Obviously, we keep an eye on our overall wellness and progress throughout the year. We make adjustments and course corrections along the way. We recommit to habits and goals as we go. Some might have been forgotten and need a little dusting-off. In all, we stay the course to the best of our ability and keep shooting for the stars.
We keep shooting for the stars by continuing to Become our Best Self…
We have covered upgrading our thinking and our mindset.
We have covered addressing our feelings and our state.
We have covered mastering our behaviors and our habits.
These are addressed from different angles throughout the 5 Elements of our Successful Couple Strategy™ and Successful Self Strategy™:
Collaboration (Element5: Collaboration & Partnership – Become a Team)
Today, I want to take this to the next level. Beyond thinking, feeling and doing… I want us to focus on Being. Don’t you agree NAME, that we get stuck in overthinking, that we let our feelings run the show, and that we are way overcommitted and running around with tons of doing? These are things that I’ve radically addressed in my own life. My agendas used to be insane. They were beyond superhuman… So, when I recognize this in you, I feel for you…
I no longer overcommit myself. I’m MUCH better at not overbooking myself. Certainly, at not overbooking my family and our weekends. Thank goodness I learned this lesson a while ago! I’ve become a lot more productive, with ease… I bring Gusto to everything I do… I always aim to over deliver… And, fully own my nature to Serve…
Why am I sharing this? Because these things don’t happen by accident. They take commitment, intentionally, focus, and discipline. They take shedding our defenses, getting out of our own way, connecting to who we are, clarifying our Personal Brand, embracing and showing up from our Magnificence…
They take practicing and honoring just Being… And, then just Being Our Best Self… This is not easy to do… We get pulled in a gazillion ways if we allow it. And, allow it we do unless we are invested in creating our Best Life, in living our best Journey, in having our best Human Experience.
Taking charge of our life and creating our life by Design requires:
E1 – Setting effective boundaries
E1 – Addressing limiting beliefs and scripts
E1 – Letting go of fears
E1 – Being fully accountable in all we do
E2 – Clearly communicating expectations that honor all parties involved
E2 – Showing up cleanly and resourced to interactions
E2 – Being just, honorable, kind and compassionate when addressing differences
E2 – Making amends after we showed up with our imperfect humanness
E3 – Being intentional about not triggering ourselves and others
E3 – Addressing our defense mechanisms
E3 – Learning better coping, wellness and self-management skills
E3 – Appropriately getting our needs met
E4 – Creating time for connecting with Higher Self, loved ones, the world at large
E4 – Focusing on quality couple time and being fully present
E4 – Showing up with our most Authentic Self
E4 – Enjoying ourselves to the fullest
E5 – Setting up success habits and routines
E5 – Seamlessly collaborating with others
E5 – Being a role model
E5 – Contributing to a higher Cause…
We can do this exceptionally well and with ease when we go at it from our Being… When we are grounded, Transcended, and bring our Best Self, Authentic Self, Highest Self, with our Polished Personal Brand™!, to all we do…
Assignment: So today, I want you to think of (Be with…) who you are. How you will continue to awaken to your full Self. How will you continue to Become more You… How you will connect with and consistently show up with your Best Self… What will all areas of your life look like when you are your full Authentic Self most of the time? Your wellness/health, appearance, personality, home, work, leadership, contribution, Life…?
Sometimes it seems we get mired in the weeds. We miss the forest for the tree. We miss the boat. We miss the point of our Existence… I’m not saying to not give attention to the details of Life, for therein is the Juice… I’m saying let’s look beyond the car in front of us. Let’s keep an eye on the road, the Journey. Let’s pay attention to the ride, let’s Be with the ride…
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Living!
P.S. We are here for you! If you need more support to create a shiftin your life, creating your successful and meaningful life, we are here to help. Schedule a Get Acquainted Call to connect, and discuss how we can help you and how to get started. Look forward to Connecting with you!
