playfulness
  • Curiosity
  • Interest
  • Attunement
  • Adoration
  • Devotion
  • Affection
  • Connection
  • Intimacy
  • Passion

Check out the podcast episode below for a description of these! 

You might be struggling in your relationship, your relationship might in a slump, or you are looking to just take things to the next level. Regardless of your relationship status, the key is to bring commitment to making it work and to creating what you desire, to bring our Best Self to it, and to invest in it to keep it fresh and vibrant.

Embrace the power moves mentioned above, cultivate rich states around them to activate good relationship vibes, and shower your partner and your relationship with that TLC.

~ Play – Experiment with the moves and characteristics to keep things activating and elevating

~ Practice – Cultivate the states around each power move to make them accessible as you go

~ Pledge – Honor your commitment to your partner and the relationship, be all in to crack the codes  

And this my loves is how you bring more vibrancy and radiance to your relationship. Here is to a lovely and loved filled Valentine’s Day!

Hope this information serves you and helps you get on the path to your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life.

 

Episode Transcript

Learn more about the Podcast and check out other great episodes!

If you enjoyed the episode, we’d love for you to leave a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts to help others discover the show.

Mentioned Inside

FREE – Downloadable for how to Date Your Partner 

FREE – The Challenge for transforming your relationship

FREE – Relationship Enrichment Mini Course

Blog Post: Connection Habits™

Just For You

Monthly Activating Protocols

Realign for More Love in Your Relationship, Learn How to Date Your Partner
Often when couples struggle in their relationship, or when they feel they are in a bit of a slump, it has to do with Relationship Neglect… When life gets hectic with demands and we barely have time to sleep, the further thing from our mind is being cute in our relationship. Because we are so used to a life of grind, this state of affairs is common. Where the relationship and our bond take a major blow. The relationship can sustain challenging times, but ongoing neglect takes its toll. There are specific factors that play a role during these difficult times, that can at times be pervasive in the relationship making matters worse. Shifting these is key to getting out of the slump along with intentionally and effortlessly investing in the relationship.

Don’t have a Membership with us yet? Access it and much more through our Radiance Membership! (Only $29 per month)
Get Enrolled NOW!

Resources

~~ Watch our related videos on our YouTube channel

~~ Download our Date Your Partner Protocol to learn how to better date your partner for more fun, connection and love!

~~ Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Interested in Couple Therapy, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Coaching, Individual Therapy or Support Sessions?

We can help with our select memberships:
Radiance Membership – Transformational content and experiences subscription (Only $29 per month!) 
Success Membership – Private sessions and Radiance Membership access! (Start with an Initial Session)

~~ Interested in being our Guest? Interested in having Emma be a Guest in your Podcast?
Contact us about a possible collaboration!

 

 

DISCLAIMER: This content is meant to support your Journey and not as a replacement for professional assistance. Additionally, the ideas and resources provides by our guests are their ideas and recommendations alone and not necessarily a reflection of mine

Copyright (c) 2025 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

From Old Patterns to New Love, Fostering More Meaningful Connection

From Old Patterns to New Love, Fostering More Meaningful Connection

Call me weird, call me naïve, call me a hopeless romantic, but I choose to believe there is more love in the air and in the world than we sometimes see… I know this might be an unpopular opinion given the state of the world, but our reality is what we make of it. While plenty may challenge this belief, our reality is shaped our own state of mind…

Have you ever seen the movie It’s a Beautiful Life? It’s about a father in a concentration camp who shields their young son from the horrors of their situation by turning it into a game. Because of his father’s unwavering perspective, the boy never experiences the trauma of their conditions in the same way. Watch the trailer here

This story reminds us of something profound:

  • We are super powerful creators…
  • What we think and what we believe, we manifest…
  • What we focus on, grows…

Why not put this superpower to work, as we can create whatever we desire.

For me, that means focusing on love- helping couples create their radiant and successful relationship and rekindling their love. Actually, not just rekindle it but create something new, a New Love…  

 

What is this New Love?

