Piggybacking on last week’s issue about letting go, deconstructing, and continuing to streamline. No such venture is done well without setting proper effective boundaries…
It’s funny, whenever I cover this topic with clients or in discussion with people, they all seem to believe that setting boundaries means being a jerk. They think they have to be strict and tough, and make a statement to others about what’s tolerable and such…
But the effective way to set boundaries is to apply them to ourselves… Setting effective boundaries has to go with what we are willing or not willing to tolerate. It has to do with how we carry ourselves. What we are willing to take on. How we are willing to use our time. What we allow to come into our space and our sphere of influence. How we allow others to treat us. How we treat ourselves. How we meet our needs.
Boundaries apply to all areas of our life – they even apply to how we do food and other shopping, how we eat and what we put in our bodies, how we establish our sleep routine, how we do décor and accessories in our home, how we use our electronics, how we show up in our online and other social activities.
How we stay connected with our friends and family, how affectionate we are, how generous, how forthcoming, how transparent and accountable, how we make and use our money, and so on.
Boundaries encapsulate the essence of us and everything that has to do with us and how we do our Life…
We need Boundaries to:
Define us – What is me and not me, shows where I end and another begins provides proper sense of ownership [fenced in yard]
Protect us – Keep nurturing in, harm out [have barb and gate on the fence]
Empower us – Clarifies what to own, gives freedom [can do with yard as wish]
Organize us – Responsible to others and for ourselves, carry our own load and can help others with theirs but it is still theirs [responsibilities with yard]
Promote us – Taking responsibility opens up options! [can show off yard and entertain]
Preserve us (purpose and mission) – Holds us true to our values [can create lifestyle we want]
Affirm us – We get to authentically show up and shine [win best yard of the neighborhood award]
How are your boundaries? Is there chaos, overwhelm, drama, frustration, anxiety, and anger in your life? Is there stuckness, lack of progress, dissatisfaction, feeling lost or always behind the 8 ball, depression and sadness? Do you feel you are too nice and do too much? Do you feel alone, unsupported or a lack of belonging? Do you feel incompetent, unaccomplished or unimportant?
Learning to set effective boundaries and own yourself better makes a huge difference… When you learn these skills your life becomes a whole new experience… All of a sudden you are moving forward with ease, being more productive, getting better results, enjoying your life and all that’s in it a lot more, and enjoying your every moment.
Assignment: How about making setting more effective boundaries a priority in your life? Where will you start? Learn how to set effective boundaries and start setting them. Here is ALL you need to know!
Notice what comes up for you and around you as you embark on this life changing journey, and address it… Take charge of your life today!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Boundary Setting!
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Are you enjoying more freedom and peace of mind this Summer? That is what Summer is all about… Freedom from the usual and the opportunity to Be… When was the last time you had a large chunk of time to do nothing? To just chill? To get in touch with your lightheartedness and ease? To play and frolic…
I’m afraid I usually hear from people how packed their summers end up being with all the extra programs, traveling and projects… Please do remember to build in down time for its own sake… In Spaciousness we Are… In Spaciousness we get energized, inspired, and enlightened…
Every so often I go through a deconstruction phase to rebuild differently and better… As you know, I consistently encourage releasing the extra and living a minimalist lifestyle… This doesn’t mean mediocre, settling, empty and such.
This means committing and pursuing the few to a grander standard… This means being selective about what you allow in your life and what benefits from your attention. This means that what you choose to invest in you do with real Gusto…
I’m going through another such phase… I love it when I’m here. Where intentionally and mindfully I release in a larger scale. This place is so empowering and energizing. Where with the release comes extra time, energy, bandwidth, focus, and the possibility for greater personal evolution… This is the opportunity to take the Journey to the next level…
Sometimes it’s a bumpy road to disengage from how things are. It might have the feel of burn out. It might feel reactive. It might be messy. It all depends on the context that’s being let go and the reason. Regardless, it is a necessary part of life to be able to go from caterpillar to butterfly. To shed our current skin to allow for growth…
Nobody ever said that change is easy. Nobody ever said that fully owning ourselves and what is best for our own evolution is easy. Nobody ever said that owning our magnificence and our place in the world is easy. Nobody ever said that living to our fullest potential is easy. It is darn scary!