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Today we’ll cover Collaboration (from Element5: Collaboration & Partnership – Become a Team). I love all the work of course, but I particularly enjoy this topic as this is where all the work seems to come together…
We can’t collaborate and create a strong partnership when we have different expectations and don’t fully own ourselves, when we can’t get on the same page and address differences, when we operate from defenses and keep triggering each other, and when we can’t connect and enjoy each other…
Partners struggle collaborating on the business of life and creating an amazing joint life together when the other Elements are not addressed. They have to white-knuckle things into place and life feels difficult…
Assuming you’ve been working on the other Elements, now you can have fun with this one! Collaboration is about the practical of creating the life you want. Intentionally designing your lifestyle, your approach to life and a way to achieve your dreams – without white-knuckling it!
Things to put in place to help you collaborate and create your joint life include:
Shared Life Vision…
Daily, weekly, monthly, semi-annual and annual routines, rituals and traditions
Agreements for sharing responsibilities
Systems for working together and having flow in your home
Putting things in place that serve the individuals, the relationship and the family as a whole is not an easy feat. Partners have different brains, personalities, ways of operating, skills, knowledge base, preferences and the like. So even if the prior 4 Elements have been addressed, it is still not easy to work well together and set up things to create the best Joint Life.
To achieve the partners’ highest potential and tap into the Relationship’s inherent Synergy… This is the Goal… This is the Best Life… This is the whole point… Working together the sky is the limit…
Assignment: This is it. Invite your Partner to a sit down to assess the current functioning of your relationship, your family and your home. Review how you are doing with the first 4 Elements of the Successful Couple Strategy™.
Then, check in on how you collaborate? How do you share responsibility? How do make decisions? How do you get things done? How much are you able to accomplish? Are you making a dent, rocking your goals? How do you create? Are you creating your Vision, your Dream Life? And so on… Armed with this information, decide what are your next steps to go to the next level in your Life… Take an action towards that today!
Woohoo! We did it! We did some basic work in each of the Elements of the Successful Couple Strategy™. Hope you enjoyed the taste and are already experiencing a shift in your relationship! Savor it!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
This brings us to our current topic lineup. So far, we’ve covered aspects of Repeating Patterns (from Element3-Clarity & Dynamics), Communication (from Element2-Communication & Alignment), and Boundaries(from Element1-Context & Mindset) in our Successful Couple Strategy™… Repeating Patterns tend to kick relationships in the butt. Dissatisfying and reactive patterns that is.
This is where partners feel stuck, get discouraged and potentially give up. But, these patterns CAN be changed, and more satisfying, nurturing and collaborative ones can be created in their stead… The trick is to own what WE contribute to the stuckness, and focus on reprogramming our own stuff and stepping up how we show up…
Today’s topic is on Connection. Feeling connected, belonging, is at the core of our basic human needs (after physiological and security needs are met). This is a fundamental need that is a strong driver in our life. We don’t feel Ok if we don’t feel connected, and like we belong. This of course goes beyond our primary romantic relationship.
Though feeling connected within the relationship with our partner makes that relationship so much more meaningful, satisfying, rewarding, and even powerful… Being fully connected with our partner allows us to tap into the relationship’s inherent Synergy…
There is a caveat though. It is very challenging to properly connect with someone else, including our partner, if we are not connected to our Self first…
And, I don’t mean in any kind of superficial, selfish, arrogant, narcissistic kind of way… I mean connected to our Higher Self, Higher Consciousness (secular view), Super Conscious (spiritual view)… This is where the ultimate and most powerful connection of all is… When we connect at this level everything else is possible…
I was recently checking in with myself about when I am the most Happy. The answer immediately came that I’m the most Happy when I’m with clients… Translated/extrapolated version: I’m the most Happy when I’m grounded, present, and fluid in whatever I’m doing – when I’m connected to my Higher Self…
For after the initial answer, I recognized that state across other areas of my life… This is not an easy state to reach, and sustain…, unless we are practiced at it… And, even then we can be subject to get thrown off. Doesn’t it make sense then that for those that are not practiced how challenging it is to easily connect to their Higher Self and others?
