We’d do anything for our partner and our family, we love them to death… Have you heard yourself say these words in your head or to others? But is that sentiment and approach to our relationship, family and life actually serving us and them?
When we love too much, we get in the way of our love…
Let me explain. When we love too much, we do for others what they can and ought to do for themselves. We let them off the hook. We enable them to underfunction, not be accountable or responsible, not to step up, and to not honor us or show up for us. Everything becomes about what they get, which doesn’t really support them at the end of the day, and at our expense to boot…
This is not love, this is codependence. This eventually leads to disease for one of both partners. To children with behavior and other problems. To large amounts of debt or financial struggle. To risky behaviors with other consequences… To conflict, dissatisfaction, and boredom in the relationship. Life becomes blah, if not hell…
Get our FREE 1-pg downloadable Codependence Quiz to identify if and how you are impacted by codependence in your relationship- do you love too much?
The partners either grow really apart or become so entrenched in their fighting that they can’t see any other way out but actually getting out.
Before things get this dire, it’s imperative that partners get support to heal wounds, change their patterns, address limiting beliefs, stories and scripts, and the rest of it that gets in the way of the partners creating, sustaining, and enjoying a deep, meaningful and beautiful connection with each other…
I know that when couples do too much damage with their stuck patterns and dynamics, that it gets really difficult to come back from that. Of course, it is always a couple’s prerogative not to continue their relationship, but please don’t choose not to continue because you’ve created so much drama that you can’t see a way out. This is totally preventable and even reversible.
Give your relationship a good try!
And if you are at the end of the rope and no longer willing to invest in turning your relationship around, then please pursue conscious uncoupling. There is no need to continue to create drama, headaches, and heartaches…
In today’s episode, I’m glad for the conversation I have with Glenn Dornfeld, Esq. about the different ways couples can pursue getting divorced and how to go about a drama free, expedient, and less expensive process by using mediation. Please check it out.
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Wishful thinking or dreaming are a fabulous way to start any journey. But in and of themselves they don’t create the changes you are seeking. We might want to improve our happiness, our wellness, our health, our vitality, our fitness, our looks. Or we might want to improve the relationship with our partner, our relationship mindset, our communication, our dynamics, our connection, our intimacy, our partnership, our lifestyle, our parenting, our legacy. Or we might want to improve our service, our creativity, our productivity, our impact, our income or revenue. To manifest any of these things we require more than just dreaming…
To create anything in our life, a good doze of dreaming is required first and then a good doze of meaningful action to materialize it into our reality. Now this doesn’t mean grinding mind you! Long gone are the days where the grind actually created the results we desire… Have you noticed that the more you work doesn’t necessarily give you more or better outcomes…?
The key here is to focus on what it is we are trying to create and home in so that practice makes progress… We want to take inspired and leveraged action… We want to focus on the things that move the needle and make a difference, with gentleness, compassion, and ease…
So regardless of we want to improve, a concerted investment yields the best returns…
We can work directly on the thing, or we can work on the thing that holds us back when the direct work doesn’t seem to be doing it…Either way this can be boiled down to actions, simple practices, tactics, or habits that support our goals and desires. That helps us deprogram and heal, and decondition and grow… We drill in for the most return…
We can go really micro or esoteric on these knowing that a little tweak can crack the code. A different perspective, approach, or application can be just the thing to unravel the mysteries holding you back… One turn can open into a whole different panoramic view, a whole new reality…
We don’t need to work too hard, do all the things, stay subscribed to the grind… It’s time to intentionally, mindfully, and intelligently apply ourselves to our life to create the life the love…
In today’s episode I’m excited to have a conversation with Angela Mazza, a holistic health coach, who brings awareness to how different habitual patterns, not just behavioral but also emotional and relational, can have an impact on our health and wellbeing. We discussed how not having a voice, being a people pleaser, prioritizing others first, having low self-esteem or a sense of unworthiness, being a workaholic, a perfectionist, a type-A personality, and so forth can all take a toll… I very much enjoyed this conversation as it connects so nicely with the depatterning work we’ve been doing. Hope you enjoy it too!
