If you think being in or creating a Successful Relationship is hard, you’ve got it wrong! Hey, I get it that sometimes our relationship can be really frustrating and that we might feel like we spin our wheels and can’t make the changes we desire. I get it because I’ve been there, and because I see this with many clients we’ve served over the years.
It might feel impossible to create change in our relationship and to create the relationship we desire when we are struggling with our partner, but it is not.
The 5 Elements of the Successful Relationship Strategy cover the targeted areas to focus on with your partner to seamlessly create a transformation in your relationship. When we intentionally focus on showing up differently, improving our skills, using better tools, changing our patterns and investing in our relationship in these areas- there is no not to create change in our relationship…
In today’s episode I fly solo and share 2 tactics for each of these areas that you can implement right away for immediate results in your relationship…
Did you know that our strengths can have a huge positive impact in our relationship, as well as a negative impact? Yep. We can influence, create change, and spearhead transformation in our relationship with our strengths. But if we are not intentional about how we use them, they can also be misused and be detrimental to our relationship…
It all starts with having awareness of our strengths, owning them, and understanding how to use them… For then we can capitalize on what they offer making our interactions smoother and more meaningful.
When we intentionally operate from our strengths we radiate, entice, and invite others to a wonderful dance with us.
We have impact in the moment, on our partner’s experience, and on their heart.
When we lead with our strengths, cultivate them, and use them to complement and align with our partner in our mindset, communication, interactions, connection and collaboration we have a huge impact on creating the relationship of our dreams…
Today we have another special episode with a wonderful guest, Nermine Zakhary, speaking on how to discover and use our strengths.
We have a fabulous time delving into strengths and how they impact our relationship, and we explored mine to illustrate the power of using our strengths intentionally.
Hope this information serves you and helps you get on the path to your Successful Relationship.
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🌟ABOUT OUR GUEST:
Nermine Zakhary is a Certified People Acuity Coach™ & Positive Intelligence & Metal Fitness Coach, specializing in the application of strengths to accelerate performance, energy, relationships, and results and handling life’s challenges with a positive mindset. She has 15+ years of experience in the training industry and holds a master’s degree in Education, specializing in Instructional Design for Online Learning. You can find her at www.Strengths-Edge.com
Who says being in a committed relationship is hard? Though relationships can be challenging they don’t have to be if we are intentional about how we go about creating our successful relationship.
There are some key ingredients that we need to bring to our relationship for it to be gratifying and successful.
Research shows that successful couples demonstrate some key ingredients that we’d be remiss not to emulate. And, according to John Gottman, renowned relationship researcher, the opposite is also true. There are key characteristics that when found in a relationship are strong predictors of break-up or divorce.
Committed relationships, marriage, are special, delicate, and very important to our overall wellbeing. They are the pillar of our society as they stabilize the family unit, and are the strongest influence on our children.
This is why it’s my mission to cater to the wellbeing of couples. After 20 years of working with couples and helping them create their successful relationship, I embraced a longtime dream of hosting a relationship podcast. Which I’m proud to launch today!
Today’s video is special as it’s a video of my first podcast episode- I’m so excited to launch our new podcast…
In this episode I interview a longtime friend and colleague, Carole Cullen who is also a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Together we geek out about a few secret ingredients that make for a successful relationship.
We talk about 4 key ingredients:
1~ Emotional Intimacy
2~ Communication
3~ Quality Time
4~ Shared Goals & Values
Hope this information serves you and helps you get on the path to your Successful Relationship.
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🌟ABOUT OUR GUEST:
Carole Cullen is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, AAMFT Clinical Supervisor and public speaker. She is a Certified Gottman Couples Therapist and Emotionally Focused Therapist specializing in working with couples in crisis. She has a group practice in Wake Forest, NC where she helps couples learn practical tools to reconnect with their partner and create a lasting love. You can find her at https://mytherapistnc.org/.
Let’s ready ourselves for a new season this year, and possibly a new season of life… There is so much happening in the world at large, in this country, and in most of our lives as usual… And time seems to be moving faster… Making our lives more intense and challenging. I don’t know about you, but I already have a special relationship with time and don’t need for it to get more complicated. For us to have a better go if it, we have to shift our approach to how we create our relationship and our life…
Instead of focusing on all the doing and all the to-dos, extending ourselves to the limit and to exhaustion, and wondering how do we get our partner to support us and help us more, the key is a totally different approach…
Now, this new approach doesn’t add more work to your already full plate. It actually reduces it significantly.
You might be wondering what is this magic I speak of.
What I’m suggesting is so simple, it’s almost ridiculous. But not to be dismissed because of its simplicity. At the end of the day, though it’s simple it might still be challenging. And this challenge will serve you infinitely more than going at things the usual way…
I’m talking about Creating through Connected Collaboration™… Let me explain.
When we approach any interaction from a place of curiosity and openmindedness, with warmth, vulnerability, authenticity, and a willingness to share airtime, then we are able to join in a collaborative spirit… When we connect deeply and meaningfully, when we have shared values, vision, and goals, when we play with them from our heart, then we are able to create anything we desire. These things might be the challenge themselves, but so fulfilling to master. This is where our attention is needed most…
Embracing a softer approachto creation with connecting vs grinding is the shift that’s in order…
This allows for a smooth creation of the relationship and life we want. It allows us to collaborate, to cocreate with ease, to manifest with splendor. It allows for a grander experience…
Shifting to this approach immediately allows for new beginnings and experiences. This is how everything gets done with ease- things fall off our to do, get streamlined, get more support and are just a joy to tackle.