This means that to have a Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life, it is imperative that we learn to Connect with our Higher Self… That we make connecting to our Self an intentional daily practice. That we don’t make this a luxury item in our life to do when we are able to find time for it… This is not a luxury, this is a must to have our best human experience and best life!
Otherwise we’d live our life bumping around and in reactivity. That is not Living… Let’s live the full expression of our Self by fully accessing all of our Self… From this higher state we Connect much more easily and lovingly with those around us, including our partner. This is how we CAN create our amazing relationship, no matter its current state…
Assignment: Take a look at your current daily routine and unapologetically make time to Connect with your Self… Make time for a Mindfulness Practice… This is one of the best Success Habits you can implement into your life, for rest flows from here…
This is a life changing concept. Change your state, connect with your Self, Align, and Then…
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Last issue covered aspects of Communication(from Element2-Communication & Alignment in our Successful Couple Strategy™), the prior covered Boundaries (from Element1-Context & Mindset)… Communication is such an important part of a successful relationship.
It is a very basic skill that most partners botch in their relating. They are not aware of all the different things that impact their communication and getting on the same page. They are left butting heads and hurting each other instead of really getting, accepting and supporting each other.
But having amazing skills at setting effective Boundaries and mindful Communication in and of themselves is not enough to ensure you create your successful relationship and meaningful life… Not everything in relationship is as obvious and practical as this. A lot of what plays out in relationship is actually informed by not so conscious processes… These are just but the tip of the iceberg!
Most of what happens in interactions with our partner, and observe and entertain in our relationship, is influenced by subconscious and unconscious programming…
Where the subconscious is riddled by unattended scripts and limiting believes (can be directly reprogrammed), and the unconscious is how we organized ourselves psychologically and biologically (can be indirectly reprogrammed)… Being clueless to these forces is like traveling our Journey like Mr. Magoo drives his car
These processes are our human operating system. When they are not intentionally managed, they glitch and hold us back from living our efficient, productive, and rewarding life… When we don’t know what’s installed, what’s outdated, what’s redundant and such, our system doesn’t properly support our best life at best and undermines it, even crashes it, at worst…
This is when we are witness to basic levels of success, poor health, mental illness & emotional symptoms, addictions, misbehaved children, relationship breakdown and other not so pretty by-products…
Having Clarity as to what is going on deep inside ourselves and in turn what we are cocreating with our partner, and others, is the first step in really fully owning our life…
We can learn all the skills we want and get the best help in fixing problems or taking care of tasks, but if we don’t do this deeper piece the operating system is still going to glitch… You are still going to create dynamics in your relationship that undermine its success and experience recurring negative patterns in all areas of your life…
Attention to Personal Development and Healing must be a prerogative in our life for us to hack our system and be in charge of it. It is of utmost importance for us to instruct and utilize our system to its highest potential… We don’t get in a car and expect to immediately be where we want to be (at least that technology hasn’t been invented yet!).
First, we make sure it is working properly and has gas. Then, we know where we are going and how we want to get there, might even put that in the GPS. This is how we get to where we want to go when traveling roads, why should it be any different when traveling our Journey…
We hack our subconscious when we address our limiting beliefs.
We hack our unconscious when we address our wounding (unresolved impact from imperfect childhood).
When we don’t intentionally and proactively do this, we are allowing ourselves to ride our lives not firing on all cylinders… We operate from triggers and defenses creating patterns and circularity in our relationship that doesn’t work for us or our partner. We don’t create the relationship we desire. We feel stuck and dissatisfied.
The key to this is to stretch and integrate ourselves and mindfully, intentionally, and appropriately address all our needs… This requires better learning ourselves and our partner and being proactive about our Life…
Whenever you get stuck white-knuckling an issue in your relationship, find the same complaint consistently coming up, persistently butting heads with your partner on a topic(s), or practical solutions don’t stick – something deeper is at work and it behooves you to get to the bottom of it in order to make the changes you want.
