Let’s ready ourselves for a new season this year, and possibly a new season of life… There is so much happening in the world at large, in this country, and in most of our lives as usual… And time seems to be moving faster… Making our lives more intense and challenging. I don’t know about you, but I already have a special relationship with time and don’t need for it to get more complicated. For us to have a better go if it, we have to shift our approach to how we create our relationship and our life…
Instead of focusing on all the doing and all the to-dos, extending ourselves to the limit and to exhaustion, and wondering how do we get our partner to support us and help us more, the key is a totally different approach…
Now, this new approach doesn’t add more work to your already full plate. It actually reduces it significantly.
You might be wondering what is this magic I speak of.
What I’m suggesting is so simple, it’s almost ridiculous. But not to be dismissed because of its simplicity. At the end of the day, though it’s simple it might still be challenging. And this challenge will serve you infinitely more than going at things the usual way…
I’m talking about Creating through Connected Collaboration™… Let me explain.
When we approach any interaction from a place of curiosity and openmindedness, with warmth, vulnerability, authenticity, and a willingness to share airtime, then we are able to join in a collaborative spirit… When we connect deeply and meaningfully, when we have shared values, vision, and goals, when we play with them from our heart, then we are able to create anything we desire. These things might be the challenge themselves, but so fulfilling to master. This is where our attention is needed most…
Embracing a softer approachto creation with connecting vs grinding is the shift that’s in order…
This allows for a smooth creation of the relationship and life we want. It allows us to collaborate, to cocreate with ease, to manifest with splendor. It allows for a grander experience…
Shifting to this approach immediately allows for new beginnings and experiences. This is how everything gets done with ease- things fall off our to do, get streamlined, get more support and are just a joy to tackle.
All the doing and grinding no longer give the results and satisfaction we seek. The outcomes and fulfillment, including the amazing experience along the way, get created through connection, that makes collaboration for manifestation a piece of cake.
So, don’t let the seemingly crazy world out there get you- you don’t have to join in all the doing, grinding, and fighting. Elevate yourself and your approach and watch how seamlessly you create the relationship and life you love…
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Do you find that you often butt heads with your partner when dealing with the business of life? Or that you operate as if you are lost at sea without any direction, and you end up wherever the tide takes you? This has to do with not being on the same page, or not having a clear joint life vision and plan. It also has to do with each of your own personal development levels and relationship dynamics. The more pronounced the impasses, powerstruggles, drama, chaos, and lack of forward movement experienced by the partners, the more wounding and developmental delay that might be plaguing the couple…
I have been expressly adding another dimension to our personal growth and healing and relationship dynamics work to better assist couples with their relationship transformation. We’ve been playing with owning more our masculine and feminine characteristics… The interplay in their polarity for our personal wellness and for the success and radiance of our relationship just can’t continue to be ignored (as always, this is regardless of gender).
How the differences between the set of characteristics have been played down can no longer be ignored inside or outside the context of our relationship. Continuing to do so seemingly to create equality among the genders, just continues to reinforce the patriarchy… It does no one any good for the feminine characteristics and energy to continue to be oppressed… For everyone to seem more alike, “equal”, and bonded in our more coveted masculine traits and characteristics…
Just like we polarize in a host of other ways in our relationship validating the opposites attract paradigm, this is another layer that is to be taken more seriously for the vitality and success of our relationship.
For not doing so is a complete disregard for ourselves and the experience with our partner. Disowning major parts of ourselves and lopsiding our relationship energetics makes for unhealthy partners and messy relationship dynamics. And, not conducive for creating our epic love affair with our partner and our best life, our grander human experience…
There are 3 levels of development for each set of characteristics, and both apply to both partners…
~ Dormant – This is when we are not even aware that we have a range of characteristics available to us, and that we might be shut down to part of the range… Or that we are not fully owning our more inherent side of the spectrum of characteristics. We shut down part of ourselves…
~ Distorted – This is when we begin to wake up to other aspects of ourselves, but we are wobbly in their use. This is when we show up with our toxic masculinity and toxic femininity. This is when we act out especially with our more inherent energy or in its defense…
~ Divine – This is when we start to master the balance, integration, and polarization interplay of our characteristics, intentionally drawing from all the benefits of our wholeness… This is when we tap into the sacredness of each of our energies, when we use our energies to their full potential and glory. This is when we tap into ourrelationship inherent synergy. When we intentionally polarize with our partner to create our spark, passion, and bliss… This is how we create our sacred union, rejoice in oneness…
There is much to be said for owning all of ourselves, all of our tendencies, quirks, aspects, traits, characteristics, energies, and the like. Regardless of what we label things, there is something to be said for fully owning and honoring ourselves… For fully utilizing the avatar we are living our life through…
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Whatever is not really working as you’d like in your life, put it through this lens and see if you get a different awareness as to what needs shifting, realigning, coming online, and so on…
See where you are developmentally. See where you are lopsided. See where you need to focus more attention. See how to embrace and cultivate your inherent side more. See how to support and give to yourself what your inherent energy needs… See how to fully honor all of yourself…
See how to support your partner in doing this for themselves, or just in supporting all parts of them… See how to give your partner’s inherent energy what it needs more.
