Did you know that Collaboration is super important nowadays? And, I don’t just mean with your team, colleagues and peers… I’m talking about Collaboration with your Partner, or special friend and other loved ones…
When we get on the same page with our partner and create ways of working together, supporting each other and sharing the load in the business of life, ah, that’s the sweet spot.
–This can only happen when the partners show up with their Best Self and have a growth mindset… When they are serious about having a real Human Experience…
–This can only happen when the partners learn themselves, each other and how they fit together, and Why…
–This can only happen when they join forces, become allies and tap into their relationship’s inherent Synergy…
–This can only happen when the partners optimally utilize their complimentary gifts, strengths and passions for the greater good of the relationship, family, community and world at large…
–This can only happen when the partners ongoingly clean up their side of the street, own themselves, improve their self-management and relational skills, mindfully and intentionally go about meeting their and their partner’s needs, proactively set themselves up for success…
We can’t just collaborate… Collaboration is the delicate balance of both partners, parties, contributing significantly to successfully accomplish a shared goal and reach a mutually desired outcome…
The key to a successful Collaboration is:
Clearly defining the goal and desired outcome
Establishing the full scope of the responsibility, project, or task
Capitalizing on the strengths of each partner and tackling the load accordingly
Ensuring both partners are heard, understood, represented, acknowledged and praised
Trusting each other to fully show up and honor their commitments
Fully showing up and honoring one’s commitments
Setting up mechanisms, processes, systems and such to carry out the work
Including a debriefing, checking in, reporting protocol for staying current and on the same page
Of course, these don’t have to sound so formal during discussions and when setting up your routines and flow…
It is very challenging to collaborate properly when we have blind-spots, sensitivities and a chip-on-our-shoulder. It is very challenging to collaborate when we lack personal awareness, have an outdated operating system, can’t be vulnerable and have a compassionate heart, and have limited skills and personal resources…
When we operate blindly and with heightened sensitivities, we are easily triggered, can’t see the other’s perspective, are not able to be flexible or compromise, have difficulties being creative, problem solving, making decisions, addressing concerns, etc…
You see how it can be virtually impossible to create a smooth collaboration with your partner, or anyone for that matter, when this is your MO? It is virtually impossible to create a strong partnership when this is how we show up…
So, before you go setting goals and creating systems to Collaborate, take stock of your development level, blind-spots, recurring pattern, self-management abilities, sensitivities, ability to let go and trust, and the like… This will show you your growth place and ability to create a successful Collaboration and Strong Partnership…
Evolving and upleveling yourself is the key to productive, exciting and impactful collaborations… How you show up to the collaboration is the key to your Strong Partnership…
Keep investing in becoming your Best Self!
ASSIGNMENT: Review how you do your days and assess if your current routine is serving you. Do you feel supported and inspired by what’s on your calendar or just merely looking at it stresses you out?
Embrace a Time Chunking approach to take charge of your life, more compassionately manage yourself, and have more productivity, joy, fun and impact in your days…
Make sure you add Time Chunks for your Self-care Practice, Focus Work, Outreach/Connect. Do related activities during their assigned times and honor and protect the chunks.
You’ll see how you’ll become exponentially more productive with a lot more ease and energy!
Making sure you operate optimally ensures you have amazing collaborations that are gratifying and support your life. Your Strong Partnership depends on it.
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
As we witness our country get ravished by this pandemic, and what seems the worst is yet to come, we have to prepare to weather the storm. To ride the wave… To make sure we can hang on to hope, to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and to look for the silver lining… I know it’s very challenging to do that as things get worse.
Nonetheless, this is our chance to show what we are made of… This is our chance to overcome the impossible. This is our chance to actually not just merely adjust, but to figure out how to Thrive, influencing, having an impact, making a difference… This is it. This is when the road splits in your life, and you decide which way to go…
Will you be a victim, or will you be a leader? The choice is yours.
There is such a large spectrum of how people are impacted by our historic circumstance, that I will not even attempt to address the whole spectrum. Please know that I know my audience, so my message is targeted to you, and not what is happening for everyone else… Please read with that in mind, and don’t worry about how it fits for others… Deal?
