When people think of being in relationship or marriage, they don’t usually think of creating freedom. Quite the opposite is true, as with commitment usually comes exclusivity and responsibility which most would probably not equate as definitions of freedom…
The thing is that most don’t go about their relationship properly and that’s why they experience it as limiting, confining, and restrictive… I want to offer you that the opposite can actually be true. That you can create Freedom with your relationship…
As we embrace a gentler approach to life this month with our Monthly Theme to Bask, I invite you to take a similar approach to how you view your partner and your relationship. Let’s upgrade your Relationship Mindset to one that is freeing, refreshing, and empowering…
Just remember that we are as free as we allow ourselves to be… I usually love to refer to the book A Man’s Search for Meaning, by Perter Frankl, when I talk about this concept. We can be in a concentration camp and still be free…
Let’s play at embracing our freedom to be ourselves more, to create our successful relationship, to create our best life, and to enjoy all the little blessings… And, let’s go about it with ease…
Embrace your freedom to go with ease, to be gentle, and to chill…
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
As we go deeper into the summer months, a time to have more fun, replenish, and bask, let’s use this opportunity to make choices that support and enrich our relationship and our life. Let’s make choices that empower us to be our Best Self and have a truly harmonious, joyful and love filled life. This means we must own all aspects of ourselves and our life and shift, tweak, and upgrade anything we want to change. With personal ownership comes freedom… The more we own ourselves and everything in our life, the more we have the power to make the changes we want…
Where would you start? What changes are you looking to make in your life? Does it have to do with wellness, relationship, success? Something else?
Wellness includes things like mental health, feeling good emotionally and physically, having energy and vitality, being healthy, being fit, looking good
Relationship includes things like feeling secure in your relationship, sharing a life vision with your partner, being able to easily get on the same page, meeting your own and each other’s needs, creating and sustaining a deep and meaningful connection, have great intimacy and fun, and having each other’s back and collaborating to create your Best Lives and your Life Vision
Success includes things like being proud of your profession and life endeavors, being productive, contributing, making a difference, and attaining financial freedom
Regardless of the area you are looking to improve, enhance and enrich, the key is to fully own it… Whenever we want to make changes and the changes don’t stick, we are quick to come up with reasons and excuses as to why something didn’t work. We are also great at blaming others and our circumstances…
Do you know what would happen if you took 100% responsibility for yourself, your relationship, and your life? Yes, even your relationship… More on this below. What would happen is that you would create what you desire! What a concept…
Taking 100% responsibility for our relationship means we do our side of the investing- we be the Best Partner we can be. We work, heal, evolve anything that gets in the way of giving love and receiving love. That gets us triggered, showing up with defenses, interacting from blame, distrust, and protection. That has us interacting with criticism, manipulation, and control…
~ We can really do some serious damage in our relationship if we are not careful…
~ We can also create the most amazing relationship… When we show up with awesomeness, we invite awesomeness back, and we create awesomeness…
~ It is up to us what we allow ourselves to create…
We have the choice as to how much we’ll own our life or how much we’ll victimize ourselves…
You have a choice
When we exercise the choice to fully own everything in our life and fully take charge of how we show up and who we become, we gain the freedom of not being at the mercy and whim of others and the wrenches life might through at us… For we have control over ourselves how we react, what we focus on, what we invest in, how we do our days, EVERYTHING… Then, oh boy- that’s when the magic happens…
Taking this much ownership of ourselves and our life, can’t but result in the masterpiece we are seeking to create… This is how we become who we truly are… This is how we have the best relationship with our partner. This is how we crack the code of life. This is how we win at the game of life. This is how we have our best human experience.
Exercise your choice
Which area will you choose right now to focus on fully owning? On fully showing up to? Gently, lovingly, but assuredly taking charge of it? Make your choice right now. There is never a better time like the present time… Now choose what aspects of that area you’ll play with first…
Wellness – Upgrading your mindset, feeling your feelings, embracing mindfulness, cleaning your nutrition, improving your sleep, enhancing your exercise, upleveling your grooming, and so on
Relationship – Creating a joint vision, having difficult conversations, meeting your and your partner’s needs, implementing connection habits, expanding your intimate repertoire, having adventures together, creating a divide and conquer approach to achieving your goals, and so on
Success – Taking charge of your day, reducing amount and length of meetings, creating focus work time, batching your tasks, chunking your time for specific work, having good follow through, getting and giving mentoring, and so on
What tactics and habits will you integrate into your life to start making the changes you desire?
Just the mere thought of choosing to fully own everything is super empowering and exhilarating…
It can also feel frightening, as now it is up to you to create what you want, there are no more excuses… But not to worry you can always get support like psychotherapy, couples therapy, or coaching.
