Are you finding this time of year challenging as the school year wraps up and as we start transitioning into the Summer months? There is so much that goes into this transition that people are feeling more stretched than usual… And this weekend is also Father’s Day… There is no lack of things to celebrate. This is when it’s important for us to take a step back and assess the quality of our life and relationship. How are we doing, how are we showing up to our relationships, how are we showing up for ourselves, are we creating the life we love?
Busy and transition times give us a clue as to how we are doing… They are great opportunities to take stock and reassess how we do everything- from celebrations, to relaxation, to health and wellness, to love making, and everything in between…
Times of transition are amazing opportunities for us to assess, reset and forge forward in a new way. In June I love to play with 30-Day Challenges to help with this. It’s a wonderful tool to play with deprogramming (deconditioning) and depatterning (undermining our egoic patterns, our defensive patterns) freeing ourselves from the boxes we are used to living and relating in…
Challenges help us embrace new habits, do pattern interruptions, and provide structure that serve as healing and evolutionary mechanisms…
When we choose a 30-Day Challenge for this purpose, we can consider different things to help us hone into a habit we want to play with in the challenge.
~ Lack is driven by believing we are separate and not whole, which leads to sadness, grief, loneliness, aloneness, hopelessness, depression and so on which lead to focusing on fairness and double standards, judging imperfections, self-numbing [flight response…]
~ Attachments are driving by believing we need certainty and certain outcomes which leads to let down, disappointment, resentment, frustration, anger and so on which lead to demanding apologies, owning the other, and getting stuck on expectations [fight response…]
~ Control is driven by believing that we have to make things happen and have to do all the doing which leads to fear, stress, overwhelm, exhaustion, anxiety and so on which lead to over-functioning, micromanaging, doing everything ourselves, not accepting help [freeze response…]
And, then think about how this pattern might impact things that you are trying to achieve, accomplish or create in your relationship and your life.
You might feel stuck in things like:
~ losing weight or getting fit ~ creating and sustaining connection with your partner or other loved ones ~ moving up in your career ~ growing your business ~ making, saving, growing, or keeping your money ~ creating a satisfying lifestyle ~ implementing a self-care routine ~ synchronized coparenting ~ or anything else in your life
You might experience that no matter what you do, you can’t seem to make any headways. You keep going back to the same old… That’s a sign that conditioning, programming, and patterning are holding you back…
The pattern and topic can inform the habit you choose to use in your Challenge to start dismantling the driving conditioning or programming… But at the end of the day, you can choose any habit or tactic for your Challenge as the challenge itself will work its magic…
Give it shot, you got nothing to lose and much to gain from this simple yet powerful tool. Hope you accept the challenge…
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Have you had the experience of wanting to change something in your life but seemingly no matter what you try it seems that you just can’t get the results you are looking for? I have seen this with health and wellness habits, productivity and success habits, and I hear this all the time when couples first come to see us for couples therapyabout creating changes in their relationship…
I find that partners think they try all kinds of things to make changes in their relationship without getting the outcome they are seeking. But even though they might try different things, what’s at the root, the driving mechanisms behind their efforts remain the same… So actually, not that much is being done differently at the end of the day… And they end up feeling stuck.
Their conditioning, programming, and patterning need to be addressed, what’s driving their dynamics, for change to actually happen, AND hold… This can be done in a lot of different ways and through a host of different modalities…
And, as we’ve been at the deconditioning thing for a bit now, I want to offer tackling this from a lighter place to make the work more fun…
Let’s get to some deconditioning with some Fathering- let’s embrace more structure, systems and routinesfor the security and discipline we need… But before you roll your eyes, as we are trying to get away from so much structure to begin with and make it more fun, let me share that we won’t be over doing it to where we stifle ourselves and it will be fun…
What we want to do is give ourselves the container of a structure so we can freely flow within it. Eh? More on this in upcoming issues. But for now, let’s focus on chipping away at programs that hold us back from what we want, even our attempt to be more disciplined…
How? Let’s play with the idea of pattern interruption and make it fun- let’s implement habits that counter our usual habitual (egoic) ways… That force our brain to repattern… Driving home a different way. Writing or brushing your teeth with your opposite from dominant hand. Sleeping on the other side of the bed, or sitting at a different place at the dinner table or couch. You get my drift.