Having said that, I know that you rock your life. I know that you influence others in, and with, your life. I know that you are smart, strong, resourceful and already in a position of leadership (whether officially or by the mere fact that you are awesome).
I know you have a lot on your plate and feel very overwhelmed at times. I know that you are doing the best you can, and sometimes lose sight of the road. I know that you can feel intimidated by our current world circumstance and might be feeling at a loss, hopeless or stuck. I also know that you will figure this out and use for the greater good, somehow…
That’s the plan we are on. Ok? Please keep remembering that you are awesome, that you have weathered other storms, and that you came out better because of it… This is actually the beauty in life, that we tend to miss when in panic and missing the forest for the tree…
The beauty in life is figuring out how to beat the challenges, and making them work to our advantage, for our richer Human Experience… Don’t lose sight of this! Tattoo it on your forehead if you have to! LOL For this is the key!!
So, then what is your life about? What is your challenge? What do you have to crack? Seriously, I mean business. Let’s do this, let’s crack the code. Let’s choose the other split on the road… This is it! What is your lesson? What do you have to conquer? What is your Achilles heel?
What is the thing that once it’s cracked you can smooth sail? If you don’t know, this is your homework until you get it… Period. This will make all the difference in your life… I promise… No more taking it easy. Are you in, or are you out?
You can’t waffle, that’s for living a mediocre life. If you are serious about having your Best Life, your Best Human Experience, then own this already. No more buffering… No more sitting by the sidelines… No more waiting to see what happens… Yes?
What does this mean for you?How will you tackle the code you need to crack? What will you do differently? How will you break the habit of being you? What will you do to become You 2.0?
One way to crack the code is to address your negativity bias, your limiting believes and your fears… This reprograms your operating system so you can more easily and successfully tackle the business of life and live through your Gifts… No more self-sabotage, no more buffering, no more wasting time, no more spinning wheels, no more barking up the wrong tree or climbing up the wrong ladder. No more missing the forest for the tree.
It’s time to Transcend the petty, the small, the noise, the nonsense. It’s time to embrace your magnificence…
You can do this! This is your chance to ride the wave into the New World…
ASSIGNMENT: Unfortunately, unless we enthusiastically embrace a personal development lifestyle, we walk around with really old and glitching programming that undermines us at every turn and holds us back from our Best Life.
>Today, make a list of all the scripts, stories, fears, worries, and limiting beliefs you allow to rent space in your head.
>During the next couple of days, stay on the lookout for any old automatic thinking you might have missed. Catch yourself allowing any of your programming to take over…
>Next, redo your list outlining the reality about what you wrote, not your perception, habitual thinking or chip on your shoulder version… The more honest you are the more you’ll deconstruct this… Review your list and notice how different it feels…
>Going forward, catch yourself in your old habitual thinking and replace it with the reality-based version… Ta-da!
Become obsessed about cleaning your thinking, your Best Life depends on it!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Here is the thing, a lot of people don’t know how to be High Performers, the Masters of their lives. Most people don’t know how to create the most from their lives by increasing productivity, creativity, peacefulness, joy, love and connection… They don’t know how to stay healthy, have increased vitality, and feel amazing most of the time… Actually, they might know but haven’t learned the self-discipline to pursue this with gusto for great results…
I know self-discipline can be challenging, especially when we have a lot going on. It can take insurmountable amounts of willpower when we might already be in a depleted state. This is when we end up feeling stuck, hopeless, depressed, anxious and other goodies.
The key is not to push yourself, beat yourself, shame yourself, or numb yourself… The key is to show up better with less effort!
When we think about our Best Life and then compare it to our current life, this might feel discouraging…
The first step is to own where we are at. A lot of times we get stuck, spin our wheels, and get paralyzed in confusion because we are living with our head in the sand… If we don’t know where we stand, how do we know where to start to get to where we are going? What’s worse, some don’t even know where they are going! What kind of life is this?
If we don’t know where we stand and we don’t know where we are going, how are we create an amazing life…? For what are we striving for? Where is the purpose? Where is the life built by design? How do we create our Masterpiece?