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Are you finding this time of year challenging as the school year wraps up and as we start transitioning into the Summer months? There is so much that goes into this transition that people are feeling more stretched than usual… And this weekend is also Father’s Day… There is no lack of things to celebrate. This is when it’s important for us to take a step back and assess the quality of our life and relationship. How are we doing, how are we showing up to our relationships, how are we showing up for ourselves, are we creating the life we love?
Busy and transition times give us a clue as to how we are doing… They are great opportunities to take stock and reassess how we do everything- from celebrations, to relaxation, to health and wellness, to love making, and everything in between…
Times of transition are amazing opportunities for us to assess, reset and forge forward in a new way. In June I love to play with 30-Day Challenges to help with this. It’s a wonderful tool to play with deprogramming (deconditioning) and depatterning (undermining our egoic patterns, our defensive patterns) freeing ourselves from the boxes we are used to living and relating in…
Challenges help us embrace new habits, do pattern interruptions, and provide structure that serve as healing and evolutionary mechanisms…
When we choose a 30-Day Challenge for this purpose, we can consider different things to help us hone into a habit we want to play with in the challenge.
~ Lack is driven by believing we are separate and not whole, which leads to sadness, grief, loneliness, aloneness, hopelessness, depression and so on which lead to focusing on fairness and double standards, judging imperfections, self-numbing [flight response…]
~ Attachments are driving by believing we need certainty and certain outcomes which leads to let down, disappointment, resentment, frustration, anger and so on which lead to demanding apologies, owning the other, and getting stuck on expectations [fight response…]
~ Control is driven by believing that we have to make things happen and have to do all the doing which leads to fear, stress, overwhelm, exhaustion, anxiety and so on which lead to over-functioning, micromanaging, doing everything ourselves, not accepting help [freeze response…]
And, then think about how this pattern might impact things that you are trying to achieve, accomplish or create in your relationship and your life.
You might feel stuck in things like:
~ losing weight or getting fit ~ creating and sustaining connection with your partner or other loved ones ~ moving up in your career ~ growing your business ~ making, saving, growing, or keeping your money ~ creating a satisfying lifestyle ~ implementing a self-care routine ~ synchronized coparenting ~ or anything else in your life
You might experience that no matter what you do, you can’t seem to make any headways. You keep going back to the same old… That’s a sign that conditioning, programming, and patterning are holding you back…
The pattern and topic can inform the habit you choose to use in your Challenge to start dismantling the driving conditioning or programming… But at the end of the day, you can choose any habit or tactic for your Challenge as the challenge itself will work its magic…
Give it shot, you got nothing to lose and much to gain from this simple yet powerful tool. Hope you accept the challenge…
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Have you had the experience of wanting to change something in your life but seemingly no matter what you try it seems that you just can’t get the results you are looking for? I have seen this with health and wellness habits, productivity and success habits, and I hear this all the time when couples first come to see us for couples therapyabout creating changes in their relationship…
I find that partners think they try all kinds of things to make changes in their relationship without getting the outcome they are seeking. But even though they might try different things, what’s at the root, the driving mechanisms behind their efforts remain the same… So actually, not that much is being done differently at the end of the day… And they end up feeling stuck.
Their conditioning, programming, and patterning need to be addressed, what’s driving their dynamics, for change to actually happen, AND hold… This can be done in a lot of different ways and through a host of different modalities…
And, as we’ve been at the deconditioning thing for a bit now, I want to offer tackling this from a lighter place to make the work more fun…
Let’s get to some deconditioning with some Fathering- let’s embrace more structure, systems and routinesfor the security and discipline we need… But before you roll your eyes, as we are trying to get away from so much structure to begin with and make it more fun, let me share that we won’t be over doing it to where we stifle ourselves and it will be fun…
What we want to do is give ourselves the container of a structure so we can freely flow within it. Eh? More on this in upcoming issues. But for now, let’s focus on chipping away at programs that hold us back from what we want, even our attempt to be more disciplined…
How? Let’s play with the idea of pattern interruption and make it fun- let’s implement habits that counter our usual habitual (egoic) ways… That force our brain to repattern… Driving home a different way. Writing or brushing your teeth with your opposite from dominant hand. Sleeping on the other side of the bed, or sitting at a different place at the dinner table or couch. You get my drift.
