Obviously, we keep an eye on our overall wellness and progress throughout the year. We make adjustments and course corrections along the way. We recommit to habits and goals as we go. Some might have been forgotten and need a little dusting-off. In all, we stay the course to the best of our ability and keep shooting for the stars.
We keep shooting for the stars by continuing to Become our Best Self…
We have covered upgrading our thinking and our mindset.
We have covered addressing our feelings and our state.
We have covered mastering our behaviors and our habits.
These are addressed from different angles throughout the 5 Elements of our Successful Couple Strategy™ and Successful Self Strategy™:
Collaboration (Element5: Collaboration & Partnership – Become a Team)
Today, I want to take this to the next level. Beyond thinking, feeling and doing… I want us to focus on Being. Don’t you agree NAME, that we get stuck in overthinking, that we let our feelings run the show, and that we are way overcommitted and running around with tons of doing? These are things that I’ve radically addressed in my own life. My agendas used to be insane. They were beyond superhuman… So, when I recognize this in you, I feel for you…
I no longer overcommit myself. I’m MUCH better at not overbooking myself. Certainly, at not overbooking my family and our weekends. Thank goodness I learned this lesson a while ago! I’ve become a lot more productive, with ease… I bring Gusto to everything I do… I always aim to over deliver… And, fully own my nature to Serve…
Why am I sharing this? Because these things don’t happen by accident. They take commitment, intentionally, focus, and discipline. They take shedding our defenses, getting out of our own way, connecting to who we are, clarifying our Personal Brand, embracing and showing up from our Magnificence…
They take practicing and honoring just Being… And, then just Being Our Best Self… This is not easy to do… We get pulled in a gazillion ways if we allow it. And, allow it we do unless we are invested in creating our Best Life, in living our best Journey, in having our best Human Experience.
Taking charge of our life and creating our life by Design requires:
E1 – Setting effective boundaries
E1 – Addressing limiting beliefs and scripts
E1 – Letting go of fears
E1 – Being fully accountable in all we do
E2 – Clearly communicating expectations that honor all parties involved
E2 – Showing up cleanly and resourced to interactions
E2 – Being just, honorable, kind and compassionate when addressing differences
E2 – Making amends after we showed up with our imperfect humanness
E3 – Being intentional about not triggering ourselves and others
E3 – Addressing our defense mechanisms
E3 – Learning better coping, wellness and self-management skills
E3 – Appropriately getting our needs met
E4 – Creating time for connecting with Higher Self, loved ones, the world at large
E4 – Focusing on quality couple time and being fully present
E4 – Showing up with our most Authentic Self
E4 – Enjoying ourselves to the fullest
E5 – Setting up success habits and routines
E5 – Seamlessly collaborating with others
E5 – Being a role model
E5 – Contributing to a higher Cause…
We can do this exceptionally well and with ease when we go at it from our Being… When we are grounded, Transcended, and bring our Best Self, Authentic Self, Highest Self, with our Polished Personal Brand™!, to all we do…
Assignment: So today, I want you to think of (Be with…) who you are. How you will continue to awaken to your full Self. How will you continue to Become more You… How you will connect with and consistently show up with your Best Self… What will all areas of your life look like when you are your full Authentic Self most of the time? Your wellness/health, appearance, personality, home, work, leadership, contribution, Life…?
Sometimes it seems we get mired in the weeds. We miss the forest for the tree. We miss the boat. We miss the point of our Existence… I’m not saying to not give attention to the details of Life, for therein is the Juice… I’m saying let’s look beyond the car in front of us. Let’s keep an eye on the road, the Journey. Let’s pay attention to the ride, let’s Be with the ride…
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Living!
P.S. We are here for you! If you need more support to create a shiftin your life, creating your successful and meaningful life, we are here to help. Schedule a Get Acquainted Call to connect, and discuss how we can help you and how to get started. Look forward to Connecting with you!
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Today we’ll cover Collaboration (from Element5: Collaboration & Partnership – Become a Team). I love all the work of course, but I particularly enjoy this topic as this is where all the work seems to come together…
We can’t collaborate and create a strong partnership when we have different expectations and don’t fully own ourselves, when we can’t get on the same page and address differences, when we operate from defenses and keep triggering each other, and when we can’t connect and enjoy each other…
Partners struggle collaborating on the business of life and creating an amazing joint life together when the other Elements are not addressed. They have to white-knuckle things into place and life feels difficult…
Assuming you’ve been working on the other Elements, now you can have fun with this one! Collaboration is about the practical of creating the life you want. Intentionally designing your lifestyle, your approach to life and a way to achieve your dreams – without white-knuckling it!
Things to put in place to help you collaborate and create your joint life include:
Shared Life Vision…
Daily, weekly, monthly, semi-annual and annual routines, rituals and traditions
Agreements for sharing responsibilities
Systems for working together and having flow in your home
Putting things in place that serve the individuals, the relationship and the family as a whole is not an easy feat. Partners have different brains, personalities, ways of operating, skills, knowledge base, preferences and the like. So even if the prior 4 Elements have been addressed, it is still not easy to work well together and set up things to create the best Joint Life.
