Whether we celebrate Halloween or not, the holiday can still bring us fun and excitement… We don’t have to necessarily be a part of it to pick up inspiration… We can just soak up the vibes for an infusion of aliveness. Which at times can be much needed in our relationship…
It is common for partners to experience a rut in their relationship. Where they feel stuck, stagnant, bored, bland, distant, or disconnected. Partners can tap into the excitement of Halloween to liven up their relationship.
But I can already feel partners’ resistance about how lame the holiday is, and how it’s only for kids or immature people. Or how it goes against their religion. Or how tired and time restricted they are to engage in such frivolous activities. Or other some such…
Well, what I want to offer has actually very little to do with Halloween itself… But more with riding the wave of its exciting energy…
When We Have the Best of Intentions but Fall Flat
It doesn’t take that much to create change in our relationship. I’m sure you are aware that how you interact with your partner informs how they’ll interact back… How you choose to respond to them invites how they respond back. How much you choose to invest in your relationship, inspires them to invest back. And I’m talking about the right kind of investment mind you…
I often here things like: I’ve tried it all. I do it all. I do so much, I can’t do any more. Or, I’m the one that does the things.
But usually, the tried things overcompensate, undermine, castrate or snuff, sabotage, are codependent or misaligned in some way… We get in our own way with old scrips or narratives, projections, and unrealistic or unexpressed expectations.
The key is to focus on what we are doing and not what our partner is doing. Bringing understanding, compassion, and genuine engagement from the heart. No strings attached…
Take a look at how you show up to your relationship and honestly identify if you are showing up with your Best Self as much as possible. If you are taking the High Road as much as possible. If you are being mindful of not setting your partner up to fail you as much as possible… No Ego here please. Be truthful. This is the only way that you can create the change you seek.
This honesty helps us polish how we show up, so we inspire our partner to show up better for us… And voila! That’s how we create change…
Clean up how you perceive yourself showing up in your relationship and how you actually show up… And then properly invest in having amazing interactions with your partner and in creating the relationship you love…
5 Spooky Strategies to Spice Up Your Relationship
Halloween’s exciting energy offers an opportunity to tap into different possibilities… Even if we are not partaking in the holiday per se, we can tap into the energetics around us to shake things up…
Playing Pranks
Pranks and being playful is one of the simplest ways to bring levity, laughter, and fun to your relationship. Pulling something off and getting this kind of attention is always exciting. I love it when my husband sneaks up to scare me. After decades together, he still manages to pull this off. LOL Step up your playfulness game for more giddiness and joy.
Playing Dress Up
This can mean anything from wearing costumes on Halloween, to getting dressed up to go on a date, to getting all decked out for a special occasion, to wearing sexy or other fun outfits to sexy moments. Life is too short to hold back, bring out the fancy you. Wrap yourself to shine and dazzle your partner with the gift of you.
Playing New Roles
There are spoken and unspoken agreements in our relationship about what roles we each play… Who is the fixer. Who is the jokester. Who is the spender. Who is the talker. Who is the chef. Who is the initiator. Who is the instigator. All kinds of roles. Bring forward a way of being, a skill, or talent that’s different from your usual to surprise and delight your partner.
Playing with an Identity Upgrade
How we show up, interact, and contribute to our relationship is befitting who we believe we are, our identity… The habit of being ourselves… We can upgrade our identity to anything we want. Upgrade yours to capture who you’d be if you had already created your epic love affair with your partner. If you already were the Best Partner… And start being the Best Partner…
Playing with a New Reality
Envision a new reality where you are living an upgraded life, with an upgraded relationship, with an upgraded version of you. What does that reality look like? What’s different about it? How are you different? How are you different in your relationship? What does it feel like? Generate those feelings going forward to live in the new reality…
Whether you go trick-or-treating or host a Halloween party, or just choose to dole out candy, or simply ignore the holiday, know that you can get your freak on anytime. You can show up with a different version of you at any time.
I say let’s show up with all the possibilities. Let’s expand our repertoire. Let’s not be so predictable. Let’s stretch into different versions of ourselves. Let’s really embody our Best Self. And let’s delight our partner with a new partner. Let’s shake things up. Let’s spices things up in our relationship this Halloween.
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Some might believe they love unconditionally, because they believe that’s what’s expected and what’s appropriate in love… But upon further inspection it is obvious that their love is conditional… Is there a right way to love? Should we love unconditionally? Or should we, what some might consider, be smart about it and love conditionally?
