Have you noticed that when you think you want to make a change, that something happens to undermine it and make you go back to the old ways? This is your ego on overdrive at protecting you. It makes excuses and sabotages things to keep the status quo as the known is safer than the unknown…
Unfortunately, this protection keeps you small and holds you back from your evolution and from your best life. Use 30-day challenges to change your patterns…
Our life is a big old habit. Everything we do is out of habit. Our daily routine is a habit. Our thoughts, our feelings, our actions are all habits… How we make decisions, how we approach tasks, how we collaborate, how we work, and so on are all habits… Our personality is a habit… Who we are is a habit…
Have you ever noticed that something might happen that you don’t consider cool and that normally would trigger you, but you are not triggered and as soon as you notice you get upset…?
Or something might happen or is said that you don’t agree with, it goes against you, it breaks a commitment or such that you believe should make you mad, so you get mad?
There are plenty of examples like this. We live by templates and follow them accordingly.
When we try to make any kind of change, including changing or starting a new habit, our ego jumps in to maintain the status quo as it sees change as a threat…
This is why it’s so difficult to create change in our lives… Even when things change on their own, we resist them…
So, we will no longer have any of this going forward… Let’s agree that starting today we will welcome change, we will pursue change, and we will embrace change. Yes?
All our patterns and habits are defenses mounted by our ego… Therefore, the key to creating change is to tame our ego… Let’s get really strategic about addressing our egoic patterns. This doesn’t have to take a rocket scientist or a PhD in psychology. Let’s make this as simple as possible.
I offer you a very simple and down to earth approach to tackling changing egoic patterns in your life.
I suggest embracing 30-Day Challenges as a way to get out of our own way, to disarm the ego, to interrupt and change our current patterns…
For you see a challenge, challenges you… You put in all your resources into it, as opposed to winging trying to create change in a different way. You plan for it, you accommodate for it, you stay focused on it, you are excited about it and you are proud of it. From this place you can disarm and soothe the ego much more easily than if you go in nilly-willy.
Get creative as to your 30-Day Challenge… You can select or create a challenge that supports the change you are trying to make.
The way to do that is to identify what is at the core of the change you want to make – do you want to be more focused, get healthier, strengthen your relationship, build self-esteem, add more joy into your life, expand your self-care practice, remove toxicity from your life, and such… Check out the 30-Day Challenges List I created to help us do this work.
It is very interesting to observe the ego’s machinations as we entertain this, start playing with it and go for it… Stay observant of what comes up, the excuses, the noise, the sabotage… Stay the course by soothing yourself, keep on with ease, compassion and love. Stay present. Reassure your ego that all is well…
Get beneath what the old pattern is protecting you from… What trauma, what triggers, what fears, what wounds are still fermenting somewhere inside you? Be gentle, be understanding, be accepting, be compassionate and be forgiving…
Connect with what is at the core of your programs and address it with love. Shine the light and let go of the shame, the self-doubt, the self-blame, the guilt. Clean out what’s sitting there…
Keep on and give yourself tons of love, high-fives and gold stars as you make progress in your challenge and in addressing what is driving your patterns…
APPLICATION: Take a nice look at your life and note what patterns and/or habits seem to be getting in the way of your best self, best relationship and best life…
~ Select the pattern that when changed it would have the biggest impact for you
~ Identify a 30-Day Challenge that would support you in changing the egoic pattern
~ Select a start date for your challenge and do any prep needed ahead of time so you can have a strong start
~ In your journal, track your experience, what comes up, and what you imagine would be underneath the pattern you are working on changing…
~ Give yourself the understanding, validation, compassion, and love the uncovered wound needs for it to heal… Take note of how you feel.
~ Stay present with what continues to come up and what changes you might experience…
We have the option of being who we want to be… Very few of us exercise that option, choice and power… Let’s change that, shall we?
Here is to the best Summer Upleveling™ yet!
