Let’s ready ourselves for a new season this year, and possibly a new season of life… There is so much happening in the world at large, in this country, and in most of our lives as usual… And time seems to be moving faster… Making our lives more intense and challenging. I don’t know about you, but I already have a special relationship with time and don’t need for it to get more complicated. For us to have a better go if it, we have to shift our approach to how we create our relationship and our life…
Instead of focusing on all the doing and all the to-dos, extending ourselves to the limit and to exhaustion, and wondering how do we get our partner to support us and help us more, the key is a totally different approach…
Now, this new approach doesn’t add more work to your already full plate. It actually reduces it significantly.
You might be wondering what is this magic I speak of.
What I’m suggesting is so simple, it’s almost ridiculous. But not to be dismissed because of its simplicity. At the end of the day, though it’s simple it might still be challenging. And this challenge will serve you infinitely more than going at things the usual way…
I’m talking about Creating through Connected Collaboration™… Let me explain.
When we approach any interaction from a place of curiosity and openmindedness, with warmth, vulnerability, authenticity, and a willingness to share airtime, then we are able to join in a collaborative spirit… When we connect deeply and meaningfully, when we have shared values, vision, and goals, when we play with them from our heart, then we are able to create anything we desire. These things might be the challenge themselves, but so fulfilling to master. This is where our attention is needed most…
Embracing a softer approachto creation with connecting vs grinding is the shift that’s in order…
This allows for a smooth creation of the relationship and life we want. It allows us to collaborate, to cocreate with ease, to manifest with splendor. It allows for a grander experience…
Shifting to this approach immediately allows for new beginnings and experiences. This is how everything gets done with ease- things fall off our to do, get streamlined, get more support and are just a joy to tackle.
All the doing and grinding no longer give the results and satisfaction we seek. The outcomes and fulfillment, including the amazing experience along the way, get created through connection, that makes collaboration for manifestation a piece of cake.
So, don’t let the seemingly crazy world out there get you- you don’t have to join in all the doing, grinding, and fighting. Elevate yourself and your approach and watch how seamlessly you create the relationship and life you love…
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
It’s been in the air, that partners, especially women, are really feeling disconnected and unsettled in their relationship. They are getting more and more in touch with feeling like something is missing, that there could be more, that just sitting side by side binge watching Netflix while their partner is also on another device, is just not enough to feel emotionally and relationally satisfied with their partner… This is a wonderful awareness because it can be addressed… As opposed to feeling irritated and aggravated a lot of the time in the presence of their partner. No matter what their partner does, they find fault with it or it doesn’t satisfy… Even their partner’s breathing irks them- literally! Does your partner snore?
Couples don’t need to be fighting or thinking divorce for them to realize that their relationship can use some enrichment… That their relationship can use an upgrade, an upleveling… But of course, they can also be struggling.
Couples get into trouble when they approach their relationship from fear, from ego, from arrogance… Usually one of the partners feels like they do everything for the relationship and their life, and like their partner is the problem- they can’t even breathe properly! And, that they could be doing more…
This is exactly the mindset that creates funky dynamics and that keeps couples feeling stuck or from creating a radiant relationship… When one of the partners is feeling so disconnected, neglected, taken from granted, and the like, they go into control, micromanaging, demanding, critical, and even nasty mode… This makes their partner feel unappreciated, devalued, controlled, small, insignificant, and the like. Which makes them shut down even more and become emotionally, and even physically unavailable. Which in turns triggers the other some more… And so the cycle, loop, dynamic, repeating patterns go…
It is usually the woman who feels the disconnect more and starts this cycle… Of course, it can be said that the man started by not showing up emotionally in the first place… But we have to plant the flag somewhere and it is easier to see it when we observe what is being done, versus what isn’t.
*Now, I said “usually” but the reverse is also true, and I used the genders for simplicity’s sake but please replace them as it fits your relationship. Just know that regardless of gender, the polarities still exist in the relationship in terms of feminine or masculine energy that creates the attraction between the two (both have both but lean more into one). If the binary language is offensive to you, you can translate this further and just suffice to say that there are different energies with opposing needs, they don’t need to be labeled…
The partners keep triggering each other with their relationship overfunctioning (pursuing) and relationship underfunctioning (distancing).
Once the partners pause and recognize that they are dissatisfied and constantly triggering each other, they can now become proactive about creating change in their relationship…
It is super helpful to shift how things are being interpreted- a lot of times the partners assume the worst, feel it’s totally hopeless, and feel like calling it quits. They throw up the baby with the bath water!