See how to polarize to invite your partner’s polarity to come out to play…
As you experiment and tend to this, you’ll automatically start creating changes in your programs, patterns, and dynamics. Pay attention to how you are experiencing yourself and your world differently, and how everything and everyone start to respond differently to you… Enjoy!
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
There is a reason why our relationship seems to have lost the fizzle, or when we find that we are getting on each other’s nerves, bickering, or fighting more. When we feel stuck. Partners might attribute different reasons to this, and they might be very valid. But there is usually an underlaying reason that when tapped into and addressed, creates massive shifts for the partners, the relationship, AND their lives…
Today’s reason might seem illusive or abstract, but regardless, when partners play with this concept they are rewarded for their investment.
We are talking about fully owning all aspects of ourselves… But specifically to today’s topic, to owning both our masculine and our feminine aspects, characteristics, traits, energies… Because of social conditioning and the current way of things in our still very patriarchal society, we have oppressed our feminine side… Most of us are a lot more comfortable with our masculine traits, embracing and leading with them and judge, put down, or disown our feminine ones…
This leaves us operating with less than our full selves, and for those of us who are inherently more feminine and suppress those aspects end up really operating at a lower capacity. When we don’t own or utilize the greater part of ourselves, we experience mental and physical illness along with creating unnecessary friction and discomfort in our relationship.
If we are showing up with our masculine, what is our masculine partner to do? And I’m not talking about gender… Opposite energies attract, and when the more inherently masculine partner is met with their partner showing up with their own masculine, when the unspoken agreement is that they are to show up more with their inherent feminine, they are at a loss for how to show up. This leaves the inherently more feminine partner desiring their partner to show up more in their masculine, but of course they can’t because the role is already filled. Or they do, and problems arise… As you have two masculine energies trying to have a romantic relationship…
Similarly for the inherently masculine partner, they are limited in using their masculine because their partner might be showing up with it, and their feminine is also oppressed…
A conundrum for the couple indeed and a terribly disempowering situation for partners…
We are not saying that it’s a No No for the more feminine partners to use their masculine traits. For that would mean over compensating the other way and inviting a host of other issues…
Again, we all have both energies to varying degrees and our job is to own them fully so we are whole, enabling us to have our better human experience…
The key is to integrate the traits, energies within ourselves and to learn to intentionally use them in different contexts for better outcomes…
Additionally, in the context of our romantic relationship, when we polarize, we generate the spark we desire as opposites attract…
Playing at integrating the traits within ourselves and at creating a dance with our partner’s allows us to really manifest all we desire and become our most radiant selves.
First things first – recognize what traits you lead with and which you are oppressing…
Secondly – start owning and using all of your traits more…
Thirdly – support your partner in using all of their traits, especially their inherently opposite ones…
As a result of these qualities, each energy has different needs:
~ The Masculine needs appreciation, freedom, purpose
~ The Feminine needs attention, security, nourishing
When we start owning all of our characteristics and finding the balance between them for ourselves, we become whole and more vibrant. We are in our glory.
When the more integrated partners meet and complement in the interaction with their polarities that’s where the magic happens. This is when the union feels sacred…
Give it a shot, start owning and polarizing your traits more, and see how things start shifting immediately in your interactions and overall in your relationship and in your life…
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Ah summertime… What is summertime if not a time for repose and realignment? What about a time to heal, evolve, expand? What about a time to reconnect with our partner and reset our relationship? What about a time to uplevel our life through some couple fun?
Anything goes, really, as long as we are intentional and investing in creating the relationship and life we love…
A softer approach to our relationship helps turn things around and enrich our relationship… Are you familiar with the concept of having a softer life? Well, here I extrapolate that concept and apply it to our relationship. A Softer Relationship™ is one that allows for more ease, harmony, joy, connection and love…
In today’s video, I cover the 5 Key Tactics to help us embrace a Softer Relationship™. I talk about Making Assumptions, Assigning Motives, Giving Grace, Giving Appreciations, and Delighting Our Partner… These are tactics that when embraced they remove the layer that creates drama, disturbances, and disconnect in our relationship. They help the partner create more authenticity, vulnerability, availability, safety and so much more. Enjoy!
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
It’s been in the air, that partners, especially women, are really feeling disconnected and unsettled in their relationship. They are getting more and more in touch with feeling like something is missing, that there could be more, that just sitting side by side binge watching Netflix while their partner is also on another device, is just not enough to feel emotionally and relationally satisfied with their partner… This is a wonderful awareness because it can be addressed… As opposed to feeling irritated and aggravated a lot of the time in the presence of their partner. No matter what their partner does, they find fault with it or it doesn’t satisfy… Even their partner’s breathing irks them- literally! Does your partner snore?
Couples don’t need to be fighting or thinking divorce for them to realize that their relationship can use some enrichment… That their relationship can use an upgrade, an upleveling… But of course, they can also be struggling.