An unowned life doesn’t make sense… Not for nothing this doesn’t feel so good…
So, let’s start by owning the starting point. This is not going to feel so good at first either for it’ll be obvious how much things are not going as you’d prefer, and you created these results so far… But you know what, it’s ok to feel like crap about this because it is crap. Just don’t beat yourself up over it as you didn’t know any better, or couldn’t do any better with who you were then…
See that’s the trick, to create a better version of your life the better version of you needs to come out to play… Your job is to Become your Best Self, for this is how you create your Best Life. Take that to the bank! LOL
…Sit with being extremely unhappy with what you created so far, feel uncomfortable, feel the unease, feel the pain, feel the anger… Sit in the gap… For that’s all it actually is… (Smile. We’ll crack this!)
The next step is to forgive yourself, and never blame those around you…, for what’s happened so far… Start clearing and letting go… Cleanse…
Keep on clearing – get rid of anything you are tolerating… Anything that doesn’t float your boat. Anything that’s an aggravation, inefficient, painful, torturous, a joy kill, etc… This is a great Summer Project by the way.
Feel the feelings that come up, and address the reactions, from yourself and others, as they come up… Don’t push stuff down, shrug it off, dismiss it or keep tolerating it. It’s time to uplevel!
This is probably the most important step. If you give up too quickly or numb yourself through the process…, you won’t get over the hump. You haven’t achieved the tipping point… Keep going. Be present, be persistent, be consistent, stay the course… It pays off, I promise.
Finally, as you go through this, make sure you are super kind, gentle, tender and loving towards yourself… Have compassion for your old self… Appreciate all it was capable of doing and being with the limited resources it had… Now, looking back give yourself credit for all the awesomeness created so far. Pat yourself on the back and give yourself a gold star!
This is a powerful exercise in allowing You 2.0 to emerge and come out to play. In allowing yourself to Become your Best Self… This is so good…
Now there is room for the new… Now you get to show up differently, not white-knuckling and drawing for self-discipline… Now there is room for more energy, for flow, for new Habits. This is how you become a High Performer and the Master of your life!
ASSIGNMENT: Decide you want to make a shift and Become the Master of your life. Decide you want to create your Best Life!
Step1- Own where you are at: Take stock of all main areas of your life and rate them as to how satisfied you are in each. Be truthful!
Step2- Forgive yourself for the status quo: Feel the sucky feeling that comes with the reality of things…
Step3- Be kind and compassionate to yourself: Give yourself credit for how far you’ve come with what you had
Step4- Become the Master of your life, create your Best Life: Create new/better Wellness, Connection and Success Habits!
Taking charge, shifting, transforming and creating your Best Life doesn’t have to be impossible. It can be a little challenging, but then so worth it in the end… Take on the challenge and start creating awesomeness today!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
I know there are ebbs and flows to how we feel, as there are seasons in our lives (not just weather wise!). The trick is to hang in there during the lows and focus on snapping ourselves out of it, and to enjoy the highs while they last and focus on sustaining them the best we can.
I’ve gotten pretty darn good at this, where I can easily (naturally) create the highs and sustain them. Do I have tough days? Yes. Do I get upset, triggered, affected by life and all in it? Yes. But I do not let myself be taken or kept down, I’m in charge of me. How are you with this? Don’t feel bad if you haven’t mastered this yet, it does take practice. But know that it is possible for you as well!
The simple, but not necessarily easy, way to start being the master of your life, is to Own It All… As long as it’s yours, obviously. The problem is that people get enmeshed with others to the point that they don’t know what’s theirs… And, then go about life not owning their stuff and trying to own others’…
This creates a real mess in relationships, and it’s the easiest way to not get along, fight, and not get needs met. This is not how we create a Successful Relationship. And, this is certainly not the way you become the master of your life. LOL
Are you familiar with the Boundaries Circles concept yet? Here is a quick overview: Imagine there is an invisible string around you, at the height of your waist, at arm’s length, making a Circle around you. This is the Boundary of you.
