I’ve had an interesting coming together of influences this week to inspire today’s topic (in the end only a minor detour from our Editorial Calendar). I had a request to write about addiction, and of course today is World Mental Health Day… So, I’ve decided to combine these and write about them in our usual context… [If you are in immediate need of assistance, please refer to the Hotlines provided here]
There are a number of addictions that impact our Journey. The most common addictions that you might be familiar with, and possibly even have in your own life, include:
Behavior Related Addictions – Gambling, Internet, Gaming, Shopping, Plastic Surgery, Sex & Love, Codependency, Risk Taking, Anger, Exercise, Work
Yes, I’m adding Codependency as an addiction… This has also been called “Relationship Addiction”… In a nutshell, this is when a partner is so focused on the other partner’s wellbeing that they lose sight of taking care of themselves, and they have a difficult time changing this pattern of behavior…
Most of my writing has this lens as an underlying theme… I usually cover this from the angle of not Owning Ourselves and Loving Too Much… And, even have a simple test to determine if one loves too much – you can get it here: 40 Signs that You Love TOO Much
Addictions alter the functioning of the brain and hence impact Mental Health, some are even considered a Mental Illness themselves, and frequently they are co-morbid, co-occurring, or dual-diagnosis with other Mental Illnesses (anxiety, depression, ADD/ADHD, OCD, and so on)…
Addictions and Mental Illness are very intricately connected sometimes making it difficult to determine if either is the cause of the other… They affect brain structure (refer to the image below) and levels of neurochemicals affecting overall functioning and wellbeing.
The main neurotransmitters affected include:
Serotonin – associated with regulating body temperate, sleep, arousal, appetite, mood, pain
Dopamine – related to experiences of pleasure and the reward-learning process
Norepinephrine – helps moderate stress response
When our Mental Health (brain) is impacted, everything in our life is impacted…
We are born with a basic brain organ that continues to develop as we grow. It is actually not fully formed until our early 20s (Brainstorm)! The interactions, experiences and lifestyle we have growing up impact how our brain forms, develops and functions… This in turns informs our personality, gifts, skills, perceptions and pretty much everything else about us.
Addictions have been associated with attachment injuries and trauma (less than perfect parenting…) growing up, which impact the development of the connection center in the brain and the ability to self-regulate… This has obvious implications for relationship success…
Thankfully, the brain doesn’t stay static – it has neuroplasticity which means we can further develop it, enhance it, change it, and even heal it as desired. This is amazing news because we are not stuck with the brain we have (The Brain Warrior’s Way)… Whatever has been the negative impact on our brain it can be corrected.
Below is an image of brain scans conducted by Dr. Amen, psychiatrist, brain expert and founder of the Amen Clinics, that show a healthy brain and afflicted brains. Believe or not, he has demonstrated that the afflicted brains can pretty much go back to looking like the healthy one!
We can reverse any developmental and lifestyle negative impacts that have affected our brain. This means we can biohack our brain for relationship and life success!
So, where do we start? We start with the basics – self-regulating to begin rewiring, rebuilding, and further developing the parts that plays such a significant role in how we feel, connect and show up in our life…
Self-regulation can be tackled from so many angles… A basic and very accessible way is through Lifestyle changes… Sleep, nutrition, exercise, self-care, mindfulness practices and the like are key elements for creating Mental Health… Hence all the focus in my writing on building great daily routines with powerful wellness, connection and success habits…
It’s never too late to fix your brain and create your best life!
Assignment: If you know you want to have your best life – live a long, healthy, productive, impactful and joyous life, then you have to do what it takes to make that happen… Are you willing to do that? Or, are you ok settling for mediocracy? If you’d like to join me in creating our best life, then the first step is in identifying what in your lifestyle is messing with your brain…
Then, create a plan to remove that – replacing it with a better Habit to help with your Discipline around it… And, finally is putting the pieces in place to support implementing your plan. Have at it, and have fun!
If it was easy to have a World Class Life, everyone would have one… Will you do what it takes to have yours? Decide now, and go for it!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Fixing!
