It’s amazing how often I hear that people don’t have the time to do self-care… When their lives literally depend on it… I’m not sure if they look at self-care as a luxury – like having a spa day or laying on a chaise eating bonbons – that they shouldn’t have?
But really, in this day and age to not prioritize self-care when it at the very least increases resilience? I look at self-care as a duty and a responsibility to ensure our wellbeing, and our ability to show up with our Best Self and create the relationship and life we desire… It is our duty to Embrace the Art of Self-Care…
When we embrace self-care as part of our daily responsibilities, we experience a shift in how we prioritize, how we approach our day and how we are able to create the time for it…
A rich Self-Care Practice ensures we:
~Optimize our functioning and wellbeing – health, vitality, energy, mood, focus and bandwidth…
~Are grounded and Connected with our self, that we are solid in our core and operate with authenticity…
~Are in Alignment with our Purpose, that we are creative, progressive and productive.
When we invest on our Selves in this way – we are showing ourselves Love and Compassion. Nurturing. We have our own back… We are there for ourselves, we don’t abandon ourselves…
It is very interesting to witness that the partners that suffer or struggle the most, feel overwhelmed and unsupported, and complain that their partner are not there for them enough – are the partners who least focus on having their own back… They focus on what the other is doing or not doing for them, as opposed to what they are doing for themselves…
The focus on the other triggers them making the whole thing even more challenging, and self-care even more important for its self-regulatory properties…
When partners don’t approach their day with intentionality and some self-love (self-care) and rush into their day putting out fires and allowing themselves to be pulled in 100 different directions, they will get banged about and thrown off what they want to accomplish. This is one of the meanest ways for us to go about our day and to treat ourselves, second only to beating ourselves up with our own thinking…
We want to be kind and nice to ourselves, so that we can attend to becoming the best version of ourself and showing up with our Best Self, Authentic Self, more and more consistently. So, we can show up well to create our best relationship and best life – our Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life… So, we can have our Best Human Experience…
When we invest in ourselves with a rich self-care practice, we are more regulated, contained, grounded, patient, responsive, motivated, happy, compassionate, present, peaceful, resourceful, enthusiastic, appreciative, open, flexible, solid, secure, sensitive, sensible, joyful, forgiving, giving, generous, and so much more…
It behooves us to take care of ourselves to have a real good life…
I get that making time for self-care might feel frivolous when we have what seem like more important to-dos on our agenda… I can still fall into this misconception sometimes when I create very ambitious agendas… Believe me I get it. When one is a super-achiever, one can be one’s own worst enemy…
But I challenge you to give this a serious try for when you realize that you can actually be more productive in less time with more ease and joy, save your marriage and raise amazing children, then you get hooked!
You can start slow, you don’t have to flip the switch and start with radical and extreme self-care. There is a whole range, a spectrum in embracing the Art of Self-Care. Your Self-Care Practice is what you make of it and what you want it to be.
In mine:
-I have my basics that I totally miss and feel the impact should I skip them for some reason.
-Then I add another layer as I’m willing to create the time for it.
-And, then I can really step it up when I feel the need for more or just for kicks to take things to the next level…
I know that when one is struggling, it’s very challenging for them to even think about this and never mind take action toward implementing even the simplest activity.
The key to get over the hump is in proactively and preemptively expanding our mindset, to take responsibility for our wellbeing, and in tweaking our daily routine so the Self-Care Practice becomes automatic… This is the Art of Self-Care…
Your Self-Care Practice can include any activity that recharges, restores, rejuvenates and gives you Joy… Activities that reconnect you to your Higher Self are the best… These tend to give the most bang for the investment… They usually fall within a Mindfulness Practice…
The activities can be physical, mental, social, and spiritual and can take on any form. The key is to break from the usual noise and to intentionally do something for yourself. Some activities give you little value and positive impact, others are super rich… More is not necessarily better… It’s up to you create the flavor of your Practice and decide how much you want to invest in it and what benefits you are looking for.
A rich self-care practice improves vitality, youthfulness, longevity, happiness, connection, love, success… It’s up to you how you want to do your life- Do you want to struggle or flow with ease?
Embracing the Art of Self-Care ensures you do you, your relationship and your life effortlessly, gracefully, and joyfully…
ASSIGNMENT: Make a commitment to uplevel your Self-Care Practice, to Embrace the Art of Self-Care…
-Make a list of activities that interest you in the 4 categories: Physical, mental, social and spiritual. Be open to different things to create a rich repertoire.
-Take a look at your DailyRoutine and carve out some time to integrate an activity.
-Select something new or that you’ve been trying to add into your lifestyle from your list and add it to your carved-out time.
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
Do you often feel you are alone and unsupported – that your partner is out to lunch, or they are prissy about getting their hands dirty…? Do you feel you have to take care of everything, or things don’t get done? Do you bicker over everything and the silliest things can spark a massive fight?
