Re-Fathering has to do with personal discipline and how we set ourselves up to succeed in life and in relationships. It has to do with personal power, with boundaries, with ownership, with accountability. It has to do with how we do our life day-in and day-out. It has to do with our structure (e.i., TimeMap), routines, habits, and systems. It has to do with leveraging our support and resources. It has to do with managing our life…
This doesn’t mean rigidity. It means creating a Flow that carries you, so you don’t have to keep reinventing the wheel, putting out fires and spinning. It means you start doing things automatically, so your energy is used for more rewarding endeavors. Ah…
This means not having to white-knuckle your life and pull will-power from somewhere… How you set things up makes life easier. You don’t have to wrestle with it every day… Life is here for you, not against you…
When you start putting these things in place, you don’t have to muster self-discipline… This act in and of itself is self-discipline and helps you be self-disciplined! Eh?
And, when you do this, you create security, safety and stability (Fathering). This experience additionally promotes your internal “rewiring”/reprogramming…
And furthermore, when you automatically run your life well and can re-channel your focus and energy toward more pleasurable, productive and impactful pursuits you are Free to live a life well lived… Voila!
So, how do you manage your life even better? Key personal characteristics involved here are fully owning yourself and being fully accountable… This means keeping your word no matter what, including meeting deadlines and due dates. This means timely following through, following-up and checking-in.
This means acknowledging, apologizing and repairing mistakes. This means showing-up and being fully present. This means being truly transparent and authentic. This means putting in place whatever is necessary to help you manage your life better…
Assignment: What area of your life needs more Discipline (structure, routines, habits, systems)? You can tackle it with gusto now, or you can start practicing strengthening the discipline muscle by applying Self-Discipline to your Summer Theme, Summer Bucket List, or Summer Personal Projects™.
Let this Summer inspire more Self-Discipline in all you do… And, you’ll have your best Summer yet!!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
With the 4th of July just around the corner, I usually like to write about Freedom around this time. I was inspired to write more about feelings, emotions and their relationship to Freedom…
It is an obvious fact that some people are very emotional and others barely even notice how they feel… Emotions have to do with feeling in the body, and feelings have to do with naming the emotions and owning them with awareness.
Some people wear their feelings up their sleeves while others minimize them or put them away. And, yet others are cut off from them, barely being aware of them and even not feeling them at all.
Emotions and feelings are our built-in guidance system to assist us navigate our Journey and design the life we want. When we are not in touch with the guidance system, how do we do the navigation? How do we know what’s ok for us and what isn’t? What we like and don’t like?
What we want and don’t want? What makes us happy and what doesn’t? What gives us pleasure and what repulses us? What is meaningful and what isn’t? You see, this knowledge comes from emotions and feelings…
We might have a strong emotion but bury it for whatever reason before we understand its message and meaning. Being with the emotion, feeling it, is the first step. Naming the emotion, with a feeling word, is the second step. Then checking in what it’s all about and what it’s signaling to you is the third step.
When we numb ourselves with substances, food, work, Netflix, and other fixations, we are cutting ourselves off from our Personal Guidance System (PGS) and undermining the connection to our Self. However we choose to cut off from our emotions, we are sabotaging our ability to create our joyful, rewarding and meaningful life. We choose to not live a life well-lived. We choose to dishonor our human experience trip…
When we don’t do a reasonable job of translating emotions to feelings and understanding and addressing their message, we get stuck. We block ourselves to the point where things break down – our health, our relationships, our finances, our careers, our success in life…
When we do the feeling work – when we allow awareness, translate emotions into feelings, and process and address their message, we integrate body, mind and spirit… Ah, now this is having a full human experience… From this place you are fully resourced. From this place you are Free from dis-ease, blockages, stubbornness, defense mechanisms, power struggles, repeating patterns, stuckness, mediocracy, a challenging life…
From this place you:
Increase wellness
Eliminate physical and emotional symptoms
Increase your vitality and longevity
Experience unexplained happiness and joy
Become more productive in less time
Experience time slowing down/having more time
Unleash creativity and resourcefulness
Transcend annoyances and minutiae
Let go of control and separateness
Have more compassion, patience and understanding
Feel more connected, secure and bigger than life…
From this place you can really rock your life!
Assignment: If you still find yourself minimizing the importance of Feelings (even judging “emotional people”), or not giving feelings enough credit, I implore you to kick this concept around. Experiment with noticing the emotions in your body and giving them feeling names… See what starts coming up, release it, and note the Liberation you’ll experience…
Some people are not Free because of the politics, social norms, religion and such in their environment. The rest are not free because they choose not to be… The rest are afraid to live a well lived life, to own themselves fully – to own their magnificence, to become all that they are…
If this is you, it’s time to stop living a mediocre life and step up your game. Have your feelings and rock your world!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
As we already started diving into in last week’s issue, Fathering is a very important concept in our life. From “fathering” comes discipline, the self-discipline we need to really succeed at our life.
How disciplined are you? Do you have systems or a mechanism in place to achieve your goals? Do you have goals? Do you have a strategy, a plan? We tackled this thoroughly for the New Year… If we don’t know what we want and where we are going, how are we supposed to get it and get there?!