In today’s podcast episode, I’m excited to have a conversation with Marvin Bee, a fellow podcaster about how to go about our own personal health journey. He focuses on removing unhealthy habits and all things not good for us in his approach to health and happiness…
Awesome ideas show up in our conversation that can be used for your 30-Day Challenge… Enjoy!
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Sometimes our life feels like smooth sailing, at other times it feels like an uphill battle… Of course, we enjoy the easiness, the flow, the joy. We don’t question it much and wonder what’s working… But when we struggle, it’s not so pleasant. We wonder what the heck is happening and why things are so hard. I hear this all the time from couples that are having a challenging time in their relationship. They say things like, It should not be this hard…
But let me offer, that it doesn’t have to be hard! Yes, challenging times are rough, and nobody likes those. But we can make the challenging times worth the sticking through them… Though they are hard, they don’t have to be insufferable or devastating. Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional…
The key is to fully embrace our Human Experience, to continue to become who we really are without all the muck covering our radiance. By being super intentional about how we do ourselves and our lives, we are able to create much more ease, joy, and love…
How do we do this, because sometimes we might think that’s what we are doing but yet our relationship and our life are still very challenging?
The answer is that it is not just about what meets the eyes… It’s not just about all the doing we do and how we do all the doing…
This is what is getting in the way. We get too focused on our conscious processes and our behaviors without addressing any of the drivers behind them… This is the surest way to spin our wheels and not make any progress. This is why our relationship and life feel too hard…
Our programming, patterning, and conditioning have their way with us if we don’t do something about them… They are the drivers of everything in our life. Everything about our life is created 95% by them, and 5% by our conscious mind… Yikes! We better get to straightening all that stuff out!
To that end, let’s address some of our shadows (disowned parts and unknown aspects of ourselves) today…
~ Disowned Parts – Have you noticed that there might be characteristics about your partner or other people that just irk you? Have you noticed that sometimes your partner or others do stuff that just get under your skin? In these instances, there is something about those characteristics or behaviors that resonate within you at some level… You might have these in you or some version of them that at some point and somehow you rejected or villainized. When they show up in others, they stick out to get your attention. It’s not the other person that’s getting on your nerves… It’s your own stuff calling out to you to come home…
~ Buried Aspects – This is where there is a lot of potential for healing and growing… These parts are aspects of you that were present when you had traumatic or very painful experiences and so had to be buried to survive the pain. When accessed and taken cared of through understanding, compassion, forgiveness, letting go and such, they release the stuck pattern and energy allowing for further evolution and expansion…
~ Golden Shadows – These are my favorite and not for the faint of heart. These are the ones that hold the lessons, the ones that are a gift to us, the ones that when we experience something we might say, Things happen for a reason… These are the ones that show up the most clearly in the form of repeating themes in our life… There is stuff there for us to use in creating our Best Life, in having our Grand Life Adventure, in having to do with our Purpose for being in this life…
Our shadows need to be identified, reclaimed, owned, and integrated for us to become whole… For us to undo programs and conditioning that our holding us back. For us to break out of repeating patterns that create our suffering. For us to be our full glorious selves, with warts and all. To us to be our perfect imperfect version of ourselves. For us to have a real awakened full Human Experience…
Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional…
Let’s become more whole and who we really are, shall we?
These can get you started, and join our membership for much deeper dives into all this!
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Sometimes we might wonder how much our partner actually loves us, and it at all… This is not an uncommon thought when we are having relationship issues, when we are fighting a lot, and even if we are just triggered… Our bond, our connection and our love is that vulnerable…
We have to remember that our partner and our relationship are happening in our head… As weird of a concept as that is, and as much as we can argue for the existence of them in our external world, our experience of them is still internal…
This is good news and a super empowering concept… This means that as soon as we choose to look at our partner and our relationship differently that we have a different partner and a different relationship! This is how we create new beginningsas well…
Isn’t this incredible? Let’s test it out…
~ Have some loving thoughts about your partner ~ Think about all the wonderful qualities about them ~ Notice what an amazing human they are ~ Recognize that they are also on a Journey ~ Realize that they are perfectly imperfect and a perfect match to you in your Journey…
Think some more along these lines.