When what is needed is different perspective, realignment, and approach:
~ Embrace a Heart-Centered Approach – Move down from the head, logic, ego and fear driven overanalyzing, interpreting, assuming, and knowing best and knowing it all… Move down to the heart and see and feel the blessings, beauty, joy, gratitude, ease, flow, appreciation, love… Cultivate this, expand it… Fill your heart, enlarge your heart. Connect with your sacred heart…
~ Embrace a Higher Estate – When you connect with your heart and lead from your heart life and your relationship become infinitesimally easier… Connect with compassion and unconditional love… Your partner is not perfect, as you are not… Your partner is also on a Journey, as are you… Have some grace for your experiences and really partner up in your great life adventure…
~ Embrace a Higher Living – When you realign as we are saying here, you are automatically in a different reality! Things play out differently, work out better, easier, and smoother for the highest good of all. Life and your relationship become a dream come true… It is not that difficult to become your best self, create your best relationship, and your best life as the end of the day…
Ok, so this is all well and good in concept and philosophically you may be thinking, and asking what that means for the everyday.
Now that I shared the perspective shift for you to embrace, that creates a major shift in and of itself by the way… Let me bring it down to the clinical and practical so you can hang your hat somewhere.
The dynamics get created because of our programming, patterning and conditioning… This is why we address this a lot… We want to deprogram ourselves to get out of the box and into a more authentic, expansive, and loving relationship…
Real down to earth and tangible practices help with this:
*I’ve written about these extensively in the blog and have done some videos as well – feel free to search for selflove practice, connection, reprogramming and the like for more. Though the concepts are not always fully expounded and contextualized know that everything I offer, even the fun and silly things like creating seasonal bucket lists and 30-day challenges, serve a higher purpose and good of all…
~ Self-Love Practice – This practice addresses your inner-child… Meets your needs, nourishes and resources you, and heals you…
~ Partner-Love Practice – This practice addresses your shadows (unknown, hidden, disowned parts of you)… Meets your partner’s needs, delights and resources your partner, and evolves you…
There is so much possibility, gifts, and blessings in there you can play there for eternity. Embrace them as a way of life… Like I like to say, embrace a Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle….
And, for a bonus practice for today that is totally embodied and relational and in real time- CoRegulation:
~ Coregulation Practice – This is a way to use ourselves in the moment to have our partner’s back, each other’s back… It utilizes our nervous system to resonate with our partner’s to influence each other’s estate. When we are resourced and intentional, we can stay calm, grounded, and available in the face of our partner’s reactivity which in turn helps them calm down, get grounded and soothed… It helps as a calming agent and connecting mechanism in times of distress (and other times as well!). This is a great practice when and for addressing triggers, pain, and stress.
Show up with warmth, calming presence and tone of voice, attunement, eye contact
Provide verbal acknowledgement of the other’s distress and experience, put words to it
Offer deep breathing or synchronizing breaths, eye contact or eye gazing, and gentle reassuring caring touch (don’t force hugs!)
When partner’s meet their own and each other’s needs, they heal and grow… And change their stuck repeating patterns… They deprogram…
Embracing a coregulation practice is a super loving way to be in relationship and to deepen your connection. Now this addresses what feels like missing in your relationship, and helps with building that connection you crave… Now that’s partnership, cocreation, and Love!
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
If we are looking for new beginnings, a fresh start or a rebirth, there is a very special tool that can support this endeavor. And that is the tool of Rituals… Rituals infuse our interactions and relationship with the elixir of life… They bring aliveness, vibrancy, and joy to the special moments in our life. Even in their cuteness and simplicity like coloring eggs for Easter, they are super powerful in conveying meaning, creating connection, and transmitting love…
Rituals demarcate the passage of time, acknowledge special circumstances and life transitions, and help us celebrate our loved ones and our life. They provide a sense of cohesiveness and belonging, a way of cherishing ourselves, they pass on legacy and meaning, they deepen our experiences, and they serve as healing agents.
Rituals are like super foods for the soul!
The thing about them is that they hold us, shape us, sustain us, and connect us. They provide a structure for creating special moments and meaning out of the seeming passage of time. They influence our beliefs and experiences. They nourish us and they create a bond between us.
Embracing rituals in our daily routines, celebrations, rites of passage and life-cycle transitions with our partner and in our family is a powerful and enriching tool that takes our experience to new heights…
The key is to be mindful, intentional, graceful, and compassionate in our approach to creating them. Where everyone’s needs and perspectives get addressed and incorporated. These heal, strengthen, and enrich us, our relationships and our life.
Regardless of our preference for a big to-do or something simple, having everyone involved have a say on how the ritual or experience plays out and contribute in their own way is super validating, transformative, and uplifting.
They provide us with a chance to get out of the material and everyday, into the esoteric realm of meaning, joy, and love. Rituals are a wonderful addition to our refresh helping us upgrade, uplevel and upshift into our fresh start, a rebirth…
In this companion podcast episode, I’m honored to share time with the wonderful Dr. Evan Imber-Black a prominent contributor to the Marriage and Family Therapy profession. We have a lovely conversation about the significance of rituals, their purpose, what makes a great ritual, and how they are impactful in special family and relationship circumstances like step-families and multicultural families.
