What is your tradition for wrapping up the year? What kind of bow do you like to put on it? Have you acknowledged all your accomplishments and experiences you’ve had this year? Have you wrapped up anything you don’t want to carry into the New Year? What else are you leaving behind? Do you have any other special transition practices to glide into the New Year? How are you having your Future Self’s back? How are you resetting and realigning for your New Beginning? Now is the time to give all this some thought to have a magnificent and smoother transition into the New Year…
And what does resetting and realigning mean?
~ They mean that you revisit what who you are and how you become more your true self… ~ They mean that you revisit what kind of partner you want to be and what kind of relationship you want to create… ~ They mean that you revisit what kind of lifestyle you want to live and what kind of life you want to create…
Tall order? Maybe, but this doesn’t have to be intimidating. You can focus only on the area that resonates most for you if you want to streamline your process. The key here is that what we focus on grows- or becomes, or we create… By giving attention to what we desire, not what we don’t desire mind you, we energize it and make it so… I know, not very scientific but I’ll spare you those insights for the sake of getting to the crux of it here for you.
Our Signature Planning Processcan help you get all this under your belt. A key concept as you do your planning is that it requires some dreaming. This is the fun part in my opinion, aside from setting up the actual strategyof course… (Yes, I can be nerdy- don’t judge me! LOL) Do dare to get in touch with your big dreams. Go big, why not? What would light up your heart should that thing come to be?
Remember, that accomplishing some part of a big dream is a lot more that accomplishing all of a small one or nothing from not having one… Don’t let your dream, or your partner’s intimidate you. The other thing is to then find a way of making those a shared dream. This is where the juice is- togetherness, meaning, purpose, synergy, joy, happiness… Have fun with this!
In today’s video, I share about Element 5 of our Successful Relationship Strategy™- Collaboration & Partnership, where we align with our partner to become a strong partnership and to create the life of our dreams…
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Yes, we love Summer and some of us might not be too happy to see Summer come to an end. Yep, that’s me. You too? But we don’t have to let the end of Summer put a damper on our mood, fun quotient, outdoor time, and the rest of it. It is up to us to bring what we love about Summer with us as much as we can. And it is important to recognize that there is beauty in all the seasons for varying reasons. I say for now we take in what’s magical about the end of August and savor every morsel. Use end of august magic to inspire change in your relationship.
As things really slow down during this time, this gives us an opportunity to give our body, mind and spirit a respite from the usual pace we keep, which could be phrenetic for some… This space allows us to shift gears so we can better tap into our creativity, our desires, and our dreams…
When we take a break from our routine, rhythm, and the usual, when we slow down and are not run by our list of to-dos, when we allow ourselves to just be, tune in, and attune- ahh… This is when we become more aware of all the blessings, the beauty, the love, the possibilities… Believe it or not, in relaxing we expand, evolve…
~ Did you ever notice that when you are running around, are multi-tasking, have a crammed agenda and packed schedule, that this is when your partner gets on your nerves the most?
~ Did you ever notice that when your children are taken cared of, your phone is nowhere to be found, and you have nowhere to be, that that is when you enjoy your partner the most?
~ And did you ever notice that when you really slow down, bask in nature, and just chill that that is when all the solutions, great ideas, and inspiration strikes? Not to mention the health and the well-being…?
Mm, right? What does that tell us?
The End of August Magic…
When we realize that we have a different experience that gives us joy, inspiration, connection, love, and happiness, let’s pay attention to what’s different about that experience… In this case the call to disconnect and slow down, and quiet-down might I add, is like a blaring siren. We’d be remiss to not take notice…
I love the end of August, exactly for this reason. It gives us a chance to:
Disconnect from the hustle and bustle, the noise, the devices- from being plugged in
Relax, rest and recharge
Reconnect with our desires and dreams
Get inspired for what’s next
Reset for the new chapter
This is a great opportunity to synchronize with your partner about your life and your relationship.
When you disconnect and slowdown, you give your relationship the opportunity to thrive. For this is when you can better mind your energy, how you show up, how you nurture, how you respond, how you play, how you invite your partner to create the relationship and life your desire…
During this last two weeks of August, you get to feel each other more, play differently, dream your dreams, and refocus on one another and what you’d like to create.
Whether you are away, off, or just cruising for the next two weeks, you might consider setting time aside to bask in nature and each other’s company:
~ Show up with chill energy, curiosity, and interest
~ Show up with playfulness and openness
~ Show up with the intention to connect more deeply and expand your love
Before you know it, you’ll be inspired for What’s Next in your relationship and your life and become aligned in creating it…
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Continuing with the reparenting and reprogramming theme for personal development and relationship enrichment… In May we focus on Mothering, nurturing, caring, meeting needs and emotional reprogramming. In June we focus on Fathering, structuring, stabilizing, shifting mindsets and mental reprogramming.