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Masterclasses
💐 If you missed our recent Masterclasses, you can still get them through our Member Center:
~ A Self-Love Strategy for Creating Your Best Life – Designing and implementing your personalized self-love practice
~ Relationship Enrichment Mini Retreat – Reprogramming and shifting for connecting more deeply and creating the relationship you desire
~ Feeling Stuck and Spring Cleaning is NOT Cutting it – Deconstructing and reconstructing yourself to unleash the radiance within
~ Create an Epic Love Affair with Your Partner – Addressing the struggle and upleveling your relationship to create your epic love affair
~ Get Unstuck with Self ReParenting – Addressing inner child work to transmute your recurring patterns
They include gorgeous workbooks of transformational processes
💐 Not a member? No worries, join us with a Lifestyle Membership. This Membership includes access to our private community, full access to our Member Center and previous content, and access to upcoming Masterclasses at no additional cost, all for only $29 per month.
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
Summertime is one of my favorite times of year. I love everything about it but most importantly I love it as it offers the opportunity to really slow down and be with ourselves and all that is important to us… I find this to be a magnificent time to play at self-growth and relationship enrichment to uplevel our lives. Let’s make this a Summer of upleveling.
When we think of personal development, self-growth, relationship enrichment, and such as a focus, it might feel like a dense project… But this couldn’t be further from the truth.
In reality, focusing on upleveling our life can be really light and fluffy. You can go about evolving yourself and creating the relationship you desire, by just setting the intention to be more mindful and present…
You decide how much you want to play with this idea, how much you want to focus on it, and how much you are open to putting into it.
I know that when I focus on a specific growth place, that what ensues is pure transformation. It has a ripple effect into all areas of my life, including my relationship if I wasn’t focusing directly on it.
Self-growth and Relationship Enrichment as a Summer focus can take on many forms. Here are some possibilities that you can use to inspire your specific play and focus:
Identify an area that needs healing and implement a tactic to help you with it
Consider creating a more passionate relationship and what that would entail, embrace a new intimacy approach to that end
So what would this Self-growth and Relationship Enrichment focus look like for you this Summer? What are areas of your life you’d like to upgrade? Who do you need to become to be able to make that happen? How do you need to show up differently to allow what you desire? What do you need to let go of to allow for and to create space for the new?
Creating the relationship and life we desire, doesn’t happen by default, by accident or by some chance. We have to have to know what we want, be open to that or something better, and have our own back in making it happen…
Are you game? Will you accept my invitation to make this a Summer of Self-growth and Relationship Enrichment?
Would love for you to join in and also have a Summer of upleveling!
APPLICATION: Decide what flavor of Self Growth and Relationship Enrichment you’ll focus on for this Summer of Upleveling…
~ Create a simple plan for playing with your choice
~ Identify what you’d like to experience and feel as you go
~ Identify the outcome you’ll like to achieve
~ Get support to help you stay accountable and making progress
We are always evolving, growing and moving forward in one way or another… It is great to have a hand in how that plays out and how our Journey is to unfold, to the extent we can of course. Being in connection with our Higher Self in this process ensures it all works out for the best for the highest good of all and that we fully and completely honor ourselves…
Here is to the best Summer Upleveling™ yet!
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Masterclasses
💐 If you missed our recent Masterclasses, you can still get them through our Member Center:
~ A Self-Love Strategy for Creating Your Best Life – Designing and implementing your personalized self-love practice
~ Relationship Enrichment Mini Retreat – Reprogramming and shifting for connecting more deeply and creating the relationship you desire
~ Feeling Stuck and Spring Cleaning is NOT Cutting it – Deconstructing and reconstructing yourself to unleash the radiance within
~ Create an Epic Love Affair with Your Partner – Addressing the struggle and upleveling your relationship to create your epic love affair
~ Get Unstuck with Self ReParenting – Addressing inner child work to transmute your recurring patterns
They include gorgeous workbooks of transformational processes
💐 Not a member? No worries, join us with a Radiance Membership. This Membership includes access to our private community, full access to our Member Center and previous content, and access to upcoming Masterclasses at no additional cost, all for only $29 per month.