For starters, the concept of New Love is about transcending our limitations to be as loving as we can be…

~ Letting go of the pettiness of our lower self

~ Releasing attachments to perceived limitations

~ Having grace for our own and other’s shortcomings

~ Being generous with- kindness, openness, flexibility, understanding, acknowledgement, acceptance, forgiveness, empathy, compassion, attention, affection, nurturing, support, cooperation, collaboration (Correlating to the 5 Elements of the Successful Relationship Strategy™)

~ Investing in win-win outcomes and elevating love as a collective experience

This Higher Perspective elevates us for a Grander Experience…

  • When we filter life through pettiness, we act petty
  • When we filter life through generosity, we act generously
  • When we filter life through love, we act lovingly

We can identify what we want to create and experience, and have it grow by simply focusing on and cultivating its related virtue, quality, feeling or state.

 

What this mean for our relationship

Here is the beautiful part: Aside from just feeling amazing and having a fabulous personal experience, you’ll notice your partner starts to shift along…

We can’t possibly operate from this Higher Perspective and not have it rub off on others, especially the ones closest to us, like our partner.

But a word of caution: Our approach has to be authentic and heart-felt. Not just lip service, hedging, conditions, or strings attached. Which are lower-self’s rules of engagement… With limiting underlying programming still running the show… This is the larger part of us and wins every time. So if there is a discrepancy between how we are showing up or our desire and what our programming dictates, the programming will impact the outcome no matter how hard we try…

Your partner and others will always respond to the underlying patterns, regardless of the words and actions. That’s why so many people say, “I tried everything, and nothing worked.”

We want to bring consciousness to our patterns allowing for a sustainable Higher Perspective. For there we can fill the space left behind by the dissolved patterns with the good stuff…

Now is the time to embrace this New Love.

Give it shot: Address your patterns and replace prior sabotaging habits with ones that nourish you, nurture your relationship, and delight your partner…

Now they can take hold and allow for that Grander Experience

Happy Loving…

With Much Love & Light!

 

RESOURCES

~~ Watch our related videos on our YouTube channel

~~ Download our Date Your Partner Protocol to learn how to better date your partner for more fun, connection and love!  

 

PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?

Interested in Couple Therapy, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Coaching, Individual Therapy or Support Sessions?

We can help with our private and group memberships:
Success Membership
Radiance Membership

Look forward to seeing you inside!

 

   Copyright (c) 2025 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

What Struggling Couples Can Learn From Successful Couples (Ep.32)

What Struggling Couples Can Learn From Successful Couples (Ep.32)

There is a difference on how successful couples show up to their relationship, versus how couples who struggle in their relationship do. The couples that create an amazing relationship are fully committed to their partner and to making the relationship work. They know that life might throw curveballs and that they might experience challenges, but they are committed to seeing them through together. They don’t look at their relationship and their partner as disposable if they hit a rough patch in the relationship. They are all in and willing to figure it out. 

They are willing to put in what it takes to crack the code at creating a radiant and successful relationship. They invest in themselves and the relationship to continue to uplevel their game.  

Making this level of commitment might be innate to the partners, who they are as people, and their development level. It might also have to do with how much personal work they’ve done for themselves, and how they have embraced a Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle. Meaning that they are super intentional about minding their relationship and prioritizing their partner… 

Through my work with couples during almost 3 decades at this point, I have come to see similar patterns that playout in relationships for couples that are struggling. These cluster into 5 main areas of relationship. These patterns when not addressed wreak havoc in the relationship and present a serious struggle for the partners. Gone unaddressed create demise for the relationship. They corrode the bond and the partners’ love. They get in the way of partners creating the relationship they desire and love. 

Addressing those patterns, facilitating personal development and expansion, and providing relationship insights, tools and skills, informed a therapeutic approach that I’ve named the Transcendental Relationship Therapy™, that includes our signature process, the Successful Relationship Strategy™.

THE SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP STRATEGY

The Strategy consists of 5 Elements, the 5 relationship areas, that when optimized create a transformation for a couple that is struggling. Successful couples tackle these elements naturally, intentionally investing in improving on them as needed. They bring higher level of awareness to their relationship. 