Do you find that you don’t address frustrations and disappointments for fear of fighting? Does it seem like forever since you really liked each other and enjoyed each other’s company? Do you feel lonely, taken for granted, overwhelmed, and unappreciated? The solution is in adopting a Relationship Enrichment Mindset and Lifestyle…
There are a few things at play when a couple is experiencing dissatisfaction and the inability to get back in good graces. When they are feeling stuck and hopeless. When no matter how hard they try, they just seem to dig themselves into a deeper and deeper hole. Where they find they can’t get their bearings, every interaction is a conflict and source of pain.
Where they become more and more polarized and dig-in their heals on their positions. Where they completely lost sight of the other and everything is aggravating, wrong, or off. Where they prefer not to spend time with each other or be in each other’s presence. Where they are questioning their commitment to their partner and the relationship.
What’s at play for these partners can succinctly be captured as them being in a Power Struggle. Where they are beyond the infatuation stage of their relationship and are now in a place where their not so pretty parts come out to play, where their defenses become their prominent way of showing up, where they become so concerned with getting their needs met that they lose sight of the bigger picture – of the relationship, their bond, their love…
They become so engrossed and nearsighted with getting their way and being right, that they just can’t see any other options, possibilities, alternatives, meaning, perspectives, intentions and the like. They get really stuck on their side and their story that creating change becomes virtually impossible.
Luckily, it’s not impossible! We have helped many couples shift from this stuckness, and create really amazing, successful relationships- respectful, compassionate, loving, nurturing, connected, supportive, and collaborative. Where they create joyful, fun, harmonious, peaceful, and flowing homes. Where they are proud of who they are as partners and as a couple. And, where they become an inspiration and a role model to their family and friends…
What’s the secret? The secret is not to look at your partner like they are the enemy and to prioritize your relationship. Ha! This is not rocket science. But even though this is simple it doesn’t mean it’s easy… We still manage to not be able to do this at times…
Your partner is usually not out to get you, to get on your nerves, to disappoint you, to abandon or not support you, to criticize and control you, to be a jerk. After things escalate, or after a long time of the dissatisfying status quo, partners might become purposefully spiteful and such. But that’s not usually where they start off…
Your partner wants to you like them, appreciate them, love them, notice what they do for you, and such. They even go out of their way to please you…
The problem becomes that we just choose to see things with our dirty lenses, and we miss all the good stuff…
We allow our scripts, programming, negativity bias, and such to color what we see… We only see the things that confirm our perspective. We fall prey to confirmation bias… We prove ourselves right. But, to what end? There is no right and wrong, both partners are right in their own experience… There are always two sides to a story…
What we need to understand is that there is a reason for things playing out as they do… In understanding what you each bring to the relationship and how that fits perfectly together…, you get to appreciate the differences your partner contributes…
Your partner doesn’t only complement you, they also have the inherent ability to trigger all your sensitivities like no other…
This is part of your unconscious attraction… I’m sure you’ve looked at couples before and you just don’t get it- they don’t seem to fit together, they don’t seem to make a good match… This is because the attraction is not about the conscious checklist or about appearances…
The attraction is at a deeper, unexplainable level. It just is. We might be able to say all the things we love about our partner and why we love them, but it doesn’t do it justice to why we are bonded… Part of this attraction has to do with their ability to trigger unfinished business so now you have a second go at it…
~Your partner’s oppositeness shows you the other side of things, it helps you expand yourself ~Your partner’s triggering capabilities give you the opportunity for healing…
In all, your Partner is a Gift to your own Evolution… They are actually your Ally…
And, while we are at it. It behooves us to look at our relationship as a Playground. Where we get to Play with our partner to learn about ourselves and life… Where we get to practice becoming our Best Self and the Best Partner. Where we get to play Life… Now, that’s a Relationship Enrichment Mindset…
Operating from this framework provides all kinds of possibilities for your relationship, including how you prioritize your partner and the relationship… Yes, we have very full and hectic lives. This doesn’t condone forgetting about our partner… If we are to have an amazing relationship, we have to make it so. If we ignore it there is no chance of that happening!
When we don this lens and embrace this approach, there is no way you cannot create the Best Relationship!
ASSIGNMENT: Take a few minutes to be with yourself and take stock of how you choose to see your partner…
-Make a list of your recent thoughts about them… Catch anything that feels like a broken record… This is not about your partner this is your stuff… Note the theme and make it a point to come back to address it.
-For now, take a step back. Get grounded, become open to being compassionate and loving (meditation)… Don on the new lens crafted with the Relationship Enrichment Mindset and give it another whirl. Take new stock of your partner… See how they complement you. See how they try to please you. See the effort they put in.
-Note how much more *clearly you can see them, how there is no angst, how you see the person you fell in love with, how you see their Essence – their gifts, not their faults… *You might be very entrenched and attached to your story of how your partner sucks. Keep at donning the new lens until you can see clearly…
Here is to creating the relationship you desire! You CAN do it!
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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