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Do you have what it takes to live your best life? As I embrace this concept more and more, for myself and to bring to you of course, I’m just in awe at the gorgeousness life has to offer if we actually tune ourselves to it and allow it…
Things started turning around for me a while back when I learned to Let Go… Now, if you know me, you know I’m in no way a slacker, passive, or easy going… LOL I still love to lead, take charge, plan and orchestrate, make things happen, work hard, deconstruct obstacles, etc…
So, what do I mean by Let Go? I mean Trusting that all is working out as it’s supposed to… That things are happening For me and not To me… That we don’t have to white-knuckle life to make it what we want… That life is a great old game we have to learn to play right, by our own rules… When we get this and don’t give our power away to our life circumstances, including our Partner!, it’s when the magic starts to happen…
For you see, our approach is usually to do life by focusing on what others are or are not doing, specially our Partner… By how we can get them to do stuff. By how we want them to be. By how we want them to treat us. By what we can get from them. Or such. And, by Golly this is the completely opposite approach to create our most wonderful life…
You might be thinking, Yeah, that’s right. I want to be treated right, I want respect, I want support, I want my partner to cherish me, and so on… But, I’ll let you in on a little secret: You can’t ask for these things and get them… This is not how this works. Life is not about getting from others, demanding form others, imposing on others.
You might be thinking, How is that possibly an imposition? Respect, support, care and the rest of it is part of being in a relationship. It’s a given and should be done automatically. That’s what marriage is all about. I have news for you, that’s not True. It might seem that way, but that’s because that’s the social script we live by…
I know this is a controversial position – just bear with me for a moment. If it was so automatic, and such a given, and such a part of how things should be, then why do so many marriages fail? I’ll tell you why, because people focus on the wrong things. They stick unwaveringly to the script, they don’t question its validity and how it applies to them. They continue to focus outside of themselves, where they have no power!
Believe me, I get it. We all want those things, and they all are part of the definition of marriage… The point is that we can’t create an amazing relationship by expecting our partner to do right by us, by complaining about it when they don’t, and waiting for them to do it right. Man, this is a divorce waiting to happen. I’ve seen it happen unfortunately when people just refuse to Let Go of this script…
Nothing is a given, we have to Cocreate it… We have to choose to stop following the herd and living a mediocre life, having a tolerable relationship and accepting its demise when it’s not working… We have to choose to stop being part of the 95% who just live life blindly and by default. We have to choose to have our full Human Experience, and full on Play the Game of Life…
What does this mean? This means we fully Own ourselves, we focus on what we are doing, how we are doing it, how we show up, what we tolerate, and such. And, we do this by us Being, Becoming, our best version of ourselves… Again, not by telling our partner what they should do for us, or how to be for us…
When we refocus like this, it’s incredible what starts to happen. All the things we wanted, demanded, and complained about are resolved. We actually get what we want!
I know it’s almost impossible to believe, but it’s True. The reason this works is because when we show up differently, we invite something different… This is Cocreation at its best. We have no control over what our partner does, but we have control over what we do (we have the choice to even address our subconscious driving our stuff – we have ALL the control).
When we approach our life this way marvelous things start to happen… You even cocreate things that you might have never voiced… It’s a truly amazing experience… But don’t just take my word for it, please have a little faith and try out for yourself…
I promise that when you refocus this way you CAN create the relationship, and life, you were beating your head against the wall to have before. Now, it actually does happen easily… Just give it a try… Try keeping the focus only on what you are doing, on Being who you want to be, and on continuing Becoming your best self. The rest just comes!
Stop victimizing yourself. Take charge and do You well! I know you can do it!
Assignment: Stop the looping around in your head playing around with your logic, convincing yourself that your position is right, and making your partner wrong. This is not the way out, nor the solution to your current unhappiness…
Try to suspend logic, your protective Ego, and instead get in touch with your heart, your gut, your Core, Inner Authentic, Higher Self… This part of you can Transcend the micro infractions your partner might inflict on you through their imperfection…
This part of you is Magnificent. When you show up with this part, you become irresistible and your partner wants to do nothing but please you… And, they do it just like you like it, and it’s effortless… (Also, you’ll be able to not get triggered or bothered when they are a little off because their offness is actually so irrelevant in the whole scheme of things…). Make an appointment with yourself to get in touch with your Self… Honor it. Embrace it. Enjoy it!
I believe you have what it takes you create your best life. You just have to want it, and make a decision to go for it…
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Owning!
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
How we do our days is how we ultimately do our life… Our life is but a collection of days… We can decide now what kind of life we want to have lived at the end of the day… When on our deathbed, what kind of highlight reel would we have to showcase?
What kind of life do we want to have to show for our time on earth? What regrets do we want to make sure we don’t have? How will we have immortalized ourselves, how would we live-on in the hearts and minds of others? What would our footprint have been, what kind of impact did we make?