Here I provide a brief description of the Elements along with how partners who struggle go wrong in these areas, and a takeaway for immediate implementation and transformation. And I offer 4 virtues to cultivate for each of the 5 Element to assist you uplevel in that particular aspect of your relationship. You’ll have 20 virtues to play with as you like to start transforming your relationship to the relationship you desire and that you both love…

Element 1 – Circumstance (Context) & Mindset

This has to do with how we choose to show up, what we contribute to the relationship including our believes, our values, our dreams, and our desires. This is all our mental content and patterns, all our subconscious programs and conditioning. And how we approach boundaries and personal ownership.  

Couples that struggle bring stories of victimhood and have old scripts and limiting beliefs running rampant and coloring their experience. They also have thought patterns, habits, and a strong negativity bias that don’t support them in creating what they desire. They point fingers, blame, and pass the bucket. They don’t have strong accountability or take full responsibility for themselves. These partners are quick to state how they partner needs to change or what they need to improve…   

Takeaway > Focus on cleaning up and updating your relationship mindset to that of being fully in and being allies, for engaging with your partner as the most important person in your life- your Partner in this life Journey… 

Virtues to Cultivate

Commitment – Demonstrating loyalty and dedication shows your partner they can count on you, even through challenges. Commitment reinforces the longevity of the relationship. >> Commit to a specific caring gesture your partner loves that you’ll do at a cadence of your choice

Confidence – Believing in yourself and your worth enhances self-esteem and helps create a balanced relationship where both partners feel valued. >> Take on a hobby or activity you enjoy to stretch and expand yourself

Conviction – Standing by your values and principles helps guide the relationship in a positive direction, ensuring both partners grow together with integrity. >> Identify your values (get our Core Values Guide!) to share with your partner and to create shared ones

Contentment – Appreciating your partner and the relationship as it fosters gratitude and satisfaction, reducing unnecessary friction or conflict. >> Implement a shared Relationship Gratitude Journal, Appreciation Sessions, or other gratitude practice

Element 2 – Communication & Alignment

This has to do with getting on the same page, resolving conflict, making decisions, having genuine apologies, and having meaningful conversations. It involves using healthy communication skills and tools, being respectful, receptive, attuned, and authentic. Having great communication goes a long way. 

Couples that struggle focus on saying their piece, pushing their agenda, and getting their way. Even the quiet partners have this underlaying pattern, though they might have different drivers and motivations. They don’t utilize proper communication tools and skills, even when they have them. Making assumptions about their partner’s motives, intentions, desires, and so on. They escalate disagreements, don’t repair properly, if at all, and have a difficult time getting to any resolutions.  

Takeaway > Focus in upgrading, upleveling and enhancing your communication skills and tools 

Virtues to Cultivate 

Clarity – Communicating your needs, feelings, and thoughts clearly prevents misunderstandings. Clarity also means being transparent about intentions and expectations. >> Identify a small topic that usually trips you up, and invite your partner to chat about it with better skills

Civility Being polite and respectful during both good and bad times ensures that conflicts are handled gracefully and that feelings are protected and the bond safeguarded. >> Invite your partner into a challenge or game of civility- see who wins at being more courteous! 

Carefulness Being thoughtful about your words and actions shows care for your partner’s feelings. It ensures that decisions are made with their well-being in mind. >> Take an action you’ve been postponing to show your partner you get it and care  

Courage Having the courage to express vulnerability, tackle tough conversations, or navigate challenges strengthens the bond and promotes growth. >> Create a moment to share 3 vulnerable or risqué thoughts about yourself with your partner…

Element 3 – Clarity & Dynamics

This has to do with our relationship dynamics… The patterns we repeat from unresolved childhood issues, wounds, or disappointments… We call this the relationship loop… This is where a partner’s sensitivities or wounds get triggered, to which they respond with their usual defense mechanisms, which in turn trigger their partner, and when they respond with their own defense mechanisms trigger the initial triggered partner some more… This is where all the emotional content, patterns, and programming resides. All our unconscious and buried conditioning driving the show.  