Whatever camp you are on, know that this decision to fully own your whole life is the most important decision you have ever made… This is what gives you freedom and the power to truly have everything you desire.
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
The concept of setting effective boundaries might feel a bit played out. But it’s interesting that most people still have no idea what setting boundaries actually means… We don’t set boundaries on others, give them consequences, or punish them… We have no control over others, we are not the boss of them- not even our children and our employees or team-reports!
We set boundaries on ourselves… We have to take charge of the things we do have control over, and that is ourselves… We very often disempower ourselves by focusing on what others are doing or not doing… Empower yourself by staying in your circle…
So, let’s put this into the proper context. Setting boundaries is an act of self-love. It means we decide what we allow to be in our life. Be it in our thoughts, our environment, our relationship, our work, our life in general…
When something is not working for us, we don’t set a boundary on the other person- we don’t tell them what to do. We set a boundary on ourselves, we decide what we’ll be willing to allow to continue. We decide to change our thoughts and how we look at things. We decide how to feel and how to respond.
We decide what our actions, habits, and routines are. We decide how we want to show up to a conversation. We decide what is acceptable behavior, treatment, responses, outcomes, and such. We decide everything we allow…
How does this play out in interaction with others? Beautifully… For when you fully own all of you, your needs, your desires, your expectations, how you show up, how you respond, how you set things up and such- things can’t but go smoothly…
You take care of yourself, you exude confidence, you are responsible for your results, you clearly express your expectations in a way that others can respond positively to them, and you appropriately address when the expectations are not met.
And this doesn’t mean punishing people- this doesn’t mean nagging your partner or giving them the cold shoulder. This doesn’t mean yelling at your children. This doesn’t mean berating your employee.
Addressing unmet expectations means you share how you were impacted, how you feel and how this doesn’t work and why. It means you address what might gone wrong for the other that they let you down.
It means you put something in effect to address what happened and a preventative measure. It means you consider the other person’s needs, skills, abilities, and such so your expectations can be met. You address the situation for a win-win.
We never set a boundary at the expense of another. They might not like your boundary of what you will not put up with or tolerate, or what you will no longer do. But you will never tell them to do something harmful or against themselves, nor tolerate this for yourself… And you are not to tell others what they need to do or not do, feel, or think. That’s in their circle…
This obviously applies to our relationship with our partner. We co-create with them, we inspire each other, we address our needs so we are both taken cared of. We don’t tell our partner that they can’t have an affair. We inspire our partner not to have an affair… We address our side being fully mindful and conscientious of theirs. We do not live in a vacuum. We do not do things at their expense, never.
Even should you be getting a divorce, you are still a fellow human being with a heart. Always go for the win-win… Always keep your side of the street clean. Always take the higher road. You are the one that has to live with themselves at the end of the day…
Even with our children – we don’t own them. Our job is not to control them… Our job is to discipline them- which by definition means help them learn… We teach, guide, set them up for success, and support them… We honor their feelings. We show them how to fully own and expand themselves…
Even with our employees. They have a job description, they have processes to follow, and milestones or goals to achieve. They know when they are not performing to what is expected. That is the conversation. We can’t “manage” people, we can inspire and “lead” them… Sometimes words are limited to fully convey a message, but I think you get my drift.
Even when we lovingly release a partner or an employee… It’s ok if they don’t like your boundary, they can choose what they need to do to meet themselves and you to continue to take care of yourself.
Everything that happens, happens FOR us- remember that… There is always a solution for the higher good of all…
This applies to everything in our lives… It’s ok if they don’t like that you will no longer be folding and putting away all the laundry. Decide what works for you and offer that. You can take the other’s preferences into consideration and together come up with a plan that works for both of you. But at the end of the day, you will no longer be folding and putting away all the laundry…
If the other is not cooperative, you always still do your side with the best of intentions for the highest good of all to the best of your ability… Honoring yourself is an act of self-love and imperative for a wonderful and magical human experience. When you operate from this place others cooperate, fear not…
Partners often want to start by having their partner change… They love being in their partner’s circle, then they wonder how come their partner is resistant or uncooperative. Wrong approach my friend! Always focus on your side and the other will follow suit, I promise…
Remember to set your boundaries in alignment with your values… Then they are more meaningful and a lot easier to honor them…
APPLICATION: Compile a list of annoyances and things that don’t work for you in your life… Write it with compassion and grace. Don’t judge yourself or others. They have all served a purpose… Now it’s time to no longer put up with them.