It is imperative that you have a Vision, and Strategy, for Living your life. This is your map, the instructions to your brain… With no directions/instructions we are nomads, we create our life by default. We don’t access our potential, we don’t achieve high performance, we don’t go the extra mile, we don’t push to win the race, we don’t put icing on our cake.
Since we are at the mid-year mark, this is a perfect time to review what we established at the beginning of the year, or to establish this now. Now is the time to see if your systems are supporting you. If your routines and habits are working for you. If you are staying the course.
To assess where you need to course correct, or where you need to tweak your plan to better support yourself in your Journey. And, if you are you new to this publication, or just haven’t gotten to this yet, the timing is perfect with half the year still to go.
When you take care of yourself and your life this way, you are creating security, safety, and stability. You are in essence Fathering yourself, meeting the basic foundational needs for success and creating an approach to Win at the Game of Life.
When you do your review, or start your Visioning and Strategizing, keep in mind to weave in Mothering components as well. We always need mothering and fathering (figures/energy) to fully evolve, thrive and create our best life. Put in a good measure of structure and systems (Self-Discipline) and through those implement a rich Self-Care Practice. This combo will rock your world!
Note, how intimately connected the two are. This is one of the reasons why most people struggle at Self-Care, they don’t have the Self-Discipline for it… And, people can’t sustain high performance, rigorous loads or ambitious agendas if they don’t properly fuel and take care of themselves… Isn’t this a beauty?
Balance is the key, work hard and care hard – and always with ease!
Just as we have reprogrammed around Mothering, compassion, self-love and self-care… We’ll reprogram around Fathering in the next issue to make sure you don’t get in your own way of success and building your Masterful Life.
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Sometimes we forget, or give up on, what we want to do… Sometimes we get side tracked or distracted and can’t seem to get traction… Sometimes we are afraid to follow are dreams… We believe we don’t have what it takes, and thus hold ourselves back. Can you remember a time in your life when any of these happened for you.
Part of the reason this happens is because we don’t have enough personal ownership and self-Discipline. Because I knew I was getting ready to be ready (LOL) for this big project, I chose the Focus Term™ Discipline for myself when I was doing my year-end Strategizing… Eh?
This has been my mantra since the beginning of the year when it comes to the areas I’m addressing this year and the goals I’m working towards. I’m already a pretty disciplined person, but I’d like to improve this further. I knew getting to the place to be able to fit in this big project would require Discipline, and it will require tons more once it gets on its way. Whee!
What is the value of Discipline? Discipline is one of the most important attributes of successful people. If you do a-day-in-the-life of anyone who we consider super successful you will find loads of discipline in their lifestyle and approach to life.
Discipline means to train, teach… Discipline has to do with being the trainer, master, of your mind, your emotions, your body, your environment, your life. Discipline shows up in the habits and routines you create for yourself. In the systems and structures you put in place to support you in achieving your goals when pursuing your dreams.
Discipline comes from our Father figure growing up… Just like Nurturing comes from our Mother figure growing up… [Not a sexist, nor discrete concept, but an observation on male/female energy influence and impact on our psyche…]
The structure and discipline imparted by the male-energy figure in our early life provided stability, security, and safety. When they were absent, unhealthy or a less-than-perfect parental figure they were not able to provide this to the extent that we needed it. Which left us fending for ourselves and creating defense mechanisms to feel safe… See what this means?
This means that if we don’t intentionally Train ourselves to create the life we want, that we will create our life by default. Riddled with unfinished business, dissatisfying repeating patterns, defenses, unhealthy habits, and self-sabotage!
Without Discipline our energy is scattered and unfocused, not targeted. This is not how we create the life we want. This is not living to our full potential. This is not how we were meant to have our Human Experience. We were meant to come Win at the Game of Life on earth.
So, what say you? Ready for adding some more Discipline into your life??
Assignment: Choose a life area where you’d like to make a significant improvement or change in your life. Where being more Disciplined can pay huge dividends. You might want to tie this to your Summer Project or Theme, or to your yearly goals (more on this on the next issue!).
You might want to do a power-combo with your own Focus Term™, such as with accountability, boundaries, ownership, transparent, present, compassionate, grateful, partnership, intimacy, romance, and such…
As you continue your reprogramming, reparenting yourself, by giving yourself what you didn’t get growing up, you are healing and evolving. Embrace it and be witness to your Transformation…
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Life can be as hectic as can be this time of year with End-of-School and Summer Planning. These stressors create great strain for couples as they juggle the multitude of demands and additional expenses in their homes. There are a few times of year when things get really hairy, and this is one of them (the other main ones are Back-to-School and the Holidays, right?).
This time is challenging as there are a lot more tasks to tackle, decisions to be made, and places to be. It can be difficult to stay on top of everything and know how to share the load. Overwhelm, exhaustion and resentment can creep in if Partners struggle collaborating and supporting each other.