Couples that struggle have a hard time self-regulating, they are easily triggered and become reactive, turning disagreements into arguments and possibly fights with the potential for further escalation. They have the same repeating conflicts and unresolved issues. They have poor insight and awareness as to their sensitivities, emotional drivers, and patterns. And they also lack awareness as to their impact on their partner and their needs, boundaries, and sensitivities. These are some indicators of codependency in the relationship.   

Takeaway > Focus on identifying and addressing your triggers, your core wounds or unresolved issues, and your defense mechanisms that contribute to getting stuck in a power struggle- your loop…

Virtues to Cultivate 

Calmness – Remaining calm during disagreements helps prevent escalation and promotes constructive communication. It fosters a peaceful environment where both partners feel secure. >> Implement a mindfulness practice to assist you get grounded, integrated and regulated for more resilience

Composure – Staying emotionally composed during conflicts prevents regrettable actions or words, allowing for thoughtful resolution and healing. >> Think on the things that usually aggravate you and identify a deeper need beneath it that you can meet

Compassion – Empathizing with your partner’s struggles and offering support without judgment deepens emotional intimacy and trust. >> On a daily find something to be compassionate for towards your partner

Consistency – Being dependable and predictable in your behavior builds trust and security in the relationship. Small, consistent acts of love make a big difference. >> Identify a behavior that meets your partners deeper needs to do on a regular basis

Element 4 – Connection & Intimacy

This has to do with creating, maintaining, and deepening connection in our relationship. As well as exploring our physical intimacy, expanding our passion, and taking it to new heights for sacred love making and earth shuttering connection. This is where partners flirt, play and have fun together. 

Couples that struggle barely show up to their relationship. They show up with toxic habits and old patterns, and with their Lower Self… They neglect their relationship and not prioritize their partner. Everything else gets their best energy and attention- from their children to their career or business to miscellaneous stuff! When our partner is THE most important partnership and resource we have in this life experience… Neglecting our relationship is like boarding up a gold mine… 

Takeaway > Focus on prioritizing your partner and the relationship in your thoughts, your actions, and how you manage your energy, bandwidth, and time 

Virtues to Cultivate

Caring – Expressing genuine concern for your partner’s physical and emotional health strengthens trust and deepens the bond. Small acts of care, like checking in or offering support, go a long way. >> Build in Connection Habits™ to automate nurturing your relationship!

Charity – Practicing generosity in giving time, attention, and support demonstrates selflessness in the relationship. Charity here also includes giving grace and forgiving mistakes. >> Set aside consistent Couple Time to have fun together, debrief or address things, and connect more meaningfully

Cheerfulness – Bringing joy and positivity to the relationship helps create an uplifting atmosphere. A cheerful attitude can lighten tense moments and keep the relationship fun. >> Bring out the fun, lightness and joy with cute, funny, and playful gestures 

Creativity – Finding new ways to keep the relationship exciting and fresh, such as planning unique dates or surprises, enhances joy and connection. >> This is where Dating Your Partner comes in – make it fun! (get our Dating Your Partner protocol!)

Element 5 – Collaboration & Partnership

This has to do with creating a strong partnership, a well-oiled machine to run the business of life and create a shared life you both love. The key is to divide and conquer utilizing your own strengths and having each other’s back. Setting up structures and systems and implementing support to smoothly take care of the mundane responsibilities, and saving time to apply to meaningful projects, ventures or activities. 

Couples that struggle are chaotic and overwhelmed. They haven’t clarified expectations, clearly divided responsibilities, they don’t have efficient and rewarding daily and weekly routines, they don’t have systems for collaborating and taking care of business. They get in each other’s way and sabotage any progress they might make. They are inconsistent in their efforts and frequently end up behind the eight ball.

Takeaway > Focus on creating cadences to help you synchronize with your partner around sharing responsibilities and running a smooth life

Virtues to Cultivate 

Collaboration – Collaborating on a shared vision, planning the future, shared goals, and mapping out strategies strengthens unity and alignment. >> Have a talk about what kind of life you want to create and live and how you’d like to go about creating it 

Cooperation – Working as a team to achieve goals, get things done, manage your shared life, and resolve conflicts, demonstrates teamwork and mutual respect. >> Make sure you have a divide and conquer approach to all your responsibilities (get our Relationship Collaboration System!)