Couples get into trouble when they approach their relationship from fear, from ego, from arrogance… Usually one of the partners feels like they do everything for the relationship and their life, and like their partner is the problem- they can’t even breathe properly! And, that they could be doing more…
This is exactly the mindset that creates funky dynamics and that keeps couples feeling stuck or from creating a radiant relationship… When one of the partners is feeling so disconnected, neglected, taken from granted, and the like, they go into control, micromanaging, demanding, critical, and even nasty mode… This makes their partner feel unappreciated, devalued, controlled, small, insignificant, and the like. Which makes them shut down even more and become emotionally, and even physically unavailable. Which in turns triggers the other some more… And so the cycle, loop, dynamic, repeating patterns go…
It is usually the woman who feels the disconnect more and starts this cycle… Of course, it can be said that the man started by not showing up emotionally in the first place… But we have to plant the flag somewhere and it is easier to see it when we observe what is being done, versus what isn’t.
*Now, I said “usually” but the reverse is also true, and I used the genders for simplicity’s sake but please replace them as it fits your relationship. Just know that regardless of gender, the polarities still exist in the relationship in terms of feminine or masculine energy that creates the attraction between the two (both have both but lean more into one). If the binary language is offensive to you, you can translate this further and just suffice to say that there are different energies with opposing needs, they don’t need to be labeled…
The partners keep triggering each other with their relationship overfunctioning (pursuing) and relationship underfunctioning (distancing).
Once the partners pause and recognize that they are dissatisfied and constantly triggering each other, they can now become proactive about creating change in their relationship…
It is super helpful to shift how things are being interpreted- a lot of times the partners assume the worst, feel it’s totally hopeless, and feel like calling it quits. They throw up the baby with the bath water!
When what is needed is different perspective, realignment, and approach:
~ Embrace a Heart-Centered Approach – Move down from the head, logic, ego and fear driven overanalyzing, interpreting, assuming, and knowing best and knowing it all… Move down to the heart and see and feel the blessings, beauty, joy, gratitude, ease, flow, appreciation, love… Cultivate this, expand it… Fill your heart, enlarge your heart. Connect with your sacred heart…
~ Embrace a Higher Estate – When you connect with your heart and lead from your heart life and your relationship become infinitesimally easier… Connect with compassion and unconditional love… Your partner is not perfect, as you are not… Your partner is also on a Journey, as are you… Have some grace for your experiences and really partner up in your great life adventure…
~ Embrace a Higher Living – When you realign as we are saying here, you are automatically in a different reality! Things play out differently, work out better, easier, and smoother for the highest good of all. Life and your relationship become a dream come true… It is not that difficult to become your best self, create your best relationship, and your best life as the end of the day…
Ok, so this is all well and good in concept and philosophically you may be thinking, and asking what that means for the everyday.
Now that I shared the perspective shift for you to embrace, that creates a major shift in and of itself by the way… Let me bring it down to the clinical and practical so you can hang your hat somewhere.
The dynamics get created because of our programming, patterning and conditioning… This is why we address this a lot… We want to deprogram ourselves to get out of the box and into a more authentic, expansive, and loving relationship…
Real down to earth and tangible practices help with this:
*I’ve written about these extensively in the blog and have done some videos as well – feel free to search for selflove practice, connection, reprogramming and the like for more. Though the concepts are not always fully expounded and contextualized know that everything I offer, even the fun and silly things like creating seasonal bucket lists and 30-day challenges, serve a higher purpose and good of all…
~ Self-Love Practice – This practice addresses your inner-child… Meets your needs, nourishes and resources you, and heals you…
~ Partner-Love Practice – This practice addresses your shadows (unknown, hidden, disowned parts of you)… Meets your partner’s needs, delights and resources your partner, and evolves you…
There is so much possibility, gifts, and blessings in there you can play there for eternity. Embrace them as a way of life… Like I like to say, embrace a Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle….
And, for a bonus practice for today that is totally embodied and relational and in real time- CoRegulation:
~ Coregulation Practice – This is a way to use ourselves in the moment to have our partner’s back, each other’s back… It utilizes our nervous system to resonate with our partner’s to influence each other’s estate. When we are resourced and intentional, we can stay calm, grounded, and available in the face of our partner’s reactivity which in turn helps them calm down, get grounded and soothed… It helps as a calming agent and connecting mechanism in times of distress (and other times as well!). This is a great practice when and for addressing triggers, pain, and stress.
Show up with warmth, calming presence and tone of voice, attunement, eye contact
Provide verbal acknowledgement of the other’s distress and experience, put words to it
Offer deep breathing or synchronizing breaths, eye contact or eye gazing, and gentle reassuring caring touch (don’t force hugs!)
When partner’s meet their own and each other’s needs, they heal and grow… And change their stuck repeating patterns… They deprogram…
Embracing a coregulation practice is a super loving way to be in relationship and to deepen your connection. Now this addresses what feels like missing in your relationship, and helps with building that connection you crave… Now that’s partnership, cocreation, and Love!
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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