We might feel stuck as in not progressing or going in circles in our relationship or in our life in general. Having repeating patterns, having the same old arguments, issues, or negative situations. Feeling at a loss or at an impasse. Feeling behind our peers or where we think we should be in life. We are not satisfied with the status quo but have no idea how to go about creating the change we desire. We’ve tried different things, but nothing seems to stick… We just can’t get ahead, change things, or make the progress we’d like. We might think there is something wrong with us, or we might think there is something wrong with our partner…
You might even think one or both of you have mental health issues… One or both of you might be diagnosable and might already have a mental health diagnosis… You might be experiencing challenges managing your life and you might be showing up to your relationship with a host of symptoms… You might be experiencing stunted growth or personal development, and lack of achievement in some or most areas of your life. The pain of this can feel unbearable and your situation feel completely hopeless.
Just know that having mental health challenges is more common than you might think…
And, having mental health challenges doesn’t make one less of a person, a bad person, or unworthy… Having mental health challenges impacts our overall wellbeing and health, our relationships, and our life in general…
Feeling excessively highs and lows, engaging in high-risk behaviors, having bizarre or strange thoughts, difficulty understanding and relating to situations or to people
Neglecting hygiene and performance
Having suicidal thoughts [call 988]
As you can see a lot of the above symptoms are very common for a lot of people in everyday life… Mental health issues do not just manifest as extreme cases we might see on T.V. where people are walking around naked in the streets talking to themselves and believing they are God.
Mental health issues can manifest in the simplest of forms in our day… And this doesn’t take away from who we are at the end of the day. We generally don’t judge ourselves or people for having other conditions or situations. Why should any mental health concerns be any different?
Our mental health is one of our greatest possessions, tools, benefits, gifts that we have in our life. It literally creates our reality… It behooves us to take good care of our mental health so that we can create the relationship and life we desire…
Understanding that we all glitch out (not intending to minimize serious and debilitating mental illness) and that struggling with our mental health doesn’t lessen us as a person, is a huge first step in having compassion and self-love. And towards investing in our resilience and wellbeing. Giving others affected by mental health concerns this courtesy and love is also paramount for us as a collective…
Any struggle with mental health is part of our journey and human experience. It’s part of our life and what makes us who we are. We are actually unique and special because of it. It gives us the flavor of who we are. Eh? How is that for a reframe on this struggle?
Let’s embrace the fullness of who we are. We don’t have to let this define us of course but we can definitely own how it contributes to who we are, and not in a negative way!
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Here is the thing, a lot of people don’t know how to be High Performers, the Masters of their lives. Most people don’t know how to create the most from their lives by increasing productivity, creativity, peacefulness, joy, love and connection… They don’t know how to stay healthy, have increased vitality, and feel amazing most of the time… Actually, they might know but haven’t learned the self-discipline to pursue this with gusto for great results…
I know self-discipline can be challenging, especially when we have a lot going on. It can take insurmountable amounts of willpower when we might already be in a depleted state. This is when we end up feeling stuck, hopeless, depressed, anxious and other goodies.
The key is not to push yourself, beat yourself, shame yourself, or numb yourself… The key is to show up better with less effort!
When we think about our Best Life and then compare it to our current life, this might feel discouraging…
The first step is to own where we are at. A lot of times we get stuck, spin our wheels, and get paralyzed in confusion because we are living with our head in the sand… If we don’t know where we stand, how do we know where to start to get to where we are going? What’s worse, some don’t even know where they are going! What kind of life is this?
If we don’t know where we stand and we don’t know where we are going, how are we create an amazing life…? For what are we striving for? Where is the purpose? Where is the life built by design? How do we create our Masterpiece?
An unowned life doesn’t make sense… Not for nothing this doesn’t feel so good…
So, let’s start by owning the starting point. This is not going to feel so good at first either for it’ll be obvious how much things are not going as you’d prefer, and you created these results so far… But you know what, it’s ok to feel like crap about this because it is crap. Just don’t beat yourself up over it as you didn’t know any better, or couldn’t do any better with who you were then…
See that’s the trick, to create a better version of your life the better version of you needs to come out to play… Your job is to Become your Best Self, for this is how you create your Best Life. Take that to the bank! LOL
…Sit with being extremely unhappy with what you created so far, feel uncomfortable, feel the unease, feel the pain, feel the anger… Sit in the gap… For that’s all it actually is… (Smile. We’ll crack this!)
