Let’s ready ourselves for a new season this year, and possibly a new season of life… There is so much happening in the world at large, in this country, and in most of our lives as usual… And time seems to be moving faster… Making our lives more intense and challenging. I don’t know about you, but I already have a special relationship with time and don’t need for it to get more complicated. For us to have a better go if it, we have to shift our approach to how we create our relationship and our life…
Instead of focusing on all the doing and all the to-dos, extending ourselves to the limit and to exhaustion, and wondering how do we get our partner to support us and help us more, the key is a totally different approach…
Now, this new approach doesn’t add more work to your already full plate. It actually reduces it significantly.
You might be wondering what is this magic I speak of.
What I’m suggesting is so simple, it’s almost ridiculous. But not to be dismissed because of its simplicity. At the end of the day, though it’s simple it might still be challenging. And this challenge will serve you infinitely more than going at things the usual way…
I’m talking about Creating through Connected Collaboration™… Let me explain.
When we approach any interaction from a place of curiosity and openmindedness, with warmth, vulnerability, authenticity, and a willingness to share airtime, then we are able to join in a collaborative spirit… When we connect deeply and meaningfully, when we have shared values, vision, and goals, when we play with them from our heart, then we are able to create anything we desire. These things might be the challenge themselves, but so fulfilling to master. This is where our attention is needed most…
Embracing a softer approachto creation with connecting vs grinding is the shift that’s in order…
This allows for a smooth creation of the relationship and life we want. It allows us to collaborate, to cocreate with ease, to manifest with splendor. It allows for a grander experience…
Shifting to this approach immediately allows for new beginnings and experiences. This is how everything gets done with ease- things fall off our to do, get streamlined, get more support and are just a joy to tackle.
All the doing and grinding no longer give the results and satisfaction we seek. The outcomes and fulfillment, including the amazing experience along the way, get created through connection, that makes collaboration for manifestation a piece of cake.
So, don’t let the seemingly crazy world out there get you- you don’t have to join in all the doing, grinding, and fighting. Elevate yourself and your approach and watch how seamlessly you create the relationship and life you love…
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
When our relationship is not perfect or when we struggle in our relationship, we might have the mindset that – marriage is hard, being in a relationship is a lot of work, and other such nonsense…
I get it that sometimes our relationship can be really frustrating and that we might feel like we spin our wheels and can’t make the changes we desire. I get it because I’ve been there, and because I see this with the many clients we’ve served over the years.
But because we are feeling frustrated, and we might be feeling stuck our relationship and status don’t warrant such hard assessments and labels. This pejorative view further influences how we view and approach our relationship and our partner. This is the filter that affects everything else from our communication to our collaboration…
Then we enter into additional disagreements, conflict and disconnect where it might feel impossible to create change in our relationship and to create the relationship we desire- but it is not.
The 5 Elements of our Successful Relationship Strategy™ cover the targeted areas to focus on with your partner to seamlessly create a transformation in your relationship. When we intentionally focus on showing up differently, improving our skills, using better tools, changing our patterns and investing in our relationship in these areas- there is no way not to create change in our relationship…
Element1 – Context & Mindset: Empower Yourself– this has to do with all things of the mind. Including upleveling mindset, changing thought patterns, addressing limiting believes, reprogramming negativity bias, and more…
>> So you stop feeling stuck and break the impasse…
~ Partnership Mindset – This is where we embrace a allies vs enemies mindset…
~ Effective Boundaries – This is where we fully own ourselves vs owning our partner…
Element2 – Communication & Alignment: Improve Understanding– this has to do with all things regarding communication. Including having proper conversations, addressing concerns and issues, resolving conflict, repairing, apologizing and more…
>>So you easily get on the same page and understand each other better…
~ Simple Powerful Skills – This is where we improve our communication tools and skills…
~ Speak for Yourself – This is where we get our partner to understand us…
Element3 – Clarity & Dynamics: Change Patterns– this has to do with all things involving emotional patterns and programs. Including addressing our relationship loop, resolving having the same old fight, stopping the power struggle, increasing self-regulation and resilience, and more…
>> So you understand why you have the same old issues creeping up and change the patterns
~ Meet Your Needs – This is where you learn how to meet and get your needs met…
~ Give Something Different – This is where you optimize how you meet your partner’s needs…
Element4 – Connection & Intimacy: Deepen Connection– this has to do with all things on connection and intimacy. Including how to create, sustain and deepen connection, how to increase and expand intimacy, how to enrich exchanges and have meaningful interactions, and more…
>> So reignite your love, deepen your connection, and increase your intimacy
~ Connection Habits – This where you automate improving your connection…
~ Really Date Your Partner – This is where you bring the passion back…
Element5 – Collaboration & Partnership: Become a Team– this has to do with all things partnership and working better together. Including how to have a life vision and set achievable goals, create a smooth-running household, share responsibility, enjoy coparenting, and more…
>> So you create a strong partnership and a harmonious, joyful and loving home and beautiful life
~ Working Life Vision – This is where you align and create a north star for your life…
~ Divide and Conquer Approach – This is where you have you own and each other’s back…
You CAN create a successful relationship and meaningful life, just be intentional about it!