This doesn’t mean going to hang out in the past, dredging up everything that ever went wrong or processing stuff at nauseam. This means to decidedly address your operating system to ensure you live your best life and have your best human experience.
Assignment: Take an observer stance in your relationship and identify what are your themes, recurring issues and fights, and circular relating (dynamics) that get you. The purpose of this is to increase awareness in your relationship and prompt you to start addressing the drivers. It’s up to you to empower yourself to do something about them… Don’t just sit with the awareness, it is not enough. Start proactively resetting your operating system…
Well, if last issue was not for the faint of heart, this one certainly is not. This one requires a strong desire to not live a mediocre life and to be able and willing to do what it takes to not settle… This one requires you to mean to have your best human experience. You might not care to and that’s your prerogative. But if you do, Gosh, get to it with gusto already!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Last issue covered Boundaries… A hugely important concept that we address in Element1-Context & Mindset, in our Successful Couple Strategy™… Boundary bridges show up everywhere in our life if we are attentive in making sure we lovingly hold our ground and take care of ourselves…
Sometimes this is challenging to do when there aren’t clear preferences, expectations, definitions, understanding within and for ourselves, and with others… This is an issue for partners when they don’t explore and share how they want their joint life to be. When they don’t set clear roles, rules, responsibilities and the like. They might not have clear routines, habits, chores, workflow, budget, accounts, access, tools and resources, etc.
Also, partners might struggle getting on the same page due to different gender characteristics, personality, history, skills, culture and a host of other variables inherent in a romantic relationship. These impact communication style and tendencies which in turn impact how well the relationship operates and meets the partners’ needs…
Partners usually have different, and very commonly opposite communication styles. In a very crude nutshell, usually one prefers to talk and the other one doesn’t… The opposite styles can trigger the partners when their preferences are pursued against the other’s wishes…
If one wants to talk and the other doesn’t, the first partner might feel neglected, abandoned, rejected, unappreciated and the like. And, the second partner might feel suffocated, micromanaged, criticized, controlled and the like.
This can escalate into fights where the first becomes more aggressive and the second shuts down more and more, even leaves…
There are 4 characteristics to these styles that make them deadly for relationships (Why Marriages Succeed or Fail):
Criticism
Defensiveness
Stonewalling
Contempt
Where Contempt is a strong predictor of future breakup/divorce! This is because it doesn’t just pick at the other and stops the flow of communication and connection like the others do. It degrades and feels so degrading that the damage is practically irrevocable…
It is paramount that we mind how we show up to interactions with our partner and don’t take for granted how we express ourselves… Become a strong monitor of your communication habits and proactively and swiftly address these today. Your relationship’s success literally depends on it!
Assignment: Become a detective and be on the lookout for any signs of Contempt in how you communicate and relate with your partner.
Clean up any of these habits immediately
Address any messages (impact) you might have inadvertently bestowed upon your partner…
Address the underlying need not being met that is driving this characteristic…
This Assignment is not for the faint of heart, and a lot is riding on this one. Be persistent in eradicating Contempt, and yet gentle with yourself so you can properly stay the course… Make this one really count!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
STAY CONNECTED WITH US, SUBSCRIBE TO OUR NEWSLETTER
And, Get a FREE Relationship Enrichment Mini Course!
You CAN create the relationship you desire!
You have Successfully Subscribed!
With this Mini Course learn how to immediately Break your Impasse, Improve your Communication, Increase your Intimacy, Connection and Fun, & Create a Strong Partnership...
And with Emma’s weekly Love rich with Personal Development & Relationship Enrichment know-how, announcements, resources and more straight into your inbox.
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
Pin It on Pinterest
We track visits and User's visit information to analyze our performance and trends in order to create targeted messaging and programs to best serve you. We use cookies to provide a personalized and smoother browsing experience. Refer to our Privacy Policy for additional details.
You consent to our tracking and cookies when using our Websites.OK