We find all kinds of ways to get sidetracked, lose focus, distract ourselves and hold ourselves back unless we are super intentional about our approach to our own life… It is a scary proposition to fully own ourselves and live to our fullest potential. To do what we are meant to do. To play a bigger game… To live life above fear… It is our duty to make the most of our life…
If we work together privately, we’ve also been expanding your comfort zone and Transcending your limiting beliefs… We are working on engaging and operating from your intentional, empowered, connected Higher Self (compassion), not your reactive, chaotic/controlling, separate lower/small self (ego)… We’ve been working on fully living our spiritual human experience…
I invite you to consider how else you can simplify your life… You don’t need to do a major overhaul and full deconstruction, but you can steadily strive to create more Spaciousness… You’ll be amazed at what comes of that… You can explore the essentialist, minimalist, and such concepts to assist you…
You don’t have to do it in any particular prescribed way or follow anyone’s particular approach or formula. Just listen to your heart and start living your more meaningful and impactful life… Own your Self.
Assignment: Select a commitment, habit, routine, activity, plan, project, etc. that you can exit gracefully… Don’t dump or ghost. This creates chaos… This energy doesn’t serve anyone… Release with integrity, intentionality and mindfulness. Be true to your Higher Self. Transition out even when ruthlessly exiting things in your life. Feel good about your process and your journey.
Let this Summer be the start of a new beginning… Have your best Summer yet!!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Re-Fathering has to do with personal discipline and how we set ourselves up to succeed in life and in relationships. It has to do with personal power, with boundaries, with ownership, with accountability. It has to do with how we do our life day-in and day-out. It has to do with our structure (e.i., TimeMap), routines, habits, and systems. It has to do with leveraging our support and resources. It has to do with managing our life…
This doesn’t mean rigidity. It means creating a Flow that carries you, so you don’t have to keep reinventing the wheel, putting out fires and spinning. It means you start doing things automatically, so your energy is used for more rewarding endeavors. Ah…
This means not having to white-knuckle your life and pull will-power from somewhere… How you set things up makes life easier. You don’t have to wrestle with it every day… Life is here for you, not against you…
When you start putting these things in place, you don’t have to muster self-discipline… This act in and of itself is self-discipline and helps you be self-disciplined! Eh?
And, when you do this, you create security, safety and stability (Fathering). This experience additionally promotes your internal “rewiring”/reprogramming…
And furthermore, when you automatically run your life well and can re-channel your focus and energy toward more pleasurable, productive and impactful pursuits you are Free to live a life well lived… Voila!
So, how do you manage your life even better? Key personal characteristics involved here are fully owning yourself and being fully accountable… This means keeping your word no matter what, including meeting deadlines and due dates. This means timely following through, following-up and checking-in.
This means acknowledging, apologizing and repairing mistakes. This means showing-up and being fully present. This means being truly transparent and authentic. This means putting in place whatever is necessary to help you manage your life better…
Assignment: What area of your life needs more Discipline (structure, routines, habits, systems)? You can tackle it with gusto now, or you can start practicing strengthening the discipline muscle by applying Self-Discipline to your Summer Theme, Summer Bucket List, or Summer Personal Projects™.
Let this Summer inspire more Self-Discipline in all you do… And, you’ll have your best Summer yet!!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
With the 4th of July just around the corner, I usually like to write about Freedom around this time. I was inspired to write more about feelings, emotions and their relationship to Freedom…
It is an obvious fact that some people are very emotional and others barely even notice how they feel… Emotions have to do with feeling in the body, and feelings have to do with naming the emotions and owning them with awareness.
Some people wear their feelings up their sleeves while others minimize them or put them away. And, yet others are cut off from them, barely being aware of them and even not feeling them at all.
Emotions and feelings are our built-in guidance system to assist us navigate our Journey and design the life we want. When we are not in touch with the guidance system, how do we do the navigation? How do we know what’s ok for us and what isn’t? What we like and don’t like?