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
This month we celebrated Mother’s Day, this upcoming month we are celebrating Father’s Day. These are gorgeous reminders to celebrate our elders. We tend to live with blinders on forgetting where we come from…
But most importantly these can serve as reminders that though our past might inform who we are, that it doesn’t define who we are unless we let it… I invite you to explore what informs who you are and to have a say in the matter! ReProgram yourself with self-reparenting to change your patterns.
As we’ve been playing with the theme of nurturing is not caretaking and codependency traits, it is obvious that we have programming that is getting in the way of how we see ourselves, how we show up in our lives, and we interact with others.
This is of special note when it comes to our romantic relationship. We tend to create painful and dissatisfying recurring patterns in our relationship when we show up with our defense mechanisms and our programs…
This has always been an issue for people and for relationships, but this is so much more so now adays as our world is becoming more awake, conscientious and authentic…
When we hide and numb ourselves with grinding, busyness, overscheduling, overcommitting, overdoing, scrolling, swiping and surfing, and the rest of it, we are disconnected from ourselves and therefore keeping ourselves in pain…
Then we focus externally for answers and solutions. We blame our boss, government, politics, market, global warming, and so on. Worse, as we know – we blame our parents and more significantly we blame our partner. We people please. We deny ourselves. We continue to hide. We continue to suffer…
When all we have to do is go inward for the answers and the solutions… If only we just did this, we can seamlessly change ourselves, our relationship, and our life… I promise!
When we go inward and connect with ourselves, we see the programs and address them, we can get all the other answers we need, and most awesomely we connect with our brilliance… When we do this, we let our radiance shine right through, and life becomes magical…
When we are connected with ourselves, we can easily identify our feelings, our parts, our programs, our needs, our purpose, our vision and so on. This is a very powerful and resourceful state… You are your friend.
Better yet, when you do this, you can determine what you need to do to heal yourself, to grow yourself up, to evolve yourself, to transcend and to ascend… Regardless of where you are in your spiritual journey, all this is still true for you to develop yourself and enjoy your human experience. To have your best human experience, your best life.
Connecting with yourself helps you connect with your inner child and to tend to it… This is where the self-reparenting comes in… You can give yourself what you desired and needed growing up that you were unable to get from your imperfect caregivers…
Connecting with your inner child allows you to take care of yourself at a deeper level. Self-care takes on a whole new meaning now… It helps your inner child be heard, seen, validated, fully accepted and loved unconditionally…
When we are committed about having our best human experience, it makes sense to tend to what about us holds us back from experiencing it and living it. Our programming is at the core of it. If we want to reprogram ourselves, we need to include inner child work to our repertoire to assist us change the patterns…
Your inner child can’t wait to get attention from you!
~ Explore where in your life you find you suffer the most. Where do you find you have the most programs, or recurring patterns? What themes are pervasive in your life, in your relationship? ~ Determine what you need, more mothering and/or more fathering… Consult your inner child… Mothering- Do you feel like you need more love, attention, affection, caring, nurturing? Fathering- Do you feel like you need more trust, safety, security, stability, consistency? ~ Design two habits or tactics that you’ll do recurringly to give yourself what you identified above. You can do one habit or tactic for each or both habits or tactics for either mothering or fathering depending on what you are looking to reprogram…
When you start doing this deeper healing and honoring, everything in your life transform… Your relationship becomes magical, your life becomes magical…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Masterclasses
💐 If you missed our recent Masterclasses, you can still get them through our Member Center:
~ A Self-Love Strategy for Creating Your Best Life – Designing and implementing your personalized self-love practice
~ Relationship Enrichment Mini Retreat – Reprogramming and shifting for connecting more deeply and creating the relationship you desire
~ Feeling Stuck and Spring Cleaning is NOT Cutting it – Deconstructing and reconstructing yourself to unleash the radiance within
~ Create an Epic Love Affair with Your Partner – Addressing the struggle and upleveling your relationship to create your epic love affair
~ Get Unstuck with Self ReParenting – Addressing inner child work to transmute your recurring patterns
They include gorgeous workbooks of transformational processes
💐 Not a member? No worries, join us with a Lifestyle Membership. This Membership includes access to our private community, full access to our Member Center and previous content, and access to upcoming Masterclasses at no additional cost, all for only $29 per month.