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
You know how when you fly, they say that in case of an emergency to first put on your oxygen mask and then assist others? Well, the same concept applies to the rest of our life… We have to take care of ourselves for us to be in good shape to be in relationship with our partner, and others…
When we embrace a self-love practice, in which there is a huge component of self-care, then we activate our authentic self, we create flow, we nourish and enliven ourselves. Now this is a Best Self… This self can have amazing energy, insights, patience, compassion, creativity and all the rest to be the best partner and lover. When we are unhealthy, weak, stressed, overwhelmed, tired and such, we don’t make very good company…
~ It is our job to make sure we are healthy and well.
~ It is our job we show up with our Best Self and we be the Best Partner.
~ It is our job to make sure we continue to evolve and elevate…
Upshift…
To this end, how we do everything matters. From the moment we are aware we are awake, and we choose our first thoughts of the day, to how we wrap up our day and settle down for a good night sleep, all have an impact on our health and wellness. On how resourced we are to be able to show up with our Best Self…
When we bang around life and are noisy and scattered and tapped out, we are not fresh, available, and able to have meaningful, nourishing, and enlivening interactions. We just don’t make good company… And this is when we insist on interacting with our partner and then wonder how come we get prickly, triggered, and sucked into a less than ideal exchange or even a full-blown fight.
To be a loving partner, and create a loving relationship, we first have to give ourselves love… To have a wonderful relationship, we have to clean up our routines and habits so we can properly show up to our relationship.
How about we slow down a bit and become a lot more intentional about how we take care of ourselves? This is where having more love in our life starts.
Watch the video to learn how to uplevel your relationship with food and step up your self-care!
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Are you feeling inspired and motivated yet? Or, are you feeling out of sorts and kind of blue? Are you wanting to get better traction for the New Year? It recently heard that people use January as a breather from the hectic of the prior end-of-year… I’m wondering if this is true. I haven’t found this to be so, as an intentional tactic anyway… I think that most people mean to hit the New Year running but they immediately lose oomph, or they can’t get themselves into high gear.
This ends up affecting their wellbeing, productivity, joy and even connectedness with their partner and other loved ones… Life just isn’t satisfying… It is not fun to feel out of sorts, floundering, unmotivated, overwhelmed, lost and the like…
The key to any New Beginning, reset, or just plain and simple taking charge of our life to mold it into what we desire lies in how we choose to look at life itself… It has to do with how we view ourselves in our life, how we look at our context and situation, how we look at our partner, how we look at the world and everything else that is important to us…
Yes, getting esoteric and philosophical here for a moment – don’t worry, you know I always bring it down to takeaways, practical application, and assignments… I got you!
First, we have to take the bird’s eye view of our Human Experience… Asking ourselves questions as to:
~ What is the meaning of our life? ~ What is our purpose? ~ How does our relationship play into it? ~ How is our partner our Life Partner? ~ How does our connection support our Journey? ~ What kind of life do we want to live? ~ What kind of legacy do we want to leave behind…?
Not for the faint of heart. But without the big questions how do we even know what we want to create and how to go about it? Usually, not only do we not have the answer, or thought-out answers, to these questions, but we also don’t have our back in going about creating the experience we want…
As I mature and become wiser. As I practice what I preach. As I ongoingly seek to uplevel my experience while being deeply grateful and in awe of what it already is. As I learn more and do more research. As I connect with people smarter and more learned than me. I realize how beautiful and magnificent everyone is in our Human Experience.
And, I realize that most everything boils down to Love… Don’t roll your eyes, hang in there. You’ll like this, I promise…
Everything boils down to Love…
~ The way we are treated, is a reflection of how we treat ourselves… If we don’t love ourselves and treat ourselves well (including our ongoing self-talk in our head!), we won’t receive very good treatment… ~ When we don’t feel well it usually has to do with how we’ve neglected ourselves… ~ The happiest moments in our life can be narrowed down to moments of love and connection… ~ Everything we do is primarily out of love and for our loved ones at the end of the day. ~ When we think about what kind of life we would like to have lived, I’m sure very few people would say that they would prefer to have lived it alone.
Therefore, it behooves us to start off by upleveling how we love ourselves… How we do our Self-Love Practice, and how we choose to show up in the world – including how we show up to our relationship. We can choose to be the Best Partner because we are connected with ourself, resourced, and very much brimming with love, and we can create the most amazing relationship in turn…
It all starts with the decision to want to uplevel your relationship and your life…
Watch the video to learn how to start your New Beginning!
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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