Addressing one at a time: ~ Explore how those things have contributed to who you are today and how you’ve gotten here ~ Identify what no longer works about them ~ Feel the impact they’ve had on you, feel it in your body, breathe through it ~ Thank them for what they have provided you and let them go ~ Identify a practical step to address the things and take an action step towards them today
Taking full ownership and empowering ourselves is not for the faint of heart. If you are serious about Becoming your Best Self, creating your Best Relationship, and living your Best Life- this is not an option. This is how you do it!
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
The New Year, is a New Beginning and an amazing opportunity for a reset, course correction, and realignment… We want to be intentional about how we start the New Year to set ourselves up to have our Best Year yet… Let’s not set up a bunch of habits, strategies, and routines for the sake of setting stuff up…
The key is for your New Year plan to be thorough yet simple and powerful, and to infuse it with your Essence. We want our new year plan to feel exciting and tantalizing. We a want to have habits, practices and a daily routine that enrich our life and our soul.
We want our days to support us Becoming our Best Self and manifesting our Best Relationship, and Best Life… Here is how to have your Best Year yet…
For starters we must know who we are trying to become and what we want to create/manifest…
We want our life to be made up of what gives us joy, helps us become more ourselves, and supports us in our Journey.
We need a North Star, a Life Vision, to work or walk towards… This serves as our guidance system- we wouldn’t spend a ton of money on an extravagant trip or gift if we are saving to buy a home that is part of our vision, as an example.
If we know what we are trying to create and manifest in our life we can line ourselves up against it, so we are not going upriver, shooting ourselves on the foot, or leaning the ladder against the wrong wall… You get my drift.
We also need to know what we value, appreciate, and prefer in our lives so that we can set ourselves up to have our life reflect that…
When we are planning our upcoming year, or doing any reset for that matter, it is also helpful to revisit our values to make sure we align all our choices and preferences against them.
If we have habits that get in the way of us becoming our Best Self, if we set up our days to run rugged and neglect ourselves, if we go about our interactions from a depleted state, we are not likely to be creating the life we want that honors us…
Then taking a look at your Life Vision, choose your three Life Areas to focus on upleveling, or what you’d like to accomplish or experience, this upcoming year… And set up habits, tactics, and commitments that when done consistently they help you achieve what you desire.
This is where the rubber meets the road. We want to keep these simple yet powerful for the most impact. Yes, you can have a gazillion-billion tactics but if you can’t stick with them, you won’t get results.
Even if you stick with them, you might be spending a lot of time, energy, and other resources in getting results with a complex plan that can easily be achieved with a much simpler plan and your resources can be better allocated elsewhere…
Be selective about the habits you choose to help you live your Journey as you like.
Your habits need to be integrated into a routine for them to stick… So, intentionally map out your daily routine to include your habits, tactics, rituals, and commitments.
Your choices can have a theme/s to them that culminate Practice/s to fully honor who you are becoming… For example: Mindfulness Practice, Self-Love Practice, Feminine Practice, Creative Practice, Writing Practice, and so on.
Keep in mind to TimeMap to build in open/buffer, transition, quiet, and such times in your daily, and weekly routines, to easily embrace more Being and less doing in your approach to life…
Remember that at the end of the day, you want your days to feel joyful, peaceful, harmonious, connected, loving, creative, and the like.
Identify what kind of flavor you want your days to have and how you want to Be in your life, and then set everything up to allow for that to happen…
Be intentional about your approach to your relationship and your life to create what you desire. To allow you to show up more with your true Essence becoming your Best Self, and creating/manifesting your Best Relationship and your Best Life…
APPLICATION: Review or create your New Year’s plan to make sure you really have your back this upcoming year!
Tweak or add these elements as structured or flexibly as you need… ~ Design Life Vision and identify Values to guide you for best alignment ~ Choose Life Areas or Desired Experiences to give you focus ~ Select Habits, Tactics, Rituals, Commitments, and Practices to help you stay focused ~ Design Routines to help you feel grounded ~ Utilize TimeMapping to help you integrate and balance what’s important to you
Remember this whole thing is for you and a collaborative tool to Align with your Partner as well…
This is to help you more easily do your life, Become who you truly are, and support you in your Journey. This is to gently and beautifully create/manifest with your Partner… This is to have your backs and create your Best Life, and your Best Year yet.
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
It seems that it is so easy to abuse ourselves if we are not being intentional about loving ourselves… Self-abuse can take on so many forms that we might be abusing ourselves and we don’t even know it… Self-abuse is anything we do that doesn’t serve us, and directly or indirectly harms us… Abusing yourself takes on many forms and sabotages your life…
Yes, I know the word abuse is very loaded. And it tends to easily get thrown around. I’m OK with that as it highlights the severity of the matter or the users experience…
The thing is that it is our responsibility to take care of ourselves so that we actually live the life we are meant to live. We are on this earth to have a Human Experience and to evolve into the best version of ourselves, expanding our consciousness…
But the way we go about our life is in resistance to this… It creates friction, and dis-ease, and stuckness, and physical illness, and mental illness, and broken homes, and other suffering…
What is the kicker here is that we are carrying on with this unbeknownst to ourselves. Yikes!
