In case I haven’t directly made this point before, I believe that connection is pretty much the magic pill. I know I have also said that about meditation and other mindfulness practices. LOL But these practices are a means to connecting with ourselves, our higher self, and Love Consciousness, Oneness… So, it still boils down to Connection, and our awareness that we are all interconnected… In that Connection we feel the Love, the aliveness, the belonging, the acceptance, the radiance that we are, and so much more…
But without getting too philosophical and esoteric, suffice it to say that when partners feel connectedthey can work through anything… And the same is true for being in connection with our children…
When our parenting focuses on creating and safeguarding connection, our children thrive and the interactions and home life become smooth sailing…
What is beautiful about this conceptis that it goes both ways! Not only do we provide all that awesomeness for the other, be it our partner, our child, or someone else, but in doing so we are also receiving the same benefits…
This is co/creation at its best. This is one of the wonders and gifts of being in relationship.
In today’s episode I’m excited to share the remainder of the conversation with Polina Shkadron, a Play Therapist, about parenting neurodivergent children. I loved this conversation as the points she made about raising neurodivergent children just apply to being in relationship in general…
Today’s episode is part 2 of our conversation, check out part 1 here, and here we cover how using specific language gets better outcomes with your child, how to set good boundaries without overusing the “no”, what to do with attention seeking behavior, how to coparent, and how to smoothly do transitions…
It’s packed with information on how to succeed at your parenting and create a harmonious and joyful home.
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Sometimes our life feels like smooth sailing, at other times it feels like an uphill battle… Of course, we enjoy the easiness, the flow, the joy. We don’t question it much and wonder what’s working… But when we struggle, it’s not so pleasant. We wonder what the heck is happening and why things are so hard. I hear this all the time from couples that are having a challenging time in their relationship. They say things like, It should not be this hard…
But let me offer, that it doesn’t have to be hard! Yes, challenging times are rough, and nobody likes those. But we can make the challenging times worth the sticking through them… Though they are hard, they don’t have to be insufferable or devastating. Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional…
The key is to fully embrace our Human Experience, to continue to become who we really are without all the muck covering our radiance. By being super intentional about how we do ourselves and our lives, we are able to create much more ease, joy, and love…
How do we do this, because sometimes we might think that’s what we are doing but yet our relationship and our life are still very challenging?
The answer is that it is not just about what meets the eyes… It’s not just about all the doing we do and how we do all the doing…
This is what is getting in the way. We get too focused on our conscious processes and our behaviors without addressing any of the drivers behind them… This is the surest way to spin our wheels and not make any progress. This is why our relationship and life feel too hard…
Our programming, patterning, and conditioning have their way with us if we don’t do something about them… They are the drivers of everything in our life. Everything about our life is created 95% by them, and 5% by our conscious mind… Yikes! We better get to straightening all that stuff out!
To that end, let’s address some of our shadows (disowned parts and unknown aspects of ourselves) today…
~ Disowned Parts – Have you noticed that there might be characteristics about your partner or other people that just irk you? Have you noticed that sometimes your partner or others do stuff that just get under your skin? In these instances, there is something about those characteristics or behaviors that resonate within you at some level… You might have these in you or some version of them that at some point and somehow you rejected or villainized. When they show up in others, they stick out to get your attention. It’s not the other person that’s getting on your nerves… It’s your own stuff calling out to you to come home…
~ Buried Aspects – This is where there is a lot of potential for healing and growing… These parts are aspects of you that were present when you had traumatic or very painful experiences and so had to be buried to survive the pain. When accessed and taken cared of through understanding, compassion, forgiveness, letting go and such, they release the stuck pattern and energy allowing for further evolution and expansion…
~ Golden Shadows – These are my favorite and not for the faint of heart. These are the ones that hold the lessons, the ones that are a gift to us, the ones that when we experience something we might say, Things happen for a reason… These are the ones that show up the most clearly in the form of repeating themes in our life… There is stuff there for us to use in creating our Best Life, in having our Grand Life Adventure, in having to do with our Purpose for being in this life…
Our shadows need to be identified, reclaimed, owned, and integrated for us to become whole… For us to undo programs and conditioning that our holding us back. For us to break out of repeating patterns that create our suffering. For us to be our full glorious selves, with warts and all. To us to be our perfect imperfect version of ourselves. For us to have a real awakened full Human Experience…
Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional…
Let’s become more whole and who we really are, shall we?
These can get you started, and join our membership for much deeper dives into all this!
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
It’s interesting how the way we are raised has a pretty significant impact on how we turn out as people… There are other factors at play as well of course captured by the big debate on nature vs nurture… Regardless of which side gets more points on that debate, the way we are parented and our relationship with our caregivers during our formative years do play a major role on how we develop and who we become… They inform our programming, our patterns, and even our personality which can all boil down to the habit of being ourselves…
Just how we were parented impacted us, how we parent impacts our children…
There are a few key things to be on the lookout that impact their resilience, programming, and what kind of relationship they have with themselves and others as they grow up and as they settle down with a future partner…
These are the same things we can think back on and deprogram, depattern and decondition in ourselves for our own healing, development, wellbeing, and happiness… And for creating our Best Relationship and our Best Life…
Let’s take a look at how parenting / caregiving plays a role on our make up through some specific parenting styles and tactics:
Regulation – Is the child assisted in regulating and taught how to self-soothe and self-regulate through safe, consistent, and nurturing interactions during tough moments, hard feelings, and triggers
~ If the adult is or gets dysregulated themselves, if they get agitated, angry, or triggered, they can’t assist the child with their own regulation. This means more agitation for everyone and escalation of the situation… The child doesn’t learn how to feel and own their own feelings, self-regulate, and use effective boundaries, and experience delayed emotional and other development…
Messaging – What types of messages are giving for example about feelings, personal characteristics, abilities, appearance, body, affection, sexuality, connection, independence, accomplishing, success
~ If the adult judges, criticizes, discourages and the like any particular aspect of the child’s make up or behavior, they are giving messages that have a negative impact the child’s self-esteem and personality development… The child subscribes to limiting belief systems, ideas about themselves, others and the world…
Acceptance and Belonging – Is the bond between parent and child safeguarded and unconditional- is the child shown that they are accepted and loved no matter what
~ If the adult uses shaming, control, rigidness, time outs, and other punitive tactics to get the child to behave and comply, they are making their emotional safety, belonging and love conditional… The child takes on disempowering ideas about themselves, their self-worth, and how to be in relationship…
These are key parenting aspects to consider as we parent to raise health, resilient and happy children.