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
Did you ever stop to think about what is real nurturing? How do we properly give and show love to our lovies? How do we give TLC without caretaking, being codependent, or at our expense? How do we give selflessly without losing ourselves? How can we be super abundant and generous? How can we be expansive in our relating?
Most people don’t stop to think about these things, I get it. LOL But, I’m sure you’ve wondered about them when you’ve felt stuck or after a fight with your partner, that there has to be a better way. Yes?
The thing is that we are trying too hard at not being stuck or at not fighting, when that is keeping us focused on just that and therefore creating more of the same… Have you heard the saying, What you resist, persists?
What if we were to let go of trying so hard, and just decided to show up with our most loving, available, and compassionate self? What if we decided that it’s ok that our partner didn’t use their perfect language and vocabulary? What if we decided that it’s ok that our partner is grumpy? What if we decided that it’s ok that our partner forgot to take out the garbage?
What if we decided it’s ok for our partner to be imperfect? For after all they are also on a Journey…
What if we decided that we just need to focus on showing up the best we can muster? Period. And that it’s ok when we are not perfect?
What if we decided to just be nice to our partner? To give without strings attached? To give generously? To give what they desire, not what we want to give? To give in their love language? To invest in delighting them? To invest in creating harmony, joy and laughter?
What if our focus was to learn ourselves, and to be curious about our partner without judgement? To just show up to the same space without expectations that they should be in any particular way?
What if we were to also graciously receive their presence and what they offer? What if we were to just take them in, even in their fumbled attempts at connection? What if we were to suspend all judgement, criticism, expectations, demands, and such?
What if we got out of the way of our partner showing up for us? What if we notice our partner’s attempts at being nice, at connecting, at giving, at caring, at being friendly, at being funny, at being sexy, and at all the things…?
You see, we have a tendency to be funny at giving and receiving… We think we give all this, but do we really? We think our partner doesn’t do squat, but is that true? We seriously have got to remove our biased lens and transcend this way of showing up and perceiving our partner and our relationship…
Stop making a case for your circumstances, for your limitations and for how your partner sucks. What is the point in that? What are you trying to prove? What do you get out of that? I know that when partners stop all that noise, and focus on their side of the equation, that’s when they transform their relationship and their life.
Please stop, if you just had the thought that you’ve been doing all the right things, but your partner hasn’t! You must eradicate this thinking at the root. Just focusing on what your partner has and hasn’t done in and of itself is keeping you stuck!
Focus Instead on Real Nurturing™:
~ Giving Generously – from abundance and expansion, with no strings attached, and from their love language
~ Receiving Graciously – with clean lenses on and with an open mind, with no meaning attached, and from attunement
Hey, I know this is easier said than that, as us getting in our own way is so prevalent. Our stories, scripts, programs and patterns if unaddressed have a sure way of undermining the best of our intentions.
If you struggle with giving and receiving seamlessly in your relationship, I’d start with some reprogramming and self-love first…
Just know that it’s ok that this is challenging, but that slow and steady wins the raise. You’ll get there!
