Wishful thinking or dreaming are a fabulous way to start any journey. But in and of themselves they don’t create the changes you are seeking. We might want to improve our happiness, our wellness, our health, our vitality, our fitness, our looks. Or we might want to improve the relationship with our partner, our relationship mindset, our communication, our dynamics, our connection, our intimacy, our partnership, our lifestyle, our parenting, our legacy. Or we might want to improve our service, our creativity, our productivity, our impact, our income or revenue. To manifest any of these things we require more than just dreaming…
To create anything in our life, a good doze of dreaming is required first and then a good doze of meaningful action to materialize it into our reality. Now this doesn’t mean grinding mind you! Long gone are the days where the grind actually created the results we desire… Have you noticed that the more you work doesn’t necessarily give you more or better outcomes…?
The key here is to focus on what it is we are trying to create and home in so that practice makes progress… We want to take inspired and leveraged action… We want to focus on the things that move the needle and make a difference, with gentleness, compassion, and ease…
So regardless of we want to improve, a concerted investment yields the best returns…
We can work directly on the thing, or we can work on the thing that holds us back when the direct work doesn’t seem to be doing it…Either way this can be boiled down to actions, simple practices, tactics, or habits that support our goals and desires. That helps us deprogram and heal, and decondition and grow… We drill in for the most return…
We can go really micro or esoteric on these knowing that a little tweak can crack the code. A different perspective, approach, or application can be just the thing to unravel the mysteries holding you back… One turn can open into a whole different panoramic view, a whole new reality…
We don’t need to work too hard, do all the things, stay subscribed to the grind… It’s time to intentionally, mindfully, and intelligently apply ourselves to our life to create the life the love…
In today’s episode I’m excited to have a conversation with Angela Mazza, a holistic health coach, who brings awareness to how different habitual patterns, not just behavioral but also emotional and relational, can have an impact on our health and wellbeing. We discussed how not having a voice, being a people pleaser, prioritizing others first, having low self-esteem or a sense of unworthiness, being a workaholic, a perfectionist, a type-A personality, and so forth can all take a toll… I very much enjoyed this conversation as it connects so nicely with the depatterning work we’ve been doing. Hope you enjoy it too!
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Are you finding this time of year challenging as the school year wraps up and as we start transitioning into the Summer months? There is so much that goes into this transition that people are feeling more stretched than usual… And this weekend is also Father’s Day… There is no lack of things to celebrate. This is when it’s important for us to take a step back and assess the quality of our life and relationship. How are we doing, how are we showing up to our relationships, how are we showing up for ourselves, are we creating the life we love?
Busy and transition times give us a clue as to how we are doing… They are great opportunities to take stock and reassess how we do everything- from celebrations, to relaxation, to health and wellness, to love making, and everything in between…
Times of transition are amazing opportunities for us to assess, reset and forge forward in a new way. In June I love to play with 30-Day Challenges to help with this. It’s a wonderful tool to play with deprogramming (deconditioning) and depatterning (undermining our egoic patterns, our defensive patterns) freeing ourselves from the boxes we are used to living and relating in…
Challenges help us embrace new habits, do pattern interruptions, and provide structure that serve as healing and evolutionary mechanisms…
When we choose a 30-Day Challenge for this purpose, we can consider different things to help us hone into a habit we want to play with in the challenge.
~ Lack is driven by believing we are separate and not whole, which leads to sadness, grief, loneliness, aloneness, hopelessness, depression and so on which lead to focusing on fairness and double standards, judging imperfections, self-numbing [flight response…]
~ Attachments are driving by believing we need certainty and certain outcomes which leads to let down, disappointment, resentment, frustration, anger and so on which lead to demanding apologies, owning the other, and getting stuck on expectations [fight response…]
~ Control is driven by believing that we have to make things happen and have to do all the doing which leads to fear, stress, overwhelm, exhaustion, anxiety and so on which lead to over-functioning, micromanaging, doing everything ourselves, not accepting help [freeze response…]
And, then think about how this pattern might impact things that you are trying to achieve, accomplish or create in your relationship and your life.
