Aside from financial strain, many couples start considering divorce when find themselves frequently in conflict or no longer feeling the relationship…
At its core, these issues often stem from undermining relationship patterns or a lack of connection… And can easily be addressed by enriching the relationship and deepening the connection between the partners…
Being intentional about our relationship is a proven way to safeguard it against cheating and divorce.
That said, I understand how the idea of investing in the relationship and deepening connection might want to make you throw up in your mouth if you are currently at odds or feeling completely estranged. I get it, especially if:
~ Conversations derail no matter how hard you try to get on the same page
~ You feel you are the one doing all the work- apologizing, planning, and trying to make things better
~ The idea of being available, open, or vulnerable feels overwhelming or even terrifying
~ Making the first move toward connection or intimacy feels awkward and unnatural
~ You worry that your partner might not understand or appreciate your efforts, or worse- might reject them outright
~ The things you’ve tried so far haven’t gained any traction or given the results you hoped for
~ Even if there is improvement, it often feels short-lived with the relationship slipping back into old patterns
These feelings are valid, and they are part of the challenge.
The truth is, if there is little effort to mindfully addressing issues, vulnerably sharing needs and preferences, and proactively investing in nurturing our relationship giving love and caring, the relationship has very little chance of surviving, never mind thriving…
These are antidotes to frequent conflicts and estrangement in our relationship… When we feel connected, we can have more understanding, give grace more readily, and find it easier to align, problem-solve, collaborate, and play together…
WHEN FREQUENT CONFLICTS IS THE CULPRIT
It is certainly not easy to be in a relationship that is riddled with tension and conflict. When conversations feel flat, superficial, or forced and the slightest truth can turn into a disagreement. When any behavior, decision, or comment has the potential to trigger a and argument that quickly escalate into a full-blown fight. When concerns or dislikes are left unspoken simply to avoid another argument.
This dynamic arises from the partners’ limiting belief systems, relationship mindset, communication styles, and defensive patterns. Creating habits and patterns that hinder the ability to show up compassionately, vulnerably, and authentically for one another.
~ Being Fully Committed – Closing any gaps or leaks and being intentionally building a successful relationship with a shared vision for a life together.
~ Taking Full Accountability – Owning your role in the current dynamic and making the necessary changes to foster different, more positive outcomes.
~ Proactively Addressing Challenges – Tackling what’s not working with compassion, kindness, and patience, while investing in nurturing and strengthening the relationship.
Making a commitment to making the relationship work, is in itself a powerful step toward making the relationship work…
WHEN ESTRANGEMENT IS THE CULPRIT
And it’s certainly not easy to be in a relationship that feels cold, distant, and transactional… Where the partners function more like roommates, prioritize their children over the relationship, or simply lead parallel lives. Where they might have challenges finding things in common or having fun together. Where they have let their physical intimacy fall by the wayside…
It is actually painful to live in a barren household or have a distant relationship. As humans, we have an innate need for connection, it’s hardwired into us as a fundamental part of our being. When we don’t meet this need, and especially if we have abandonment wounds, the pain can be excruciating. This pain invites our ugliest defense mechanisms as we try to cope with the distress…
Unfortunately, these defense mechanisms perpetuate the destructive power struggle cycle, the dissatisfying patterns, that couples experience when they haven’t invested in personal development and relationship enrichment.
The solution lies in creating, maintaining, and deepening their connection to create emotional safety that allows them to take the relationship and their intimacy to the next level:
~ Creating Connection – Gently reaching out for interest in connecting and nurturing the relationship. Showing interest in our partner with curiosity about their thoughts, feelings, experiences and desires.
~ Maintaining Connection – Implementing Connection Habits™ to protect the bond, cultivate a sense of closeness, and easily re-engage and reconnect even during challenging times.
~ Deepening Connection – Elevating interactions by engaging in more intimate, vulnerable, and authentic conversations that explore values, personal truths, emotions, and even existential topics for a richer and more profound connection.