Our job is to mind our circle and make the most of it to have our best Human Experience… Our job is to Own everything in it, all the time, to the best of our ability, and to keep working at getting better at it… When we don’t Own our stuff, we are at the mercy of others, circumstances, and the whim of the wind… This is the surest way to victimize ourselves…
When we don’t Own our stuff, we disempower ourselves. We are not in charge. We are not the CEO of our Life, the Author of our Story, the Artist of our Creation, the Master of our Universe… Actually, we are but we are sleeping on the job… If we did any other job this way, we’d be fired…
And, if you are doing your personal life like this, chances are you are also doing it in your employment, career or business… Hence, the poor income, raises, acknowledgement, promotions, achievement, accomplishments, revenue and the like… Just saying, don’t shoot the messenger…
I’m sure it’s obvious to you as well when in conversation with another if they have their s**t together. If they are their own boss. If they are designing and creating their own life, or if they are at the mercy of how the wind blows… If they are the Master of their Universe.
How about you? How in charge are you of your Experience? Are you fully Owning your Life? Are you fully owning everything in your circle? Or, do you still explain and make excuses? Blame others? Feel wronged? Look for answers outside yourself? Don’t know what to do? Feel stuck? Feel hopeless? Feel overwhelmed? Feel lost? Are at odds with your partner?
Which brings me to the next piece of this. When we don’t own our stuff, we love to own others’ specially our partner’s (sarcasm). We love going into their circle and telling them who they are, what they think, how they feel, what their intentions are, what they should do, when they should brush their teeth and the rest of it.
And, then you wonder how come your partner controls or shuts down… They are trying to survive you while they try to figure out their circle… When a partner feels insecure and lacking connection, they control, nag, criticize, judge and the like. When a partner feels suffocated and inadequate, they shutdown, withdraw, dismiss, stonewall and the like. How are you contributing to what you are getting in your relationship?
Yeah, right… You see, you create your reality…
ASSIGNMENT: Make a commitment to yourself right now that you will Fully Own your life going forward. Go for it, do it.
I know that feels exhilarating and also petrifying… You are not alone!
It is not easy to take responsibility for everything that goes right and wrong in your life. Hey, watch that – if you just balked… Yes, you are responsible for ALL of it.. You’ll have to get used to this idea… Be gently and compassionate with yourself about this.
No need to beat yourself up. Also, don’t coward, stay the course. This is the most challenging yet rewarding work you will ever do in your personal development, and relationship enrichment as well, I promise…
Pick an area of your life that seems unruly and in charge of you. What is kicking your butt? This is where you need to take responsibility and step up. This is where you need to start owning how you look at it, how you feel, and what you do about it… Don’t pout, throw your hands up, or shoot the messenger. This is it, if not now when?
Start small. Watch how you leave your circle, get into anther’s, and are not fully accountable for your own stuff. Bring yourself back, take charge of your own stuff. Address making changes, concerns and needs from your own circle, not from another’s (you have no power there!).
In your circle you are powerful… Embrace it, Own it! You can do it!
If you are looking to make changes in your life, this is the simplest concept to easily integrate. It helps you take charge of everything and create what you want… You can immediately empower yourself and start feeling great!
Own your circle today!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Owning!
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
We observe that, we assign it meaning and have thoughts and opinions about it
Which create how we feel, our mood, our energy…
Which in turn inform how we react, operate, and behave
And, what we do and how we show up creates our results, our life and everything in it…
What’s important to note here is that what happens or what Is doesn’t impact how we feel, how we choose to look at it and think about it is what impacts how we feel… This is a major concept to absorb. The sooner you get it the sooner you’ll be in charge of your experience, and creating the life and relationship you desire…
This is very obvious to me in my work as what bothers one partner might not necessarily bother another. What is a thing in a relationship, is not a thing in another… If the thing that Is were the issue, it would be an issue for everyone…
We all make of things what we make of them, and this is what informs and creates our experience… When we remove the bias, sensitivity, judgment, criticism, and the like, and observe something as neutral, as just what Is, and choose how we look at it – ah, now we are in charge of our experience, of our feelings and what we create. Now we are the Master of our world…
So, back to couples. I’m sure you’ve noticed that how you experience the moments and exchanges in your relationship might be very different to how your partner experiences them… Again, this is super obvious in sessions with our clients. They share an incident, situation or something they want to address and they both had their own experience of it… Surprise! LOL
And, they are both right. This is very frustrating to the partners as they each want to be right… But, both their experiences are right. They are each partners’ truths. Therefore, both valid…
I remember a client, who being from a different country and with tentative English at times, would say, You cancel me! That was so amazing to witness. The different use of language was so illustrative. One partner’s experience does not supersede or invalidate the other’s.