In my book, love has nothing to do with conditions…
Now, this doesn’t mean we put up with abusive situations, or situations that don’t honor who we are, or that don’t support our purpose and our life Journey… This also doesn’t mean we are to be doormats and have no expectations in our relationship… All these things could be true, and we could still love the other…
So, when people believe love is conditional on certain things, that doesn’t really add up because we can obviously love no matter what, codependence and other dynamics and conditions aside…
But because we can love no matter what, it doesn’t mean we put up with a less than radiant and successful relationship… One that helps us become our best self… One that enriches us and makes our journey better…
~ We invest in cultivating our love, so it doesn’t get tied up with conditions and eroded by unmet expectations…
~ We invest in creating the best relationship to support and help expand our love…
This means we create the perfect space for our love. And this doesn’t mean a perfect relationship- there is no such thing. But it means a relationship in progress to its fullest potential…
Now this is journey worth investing in- playing in this realm and experiencing the rewards it yields is one of the best feelings… It’s so satisfying and fulfilling to take the interactions to the next level where both partners feel fully heard, understood, and accepted. Where they feel appreciated for who they are and what they contribute to the relationship and the other’s life. Where they feel deeply connected, and nourished and enlivened by their interactions.
Let’s commit to playing in the realm of having a relationship in progress to its fullest potential, where our love can thrive and shine…
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
We are experiencing a stronger need for connection and love in the collective, some of us might be more aware and attuned to that than others. This has always been a theme in the work we do with our couples in couples therapyand marriage counseling. But there seems to be a deeper longing and more significant desire for more affection, connection, intimacy, and communing.
We might be experiencing this as life lacking luster, as an identity crisis, as aimlessness or boredom, as loss, sadness, or grief, as anger or disillusionment, as friction, frustration, drama, or conflict, or in a myriad of different ways…
We might be feeling really uncomfortable in our own skins, in relationship with our partner, in our professions or careers, in our other roles, and in our place in life in general at this time… We might be feeling a little lost, upside down or alone… We might be wondering what’s the meaning of everything and what’s our place in it…
Does this resonate?
These existential questions are not to be feared, and definitely not ignored and swept under the rug.
These are just signs that we are ready to grow, to upgrade, to uplevel… To evolve… To awaken…
This just means that we are ready to take our human experience to new heights. That’s very cool in my book, and I say bring it!
But what does this mean for our everyday? For our feelings? For being in relationship with our partner? And everything else?
Well, I say we take it easy and address what is the most uncomfortable first… Where are you suffering the most? What is keeping you up at night? What is giving you the most grief, anxiety and agita?
Then focus on addressing that at the root. Not by throwing out the baby with the bath water- as in leaving your partner, leaving your job, or otherwise jumping ship. You might have to eventually do that if it serves your purpose and honors your life. But don’t jump to conclusions.
Be curious first about where you are and what you need and how to go about meeting that need….
Focus on learning you, learning your partner, learning new skills, tools and talents… All this will support you in creating a more exciting, enjoyable, and fun Journey…
For additional support, check out this month’s Integration Experience on this topic that’s now on replay: Relate Intentionally and Authentically to Blossom Your Love. It’s available through our Radiance Membership at no additional cost.
And, in today’s podcast episode I have an energizing conversation with Francois Lupien on just what it takes to change things around. We talk about the power of our internal dialogue and how to have impactful interactions with others, how to go from victim of circumstances to creator of our own reality, how to reframe situations for more happiness and joy in our relationship and our life, and he offered a golden tactic to take things to the next level.
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
It is a common belief that committed relationships seem to fizzle out over time or not make it very long term. But this doesn’t have to be the case, in reality our relationship can get better with time… The thing is that because of that belief, the way that we set up our lives, and social trends, we just don’t expect to have a radiant and successful long-term relationship where connection and intimacy just get better with time. We are not all in from the get-go and settle from mediocre until it no longer works… A relationship not nurtured doesn’t thrive…
Addressing unresolved issues and properly getting our needs met
Deepening our connection and increasing our intimacy
Creating a smooth collaboration and strong partnership with our partner
When we take our partner and our relationship for granted, the connection withers away, our intimate life takes a hit, and interactions get frayed with friction and conflict. We find ourselves fighting more and / or becoming more and more distant until there is barely a semblance of a relationship left…
Living in the same home and having children in common is not substantiative enough to call that relationship your “Relationship”.
A rewarding, satisfying, radiant and successful relationship is one where the partners: ~ Feel at home when they are together. ~ Are (healthily, not codependently) invested in the other’s wellbeing and success ~ Deeply understand and accept each other ~ Can truly be themselves and they are cherished for who they are ~ Have shared values and dreams
This is the radiant and successful relationship we can create with our partner, and what we are to protect and sustain once we achieve it.
The key here is first of all, not let it go south when we first start a new relationship. To set it up well from the beginning, with boundaries, reasonable expectations, honesty, trustworthiness, vulnerability, and authenticity. And then to continue to invest in those qualities and other powerful relational tactics to ensure we set up a strong foundation.
But even after all that, and especially if our foundation is weak to begin with, we might get sidetracked with life where we start neglecting our relationship and taking our partner for granted. Hopefully we have the awareness that this is happening, and we can nip that in the bud and course correct to get back to a strong place.
And if for some reason we don’t catch the downward slope early enough, or we just can’t seem to stop what appears to be a train wreck, that’s ok- just recommit to getting back to a good place and then invest in doing so.