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Are you creating your Best Life? Do you have a Life Vision? Do you have a Joint Life Vision? How do you know what you are working towards every day? Are you just focused on making ends meet, or are you working towards something?
Are all your choices in alignment with your values and creating your Best Life? Is all your effort put towards it? Or are you squandering your precious resources, your focus, energy and time? Becoming a strong partnership is key to creating your Best Life.
It is very common for people to not have a Life Vision and goals for the future, as is also very common for couples to not be on the same page about their future and working towards a joint vision together. Couples don’t usually have a Joint Life Vision.
When couples don’t have a Joint Life Vision, they don’t have a North Star guiding their life. They don’t have a way to filter their actions, their activities, their habits, their routines, their lifestyle, their spending – all their decisions and approach to their relationship and their life.
A Joint Life Vision is the map to where you want to do, what kind of life you want to create. Not having one means you are banging around through life, creating by default, and possibly focusing on the wrong things.
Having this map, doesn’t mean the route is written in permanent marker, that you can’t take the scenery route here and there, or park by the side of the road every so often. Having this map, a Joint Life Vision, does mean you are going in the right direction and enjoying the ride.
Creating a Joint Life Vision is much easier to do when you are operating as a strong team, when you become a strong partnership… Partners that feel stuck and are pointing the finger at each other, that can’t get on the same page, who keep having the same issues and can’t get out of their own way, and who feel disconnected have a hard time with this.
Setting common goals, working towards them and collaborating is not easy to do with our partner if the rest of the relationship is off…
To create an awesome life, we need to have an awesome relationship… When our relationship is off, it is challenging for the rest of our life to feel right and be epic…
Where does this leave us in terms of creating our #BestLife? It means we have a dream, a Life Vision, and work towards it while we give our relationship a lot of TLC…
Here is a quick formula to wrap our mind around this:
👀 Have your own Life Vision, flesh out all the life areas and then focus on your top 3 💗 Always make your relationship part of the top 3 👏 Once you are in a good place with your partner, share your Life Vision and create a Joint Life Vision 📐 Align your whole life against this Joint Life Vision 🛠 Create systems with your partner for easy collaboration and a divide and conquer approach
What does it mean to align your whole life against the life vision?
That you spend time on activities that help you complete projects that flow from your goals
That you spend time on goals that move the needle forward in creating your life vision
Make the Baby Steps Count
What kind of habits and activities are we talking about?
Let’s say, that you are focusing on the 3 main life themes: Wellness, Connection and Success. You’d make sure that you have habits and activities in these themes (their related life areas), to accomplish goals in these areas and move the needle forward in creating your life vision…
This can look something like this:
🌟Wellness (Spiritual, Physical, Emotional, Mental): Meditation, Intermittent Fasting, Exercise, Reading >> For fitness, vitality, longevity, resilience and personal development
🌟Connection (Relational, Social): Check-In Chat, Delight Partner, Sexy Time, Fun Outing/Event >> For a radiant and successful relationship, and strong community
🌟Success –(Financial, Lifestyle): TimeMapping, Networking, Budgeting, Writing >> For wealth, social impact and great life
Making daily habits and actions of these is the easiest way to stay focused and cranking along…
In the daily routine is also where the managing the business of life, the domestic, personal tasks and projects, and other ventures and life projects happen, and which are best tackled in collaboration with your partner.
The divide and conquer approach and the synergy inherent in your partnership propels your creation and manifestation forward. This is how you seamlessly create your Best Life, your (Joint) Life Vision.