We do this for our own healing and growth, and to enrich and enhance our relationship. We do our side of the work utilizing our relationship as a playground. And as we go we have the added benefit of creating our strong, radiant and successful relationship… Not too shabby.
But all this can sound too serious and difficult if we let it. We do not need to “work” at these things. We just need to invest our focus and be intentional about Becoming our Best Self, who we really are anyway at the end of the day… And, about nurturing and enriching our relationship… We make this super easy with our online couple therapy.
Reprogramming for Dummies
You don’t necessarily need to do this with a couple therapist or relationship coach. This is highly recommended if you are struggling though. But know that you can effortlessly invest in your relationship by:
~ being intentional
~ taking the high road
~ bringing gratitude, compassion, and grace to your interactions
Integrating targeted tactics, habits, and behaviors into your interactions with your partner, your daily routine (ideal day), and your lifestyle is a way to automate consistently investing in your relationship.
We want to make upgrading ourselves and our relationship as easily and effortlessly as possible. Life is complicated enough without us adding more complexity into the mix.
Embrace Love Practices
To kick off this month, let’s focus on implementing or expanding our Self-Love Practice and our Partner-Love Practice. Let’s continue our emotional reprogramming by nurturing ourselves, our partner and our relationship… This soothing and self- and co-regulation will support the mental reprogramming we’ll be embracing in the coming weeks.
Most importantly, we are learning how to give and receive love… Believe or not this is actually challenging for partners… Because of our upbringing and our wounding, we have developed a myriad of ways of protecting ourselves from our pain and from further pain. Our defense mechanisms shut in our vulnerability, unique brilliance, wholeness, and radiance… We move about as a conglomerate of protective layers…
In our meeting our needs and stretching to meet our partner’s needs, with our Self-Love and Partner-Love Practices, we start shedding these layers and accessing other parts of ourselves. We start becoming more who we really are by allowing our internal radiant Essence to shine through.
The practices help us cultivate giving and receiving love, become more loving, strengthen our connection in love, Be our loving selves- expand our Love Consciousness… Also known as Unity Consciousness, Oneness, and the like. Which is really what we are aspiring for at the end of the day…
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Upgrading our programs and reprogramming ourselves has been all the rage… And it makes sense as we are waking up to the fact that we create our own reality… We want to create what we want after all, not something driven by our outdated and misguided programming…
Our programming constitutes of emotional and mental defenses meant to protect us. The problem is that they end up sabotaging our attempts at creating the relationship and life we desire… There are simple ways to change your programming…
Our programming simply developed as we grew up through interactions with our caregivers and the world. We learned what’s acceptable, how to be, how to think, how to look at the world, how to experience love, how to deal with disappointment and so much more through these interactions with our loved ones and by adapting to social norms…
These created patterns in our way of being and how we do our life… They inform everything about us. What we make of our ethnicity, our religion, our gender, and the like including our beliefs, our habits, and all the rest of it. But these are all constructions, We are a construction… This is not who we are…
All the patterns and habits that make up who we are as we usually know ourselves, are all but layers of muck covering the true Essence of who we are. Covering our innocence, our radiance, our joy… This is our true self, our authentic self.
Everything else can be deconstructed and reconstructed… We can reprogram everything…
What to Reprogram
And this is the good news! Because if we feel stuck, if we can’t make the changes we want, if we keep having the same old issues, if we can’t get to the next level and so on, it’s because we have a program that is keeping things just as they are presumably for our own safety…
This means that we can get unstuck and create what we desire by changing our programming…
When it comes to our relationship, we might have all kinds of programs going on about love, affection, intimacy, trust, support, worthiness, and so on… We have belief systems and expectations about these that are deeply ingrained.
There are also programs around who we believe we are, who others are, who our partner is, why we are together, how we should be in relationship, and so on…
And all this impacts how we look at ourselves, at our partner and our interactions- what kind of relationship, and life, we are able to create at the end of the day.