You might feel stuck in things like:
~ losing weight or getting fit ~ creating and sustaining connection with your partner or other loved ones ~ moving up in your career ~ growing your business ~ making, saving, growing, or keeping your money ~ creating a satisfying lifestyle ~ implementing a self-care routine ~ synchronized coparenting ~ or anything else in your life
You might experience that no matter what you do, you can’t seem to make any headways. You keep going back to the same old… That’s a sign that conditioning, programming, and patterning are holding you back…
The pattern and topic can inform the habit you choose to use in your Challenge to start dismantling the driving conditioning or programming… But at the end of the day, you can choose any habit or tactic for your Challenge as the challenge itself will work its magic…
Give it shot, you got nothing to lose and much to gain from this simple yet powerful tool. Hope you accept the challenge…
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Have you had the experience of wanting to change something in your life but seemingly no matter what you try it seems that you just can’t get the results you are looking for? I have seen this with health and wellness habits, productivity and success habits, and I hear this all the time when couples first come to see us for couples therapyabout creating changes in their relationship…
I find that partners think they try all kinds of things to make changes in their relationship without getting the outcome they are seeking. But even though they might try different things, what’s at the root, the driving mechanisms behind their efforts remain the same… So actually, not that much is being done differently at the end of the day… And they end up feeling stuck.
Their conditioning, programming, and patterning need to be addressed, what’s driving their dynamics, for change to actually happen, AND hold… This can be done in a lot of different ways and through a host of different modalities…
And, as we’ve been at the deconditioning thing for a bit now, I want to offer tackling this from a lighter place to make the work more fun…
Let’s get to some deconditioning with some Fathering- let’s embrace more structure, systems and routinesfor the security and discipline we need… But before you roll your eyes, as we are trying to get away from so much structure to begin with and make it more fun, let me share that we won’t be over doing it to where we stifle ourselves and it will be fun…
What we want to do is give ourselves the container of a structure so we can freely flow within it. Eh? More on this in upcoming issues. But for now, let’s focus on chipping away at programs that hold us back from what we want, even our attempt to be more disciplined…
How? Let’s play with the idea of pattern interruption and make it fun- let’s implement habits that counter our usual habitual (egoic) ways… That force our brain to repattern… Driving home a different way. Writing or brushing your teeth with your opposite from dominant hand. Sleeping on the other side of the bed, or sitting at a different place at the dinner table or couch. You get my drift.
In today’s podcast episode, I’m excited to have a conversation with Marvin Bee, a fellow podcaster about how to go about our own personal health journey. He focuses on removing unhealthy habits and all things not good for us in his approach to health and happiness…
Awesome ideas show up in our conversation that can be used for your 30-Day Challenge… Enjoy!
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Being a Mom has been the greatest gift and blessing in my life. This role is at the core of who I am and part of my purpose at the end of the day… I am so proud of the Journey I have walked with our daughter since the moment she was a desire in our minds until this very moment. The pride and love I have for her is immeasurable. But even though this is my greatest pride and joy, it hasn’t come without its challenges. How being a Mom impacts you…
Let me count the ways… As I mapped out the content of this issue, more and more came to mind as to how women are impacted by being Moms really punctuating just how intrinsic this impact is… I have also had the pleasure and honor of hearing many Moms’ experiences, additionally highlighting how pervasive this is as well…
A little disclaimer before I continue
In no way shape or form, do I mean to marginalize the importance and impact of the Dad role through this presentation, which has all its own inherent nuances…
Neither do I claim that everything presented here is applicable in its entirety to parents of non-traditional gender identities and couples of non-traditional sexual orientation…
Additionally, even more traditional couples might not be so traditional in that the domestic responsibilities are shared fairly equally or are outsourced, and/or the traditional roles are reversed…
The best way to consume this content is not to get concerned with all the different definitions and contexts, but rather by which parental role/identity and situation you identify with the most…
Any time that the topic of gender comes up, things get a little tricky. I do my best to use cohesive conceptualization that makes sense no matter the context but will have the more traditional flavor in language and presentation for simplicity’s sake…
In a nutshell, this presentation is geared toward the parent that identifies as woman, female, mother, and motherer (most concepts apply to men/other in the Mom role as well)…
I have thought of presenting this content from different angles:
How being a Mom impacts our time, bandwidth and energy
How being a Mom impacts all areas of our life- home, lifestyle, finances/career, romantic relationship and sexuality, and so on
But I landed on how being a Mom impacts all of the above and more, it impacts us to the core… It impacts how we experience ourselves and our sense of Self, who we are as people…
Being a Mom impacts the essence of who we are… I honestly don’t think there is a greater role that we can ever take on that would be as meaningful and impactful… It is literally all consuming and all encompassing…
I find it fascinating when partners work on their relationship and the impact of this role comes up…
~ The women usually feel completely misunderstood, unsupported, unappreciated, and not valued. They believe their partner has no clue what they are going through and how expensive it is to be a Mom, notwithstanding the beauty and gift of the role and that they wouldn’t trade it for anything… By what their partner says and does, they know their partner just doesn’t get the depth of the impact- that it is of existential magnitude…
~ The partner usually believes that the Mom is creating more work for herself than she has to, and that she is not doing things right like prioritizing, setting boundaries, organizing, time managing, delegating, etc.