Showing genuine interest in our partner can make a world of difference. When they feel truly valued, appreciated, understood, and desired the foundation of the relationship strengthens and the relationship starts to flourish.
Being intentional about our relationship is a proven way to safeguard it against cheating and divorce. By addressing and transforming defense mechanisms, programs, and patterns that drive our interactions, and by actively investing in connecting with our partner, we pave the way the way for creating the relationship we desire.
It is up to us to prevent the demise of our relationship by showing up with the best of intentions and with our Best Self. Only then can our relationship become the relationship we both love.
Happy showing up…
With Much Love & Light!
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PPS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2025 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
As we wrap up the year, or period of our life, and are looking to make changes for a New Beginning, it is helpful first to get rid of and let go of the old… When our life, mind and consciousness are cluttered with things that no longer serve us, we get weighted down. It is difficult to see, create, or embrace anything new if there is no space for it. We can’t start a new beginning, uplevel our life and our relationship, if we are attached to the old ways…
We can very easily fill up our space, calendar, routines, lifestyle, and mind with extra stuff, commitments, to-dos, and thoughts… And, most of the time we are not really intentional about what we add in, we just fill up the spaces unconsciously and reactively… We do what we usually do, we do it by default, or with misconceptions…
If we really took the time to assess if all the stuff we add in serves us, honors us and enrich our lives, we might be surprised at the answers we find.
Most of the time more is not better.
More activities, sports, memberships, parties, habits, supplements, gifting, and so on, is not necessarily better… I find in the stories clients and others share, what a nightmare gets created by overdoing things…
The thing is that the nightmare feels natural: ~ That’s the way things are. ~ This is how our weekends go. ~ This is what happens during the holidays. ~ This is what the school year is about. ~ This is how we vacation.
But the thing is, that upon further inspection and reflection, and even after all these are carefully orchestrated and choreographed, it becomes obvious that they are still set up from a place of lack, attachment, and control. Defensive ego patternswe use to manage our feelings, states, and needs…
The approach is driven by unconscious processes not by intentionality and mindfulness, by our values and purpose… When we look at what we create with our approach we can see that it is ill informed. We can see stress, overwhelm, anxiety, friction, fighting, chaos, exhaustion, disconnection, acting out, anger, and the like…
We are creating the opposite of what we are after with this approach. We are not enriching our lives, we are overloading and suffocating it… We are squandering our life force, our energy…
I remember someone sharing how she was going to make the holidays magical with beautifully wrapped presents or put together toys, decorating for a winter wonderland, baking treats from scratch, writing Christmas cards, and a litany of other holidays to-dos. All to be done during the night so the children wouldn’t be in the way, and so they could be surprised when it all came together.
Sounds beautiful, except that she was so sleep deprived that she kept getting sick and couldn’t kick a cough, she was irritable to say the least and impatient with everyone, and had ongoing disagreements and fights with her husband because he “was useless” in alleviating all that needed to get done…
And I’m sure this list looks minor compared to yours… I know she is not alone. I have heard a version of this story over and over… Hey, I’ve been here myself. No judgement, just an observation for increased awareness, and lots of compassion for us all…
So, how do we turn this around and do our life differently going forward? It’s actually quite simple, though not necessarily easy if we are not committed to creating the relationship and life we desire…
FIRST– Decide what kind of relationship and life you want SECOND – Commit to this and to address any patterns that might undermine you THIRD – Stay the course and get support as needed
Note, that we have a story about ourselves, our relationship, our partner, and life in general that might need revising… How we see things, the meaning we assign things, and what we think of ourselves- the identity we create, drive what we create… Our narrative and scripts are the filters of our experience… For us to create a different experience, and a different relationship and different life, we have to change the story we keep writing…
When the story changes, we can align everything differently against it – our new identity, our focus, our responses, our choices, our habits, our routines, our lifestyle, our investments… For then we go about living the new story, and we create what we desire…
But be careful, you might think you are already doing this that’s why you planned your year, your holidays, and your life as you did… The key here is to check-in if you are healthy, energized, joyful, graceful, compassionate, patient, harmonious, peaceful, connected, loving… If not, what you created is probably driven by ego patterns and not from what your heart truly desires… Take a look, and realign accordingly…
Embrace a radical decluttering and letting goof all the extra… Keep only what aligns with your new story. And please, please, create spaciousness in your approach… This is the space where the surprises, blessings, miracles, and magic actually happen…
Wishing you a truly magical End-Of-Year, Holiday Season, and upcoming New Year; or New Beginning!