To achieve the partners’ highest potential and tap into the Relationship’s inherent Synergy… This is the Goal… This is the Best Life… This is the whole point… Working together the sky is the limit…
Assignment: This is it. Invite your Partner to a sit down to assess the current functioning of your relationship, your family and your home. Review how you are doing with the first 4 Elements of the Successful Couple Strategy™.
Then, check in on how you collaborate? How do you share responsibility? How do make decisions? How do you get things done? How much are you able to accomplish? Are you making a dent, rocking your goals? How do you create? Are you creating your Vision, your Dream Life? And so on… Armed with this information, decide what are your next steps to go to the next level in your Life… Take an action towards that today!
Woohoo! We did it! We did some basic work in each of the Elements of the Successful Couple Strategy™. Hope you enjoyed the taste and are already experiencing a shift in your relationship! Savor it!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
This brings us to our current topic lineup. So far, we’ve covered aspects of Repeating Patterns (from Element3-Clarity & Dynamics), Communication (from Element2-Communication & Alignment), and Boundaries(from Element1-Context & Mindset) in our Successful Couple Strategy™… Repeating Patterns tend to kick relationships in the butt. Dissatisfying and reactive patterns that is.
This is where partners feel stuck, get discouraged and potentially give up. But, these patterns CAN be changed, and more satisfying, nurturing and collaborative ones can be created in their stead… The trick is to own what WE contribute to the stuckness, and focus on reprogramming our own stuff and stepping up how we show up…
Today’s topic is on Connection. Feeling connected, belonging, is at the core of our basic human needs (after physiological and security needs are met). This is a fundamental need that is a strong driver in our life. We don’t feel Ok if we don’t feel connected, and like we belong. This of course goes beyond our primary romantic relationship.
Though feeling connected within the relationship with our partner makes that relationship so much more meaningful, satisfying, rewarding, and even powerful… Being fully connected with our partner allows us to tap into the relationship’s inherent Synergy…
There is a caveat though. It is very challenging to properly connect with someone else, including our partner, if we are not connected to our Self first…
And, I don’t mean in any kind of superficial, selfish, arrogant, narcissistic kind of way… I mean connected to our Higher Self, Higher Consciousness (secular view), Super Conscious (spiritual view)… This is where the ultimate and most powerful connection of all is… When we connect at this level everything else is possible…
I was recently checking in with myself about when I am the most Happy. The answer immediately came that I’m the most Happy when I’m with clients… Translated/extrapolated version: I’m the most Happy when I’m grounded, present, and fluid in whatever I’m doing – when I’m connected to my Higher Self…
For after the initial answer, I recognized that state across other areas of my life… This is not an easy state to reach, and sustain…, unless we are practiced at it… And, even then we can be subject to get thrown off. Doesn’t it make sense then that for those that are not practiced how challenging it is to easily connect to their Higher Self and others?
This means that to have a Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life, it is imperative that we learn to Connect with our Higher Self… That we make connecting to our Self an intentional daily practice. That we don’t make this a luxury item in our life to do when we are able to find time for it… This is not a luxury, this is a must to have our best human experience and best life!
Otherwise we’d live our life bumping around and in reactivity. That is not Living… Let’s live the full expression of our Self by fully accessing all of our Self… From this higher state we Connect much more easily and lovingly with those around us, including our partner. This is how we CAN create our amazing relationship, no matter its current state…
Assignment: Take a look at your current daily routine and unapologetically make time to Connect with your Self… Make time for a Mindfulness Practice… This is one of the best Success Habits you can implement into your life, for rest flows from here…
This is a life changing concept. Change your state, connect with your Self, Align, and Then…
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
As we embark on this long holiday weekend kicking off the Summer, it is the perfect time to ponder upon what kind of Summer we’d like to have… By now most choices for academic and extracurricular activities for the next school year have also been completed, as we wrap up this year.
By now enrollment to Summer camps, programs and the like have been completed. And, by now vacations, trips, and experiences for the Summer have most likely also been chosen and even booked.
So, what’s left to do to enjoy the Summer, you ask? Well, as far as I’m concerned:
Select a Theme or Focus for the Summer – Even though we look at the Summer as a time of leisure, we tend to nonetheless pack it with activities… There is nothing wrong with being active and pursuing fun things. But, as usual, I caution the overpacking it in…
So, even if you have an exceptional funnest Summer Bucket List, don’t kill yourself doing all the items on the list. Use the list as inspiration and idea holder. The Theme or Focus can thus be: Relaxation. Leisure. Ease. Restful. Quiet. Pampering. Open. Free. Under-committed. Unscheduled. (More on Focus Terms™)
Select a Summer Project/s – I find so much inspiration during the Summer months. I believe the more ease, openness and spaciousness (from the usual, anyway) lends itself to more creativity… We get all juiced up to start Autumn and the “new (school) year” reaching for the Stars.