They don’t get how come she is so tired, stressed out, overwhelmed, worried, anxious, irritable. They don’t get how she won’t take time for herself and do self-care. They don’t get how come they can’t just forget about the kids for a bit (during sex, on a date, on a trip). They don’t get how intricately woven their wellbeing is to that of their kids….
I have found myself in many conversations with couples:
~ Helping Moms do their role as well and as thoroughly as they’d like while minimizing the expense of themselves…
~ And helping their partners see the impact the role has on the Moms, and therefore everything else in their lives…
The role is absorbing, women don’t just think of the children, they are with the children- they are a We. Mind you this We also usually includes the partner unless the partner is not on the same page. In which case, then mother bear comes out to play and the partner is out the cave (sorry partners!). This is a built-in safety measure to ensure the survival of the species… We haven’t advanced that much yet, so this is pretty much still a part of our makeup…
The Moms are a blob with the children. This is why they usually have a harder time parenting as the children are more defiant with the mothers to differentiate from this blob… The Mothers very identity and essence are tied up with the blob. If any element of the blob is not OK, they are not OK…
~ This is why Moms are consumed with all the caretaking (feeding with their bodies and foregoing their sleep among many other things), at some level they are also taking care of themselves… The children and the partner are experienced as an extension/continuation of themselves…
~ Their taking care of themselves will never look like that of their partner, who would usually be more individually/me focused… And, who experience the children and their partner as a collection of selves…
Why then if taking care of the We is also taking care of ourselves, is it still so expensive to be a Mom? Because as part of the blob our own essence gets diluted and not specifically honored and nurtured. The caretaking of the blob doesn’t directly translate to taking care of ourselves… We feel good doing it and feel it necessary to do, we wouldn’t do anything different.
And, even though at the end of the day we are looking to become one, transcend separateness and ego, we are still after all seeking a full Human Experience that continues to evolve our Self…
We still have our own replenishing, needs and evolution that we need to tend to….
Our personal care and development get lost in translation with our Mom role, unless we do the role intentionally… This is where the pride and joy, and the gift and the blessings come in…
Here is to honoring and celebrating all the Moms- past, present and future, may we care for ourselves as well as we care for our lovies…
Watch the video for learning about the impact of being a Mom… Enjoy!
APPLICATION: Decide that you want to be the Best Mom ever… Which means you don’t neglect or abandon yourself… The Best Mom is not one that does so at her own expense…
~ Claim a chunk of time during the week that is just for you- block it off on your calendar as a recurring event
~ Get support for during that time if you have young children that need tending… If something is getting in the way of this- address that immediately…
~ Make a list of all the things you’d like to do for Self-love– and chuck a few ideas into the first 3 chunks to inspire you and help you make that time as restorative as possible
~ Keep enriching your Self-love practice…
A Mom that gives her all, literally to her children and family, and is spent is not a great inspiration and source of joy to her family… Be the Best Mom and take care of yourself as well!
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Masterclasses
💐 If you missed our recent Masterclasses, you can still get them through our Member Center:
~ A Self-Love Strategy for Creating Your Best Life – Designing and implementing your personalized self-love practice
~ Relationship Enrichment Mini Retreat – Reprogramming and shifting for connecting more deeply and creating the relationship you desire
~ Feeling Stuck and Spring Cleaning is NOT Cutting it – Deconstructing and reconstructing yourself to unleash the radiance within
~ Create an Epic Love Affair with Your Partner – Addressing the struggle and upleveling your relationship to create your epic love affair
They include gorgeous workbooks of transformational processes
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Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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