Compromise – Finding common ground during disagreements ensures that both partners’ needs are met, strengthening understanding, acceptance and belonging. >> Identify an activity or pursuit that you usually struggle getting on the same page on and find the common ground there

Competence – Being reliable and capable in fulfilling responsibilities (e.g., managing finances, supporting during tough times) contributes to a stable and dependable partnership. >> Select a task or project flowing from your shared goals that can draw from your brilliance to run with and crush it

This is a framework to assist you assess where you need to invest more or differently in your relationship to create the transformation you seek and ultimately your Radiant and Successful Relationship, and meaningful life.  

Hope this information serves you and helps you get on the path to your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life. 

 

Episode Transcript

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MENTIONED INSIDE

Successful Relationship Strategy™ Playlist

FREE Downloadable Exercises and Implementation Support 
Identify Your Core Values
Dating Your Partner
Collaboration in Relationship

FREE Downloadable Handout On Setting Effective Boundaries

FREE Subscription to The Upleveling Challenge 

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~~ Watch our related videos on our YouTube channel

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~~ Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
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DISCLAIMER: This content is meant to support your Journey and not as a replacement for professional assistance. Additionally, the ideas and resources provides by our guests are their ideas and recommendations alone and not necessarily a reflection of mine

Copyright (c) 2025 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

Cheat and divorce-proof your marriage, give your partner baths

Cheat and divorce-proof your marriage, give your partner baths

Aside from financial strain, many couples start considering divorce when find themselves frequently in conflict or no longer feeling the relationship…

At its core, these issues often stem from undermining relationship patterns or a lack of connection… And can easily be addressed by enriching the relationship and deepening the connection between the partners…

Being intentional about our relationship is a proven way to safeguard it against cheating and divorce.

That said, I understand how the idea of investing in the relationship and deepening connection might want to make you throw up in your mouth if you are currently at odds or feeling completely estranged. I get it, especially if:

~ Conversations derail no matter how hard you try to get on the same page

~ You feel you are the one doing all the work- apologizing, planning, and trying to make things better

~ The idea of being available, open, or vulnerable feels overwhelming or even terrifying

~ Making the first move toward connection or intimacy feels awkward and unnatural

~ You worry that your partner might not understand or appreciate your efforts, or worse- might reject them outright

~ The things you’ve tried so far haven’t gained any traction or given the results you hoped for

~ Even if there is improvement, it often feels short-lived with the relationship slipping back into old patterns

These feelings are valid, and they are part of the challenge.

The truth is, if there is little effort to mindfully addressing issues, vulnerably sharing needs and preferences, and proactively investing in nurturing our relationship giving love and caring, the relationship has very little chance of surviving, never mind thriving

These are antidotes to frequent conflicts and estrangement in our relationship… When we feel connected, we can have more understanding, give grace more readily, and find it easier to align, problem-solve, collaborate, and play together…

WHEN FREQUENT CONFLICTS IS THE CULPRIT

It is certainly not easy to be in a relationship that is riddled with tension and conflict. When conversations feel flat, superficial, or forced and the slightest truth can turn into a disagreement. When any behavior, decision, or comment has the potential to trigger a and argument that quickly escalate into a full-blown fight. When concerns or dislikes are left unspoken simply to avoid another argument.

This dynamic arises from the partners’ limiting belief systems, relationship mindset, communication styles, and defensive patterns. Creating habits and patterns that hinder the ability to show up compassionately, vulnerably, and authentically for one another.

The solution lies in embracing a Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle  by consistently:

~ Being Fully Committed – Closing any gaps or leaks and being intentionally building a successful relationship with a shared vision for a life together.

~ Taking Full Accountability – Owning your role in the current dynamic and making the necessary changes to foster different, more positive outcomes.

~ Proactively Addressing Challenges – Tackling what’s not working with compassion, kindness, and patience, while investing in nurturing and strengthening the relationship.