This line of thinking can be really scary or extremely inspiring… It can be scary if you are not happy with the current state of affairs in your life. It can be scary if you feel powerless, stuck and at the mercy of others. It can be scary if you think you are not smart enough, gifted enough, creative enough and the like. It can be scary if you are not fully owning your life and your Self…
It can be extremely inspiring if you are taking charge of your life. If you are building your courage muscle. If you are investing in healing, growing, and evolving. If you are protecting your energy, time, and focus. If you are committed to living a long and healthy life. If you are intentionally designing your days. If you are developing personal discipline and are embracing Habit Building as an approach to life success…
A successful life is made up of the accumulation of your Owned days… Own your day, own your life, succeed at your life…
How do you own your day? Start your day early and “warrior proof it”. According to Robin Sharma, Author of The 5 am Club, it’s imperative to take time first thing in the morning to set oneself up for an amazing day by proofing it against the noise of life.
He encourages building a great mindset, healthset, heartset and soulset during this time… This can be done via a simple exercise, journaling, meditation and learning routine.
How do you own your day? By increasing connection, wellness, and success habits into your routine with Habit Stacking (associate a new habit to an existing one) – reducing the need for decision making, willpower and self-discipline… By chunking your time for most creativity and productivity.
By protecting your Focus Time. By planning your meals. By building-in transition and reenergizing times. By implementing self-care practices. By minding being intentional, present and attentive.
If you’ve been living by flying by the seat of your pants, this might feel really daunting. Don’t worry, start small. Any action towards owning your day and improving your life will start the juices flowing empowering, motivating and inspiring you to do more. Not to mention, that you’d already be feeling amazing for having done something different towards taking charge of your life.
If you’ve been investing in yourself all along this will not feel as daunting and will instead spark additional motivation and inspiration. Soak that in and go for it!
Taking this a step further, you can apply these concepts to the Successful Couple Strategy™… You can apply this level of ownership, design and intentionality to the 5 Elements, for example:
Communication & Alignment – Have daily Appreciation Talk Time™ (tell your partner what you appreciated about them or what they did that day)
Clarity & Dynamics – Do consistent nurturing Healing behaviors for your partner (target their ongoing requests)
Connection & Intimacy – Implement the monthly Dating Protocol (take turns planning awesomeness for each other)
Collaboration & Partnership – Hold Sunday Synchronization Meetings™ (get current and plan the upcoming week)
So, you see, if you are interested in having a world class life, you can! You can have a meaningful life and successful relationship. The key is to owning your self, your day, your life!
Assignment: Take stock of where you feel stuck – Make lists of all the annoyances around you, energy and time suckers, distractions, incomplete projects, areas of improvement, resentments you are holding, unmet needs, unfinished business, forgotten dreams and anything else you believe might be holding you back…
Grab everything that gets in the way of owning your day. Pick a list to focus on, pick an item to address from it. Decide how you’ll do it, make a plan to tackle it, carry out your plan… Change only happens when you take action… Make a commitment to tackle the rest with the same approach… Get the support you need to help you do it faster, do it better, and stay the course…
You want a great life? Create a great life… You can do it!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Owning!
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
We are at after the initial hustle and bustle of getting to back2school/business, and the accompanying anxiety, stress and overwhelm. We are at a time where the new routine starts to feel like second nature and can get into the groove. Where the energy of the season is inspiring, and productivity comes with ease… Where we can more heartily play with our Autumn Bucket List! Here is one to inspire yours.
And, here are 10 Autumn Couple Date Ideas to consider:
As I’ve been talking about Habit building as a tactic for creating your Meaningful Life and Successful Relationship(s), I want to clarify that not all habits are for being more productive and achieving goals… I’ve written before about Intentional Habits™ and Connection Habits™… These are a great set to integrate into our approach to life and relationship(s).
Focusing on how to better nurture our relationship with those important to us is a great investment in living our life to the fullest. This is where we give and receive love. This is where we belong. This is how we show others they are important to us. This is how we make others feel special. This is how we show appreciation. This is where we get replenished. This is where we create meaning. This is where we make the most impact…
In our humanity we are meant to be relational… At the end of our life it’s not the accumulation of material things that’d matter, but the accumulation of lovely memories and positive impact we’ve made…
Implementing Connection Habits™ into our life is a matter of 1) owning this is something important to us in the first place. 2) Then committing to making sure we nature the important relationships in our life. 3) And, finally creating a system for doing so.