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
We love summer and all the fun that usually comes with it. But we can make it even better while making our relationship even better. That’s right, we can enhance our lifestyle while enriching our relationship. Yes, you can do all the usual summer activities, time off, and vacations. But you can also create a couple summer fun tradition and end the summer with a bang.
This rich experiences not only create beautiful moments at the time they take place but provide additional opportunities for connection before and after, as well as a host of other benefits that make traditions special… Of course, being intentional about how one shows up and about savoring it makes a big difference for how we experience it, what meaning we give it, and how we remember it.
~Before the actual tradition is to take place there is the forethought, planning and anticipation of it that can be milked in and of themselves… The dreaming, designing and putting it together offer opportunities to connect, learn each other better, and address needs and desires.
~After the experience took place, there are the memories that were created to draw future enjoyment from… Revisiting the moments captured in our minds and digitally for posterity sake, sharing it with others, and recounting the event and experience make this the gift that keeps on giving…
Traditions Are a Great Relationship Building Tool
Traditions are the thread that weave the family / relationship tapestry…
They:
Create identity, unity, and a sense of belonging
Convey, and pass down, values, principles, beliefs, and customs
Provide comfort and connection
Offer meaningful pause and reflection
Help celebrate, honor, and give thanks
Promote fun and good vibes
All these benefits make traditions and important aspect of our lifestyle and family life.
This brings me to using these more specifically to enrich our relationship.
Couple Summer Fun Tradition
Traditions can be used throughout the year in our family life and in our relationship. We usually have them during holidays and other celebrations. But we might not have them so much as part of changing seasons and during other times in our life.
So, for this writing I want to offer to create a couple summer fun tradition as another way to invest in your relationship – to enrich your relationship and to enhance the connection with your partner.
How might you go about building a couple summer fun tradition?
~ Think about as aspect of summer that you love- an activity, a sport, an outing, a type of food, an event, a location, etc…
~ Think about an “event” that can be created around it that can be replicated every summer. For example, I love seafood- so every summer we get all kinds of shellfish and have special meal that we call having our “seafood feast day”. And we add all the trimmings and treats we both enjoy making it as yummy as possible and treating ourselves to that joint enjoyment.
Now it’s your turn! Select something about summer that you’ll turn into a couple summer fun tradition to end the summer with a bang…
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
The concept of setting effective boundaries might feel a bit played out. But it’s interesting that most people still have no idea what setting boundaries actually means… We don’t set boundaries on others, give them consequences, or punish them… We have no control over others, we are not the boss of them- not even our children and our employees or team-reports!
We set boundaries on ourselves… We have to take charge of the things we do have control over, and that is ourselves… We very often disempower ourselves by focusing on what others are doing or not doing… Empower yourself by staying in your circle…
So, let’s put this into the proper context. Setting boundaries is an act of self-love. It means we decide what we allow to be in our life. Be it in our thoughts, our environment, our relationship, our work, our life in general…
When something is not working for us, we don’t set a boundary on the other person- we don’t tell them what to do. We set a boundary on ourselves, we decide what we’ll be willing to allow to continue. We decide to change our thoughts and how we look at things. We decide how to feel and how to respond.