There are a multitude of ways in which we can reprogram ourselves, but I’d like to focus here on one that utilizes our relationship and that helps the relationship in turn. This has to do with Stretching…
We Stretch the spectrum of our characteristics, abilities, strengths, and such to be more inclusive and exhaustive… In other words, we reprogram ourselves for Becoming more whole…
How to Reprogram
We all know that opposites attract. That’s why partners always seem so opposite… One is neat, the other is messy. One likes to save, the other likes to spend. One is outgoing, the other is shy. And so on…
The oppositeness in couples doesn’t just stop at personal characteristics. It also impacts needs and coping and defense mechanisms…
Which in the surface might seem like a formula for disaster, and it can be- ask the many couples that didn’t create their successful relationship. But this is also a blessing, a way for partners to support each other’s evolution…
When partner’s get stuck in their power struggle trying to get their own needs met, and having a challenge also meeting their partner’s seemingly opposing needs, they have to stretch to get there…
It is in that stretching that we have to own other characteristics and strengths, that we might not have known we had, or that we have to develop. It is in that stretching that that we draw from our internal resources. It is in that stretching that we transcend the having to be right for being more compassionate, the micro for the macro, the minutiae for the connection, and such.
When we Stretch in our relationship to meet our partner’s needs, we are actually also growing and evolving ourselves… It’s a Win-Win.
This is the beauty of being in relationship. Our partner is our Life Partner, our Journey Partner. Them and the relationship are a Gift…
Hanging on to how this makes our relationship beautiful as part of our relationship mindset makes all the trials and tribulations actually exciting. Anytime you hit a bump it’s an opportunity for further growth. It’s an opportunity for evolving and becoming more our true Essence… And isn’t this what life is all about? If that’s not a Blessing, I don’t know what is.
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
When our relationship and life get challenging, we might wonder what we are doing wrong or what we need to do to fix them… What I’ve found to be true not only with our clients but in my own life is that it’s not necessarily what we do out there that makes the difference.
It’s really what we do in the inside that does. When we tend our inner world and are intentional about who we are, that’s when our external world becomes more magnificent… This is a simple way to change your programming…
Tending our inner world has to do with minding what thoughts we allow ourselves to think, what scripts and narratives we entertain, what mindset we subscribe to, and what kind of information we consume.
Tending our inner world has to do with minding our feelings, emotions and states, and honoring and meeting our needs.
The Challenge
Our brain and mind are the helm of our vessel if you may- they generate the thoughts, feelings and states, and give instructions for our actions. If we don’t take charge of them, by being intentional and deliberate about how they operate and let them run rampant, it shows in our output and what kind of relationship/s and life we create!
We can try as hard as we’d like to change our habits and force the good in our lives but if our internal world is messy, we’ll find that the changes we try to do not hold. We can’t stick with our commitments if they are just coming from our mouth and hands, and are not driven by a stronger purpose and program…
Oftentimes we are not in touch with our purpose and oftentimes we haven’t upgraded our programming…
This means that we are banging around life creating drama and sabotaging ourselves.
This means we are creating our life by default.
This means we are not living our full potential…
When we let our outdated programming run the show, we are easily triggered, we show up with chips on our shoulder, we are reactive with our defensiveness, and we just operate from the low-road, with our Lower Self… We operate from victimization, blame, and symptomatology- not our best look.
The Solution
The key is to tend our inner world so we reprogram and upgrade ourselves… So we don’t walk around like a ticking bomb or wasting our life away or having a real hard time of it…
How do we reprogram and upgrade ourselves?
In a lot of different ways… But for the purpose of this writing let me offer that a great approach is to pay attention to your feelings because they carry messages and then to attend to those messages…
This is where your partner comes in handy. They are the most important person in your life, your Life Partner, and the one that has the ability to trigger you really good. LOL Your partner is like a mirror, they get to reflect to you all the places that need tending… When they trigger you, that’s a sensitive area that needs attention…
So when you get triggered, identify what the trigger is about. What emotions and feelings are coming up. Expand on these feelings, don’t settle for just the reactive and protective feelings- anger, frustration, annoyed… Do deeper.
What is coming up for you- neglected, ignored, rejected, unwanted, alone, abandoned, dismissed. Or, small, criticized, controlled, not good enough, inadequate, unappreciated, devalued. These are just a small sampling. Pick out your flavor. Find your theme. Your wound…
Pay attention going forward, that every time you have a fight or conflict with your partner, that your wound got triggered… Find these vulnerable feelings in those moments. Those moments are not about making your partner wrong, being right or winning! Those moments carry information for your own healing. Tend to the feelings that come up.
When you tend the feelings and address what is causing them is when the healing happens and the reprogramming… You’ll become less and less sensitive to the usual triggers and they will no longer influence how you go about your relationship and your life…
This is how you take charge and really fully honor and take care of yourself. This is how you then create your radiant relationship and meaningful life…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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