In today’s podcast episode, I’m excited to have a conversation with Marvin Bee, a fellow podcaster about how to go about our own personal health journey. He focuses on removing unhealthy habits and all things not good for us in his approach to health and happiness…
Awesome ideas show up in our conversation that can be used for your 30-Day Challenge… Enjoy!
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
We are living in strange times… We are living in a world where everything as we knew it is no longer… We are living in a world that is merely a construction, an illusion, a simulation, a matrix… A world where all the major institutions are just structures to provide some kind of order, but have turned out to be more stifling, constricting and enslaving than anything else…
We are living in a world where We are even constructions… Who we know ourselves to be is but an accumulation of thought patterns, belief systems, emotional patterns, defenses, and habits. We are stuck with the habit of playing ourselves… We created an identity, a persona, that we are using as the character in the story of our life…
This can be super sad, demoralizing, and scary, on one hand. But on the other hand, oh boy, it can be magnificently illuminating, empowering, and freeing…
Now we can choose to continue to live in this nightmare, hell on earth, and mass illusion, or we can choose to wake up and take charge of our own life. We can choose to become more and more who we truly are, embrace our Becoming. We can own our true identify and play a better Game of Life…
Life as we know it is so ingrained in us that considering anything else just seems ridiculous, out of a fiction book or movie, and for the crazy in an asylum…
Who we know ourselves to be is so ingrained in us that considering anything else is totally unthinkable, destabilizing, and ungrounding…
I know that the more I heal, upgrade, and deconstruct myself that the more I feel like I’m floating, flowing through my life, much lighter and unencumbered… It’s a bit surreal at times, a wondrous experience…
One of the side effects is disengaging from the rush, distractions, and drama we are used to living with, a good thing. And a much bigger desire to just take it easy… Really weird and different for me as you might know… The desire to help, guide, and inspire others remains minus the seduction for the grind, another good thing.
As I continue to shed layers of trauma, protection, defenses, programs, patterns, habits, and the like, it becomes more and more evident that who I knew myself to be was the identity I needed to assume to deal with myself and how I perceived my world…
When we allow ourselves to operate from our small and lower self, with blinders on, wearing a thick identity mask, we are but ensuring our own suffering and demise.
This is when we get sick, our relationship is stagnant, our children have issues, things break, we hit a career wall, we can’t get rid of debt, and so on. We experience lack in all areas of our life in spite of the evidence of abundance all around us…
So, we have a choice, continue to hang on to the identity of who we think we are and continue the struggle, the grind, the enslavement we currently buy into in this world. Or we choose freedom, we choose to own the radiant Beings we are without the masks and the illusion of the identity we forced on ourselves…
We can choose to own our vulnerabilities, our perfect imperfections, our pain, and all the mechanisms we used to survive the world we believed we were in… We can choose how we look at our world and to show up to it with our full authentic selves. This goes without saying, that we’d do this in our relationship as well… And what a different relationship that becomes…
When we disentangle ourselves from the constructions, the illusions, is when we are truly free, empowered, and sovereign… This is when we are truly living the life we are supposed to live, and when we win at the Game of Life…
You have a choice to continue to hang on to your identify as you know it, or to start taking off the mask for a more real and magnificent life experience…
APPLICATION: Ponder on how you identify yourself, the positive and the negative characteristics, how you create your appearance, how you choose to show up to your life, how you choose to do your days…
~ Note, that these are all choices…
~ Note, that you can choose a different perspective, to feel differently, and to operate differently…
~ Note, that you can create the relationship and life you want…
Take an immediate action to shift the course you are on to win at the Game of Life…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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