We decide what our actions, habits, and routines are. We decide how we want to show up to a conversation. We decide what is acceptable behavior, treatment, responses, outcomes, and such. We decide everything we allow…
How does this play out in interaction with others? Beautifully… For when you fully own all of you, your needs, your desires, your expectations, how you show up, how you respond, how you set things up and such- things can’t but go smoothly…
You take care of yourself, you exude confidence, you are responsible for your results, you clearly express your expectations in a way that others can respond positively to them, and you appropriately address when the expectations are not met.
And this doesn’t mean punishing people- this doesn’t mean nagging your partner or giving them the cold shoulder. This doesn’t mean yelling at your children. This doesn’t mean berating your employee.
Addressing unmet expectations means you share how you were impacted, how you feel and how this doesn’t work and why. It means you address what might gone wrong for the other that they let you down.
It means you put something in effect to address what happened and a preventative measure. It means you consider the other person’s needs, skills, abilities, and such so your expectations can be met. You address the situation for a win-win.
We never set a boundary at the expense of another. They might not like your boundary of what you will not put up with or tolerate, or what you will no longer do. But you will never tell them to do something harmful or against themselves, nor tolerate this for yourself… And you are not to tell others what they need to do or not do, feel, or think. That’s in their circle…
This obviously applies to our relationship with our partner. We co-create with them, we inspire each other, we address our needs so we are both taken cared of. We don’t tell our partner that they can’t have an affair. We inspire our partner not to have an affair… We address our side being fully mindful and conscientious of theirs. We do not live in a vacuum. We do not do things at their expense, never.
Even should you be getting a divorce, you are still a fellow human being with a heart. Always go for the win-win… Always keep your side of the street clean. Always take the higher road. You are the one that has to live with themselves at the end of the day…
Even with our children – we don’t own them. Our job is not to control them… Our job is to discipline them- which by definition means help them learn… We teach, guide, set them up for success, and support them… We honor their feelings. We show them how to fully own and expand themselves…
Even with our employees. They have a job description, they have processes to follow, and milestones or goals to achieve. They know when they are not performing to what is expected. That is the conversation. We can’t “manage” people, we can inspire and “lead” them… Sometimes words are limited to fully convey a message, but I think you get my drift.
Even when we lovingly release a partner or an employee… It’s ok if they don’t like your boundary, they can choose what they need to do to meet themselves and you to continue to take care of yourself.
Everything that happens, happens FOR us- remember that… There is always a solution for the higher good of all…
This applies to everything in our lives… It’s ok if they don’t like that you will no longer be folding and putting away all the laundry. Decide what works for you and offer that. You can take the other’s preferences into consideration and together come up with a plan that works for both of you. But at the end of the day, you will no longer be folding and putting away all the laundry…
If the other is not cooperative, you always still do your side with the best of intentions for the highest good of all to the best of your ability… Honoring yourself is an act of self-love and imperative for a wonderful and magical human experience. When you operate from this place others cooperate, fear not…
Partners often want to start by having their partner change… They love being in their partner’s circle, then they wonder how come their partner is resistant or uncooperative. Wrong approach my friend! Always focus on your side and the other will follow suit, I promise…
Remember to set your boundaries in alignment with your values… Then they are more meaningful and a lot easier to honor them…
APPLICATION: Compile a list of annoyances and things that don’t work for you in your life… Write it with compassion and grace. Don’t judge yourself or others. They have all served a purpose… Now it’s time to no longer put up with them.
Addressing one at a time: ~ Explore how those things have contributed to who you are today and how you’ve gotten here ~ Identify what no longer works about them ~ Feel the impact they’ve had on you, feel it in your body, breathe through it ~ Thank them for what they have provided you and let them go ~ Identify a practical step to address the things and take an action step towards them today
Taking full ownership and empowering ourselves is not for the faint of heart. If you are serious about Becoming your Best Self, creating your Best Relationship, and living your Best Life- this is not an option. This is how you do it!