The next step is to forgive yourself, and never blame those around you…, for what’s happened so far… Start clearing and letting go… Cleanse…
Keep on clearing – get rid of anything you are tolerating… Anything that doesn’t float your boat. Anything that’s an aggravation, inefficient, painful, torturous, a joy kill, etc… This is a great Summer Project by the way.
Feel the feelings that come up, and address the reactions, from yourself and others, as they come up… Don’t push stuff down, shrug it off, dismiss it or keep tolerating it. It’s time to uplevel!
This is probably the most important step. If you give up too quickly or numb yourself through the process…, you won’t get over the hump. You haven’t achieved the tipping point… Keep going. Be present, be persistent, be consistent, stay the course… It pays off, I promise.
Finally, as you go through this, make sure you are super kind, gentle, tender and loving towards yourself… Have compassion for your old self… Appreciate all it was capable of doing and being with the limited resources it had… Now, looking back give yourself credit for all the awesomeness created so far. Pat yourself on the back and give yourself a gold star!
This is a powerful exercise in allowing You 2.0 to emerge and come out to play. In allowing yourself to Become your Best Self… This is so good…
Now there is room for the new… Now you get to show up differently, not white-knuckling and drawing for self-discipline… Now there is room for more energy, for flow, for new Habits. This is how you become a High Performer and the Master of your life!
ASSIGNMENT: Decide you want to make a shift and Become the Master of your life. Decide you want to create your Best Life!
Step1- Own where you are at: Take stock of all main areas of your life and rate them as to how satisfied you are in each. Be truthful!
Step2- Forgive yourself for the status quo: Feel the sucky feeling that comes with the reality of things…
Step3- Be kind and compassionate to yourself: Give yourself credit for how far you’ve come with what you had
Step4- Become the Master of your life, create your Best Life: Create new/better Wellness, Connection and Success Habits!
Taking charge, shifting, transforming and creating your Best Life doesn’t have to be impossible. It can be a little challenging, but then so worth it in the end… Take on the challenge and start creating awesomeness today!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
I know it still feels surreal that we are in the midst of a Pandemic and we are, what I’m calling, grounded… And, now that the shutdown has been extended to May 15th in our NY/NJ area, our resilience is being further tested. But, let me tell you that I’m super impressed with the stories I’m hearing from clients on how well they are managing this very stressful and uncertain time.
I know that not everyone is doing well. I know that the empty streets, the wailing sirens, the face masks, the challenged food supply, the isolation, the uprooted routine, the death tolls, and all the rest of it is wreaking havoc for some. Thankfully, there is talk of beginning to ease up on the shutdown just down the pike.
In the meantime, I know that what you usually deal with, whatever stressors you usually experience, whatever issue you have, is still there and probably to a higher extent. I know that if you had gotten a handle on your thing, that you might have regressed or might be retriggered.
I know that it is more challenging to have self-discipline right now. I know that is harder to stick to healthier habits. I know that some might have been good sports at the start of this, but know the situation is wearing on them.
I get that the thought of the shutdown being extended is too much for some.