All the doing and grinding no longer give the results and satisfaction we seek. The outcomes and fulfillment, including the amazing experience along the way, get created through connection, that makes collaboration for manifestation a piece of cake.
So, don’t let the seemingly crazy world out there get you- you don’t have to join in all the doing, grinding, and fighting. Elevate yourself and your approach and watch how seamlessly you create the relationship and life you love…
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
We can twist ourselves into a pretzel to get everything right in our relationship. We can wait for our partner to change. Or we can manipulate or control our partner into doing what we want. But none of these tactics work for creating our radiant and successful relationship, and joy in our life. Have you wondered how to change your relationship? The best way to create change in our relationship is to use connection and compassion…
I’ve been offering that to create change in our relationship, we have to change ourselves first. For this invites our partner to respond differently and hence shift the dynamic. And that is how we inspire our partner to change as well…
That is all true, but we can take the “change ourselves first” a bit too seriously and then feel discouraged and not even try…
What I want to offer today is some lightness into all this…
We CAN create the relationship we desire with our partner without turning ourselves into a pretzel, waiting for ever, or forcing our partner into anything… The way to do it is so simple that it almost flies under the radar… We tend to make things too complicated when they don’t have to be. Enriching our relationship is one such thing.
Change Your Relationship
So, what is this elusive tactic that is the magic bullet? The answer is to show up softer…
When we enter an interaction with our partner and they get defensive, reactive, and hijacked, that is our cue that they erected a wall. Now, no amount of pounding is going to get us through without both being unscathed.
In this case, the best approach is to try approaching them again with a softer approach. The softer approach will invite our partner to drop the wall and become available.
What does softer look like? Softer body language, softer voice and tone, softer language, softer energy…
Did you feel the shift in your body just reading that description? Imagine showing up shifted… Your partner doesn’t get physically and emotionally triggered- their unconscious and subconscious don’t need to erect protection… They don’t go into freeze, flight, or fight mode…
Going softer can be a challenge in and of itself if we are triggered, right? The key is to take a pause, take a deep belly breath, adjust ourselves, and then engage. Sometimes the pause needs to be longer than a breath if you are very activated… In that case, give your partner a heads up if appropriate- for sometimes discontinuing the engagement or not engaging at all is indicated, and then take a time out, a little break, to regroup, reset…
From the gentler place you can address your concern or needs, still being mindful of not aggressing your partner… Not going into their circle. Not judging or criticizing. Not making them wrong. Not canceling them. You do it by speaking your truth…
Speaking our truth can be challenging to do as well if you are disconnected from ourselves, and if our dynamics have been scary where we don’t feel safe showing up.
Please remember that your truth doesn’t mean that you are right, and that your partner is wrong- they have their own truth. Both partners are right in their own experience… Partners have a hard time with this.
They can’t hold space for both existing… This is why it’s so important that when you address your side that you don’t invalidate your partner’s… That you don’t go after them reinforcing whatever programs and triggers they have going on themselves… And to not confirm whatever fears they already have running rampant…
Going softer is a super simple tactic that does require a commitment on your part to do what it takes to show up softer… And to be mindful to speak your truth without canceling your partner in turn… Using your compassion should do the trick…
To know your truth and have the courage and wisdom to show up with it just requires connecting to yourself…
~ When you are disconnected from yourself, you are operating with your lower-self, blindly…
~ When you are connected with yourself, you are operating with your higher-self, brilliantly…
Note that when you operate from your higher-self, you are a lot more attractive and easier to connect with… Your partner won’t be running for the hills.
APPLICATION: Take a moment to ponder what usually triggers you in your relationship with your partner, then:
~ Identify the stories and scripts that run through your mind
~ Identify the vulnerable feelings that come up
~ Identify where these feelings reside in your body
~ Identify what symptoms and ailments they create
~ Identify how you usually numb yourself, so you don’t have to feel your feelings
~ Identify what defenses you use when relating with your partner for protection
~ Recognize how you are living in a life hologram- not authentically you…
Start changing this by becoming more present in your life using mindfulness practices…
Creating the relationship you desire, doesn’t have to be hard work. It doesn’t have to be painful. It doesn’t have to feel impossible. It just requires a commitment to being nice to yourself and each other… 😉
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Complete the Relationship Enrichment Course to help you change your relationship and take it to the next level!
Whether you need an overhaul or next level inspiration, this course helps you:
Break the impasse, be empowered, feel hopeful and inspired again
Improve your communication and deepen your understanding of each other
Change your patterns and better meet your and your partner’s needs
Enrich your connection, enhance your intimacy and truly enjoy being with each other
Strengthen your partnership, strive towards your Joint Life Vision, role model a radiant and successful relationship
You can access it through our Member Center, FREE with our Lifestyle Membership Access it HERE
You don’t have a Lifestyle Membership yet? No worries, you can get yours now for only $29 per month! Get it HERE
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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