So here is list of ways we abuse ourselves to get you started identifying how you might be being mean to yourself without even knowing it…
You drink alcohol or have other substances most evenings
You go to sleep too late
You watch TV or have other blue screen time till the moment you fall asleep
You sleep plugged into your devices or with them running in the background
Your room is not set up for a restorative night sleep
You hit snooze several times or beat yourself up to get out of bed to get your day started
You barely have enough time to get ready in the morning before getting your children off to school, getting to or starting work
You start your day by pumping yourself full of caffeine and eating a sugary/carb-loaded something
If you happen to be fasting, you don’t properly break your fast and might be overdoing your fasting
You grab what you can for lunch and eat at your desk while working, scrolling on social media, or surfing the web, you barely hydrate, and don’t really see the sun
You go from meeting to meeting or staring at a screen for hours
You have some more caffeine and a sugary treat in the afternoon to keep you going till the end of the workday
You rush to get your kids from school and get them to some activity, to figure out dinner, and to get them to bed
You crash on the couch to do some Netflix binging, your partner might be sitting there with you, and start the whole cycle again
And this is just what happens on the outside…
On the inside:
You beat yourself up for being exhausted and for not having figured out a better evening routine- actually for haven’t figured out how to live your meaningful and joyous life
You complain to yourself about how your partner sucks because they don’t do half as much as you do, and they whine about and want a star for the little they do to boot
You give free reign to all your scripts and limiting believes about your body, your self, your partner, your finances, the government, the world and the rest of it
You live in your head, from the neck up
You criticize, judge, condemn, control, manipulate and other tactics inside your head (and outside) to manage your world
You live in other people’s circles and barely mind your own
You don’t take care of yourself or meet your needs, you might not even know what your needs are or how to meet them
You don’t feel or express your feelings
You put on a mask and live with it on, you don’t even know yourself
You have programs running your life that you are barely aware of, you just know you do because you feel stuck, dissatisfied or keep repeating unwanted patterns
Now, not all of the above might fit for you, and you might have your own to add to the lists. The point is thathow we are doing our life is not how we are supposed to do our life!
We think that all that doing and pushing is going to create our Best Self, our Best Relationship and our Best Life. Well, I got news for you- it ain’t.
There are lots that can be done with all the above:
But the key is to do these not from doing more, from working on improving ourselves, from trying to get somewhere else and the like. All that efforting has the same energy as all the items on the list… It is driven from judgement, from lack, from not deservingness and such…
It is driven from not being good enough, from not accepting ourselves, from not honoring ourselves. The activities are much better intentioned but all that doing won’t make that much of difference if it is still done from the head up, from fear and reactivity…
How about we just chill out for a bit?
How about we pause all the noise we usually make, and go about our life by living our life? How about we just Live?
How about we breathe? How about we feel? How about we experience?
How about we honor, and express, and forgive, and let go, and accept, and love, and savor?
What if we actually show up to our life? To our body? And unplug from the Matrix?
What if we no longer buy into all the constructions we’ve been fed? What if we just show up and enjoy?
What if by just showing up we actually create/allow our Better Self, Better Relationship, and Better Life?
What if we Allow the most magnificent expression of our Human Experience…
APPLICATION: Choose to start being kinder to yourself… In a couple of minutes upon waking:
~ Start your day by bringing your shoulders to your ears with a big inhale and release with a big ahh exhale
~ Then visualize taking a shower of white radiant light cascading over you and around you
~ Then identify a few things you are grateful for- such as having breath, having running water- don’t over complicate it
~ Finally set an intention for what you’d like to feel this day and cultivate that feeling as you go
~ Observe anytime when you might not be being kind to yourself and change the moment as possible
Remember life is about Being, not doing…
By being kinder to yourself, showing up to your life and allowing flow, you’d shift any funky energy and patterns you have running you… It’s time to create/Allow a life of overall abundance…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Complete the Relationship Enrichment Course to help you take your relationship to the next level!
Whether you need an overhaul or next level inspiration, this course helps you:
Break the impasse, be empowered, feel hopeful and inspired again
Improve your communication and deepen your understanding of each other
Change your patterns and better meet your and your partner’s needs
Enrich your connection, enhance your intimacy and truly enjoy being with each other
Strengthen your partnership, strive towards your Joint Life Vision, role model a radiant and successful relationship
You can access it through our Member Center, FREE with our Lifestyle Membership Access it HERE
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Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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