I love to go into conversations with the above acknowledgement in mind to be met instead with people being ready for a longer shutdown. I love seeing the positive effect the shutdown is having on some… Yes, we don’t hear about this too much… The News likes to catastrophize events and heighten emotions… But, yes, I’m hearing about all the wonderful things that are coming out of this upside-down world…
I’m hearing of people creating new health habits, having more personal time, slowing down the living pace, enriching their lifestyle, creating richer connection rituals and traditions, getting more creative, and the list goes on…
For those that are not here yet, and that are experiencing this Covid-19 kicking them in the teeth, please know that this is possible for you as well…
I have noticed that the people that get stuck in their script, narrative, story of what is bad that is happening TO them, how they are being wronged by this situation or some experience of it, or how they are at its mercy, that those are the people that are having the hardest time. Their mood, motivation, energy, bandwidth and the like are getting more and more depleted. They seem to be spiraling down fast and hey can’t seem to catch themselves…
To you, I say:
Don’t get lost by missing the forest for the tree… Mind what you allow to rent space in your head and the narrative you entertain so you gain perspective and strength…
Don’t get stuck in helplessness… Tap into your wisdom, insights, resourcefulness, talents, gift/brilliance for you have everything you need…
Don’t give your power away… Address the things you have control over and don’t harp on the circumstances out of your control…
Don’t run yourself rugged or regress… Step up your personal ownership with boundaries, positive habits and routines that support you…
Don’t trigger anxiety with the noise… Operate from your center of Influence, which starts with you – you resource yourself, you generate uplifting messages, you take positive action, you be a role model…
If you have a reaction to this, please know that I’m walking my talk as are those around me, including our clients, and this works… All you have to do is ease the white-knuckling, be with your Self, and take charge of yourself…
If the challenges you are experiencing the most are related to your relationship, the above tactics will help you make changes…The key is to clean up your side of the street…
Clean up the story that your partner does things on purpose to be mean to you, that they don’t care, that you care more, that they are lazy, that they are sabotaging or undermining you, etc. These are usually not true. Your partner wants to please you…
Your partner is also on a Journey and having a Human Experience… They have their own lessons to learn and codes to crack. Bring your wisdom and strengths to your relating, Transcend the minutia and drama in your interactions…
Mind what you are contributing to your status quo and relationship, and don’t focus on what your partner is doing or not doing… Focus on your %80 (from the 80/20 rule where any issue is %80 about you, and only %20 about what your partner did or didn’t do)… This can keep you busy for a while… Focusing on the %20 is a waste of time as you have no control over that %20… and a sure way to get stuck…
It’s draining to be in conflict, to worry, to ruminate, to manipulate, to control, to nag, to shutdown, to dismiss, etc… Take charge of what you do and how you do it, and what you’ll tolerate – the boundaries are for you… Implement a self-care practice where you connect with yourself – here is the juice/energy/recharge, this is how you get centered/grounded, this is how you are less triggerable… This is how you can be the partner you want to be…
The more you allow yourself to worry about what’s going to happen and about things outside your control, like what your partner does or will do…, the more you’ll experience anxiety… Focus instead on getting a bird’s eye view, a higher level understanding of your partnership, the why of your relationship… Then operate from this higher-road perspective…
These tactics flow from Element1-Context/Mindset of my Successful Couple Strategy™. Getting a handle on how you choose to look at things is the first step in creating change in your relationship, and your world… Super empowering!
Here are prior related Blog posts for your quick reference, for you to grab what fits your current state:
We are at the center of our universe… We are at the center of our circle of influence… We are it! It behooves us to own our own power and to do awesomeness with it, for ourselves and everyone and everything around us…
ASSIGNMENT: Grab a few moments to sit with your thoughts and be witness to what is renting space in your head… What kinds of things are you entertaining? What scripts are you playing over and over? How are you taking yourself on a ride? How is the story you are telling yourself about your situation disempowering you?
Pay attention how the narrative makes you feel? Notice what actions you take, or not…, as a result of how you are choosing to look at things… Notice how this is impacting your wellbeing, your relationship, your life…
Notice what is working and what is having a result you don’t prefer… What thoughts would you need to think to feel better, and to take the actions that would give you the results you are looking for?
Well? Have at it…
Remember, you create your outcomes. You create who you are… You create your relationship… You create your Life… What will you create? Well? Have at it!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Creating!
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
I’m still on the theme of Milking the Summer… LOL I had this fantastic experience when checking my google email social tab not long ago. It was bombarded with Summer treats of all sorts. Too much email can be annoying, but the Summer theme made reviewing mine rewarding. I found some pretty cool treasures in there from Pinterest.
Yes, you guess it. This included a barrage of Summer Bucket Lists. How fun!!