The key is to hold space for both experiences, to understand each other, and to show the other that we get them and appreciate them, warts and all… Now, that is a Gift!
This brings me to what is the best Relationship Mindset so you CAN create your Successful Relationship:
–Your partner is your Partner with capital P. They are your Person… They are the person you chose, usually unwittingly and contrary to your belief that you “chose” them for whatever reason you think… Our attraction is actually an unconscious process… Understanding this helps in understanding that your partner is actually the partner you need… The match is For you. You are together to work stuff out, to evolve and to Become your true self…
–Your partner is therefore a Gift for you. For in relationship with them your sensitivities get poked, you get triggered, you are challenged, you are annoyed and therein lies the opportunity for growth and evolution… Allowing the inconvenience of this to torture us is a shame.
–Your partner is your Ally against the dynamics that were unconsciously created and the patterns you cocreate and repeat. These are opportunities for development and healing. To become frustrated, stuck and give up is a tremendous loss. Our relationship and life are much easier when we are Allies vs enemies…
–Your partner is also human, and having a Human Experience… It is unfair to expect them to be perfect. It is unfair, unwise, to want them to change and be who you think they should be or how they should be. It is unfair to expect them to meet all your needs.
It is unfair to expect them to mindread you, automatically know what you need and have their world revolve around you… You want to make sure you live your Life to the fullest through a wonderfully flowing Interdependence, not dependence, independence or codependence…
–Though you are a couple, a partnership, you are still two separate individuals with your own Lives… Your partner brings with them their own Journey, purpose, mission, talents and passions. When you are on the same page and synchronized you get to Synergize and Align… From this place you Create Awesomeness…
When you embrace this perspective and mindset, you are able to observe what is happening with a much different lens and:
Now you are not owning, blaming, criticizing, shaming, judging and the like.
Now you are much more likely to understand, give grace, be flexible, have compassion and the like.
You see the difference? When you take the higher road,Transcend the mundane and the imperfection, you’ll see possibilities, you’ll see beauty, you’ll see Gifts, you’ll see Love, and you’ll feel great and you’ll find the way and you’ll create what you Desire… Now this is what I’m talking about!
So, mind your mind! Choose your Mindset. Be vigilant about sticking with Transcendental thinking and coming back to it when you go a little sideways (thinking your partner is out to get you, that they don’t care, that it can’t work because you are too different, etc.).
Be always cleaning your thinking for then you’ll feel better, you’ll show up better, and you’ll get better results!
ASSIGNMENT: Take stock of your relationship, your partner, and your life together.
Notice, that all that you came up with are your thoughts. There might be some facts in there (like you’ve been married for this long, you have two children, your partner is taller than you, you own your home, you have such networth, and the like). The rest are mere thoughts, stories you make up about the relationship and your partner…
These thoughts influence how you feel in the relationship and your life, about your relationship, and about your partner. It’s time to course correct and Align with the Successful Relationship Mindset (SRM)…
A- Revisit what you came up with and reframe it according to the SRM.
B- Answer these:
1- How is your partner the partner you need? What dynamics are you cocreating to have a chance at healing and evolving?
2- How does your partner trigger your sensitivities? How can you respond differently?
3- What sensitivities do you trigger in your partner? How can you be mindful not to do so?
4- How can you support your Partner’s Journey? What do you need to ask of your Partner for them to better support your Journey?
5- What do you need to get on the same page about? What do you need to put in place to synchronize?
Select a list item above to play with this upcoming week: Observe. Be curious. Question. Discuss. Address. Let go. Uplevel. Get support. Keep on.
When you embrace a Successful Relationship Mindset, EVERYTHING changes…
When you choose to think clean and beautifully, when you embrace a Successful Relationship Mindset, you Empower yourself, you see your Partner in their Truth and Essence, and you Know you CAN create a Successful Relationship…
Here is to creating your radiant, authentic and successful relationship!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Upleveling!
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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