Getting professional help, in the form of couple therapy, marriage counselingor relationship coaching, would be beneficial at any of these stages, but it’s definitely needed if you are struggling and can’t seem to get your head above water. The sooner you get support the greater the chances of setting things on the right course and creating what you desire. Don’t wait too long, sometimes the damage that gets made is very difficult to undo.
In most cases you can get back to that wonderful place and create something amazing… You CAN create the relationship you desire…
So regardless of the status and state of your relationship, commit to investing in making it awesome. Commit to ongoingly, and even systematically, focus on nourishing your relationshipso it has a chance to thrive.
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
I’m operating with a new mantra, Keep clearing. Doing another round of letting go of the old (like possessions, processes, ways of thinking…), and I’m seriously embracing the concept of entering a New Era… Feeling amazing… Yay! How are you doing?
If we want change to happen, we have to change how we do things… We have to change how we look at things… We have to change how we are showing up, how we are choosing to Be. We have to be different to create a new reality… Change doesn’t just happen. And, especially it doesn’t happen by doing more of the same with stronger conviction… We just dig ourselves more and more into our status quo with that approach…
Our best thinking got us this far. But the mindset, capabilities, and tactics that got us here became outdated. It’s time to level-up if we are to create our best year yet, our best relationship yet, our best life yet. It’s time to clear the old if we are to have space for the new… It’s time to truly embrace our potential, our desires, our calling, our purpose, our mission. It’s time to step-it up if we are to play a bigger game.
Now, please do not let your Ego tell you, I’m good, I don’t need a bigger game… This is just your fear talking! Stop fooling yourself that you want a simple life. Now, don’t get me wrong, there is simple and there is Simple. I’m talking about going for the simple that implies mediocracy… Stop settling!
I’ll take simple vs complex as much as my current brain will allow me. Still working on cracking that code, on letting go of making things complicated… LOL But, I’m saying let’s go for an elegantly simply efficient and productive Grand Life…
We usually can’t snap our finger and switch gears. If it was that simple everyone would be living their Grand Life already… It requires owning our why, owning our values, owning our desires, owning our current level of investment into our values, owning our current level of functioning, and fully owning our current status in all areas of our life… It requires complete ownership, a truthful reality check, and full commitment to create our Grand Life…
Hey, you can choose to have your simple mediocre life. That’s always your prerogative, but then maybe I’m not the lid for your pot. And, that’s OK. I’m here to serve those that want to live their life to their full potential, who want to go for it. I’m here to serve those who want to save their marriage, their relationship. Who want to have an amazing relationship with their Partner.
I’m here to serve those that are not afraid to weather the tough times. Who are willing to do what it takes to stay in the game. Who are willing to look at how they contribute to their status quo, and to change how they do their side. Who are willing to stretch out of their comfort zone.
Who are willing to be uncomfortable as they stretch. Who make being uncomfortable their new norm, for as you keep evolving and creating awesomeness you’ll always be stretching and hence uncomfortable a lot…
Do you get that going for your Grand Life requires you fully show up to your life? Really show up… Are you willing to step up your game? Are you willing to be uncomfortable? If not now when…? Don’t wait for the perfect time to start working on things… In all reality, all it takes is a decision… Decide now you are no longer settling. Decide now to go full on for your Grand Life…
If you are struggling in your relationship or simply are going for its next best version, here is a wonderful relationship investment to do this Valentine’s Season:
Love Launch™
During the 4 Weekends leading to Valentine’s Day (or another occasion, or just because!), you are to make a real concerted investment at nurturing your relationship. Do it with gusto and to please your Partner. Put on the “dating lens” – remember you’d do anything for your partner once upon a time…? Go all out to make an impression. And, YOU enjoy the process as you go…
Include this 14 Day Love Challenge! Start on February 1st, or at any time you want to Jump-Start, Spring-to-Life, or Reset your relationship. Simple, yet powerful, Daily Relationship Nurturing Nuggets. Treat your partner right!
Kudos on subscribing to this Newsletter. Kudos on reading this Issue. Kudos on staying open to bringing your relationship and your life to the next level. Now, let’s do it!
ASSIGNMENT: If you are still on the sidelines, a passive bystander, know that you are just killing time and wasting your life. Why postpone your transformation, your results, having your Grand Life? It just doesn’t make sense! Please, PLEASE, make a commitment to get in the game, I’d hate to leave you behind.
You know that when we really want something, we get it… You know that you have made things happen before when you wanted to… Just decide you are going for it, really going for it not dabbling in it… It makes a MASSIVE difference…
Take a look at the Valentine’s Day Love Launch™ and Love Challenge™ and commit to playing full out – embrace the protocols and work it baby!
Make the commitment to invest in your Love Life… Here is to an amazing Love Season!
Can’t wait to delight you with our next goodie to help you properly invest in your relationship! Stay tuned for details!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Investing!
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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