Collaboration FLOW
Here are some Collaboration Flow suggestions that work super well for our couples when they need support in this area:
💫 Bulk food shopping, grocery deliveries (sun, wed) – Keep a running shopping list to easily grab everything in one shopping event 💫 Laundry (sun, wed) – Throw in a couple of loads as needed (don’t do laundry every day, don’t let it pile up!) 💫 Food prep (sun) – Cook/bake a couple of things, cut up veggies and fruit – portion out and store (freeze if possible) 💫 Synchronizing Meeting (sun) – Have a moment on Sunday evenings to get on the same page about the upcoming week 💫 Check-In Chats (daily before or after dinner) – Have a moment to catch up on the day and get on the same page as needed 💫 Weekend Planning (thu) – Map out the flow, and plan the activities and fun for the upcoming weekend 💫 Integrating Meeting (sat) – Make time to meet to plan, discuss, share or what work on yourselves, the relationship, your finances, home renovations, and other projects
Creating structures, systems and automations makes it much easier to run a joint life freeing up time, energy and attention for Being and Enjoying.
Here is to your smooth, harmonious, and joyful home and family.
Here is to seamlessly creating your Best Life with your Partner!
Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: APPLICATION – Consider where you have glitches in your weekly flow and collaboration with your partner and implement any Collaboration Flow suggestions that fit your needs.
🌟 Feel free to create your own. The key is to create an ongoing solution to address a need or recurring glitch…
Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
Communication skills and tools are not just necessary for getting on the same page, making joint decisions and problem solving effectively. They are also indispensable for more deeply understanding each other and warmly flowing in our interactions with our partner. Excellent communication also helps increase our bonding.
Feeling understood is an existential human need… In feeling that the other “gets” us, we feel Known and that we exist… Feeling understood engenders feelings of belonging, being accepted, and safety. This is pretty much at the core of things! This is why it’s super important to use our skills and tools to make sure we get our partner, and others, when we are in our interactions with them.
And, with that it goes without saying how super important it is to show them that we got them… This is where the validation step in the Intentional Dialogue comes in. This is the step that partners forget in interactions that crashes the conversation and possibly even leads to a fight.
Equally important is to communicate so our partner can understand us, and to seek confirmation that we were understood.
Interactions don’t have to go south… Most of the time when couples refer to communication problems, they are actually referring to emotionally charged issues and conversations. They can’t communicate well when they are triggered… Which makes complete sense! Employing communication tools and skills has a lot to do with managing ourselves and being mindful to not trigger our partner… Removing roadblocks to communication goes a long way.
And most importantly, when we are mindful of how we show up and how we communicate we are investing in protecting, nurturing, and strengthening our bond…
Strengthening Our Bond
Therefore, it is imperative that we are very intentional and mindful about how we communicate with our partner and what the focus of our conversations are. For who doesn’t want a lovely and strong bond with their Lovey? Right?
I invite you to add having Meaningful Conversations to your Couple Time… Let’s not use couple time for just more binging on Netflix.
Awareness and consciousness about yourself
Do you know what triggers you and why? Do you know what core wound and defense mechanisms you keep playing out, what you contribute to your repeating patterns? Do you know what your needs are and how to meet them? Do you know your Love Language? Getting a deeper understanding of yourself in this way is enlightening and a great investment in your personal development…
Then, sharing this with your partner and integrating your new awareness into your interactions is truly transformative…
Then, you can share your understandings, discoveries, and what you make of them with your partner. Isn’t this a gorgeous conversation?
Aspirations and passions about yourself
Have you identified your Purpose, what drives you? Are you focused on that purpose daily? Do you have a vision of your future and your life? Do you have clear goals and milestones? What are you working on? Are your projects, tasks and routines in alignment withyour Vision? Getting some clarity around these and aligning your life accordingly makes life so much easier and pleasurable…
Then, share what you are up to, your desires, fears, and possible roadblocks with your partner for additional alignment and meaning…
Aren’t these delicious? Imaging these are the topics of your conversations most of the time… This is what gives our interactions depth and meaning. These interactions are what strengthen our bond, bring us closer and guide our relationship and life. This is how we create radiance and meaning in our relationship.
APPLICATION: Select the area about you that you want to explore, gain a deeper understand, more clarity and direction to play with… Set some time aside to indulge in this exploration, and then bring your discoveries, insights, and desires to your Couple Time
Awareness and consciousness about yourself
Awesomeness and uniqueness about yourself
Aspirations and passions about yourself
In developing ourselves and owning our sparkle, with bring more radiance to our relationship…
Be curious, be playful, be vulnerable, be available…
Share yourself more in your interactions and communication, strengthen you bond!
Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
Do you think that you love your partner more than they love you? That you care more? That you do more for the home, the family, and the relationship? That if it weren’t for you, things would fall apart? You are not alone in this. It is very common for one partner to do more nurturing, caring, and making sure everything is ok. Does this sound like you? Do you do the caretaking for the family and the relationship? Does it feel like you Love TOO Much?