Making a commitment to making the relationship work, is in itself a powerful step toward making the relationship work…

WHEN ESTRANGEMENT IS THE CULPRIT

And it’s certainly not easy to be in a relationship that feels cold, distant, and transactional… Where the partners function more like roommates, prioritize their children over the relationship, or simply lead parallel lives. Where they might have challenges finding things in common or having fun together. Where they have let their physical intimacy fall by the wayside…

It is actually painful to live in a barren household or have a distant relationship. As humans, we have an innate need for connection, it’s hardwired into us as a fundamental part of our being. When we don’t meet this need, and especially if we have abandonment wounds, the pain can be excruciating. This pain invites our ugliest defense mechanisms as we try to cope with the distress…

Unfortunately, these defense mechanisms perpetuate the destructive power struggle cycle, the dissatisfying patterns, that couples experience when they haven’t invested in personal development and relationship enrichment.

The solution lies in creating, maintaining, and deepening their connection to create emotional safety that allows them to take the relationship and their intimacy to the next level:

~ Creating Connection – Gently reaching out for interest in connecting and nurturing the relationship. Showing interest in our partner with curiosity about their thoughts, feelings, experiences and desires.

~ Maintaining Connection – Implementing Connection Habits™ to protect the bond, cultivate a sense of closeness, and easily re-engage and reconnect even during challenging times.

~ Deepening Connection – Elevating interactions by engaging in more intimate, vulnerable, and authentic conversations that explore values, personal truths, emotions, and even existential topics for a richer and more profound connection.

Showing genuine interest in our partner can make a world of difference. When they feel truly valued, appreciated, understood, and desired the foundation of the relationship strengthens and the relationship starts to flourish.

Being intentional about our relationship is a proven way to safeguard it against cheating and divorce. By addressing and transforming defense mechanisms, programs, and patterns that drive our interactions, and by actively investing in connecting with our partner, we pave the way the way for creating the relationship we desire.

It is up to us to prevent the demise of our relationship by showing up with the best of intentions and with our Best Self. Only then can our relationship become the relationship we both love.

Happy showing up…

With Much Love & Light!

 

JUST FOR YOU

NEW! Monthly Activating Protocols
Establish Your Highest Potential in 10 Key Life Areas, Design Your New Life
Having a North Star ensures we stay the course on the path we desire on our Journey. It ensures we create the relationship and life we love, and have the Human Experience we desire… In this activation, we walk through a Visioning and Expansion Process to reprogram and reset for the New Year… We take a deep dive and activate the Highest Potential in 10 Life Areas to drive your reset. You get to explore your heart’s desires and identify the specific actions, tactic, or habits you’ll implement to create your New Beginnings, and your Ideal New Life… We design your ideal lifestyle you can start living immediately that’s the framework to live your Grand Life Adventure…

Don’t have a Membership with us yet? Access it and much more through our Radiance Membership! (Only $29 per month)
Get Enrolled NOW!

RESOURCES

Watch our related videos on our YouTube channel 

Download our Core Values Guide to align your vision today! Make your relationship resolutions, goals and dreams come true and create a shared life you love!

 

PS: Related Articles

Why you need Purpose in your life
Do you have Clarity?
Why have a 100-Year Vision Plan…
Let your Values rule your life
Live by your Character and Practical Strengths
How to waltz into the New Year!
How to Upshift for your New Beginning [VIDEO]
How to make sure you get your New Beginning
Create a New Beginning with your partner this New Year [VIDEO]
Creating new beginnings through connection and collaboration
What would you like to have more of in the New Year?
New habits, routines and motivation
The power of having Intentional Habits™
Staying motivated with your new year’s intentions
Are you achieving your relationship goals?
Are you a strong partnership?
Do You Support Each Other?
Does your Couple Brand need upgrading?
Tired of feeling stuck in your relationship?
Tired of fighting without resolution?
Tired of the same old issue?
Tired of feeling disconnected?
Tired of feeling overwhelmed?

 

PPS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?

Interested in Couple Therapy, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Coaching, Individual Therapy or Support Sessions?

We can help with our private and group memberships:
Success Membership

Radiance Membership

Look forward to seeing you inside!

 

   Copyright (c) 2025 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™
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