So, why not? I’m starting a compilation of fun Summer activities, outings, experiences and delights to inspire you in case you are looking for some ideas:
Botanical garden, butterfly garden, zoo, aquarium, amusement park, water park, fair, carnival, festival, outdoor concert, antiquing, labyrinth walking, drive-in movie, arcade, art show
Hang gliding, rock climbing, hot air balloon riding, horseback riding, quad riding, water skiing, white water rafting, cannoning, snorkeling sailing, jet skiing, deep sea fishing, camping, paint-ball, ziplining
Fly a kite, watch fireworks, garden, catch fireflies, hike, bike, hold a garage sale, watch sunsets, watch sunrises, star gaze, have an outdoor slumber party, paint / draw / color outdoors, outdoor yoga
Chilling on a park bench, on a hammock, on porch rocking chair, on a swing, on a lounge chair, on a beach chair, on the grass, on the sand, by a campfire
Build a treehouse, fort, bike-ramp, sandcastle, shed, workbench, easel
Do a cannonball, run in the sprinklers, use the watersides, have a water balloon fight, swimming in any body of water, dance in the rain, make-out in the rain
Collect seashells, rocks, sand, flowers (dry and scrapbook)
Play board games, do a 1000 piece puzzle, learn to knit, make a homemade pizza, plant an indoor herb garden
Get your palm, aura, chakras, cards read
Make it a mission to visit: national parks, different cuisine restaurants, museums, fruit picking farms, farmer’s markets, beaches, playgrounds, wineries, monuments, tourist attractions
Color mandalas, journal, meditate, start a gratitude journal, play the Tibetan flute as ambient music, get Tibetan singing bowls
Pick any that grab your attention and add to your repertoire. Would love to hear any treasures on your bucket list!
Remember to complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
Share your experience by leaving a comment below!
Happy Bucketing!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Do create your Summer Bucket List!
Highlight the must not miss items and stay focused on activities, outing, experiences and treats that make your heart sing.
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2018 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
With Summer just around the corner, the school year completed for us, and a major dent made on my goals for the year, I’m turning my attention for now to more leisure, fun and adventures. 😉
How was your half of the year so far? What can you celebrate? How are you structuring and planning on enjoying the Summer? Yeah, yeah, you might have already planned your vacation or trips and enrolled your children in camps, but how will you “milk” the summer?
This is an important aspect of life… Even our “down-time” is over scheduled and packed… I’ve heard crazy plans from people like shuttling themselves from location to location for weeks on end without even making stops at home. Of sustaining intense long-day work weeks to squeeze in long weekend trips.
Of having a ton of personal and home projects in the works. And such… These sound good and fun, but usually the end result is missing the forest for the tree. The goal is to reboot, reset, recharge, realign, not to run rugged where you “need a vacation because of your vacation”…
The goal to reconnect with our Self, is to allow for different flow, to synchronize with our loved ones, to regroup on our path, to realign with our values, to tap into our creativity and inspiration, to access the Innovator in us…
How can this happen if there isn’t a moment to “feel”, to “listen”, to “dream”?
What does this mean for you? What is your Summer Philosophy™? Take this weekend to ponder on this and even run it by others. It’s interesting to hear what is happening out there. I find that people are usually completely overschedule and overbooked, or they haven’t given it much thought and are living their lives by default… What camp are you in?
If you are overscheduled and overbooked – even with “fun” stuff. Take a look and be radical about removing things from your experience. You’ll find that the yummy stuff happens in the in-between…
If you haven’t planned much or given it much thought. You are probably in better shape than the category of people above. It’s challenging to switch gears, slow down, let go, and Be… You have the opportunity to start with a fairly blank canvas… Don’t just add stuff to it… Be intentional about it.
This is your opportunity to pamper and honor your Self. Get in touch with what is important to you and what gives you pleasure. Sprinkle related activities or experiences into your lifestyle for the Summer. Make it a goal to Enjoy your Self…
If you are in the middle. Good for you! Just make sure what you put in place and what you didn’t, is by choice and design and that you are really and truly serving yourself, and your loved ones.
Summer is an untapped built-in resource in our life… Why not “milk it” for all it can provide? Use the Summer as a catalyst to Shift…, and catapult you in making the changes you’ve desired. Slow and steady wins the race…
Remember to complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
Share your experience by leaving a comment below!
Happy Milking!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Pick a Treasure activity, outing, experience or trip to add to your Summer Fun.
Make this a Summer to remember…
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2018 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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