Partners can struggle managing the load jointly for a multitude of reasons. These can be understood in the context of key Elements in a relationship. The estate of the Elements in the relationship determine if they support creating a Successful Relationship or if they undermine one.
When the partners are overwhelmed, exhausted, feeling resentful and not consistently running a harmonious and joyful home, these are signs that the Elements are not strong enough yet… They might actually be showing up like this:
Different Perspectives (Element1 – Context & Mindset) – The partners are feeling pulled in a million directions, have narrow bandwidth, have stressful situations and full plates with work and/or other commitments, they have flimsy boundaries and are not fully owning their experience.
They are falling prey to their everyday lot and feel stuck on how to shift gears and gain control. They feel powerless, victimized, taken advantage of, burdened, and unsupported.
When partners try to address this, it only creates more conflict. They feel misunderstood, unappreciated, and alone. They are each stuck in their own perspective and are unable to get the other’s side or make changes. Partners spin trying to get a handle on roles, responsibilities, priorities, support and the like…
Poor Communication (Element2 – Communication & Alignment) – It is challenging to maintain great communications skills all the time. We might be distracted, under stress or triggered and not have a full handle on an interaction.
Partners might not even have great communications skills to begin with making their relating and exchanges even more susceptible to going wrong. A partner that is talkative, shares everything, and is insistent that an issue gets addressed immediately is not a great communicator either…
These partners are always arrogant that they communicate well vs their partner who doesn’t show up… Too much or too little are just opposite sides of the same coin! Both styles have a tremendous negative impact on the other… And, great communication skills go way beyond the amount of talking.
Power Struggling (Element3 – Clarity & Dynamic) – As if life is not interesting and complex enough, a lot of what happens in our Journey and in our Relationship is actually subconscious and unconscious… We are reactive, collude and co-create the repeating patterns in our life that don’t serve us.
Our Subconscious runs the show with scripts, narratives, and belief systems – these can be directly accessed and reprogrammed if desired. Our Unconscious makes up our psychological, physiological and energetic make up – this is deeper programming that cannot be as easily accessed but can still be reprogrammed…
We have a hardwired built-in mechanism in our brain for keeping the homeostasis for the sake of survival… this makes it challenging to make changes… So, we do the same old and keep the repeating patterns going to the dismay, disappointment and frustration of the partners. When their operating is not properly addressed the partners keep getting on each other’s nerves, triggering each other and going around in circles.
Feeling Disconnected (Element4 – Connection & Intimacy) – Well, not for nothing. When the above is going on how can partners possibly figure out how to connect and sustain their connection?
Granted not every single moment is a struggle so partners do get to connect to some extent, and they make these crumbs sustain them… But, by Gosh, this is a very challenging and lacking experience to say the least. Not only is there lots to do and conflict, but also very little to reenergize and feed the relationship.
To make matters worse, partners put the relationship at the bottom of their priority list when going about their life, especially if children are involved… UGH!!! It almost seems like a futile concept to desire a Successful Relationship. Attention, care, TLC, fun, affection, physical intimacy, passion can all seem so elusive… Feeling close, loved and cherished can seem like a pipe-dream.
Systems Failure (Element5 – Collaboration & Partnership) – And, then is the issue of being disorganized and not knowing how to partner-up in life to boot! Are you wondering why even bother yet? LOL Most people don’t have great habits, routines, structures and systems in place to thrive at their life.
They might have some, but they don’t fully address the whole context of their life, and never mind that of integrating two lives together and adding little people to the mix!
Their life is overly scheduled, flooded, and chaotic. There is no room for maneuvering or a mechanism for regrouping, course correcting, recharging and the like. I hear of multiple trips to the supermarket in a week… Of wasting hours moving cars in the evening (for alternate side of the street parking – a NYC phenomenon)… Of being swallowed up by laundry, or some aspect of doing laundry being a contentious issue…
Of nannies and sitters making matters worse… Of issues with meals, night routines, and sleeping… Of people constantly getting sick… Of children’s behavior or performance problems… Of stagnant careers or businesses… Of financial difficulties… Etc… Partners don’t leverage each other and tap into the synergy inherent to the relationship…
Successful people in a Successful Relationship, are VERY intentional about all this. They address their Mindset. They are life-long students and learn skills necessary to create a better life. They get support and mentors to help them heal, grow and evolve.
They Design their life prioritizing what’s important. They automate the junk and properly outsource. They learn how to create and operate a strong Partnership. You CAN do all this too!! Though it might seem impossible, it is not!!
The trick is to take a step back and go about your approach from a different angle. Stop white-knuckling it…
Assignment: Have a heart-to-heart with your Self and then with your Partner about how to go about your situation differently. Make sure you are calm and collected for both heart-to-hearts. Get grounded, calm your mind and reactivity. Dig within yourself, get in touch with your intuition, for an informed perspective…
After the chat with your Partner, take immediate action on a decision made. If you were unable to come to an agreement on how to proceed. Take action on something that makes sense for your own Wellbeing (never to your partner’s detriment though)…
Be Mindful. Be Decisive. Be Intentional. Be Proactive. Be Progressive. You can do it! Go rock it!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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