What we want and don’t want? What makes us happy and what doesn’t? What gives us pleasure and what repulses us? What is meaningful and what isn’t? You see, this knowledge comes from emotions and feelings…
We might have a strong emotion but bury it for whatever reason before we understand its message and meaning. Being with the emotion, feeling it, is the first step. Naming the emotion, with a feeling word, is the second step. Then checking in what it’s all about and what it’s signaling to you is the third step.
When we numb ourselves with substances, food, work, Netflix, and other fixations, we are cutting ourselves off from our Personal Guidance System (PGS) and undermining the connection to our Self. However we choose to cut off from our emotions, we are sabotaging our ability to create our joyful, rewarding and meaningful life. We choose to not live a life well-lived. We choose to dishonor our human experience trip…
When we don’t do a reasonable job of translating emotions to feelings and understanding and addressing their message, we get stuck. We block ourselves to the point where things break down – our health, our relationships, our finances, our careers, our success in life…
When we do the feeling work – when we allow awareness, translate emotions into feelings, and process and address their message, we integrate body, mind and spirit… Ah, now this is having a full human experience… From this place you are fully resourced. From this place you are Free from dis-ease, blockages, stubbornness, defense mechanisms, power struggles, repeating patterns, stuckness, mediocracy, a challenging life…
From this place you:
Increase wellness
Eliminate physical and emotional symptoms
Increase your vitality and longevity
Experience unexplained happiness and joy
Become more productive in less time
Experience time slowing down/having more time
Unleash creativity and resourcefulness
Transcend annoyances and minutiae
Let go of control and separateness
Have more compassion, patience and understanding
Feel more connected, secure and bigger than life…
From this place you can really rock your life!
Assignment: If you still find yourself minimizing the importance of Feelings (even judging “emotional people”), or not giving feelings enough credit, I implore you to kick this concept around. Experiment with noticing the emotions in your body and giving them feeling names… See what starts coming up, release it, and note the Liberation you’ll experience…
Some people are not Free because of the politics, social norms, religion and such in their environment. The rest are not free because they choose not to be… The rest are afraid to live a well lived life, to own themselves fully – to own their magnificence, to become all that they are…
If this is you, it’s time to stop living a mediocre life and step up your game. Have your feelings and rock your world!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
As we already started diving into in last week’s issue, Fathering is a very important concept in our life. From “fathering” comes discipline, the self-discipline we need to really succeed at our life.
How disciplined are you? Do you have systems or a mechanism in place to achieve your goals? Do you have goals? Do you have a strategy, a plan? We tackled this thoroughly for the New Year… If we don’t know what we want and where we are going, how are we supposed to get it and get there?!
It is imperative that you have a Vision, and Strategy, for Living your life. This is your map, the instructions to your brain… With no directions/instructions we are nomads, we create our life by default. We don’t access our potential, we don’t achieve high performance, we don’t go the extra mile, we don’t push to win the race, we don’t put icing on our cake.
Since we are at the mid-year mark, this is a perfect time to review what we established at the beginning of the year, or to establish this now. Now is the time to see if your systems are supporting you. If your routines and habits are working for you. If you are staying the course.
To assess where you need to course correct, or where you need to tweak your plan to better support yourself in your Journey. And, if you are you new to this publication, or just haven’t gotten to this yet, the timing is perfect with half the year still to go.
When you take care of yourself and your life this way, you are creating security, safety, and stability. You are in essence Fathering yourself, meeting the basic foundational needs for success and creating an approach to Win at the Game of Life.
When you do your review, or start your Visioning and Strategizing, keep in mind to weave in Mothering components as well. We always need mothering and fathering (figures/energy) to fully evolve, thrive and create our best life. Put in a good measure of structure and systems (Self-Discipline) and through those implement a rich Self-Care Practice. This combo will rock your world!
Note, how intimately connected the two are. This is one of the reasons why most people struggle at Self-Care, they don’t have the Self-Discipline for it… And, people can’t sustain high performance, rigorous loads or ambitious agendas if they don’t properly fuel and take care of themselves… Isn’t this a beauty?
Balance is the key, work hard and care hard – and always with ease!
Just as we have reprogrammed around Mothering, compassion, self-love and self-care… We’ll reprogram around Fathering in the next issue to make sure you don’t get in your own way of success and building your Masterful Life.
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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