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
The New Year, is a New Beginning and an amazing opportunity for a reset, course correction, and realignment… We want to be intentional about how we start the New Year to set ourselves up to have our Best Year yet… Let’s not set up a bunch of habits, strategies, and routines for the sake of setting stuff up…
The key is for your New Year plan to be thorough yet simple and powerful, and to infuse it with your Essence. We want our new year plan to feel exciting and tantalizing. We a want to have habits, practices and a daily routine that enrich our life and our soul.
We want our days to support us Becoming our Best Self and manifesting our Best Relationship, and Best Life… Here is how to have your Best Year yet…
For starters we must know who we are trying to become and what we want to create/manifest…
We want our life to be made up of what gives us joy, helps us become more ourselves, and supports us in our Journey.
We need a North Star, a Life Vision, to work or walk towards… This serves as our guidance system- we wouldn’t spend a ton of money on an extravagant trip or gift if we are saving to buy a home that is part of our vision, as an example.
If we know what we are trying to create and manifest in our life we can line ourselves up against it, so we are not going upriver, shooting ourselves on the foot, or leaning the ladder against the wrong wall… You get my drift.
We also need to know what we value, appreciate, and prefer in our lives so that we can set ourselves up to have our life reflect that…
When we are planning our upcoming year, or doing any reset for that matter, it is also helpful to revisit our values to make sure we align all our choices and preferences against them.
If we have habits that get in the way of us becoming our Best Self, if we set up our days to run rugged and neglect ourselves, if we go about our interactions from a depleted state, we are not likely to be creating the life we want that honors us…
Then taking a look at your Life Vision, choose your three Life Areas to focus on upleveling, or what you’d like to accomplish or experience, this upcoming year… And set up habits, tactics, and commitments that when done consistently they help you achieve what you desire.
This is where the rubber meets the road. We want to keep these simple yet powerful for the most impact. Yes, you can have a gazillion-billion tactics but if you can’t stick with them, you won’t get results.
Even if you stick with them, you might be spending a lot of time, energy, and other resources in getting results with a complex plan that can easily be achieved with a much simpler plan and your resources can be better allocated elsewhere…
Be selective about the habits you choose to help you live your Journey as you like.
Your habits need to be integrated into a routine for them to stick… So, intentionally map out your daily routine to include your habits, tactics, rituals, and commitments.
Your choices can have a theme/s to them that culminate Practice/s to fully honor who you are becoming… For example: Mindfulness Practice, Self-Love Practice, Feminine Practice, Creative Practice, Writing Practice, and so on.
Keep in mind to TimeMap to build in open/buffer, transition, quiet, and such times in your daily, and weekly routines, to easily embrace more Being and less doing in your approach to life…
Remember that at the end of the day, you want your days to feel joyful, peaceful, harmonious, connected, loving, creative, and the like.
Identify what kind of flavor you want your days to have and how you want to Be in your life, and then set everything up to allow for that to happen…
Be intentional about your approach to your relationship and your life to create what you desire. To allow you to show up more with your true Essence becoming your Best Self, and creating/manifesting your Best Relationship and your Best Life…
APPLICATION: Review or create your New Year’s plan to make sure you really have your back this upcoming year!
Tweak or add these elements as structured or flexibly as you need… ~ Design Life Vision and identify Values to guide you for best alignment ~ Choose Life Areas or Desired Experiences to give you focus ~ Select Habits, Tactics, Rituals, Commitments, and Practices to help you stay focused ~ Design Routines to help you feel grounded ~ Utilize TimeMapping to help you integrate and balance what’s important to you
Remember this whole thing is for you and a collaborative tool to Align with your Partner as well…
This is to help you more easily do your life, Become who you truly are, and support you in your Journey. This is to gently and beautifully create/manifest with your Partner… This is to have your backs and create your Best Life, and your Best Year yet.
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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