It is very easy to lose track of time and forget to check-in and -on our loved ones. It is very easy to get sidetracked and not keep promises, not follow-up, not do anything loving or nurturing, or not invest an iota into build intimacy. It is very easy to be downright neglectful of the ones we love!
So, if creating amazing relationships with those you care about matters to you, commit right now to make a concerted effort to invest in nurturing those relationships. And, envision how it’d feel to be Connected. What it might look like. What the experience would be.
The next step is to create a system to make this seamless. Design a protocol, routine, schedule and such to integrate actions into your lifestyle that would nurture the relationship with your loved one. Incorporate rituals and traditions that speak to all involved. Make these simple, concrete and fitting to your life so they easily become Habits, Connection Habits™…
Assignment: Choose a relationship you’d like to Nurture more. Commit to investing in showering it with more love. Decide on 3 behaviors (Concrete, Doable, Recurring) you’ll implement immediately to step up the nurturing of that relationship. Bring your authentic/higher self to the nurturing and do the behaviors with gusto!
We are meant to be in Connection, without it we actually don’t have Successful lives… Creating meaningful connection doesn’t have to be hard, it just takes desire, commitment and intentionality. It’s not about being constantly surrounded by people… It’s about Connecting with those around us, and especially the ones we care about…
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Connecting!
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
What routine tweaks are you implementing for more peaceful and joyful days? What systems are you putting in place to have more ease and flow in your home? What ritual can you integrate to launch the new season with spunk? What habit will you put in place to start the new quarter strong? How will you make this quarter special?
As you probably already know, I’m all about constantly optimizing everything. Am I perfect? Of course not! Do I strive for perfection? I let that go a long time ago… What I do strive for is becoming my Best Self, enhancing my wellness, vitality, performance, creativity, and connection. For Being the best human I can be. To this end, I’m always researching, learning and experimenting with new tools, skills, concepts, and the like.
I’ve been on the improving habits kick for a while now, but I’m taking this interest to the next level. I’m obsessed with biohacking myself, enriching my routines and creating more flow… This means increased longevity, productivity, and impact… This means making a difference. This means having a meaningful and rewarding human experience…
As I’m letting go of Summer and fully turning into Autumn and all its splendor, I’m setting up for my best quarter yet. In all areas of my life. Hey, I practice what I preach! LOL
In playing with my obsessions and to assuage the hunger for more knowledge, I ended up with this current stack:
I follow some of these authors’ work closely and I’m enthralled with the possibilities. As we continue to wake up to our potential, it is unbelievable what we are capable of… We can defy our human limitations as we know them… As we learn more about neuroplasticity, epigenetics, super-longevity, and the like we can have a truly amazing, off the charts, human experience…
I don’t know about you, but I want to make the most and the best of mine… What does this mean for us? For our daily life with ourselves, our loved ones and in all the contexts in our lives? It means we set ourselves up to do life with ease. To get the most out of every moment. That we hack the heck out of everything to go beyond the limits.
How? Make the commitment to have your best life, to collaborate with your partner, to enlist relevant and excellent support, to always be learning, healing and evolving… Make the commitment to own your energy, your time, your days, your choices, your decisions, your actions, your presence, your focus, all of you…
Assignment: Let’s drill in and into the practical… What things, activities, habits will you commit to removing for a better lifestyle? What things, activities, habits will you commit to adding for a better lifestyle? Pick one of each and go to town! Really embrace this to get the results you are seeking, to stay the course on having your best human experience…
Let me tell you something. When I focus on these things, my life is juiced up, joyful and easier… I invite you to join me being high on life!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
STAY CONNECTED WITH US, SUBSCRIBE TO OUR NEWSLETTER
And, Get a FREE Relationship Enrichment Mini Course!
You CAN create the relationship you desire!
You have Successfully Subscribed!
With this Mini Course learn how to immediately Break your Impasse, Improve your Communication, Increase your Intimacy, Connection and Fun, & Create a Strong Partnership...
And with Emma’s weekly Love rich with Personal Development & Relationship Enrichment know-how, announcements, resources and more straight into your inbox.
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
Pin It on Pinterest
We track visits and User's visit information to analyze our performance and trends in order to create targeted messaging and programs to best serve you. We use cookies to provide a personalized and smoother browsing experience. Refer to our Privacy Policy for additional details.
You consent to our tracking and cookies when using our Websites.OK