APPLICATION: It is time to get more out of your relationship and your life… The simple way is to stop doing and worrying so much and be and enjoy more…
~ Be with the idea of having Real Nurturing in your relationship… ~ Let go of all the doing, controlling, demanding, expecting, manipulating, and such… ~ Get yourself in a receiving mode… by connecting with your Higher Self… ~ Transcend the lack and the judgement… ~ Choose to be unconditionally nice, giving and loving…
Aligning yourself seamlessly sets you up for Real Nurturing… Give generously, receive graciously…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Masterclasses
💐 If you missed our recent Masterclasses, you can still get them through our Member Center:
~ A Self-Love Strategy for Creating Your Best Life – Designing and implementing your personalized self-love practice
~ Relationship Enrichment Mini Retreat – Reprogramming and shifting for connecting more deeply and creating the relationship you desire
~ Feeling Stuck and Spring Cleaning is NOT Cutting it – Deconstructing and reconstructing yourself to unleash the radiance within
~ Create an Epic Love Affair with Your Partner – Addressing the struggle and upleveling your relationship to create your epic love affair
They include gorgeous workbooks of transformational processes
💐 Not a member? No worries, join us with a Lifestyle Membership. This Membership includes access to our private community, full access to our Member Center and previous content, and access to upcoming Masterclasses at no additional cost, all for only $29 per month.
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
Thanksgiving is about really appreciating everything in our lives… A grateful heart is like a magic pill… There are so many ways to embrace a Gratitude Practice and being Thankful. When we appreciate our life in its full glory, the challenges and all- as they are for us, then we are abundant…
From an abundant place we can genuinely be generous to enrich the life of others, and in turn our own. Today, let’s focus on Expanding Generosity (Thanksgiving Series Pt3).
No matter how we cut it, there is always someone who has less than us or has it worse than us… And helping alleviate their suffering or making their lives better in some way not only does it help them, but it also helps us…
Being generous is a lovely character strength that add to who we are… It helps us have a fuller human experience. It enriches our lives. And it helps us make the world a better place in the process…
Generosity is a Win-Win affair.
Cultivating being generous is super fun and super rewarding.
Learn 3 unique ways of Expanding Generosity…
Watch the video to learn three unique ways of Expanding Generosity and rock the Season of Giving…
APPLICATION: When we expand how we show our generosity is permeates the fabric of our life. Our generous nature shines through touching other’s hearts and in turn making us feel good.
I – Identify the area where you haven’t been as generous as you’d like: With yourself, with your loved ones, with others at large…
II – Make a commitment to become more generous in that area
III – Embrace Expanding Generosity with GUSTO:
Yourself – It’s easy for us to run ourselves into the ground and forget our basic needs if we are not careful… Recalibrate your calendar (Time Map) so you create a gentler approach to your days… Build in: Buffer Time, Transition Time, Me Time. And use these times as designated… Don’t allow them to get sucked up by other demands…
✔️Make sure you milk Me Time! Add what nurturing activity you’ll do for yourself during that time…
Your Loved Ones – Some tend to be nicer to strangers… How about we are more generous with those we love? Be very intentional about the language you use and use kind and gentler words as much as possible. Make a list of nicer words you’ll use, nurturing gestures you’ll sprinkle into your days, and different ways and times you’ll give more affection…
✔️Make sure you get creative with your words, gestures, and affections- delight your loveys!
Others at Large – When we think of giving, we usually thing of contributions and donations. Which, of course, are absolutely fine and if that’s what you do please continue to do so.
But being generous with others goes beyond specific “giving”, it has to do with showing up with a generous heart the rest of the time as much as possible. How about giving more generous tips, more compliments, and being present with your eye contact and attention?
✔️Make sure you take this on to a degree that the receiving person takes note of the generosity!
Notice how good it feels to be generous and kind to yourself and others…
Generosity is not just about giving money or donations to charities or special causes. Generosity starts with having an open and kind hear with ourselves and those around us…
Expand Generosity with gusto!
Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS –Check out past Holidays posts to help you Start Your Season Right!
Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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