Summer is the perfect time to pursue a creative outlet, personal project, or personal development strategy as we tend to be more personally focused… But even a work, career, business or professional project is fun to take on as repose begets innovation…
Select the Experience to be had – And, by this I don’t mean having an activity type of experience, like going on a Safari (put that on your bucket list!). By this one I mean, how do you want to Feel during the Summer? How do you want to Experience, how do you want it to be like? What kind of memories would you want to make? What would make it memorable? What would make it exceptional? What would you want to be able to Memorialize?
After these, you are truly ready for the Summer. I find that if we are not intentional, time passes us by, and we don’t get to milk our moments for all they are worth. Don’t just saunter in, keep on as usual, and then regret you missed out on more fun. And, again, more fun doesn’t mean being loaded with more activities. It means enjoying the ones you do… Be selective. Be proactive. Be intentional.
Assignment: Do your Selecting this weekend. Choose how you want to Memorialize this Summer. Check out the Related Issues of Interest below to have a real intentional approach to this Summer.
Now is the time. Set up your Summer approach now and all you have to do later is to Enjoy!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Something that is amazingly striking is how vulnerable we are in all aspects of our humanness. And, how hard we can be on ourselves (and with others!) to top it off! In the stories I hear through the work, and also in plain old conversations with people, I hear the constant criticism, lack mentality, negativity, focus on what’s “wrong”, and the like. Gosh, it makes for an awful stay in that mental space rental. LOL
The self-deprecation, and focus on how our partner sucks, it’s so thick it can be cut with a knife. It’s interesting how challenging it is to bypass the Negativity Bias… It’s even more interesting that we love taking the concept to the next level (sarcasm). Obviously, we are not doing it on purpose. And, even the most evolved might still have moments where they succumb to the lure.
But what I work on for myself and teach our clients, is to be as mindful and intentional as possible, as consistently as possible, to counter this. But even embracing this practice can be challenging for some…
Have you ever noticed that you might have cracked the code on something, found a great life hack, or some other worthy morsel, but when you try to share the wealth it is not accepted, it’s actually not even received well?
The main reason for this is that we have a program running in the background that doesn’t allow us to deviate from it… Even if it’s good for us. The program doesn’t recognize it as good. If a deviation from the norm is detected, it considers it a bug, virus, threat and goes about eradicating it… It’s like having a firewall and malware installed in our server! Nothing will get through until we change the software, permissions, settings, or code…
This programming is subconscious, and it’s literally wired into our nervous system… All the messaging and experiences growing up impacted how we wired our (embodied) brain, which in turn informs our chemistry, personality, defense mechanism, sensitivities, etc… Not for nothing it isn’t easy to receive constructive criticism, feedback, advise and resources… We are built to protect ourselves from any threats to the status quo, from change!
I know this might sound like a lost cause, but if it was the likes of me wouldn’t have a profession! It is not hopeless, it is not impossible, it is not absurd. Change can happen. We just need to be smart about our approach. We can’t muscle our way through. We can’t solve it as a logical problem. We can’t ignore it in hopes it goes away on its own, it won’t. We just need to target the program… for once we get through, voila!!
The key is to be intentional and proactive about this… This approach to evolving ourselves is not for the faint of heart. If you want it you can have it, but you have to invest in yourself… And, therein lies the grub. This is part of the catch 22 and why not everybody is evolved already. It’s hard to invest in yourself when your programming is running ramped against change!
The trick? Be gentle. Sneak up on yourself… If you are in therapy, or other supportive service, you probably noticed that your therapist doesn’t beat you into change… That your therapist is loving, nurturing, accepting and challenges you just enough at the right time to get in… That they offer you a different experience, and techniques and tools, to assist the reprogramming…
Piggybacking on last week’s issue, on Nurturing is not just for mothers, here is a call to nurture yourself also… This is a reprogramming strategy (ReParenting Yourself, Mothering Yourself…). Evolving ourselves can be pretty simple if we mean it, if we really want to evolve and have our best human experience… This doesn’t have to be mysterious or difficult. A strategy can be as simple as Nurturing…
But do beware of the sentinel against change… Even do nurturing gently… Sometimes we go all gung-ho about a new selfcare routine, new service, new nurturing toy or such, to very quickly put it to the side or “lose interest”. Sneak in the goodness. Integrate it slowly. Take your time. Just know that nice and steady wins the race…
Assignment: Make a list of all feel good activities, gestures, treats, and the like. For example, getting a massage is pretty high on my list. They can be as simple as making yourself a cup of tea during key times of the day, to embracing a meditation practice, to taking yourself to a spa retreat in some obscure part of the world.
This is your list, anything goes. Don’t judge, don’t sensor. Make a nice list. Then as your programming allows, integrate items to your hearts content…
Be gentle. Be kind. Be nice. Be accepting. Be loving. Be You to yourself!
Complete the Assignment below, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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