In today’s episode I have a super-rich conversation with Polina Shkadron, a Play Therapist, about parenting neurodivergent children, which apply to all parenting also… Our conversation was so informative that are turning it into a 2-part episode to share all the wisdom with you. In today’s part, we cover the importance of play for the child’s growth, development and wellbeing and how understanding the dynamics involved in play is beneficial for the parent-child relationship. We also cover why children have tantrums and how to manage them, and the importance of self-regulation. The key aspects mentioned above are illustrated in our conversation. You are in for a treat!
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
We might feel stuck as in not progressing or going in circles in our relationship or in our life in general. Having repeating patterns, having the same old arguments, issues, or negative situations. Feeling at a loss or at an impasse. Feeling behind our peers or where we think we should be in life. We are not satisfied with the status quo but have no idea how to go about creating the change we desire. We’ve tried different things, but nothing seems to stick… We just can’t get ahead, change things, or make the progress we’d like. We might think there is something wrong with us, or we might think there is something wrong with our partner…
You might even think one or both of you have mental health issues… One or both of you might be diagnosable and might already have a mental health diagnosis… You might be experiencing challenges managing your life and you might be showing up to your relationship with a host of symptoms… You might be experiencing stunted growth or personal development, and lack of achievement in some or most areas of your life. The pain of this can feel unbearable and your situation feel completely hopeless.
Just know that having mental health challenges is more common than you might think…
And, having mental health challenges doesn’t make one less of a person, a bad person, or unworthy… Having mental health challenges impacts our overall wellbeing and health, our relationships, and our life in general…
Feeling excessively highs and lows, engaging in high-risk behaviors, having bizarre or strange thoughts, difficulty understanding and relating to situations or to people
Neglecting hygiene and performance
Having suicidal thoughts [call 988]
As you can see a lot of the above symptoms are very common for a lot of people in everyday life… Mental health issues do not just manifest as extreme cases we might see on T.V. where people are walking around naked in the streets talking to themselves and believing they are God.
Mental health issues can manifest in the simplest of forms in our day… And this doesn’t take away from who we are at the end of the day. We generally don’t judge ourselves or people for having other conditions or situations. Why should any mental health concerns be any different?
Our mental health is one of our greatest possessions, tools, benefits, gifts that we have in our life. It literally creates our reality… It behooves us to take good care of our mental health so that we can create the relationship and life we desire…
Understanding that we all glitch out (not intending to minimize serious and debilitating mental illness) and that struggling with our mental health doesn’t lessen us as a person, is a huge first step in having compassion and self-love. And towards investing in our resilience and wellbeing. Giving others affected by mental health concerns this courtesy and love is also paramount for us as a collective…
Any struggle with mental health is part of our journey and human experience. It’s part of our life and what makes us who we are. We are actually unique and special because of it. It gives us the flavor of who we are. Eh? How is that for a reframe on this struggle?
Let’s embrace the fullness of who we are. We don’t have to let this define us of course but we can definitely own how it contributes to who we are, and not in a negative way!
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
It is common for couples to be opposites also in their sexual styles! Like it’s not enough for the partners to be opposite in everything else… As we know opposites attract and this is one of the reasons partners appear to be so different from each other… This is not a bad thing, there are actually a host of benefits in being so different (opposite) from our partner… Though this might make couples feel they are not compatible, compatibility has nothing to do with the things the partners like to do… Real comparability goes way beyond that. Having different interests and liking different things is just something to manage, and this includes different sexual styles…
Sexual styles influence the partners’ expectations about their sex life, are the drivers behind their sexuality, and are a part of the filter for their sexual experience.
When the partners don’t identify their sexual styles and don’t intentionally work with them, they find themselves in a misalignment and out of sync. This fuels what we already know areculprits to low intimacy… Leaving the partners further struggling for joint pleasure, connection, and love…
But as with everything relationship, this doesn’t have to break your relationship… There is a way to get on the same page and create a mutually satisfying and terrific sex life with your partner regardless of your differences, and other intimacy concerns…
In today’s podcast episode I’m excited to have a very informative and reassuring conversation with Deborah Fox, Sex Therapist, about how conditioning and other factors affect libido and desire, how partners are usually also opposite in sexuality styles and what to do about it, reasons for difficulties with female orgasms and male erectile dysfunction and how to address them, the truth about sexual satisfaction when couples have been together a long time and in older couples, and how to maintain a healthy sexual relationship to ensure a mutually satisfying sex life… This is an episode not to be missed!
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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