If we care more and love too much, then by implication it feels like the other cares less… Nobody wants to feel like their loved one doesn’t care as much… It doesn’t feel good to feel less cared about… It doesn’t feel good to love too much…
What happens next is that our whole routine revolves around our loved one/s, our whole week and lifestyle revolve around our loved one/s, our whole life revolves around our loved one/s… We lose sight of who we are, what we are meant to do, of our growth, of where we want to go and who we want to become, and of our actual Journey…
We become myopic, we miss the forest for the tree. We focus on the minutiae of the everyday. We get distracted by others’ whims and agendas and by bright shiny objects. We bang around without purpose.
We fill our days with crap – a bunch of meaningless tasks and a lot of running around. Our tasks are not related to projects. Our projects are not related to goals. Our goals are not related to our vision. We are just wasting are precious time, our precious limited Life Energy…
Some don’t even have outlined tasks, clear projects, established goals or a driving vision… So, you see how easy it is to get lost in the everyday. To focus on what our partner is doing or not doing. To micromanage our home and our loved one/s. To get overly involved in other people’s business. To care about the concern of others. To take over other people’s responsibilities. To take it all on because it’s easier to fill in our void with others’ stuff…
Then we wonder why we feel overwhelmed, anxious, lost, blah, bored, resentful, exhausted, taken for granted, lonely, alone and the like.
It’s easy to distract ourselves from ourselves by loving too much… This is easy to do when we don’t fully own ourselves, for what else are we supposed to do… If we don’t have ourselves, at least we have others…
We have nothing else to care about so we put all our care on them… But then we feel bad because we care more than they do… Then we don’t feel cared about enough…
We create a super hurtful and harmful cycle… We neglect ourselves and our lives. We feel stuck, empty and unhappy. We wonder what’s the meaning of it all… We are missing the forest for the tree!
Stop doing for your loved one/s what they can do for themselves.
Stop micromanaging.
Stop obsessively checking in and on everything.
Stop redundantly tracking everything.
Stop doing stuff for the sake of doing stuff.
Stop filling your life with junk.
Stop doing stuff that doesn’t serve you.
Stop saying yes to other people’s agendas.
Stop __________________.
Stop wasting your precious Life Energy on pursuits that don’t enhance your Journey in some way… Minimize the chaos, the mundane, the minutia, the redundant, the excess, the spinning, the grind…
Stop loving too much, for when you do you also enable others to not do for themselves… This is actually not helpful, you cheat them of the possibility of them figuring it out… Being too helpful is not helpful… Just stop.
Focus on what brings you joy and helps you create your Best Relationship and Life. On what moves the needle forward in your Journey. What enriches your life and the life of the people you love… Not by fishing for them but by teaching them how to fish and by collaborating…
Loving TOO Much is not a great quality, it’s not a character strength… It is actually a sign of codependence, a quality that holds back the people involved…
When we love too much, we become codependent where the members of the relationship/s are held back from their full potential by the dynamics they create. The helped person can’t learn and have self-agency. The helper becomes obsessed with the other at their expense. Neither side wins. This contributes to stuckness in relationships…
APPLICATION: Find three behaviors/tasks you do on a daily basis that are Life Energy sucking and Signs that You Love TOO Much… Figure out how to stop engaging in those behaviors by replacing them with healthy, effective and productive ones, for example:
Have a system for doing food and other shopping so you don’t run out of things
Prep food and snacks
Teach children how to make their bed and make it their responsibility
Teach children / discuss with partner how to pick up their stuff and put dirty clothes in hampers
Agree on who puts the dishes in the dish washer and who empties it
Design lunchboxes duty and agree on who is responsible for putting them together
Create a morning routine where everyone is responsible for getting themselves ready and ready to go
Have a place for backpacks, lunchboxes, school papers, school activities supplies/equipment, etc. (to have been packed up or prepped the day before!)
Have a place for coats, gloves, scarves, shoes and such
Don’t run stuff your children forget to school
Prioritize money producing tasks at work or completing your important project’s tasks
Block off time to do focus work
Don’t have a million errands to run after work
Have a streamlined afterschool, evening and bedtime routine
Block off selfcare time, couple time, social media engagement time, etc.
Have a system for doing laundry a couple of times a week only
Select a recurring time to do home admin tasks and synchronize with your partner
Loving too much is not the way to go. To create a radiant and successful relationship, and meaningful life, we are to fully own ourselves and empower others to do the same… We are to shoot for Interdependence in our relationship/s with extreme personal ownership, reciprocity and collaboration.
We want to love compassionately and passionately and give our relationship/s our best, not our worst by loving too much…
Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…
Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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