Be grateful. Be joyful. Be so happy to have them in your life…
Notice how you now see your relationship and your partner in a better light…
I know that this is harder to do when we not getting along, when we are fighting or when we are struggling in our relationship, and specially when we are triggered even if everything is otherwise copacetic.
This reinforces the concept further of how susceptible we are to our feeble mind and the importance of not taking ourselves on a ride… Not taking ourselves too seriously. Not believing everything we think. Not getting sabotaged by our feelings, which flow from our thinking…
Our whole life is a construction! We are in charge of what we construct. Including the partner and relationship we have…
Realize this – if you have awesome thoughts, you have awesome feelings and therefore awesome actions, responses, and presence… This invites, seduces, induces your partner to reciprocate…
Yes, we can do all the nurturing, loving and romantical behaviors but we go much further when we do the internal loving first…
In today’s episode, I share how to recognize and address the culprits to low desire, transform your relationship dynamics that keep you stuck, and do all the tending and loving gestures to keep the love and the spark alive. It’s a must episode!
Want to create a stronger, deeper, more meaningful, and nourishing connection with your partner?
Check out our upcoming groundbreaking event for a Valentine’s Day Experience
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Much can be said with a four-letter word! Love… There is so much encompassed in that lovely word and concept… Love can be considered a noun, a verb, an adjective and even an adverb… There are many kinds of love depending on its context, and even within the same context… And, love is an emotion, a feeling, an experience, a decision, an action, and a state of Being… It is said God is Love… Any of these views or usage convey its Essence… There isn’t any other word or concept that is as coherent, complete, and Unifying…
Isn’t this such a gorgeous idea to contemplate and play with? Let me tell you, it’s just grand… I find it so fascinating, illuminating, and downright inspiring, nourishing and enlivening!
~ When we allow ourselves the opportunity to ponder the bigger questions in life ~ When we allow ourselves the luxury of exploring concepts that are esoteric in nature ~ When we allow ourselves the gift of other possible views and perspectives
… We allow and realize ourselves into a grander life experience…
For you see we tend to keep a very narrow, outdated, and limiting perspective and approach to how we understand life and go about creating the relationship and life we desire. We let our programming run the show…
This is why we have the painful, history/pattern-repeating, conflictual experience of the world and interactions with our partner…
But what if we were to open up to new possibilities, to a new reality… To the idea that Love is just magnificent and can be found literally everywhere…
The thing is that we love to argue for our limitations and our smallness, for the reality that we know through our senses which is completely subjective anyway depending on how we perceive and process information…
There is no one true reality as we think we know it… We can make a case for anything. We can connect whatever dots we want to make any case we want. We truly are the creators of our reality…
What if we were to let this sink in and chose to expand our perspectivefor the possibility of a more peaceful, harmonious, joyful, and loving experience? How would you go about expanding your perspective?
~ We’d let go of preconceived notions ~ We’d let go of stubbornness, judgement and control ~ We’d let go of righteousness ~ We’d let go of polarizing and binary thinking ~ We’d let go of exertion, separatism, divisiveness, manipulation, competition, assertion, exploitation, subjugation, domination and the like…
We have created toxic and destructive ways of living, but we don’t have to continue to subscribe, support and engage in these. We have a choice. One that we have to continue to make when we get seduced back into our old ways, when the programs demonstrate their hold on us…
We take notice, realign, and course correct as needed.
And, we’d do this over and over and over until we deprogrammed as much as possible… Until we are no longer showing up as a habit of our old limited/ing perception and programs… Until we realize our new reality… Until we see Love everywhere and feel the love all the time… Until we Become Love itself…
At the end of the day, this is as simple as making a decision, transcending our noisy mind, and connecting with our heart. And it can happen instantaneously… This is the Art of Loving…
Wishing you much love this Valentine’s Day and Always!
Want to create a stronger, deeper, more meaningful, and nourishing connection with your partner?
Check out our upcoming groundbreaking event for a Valentine’s Day Experience
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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