As we already started diving into in last week’s issue, Fathering is a very important concept in our life. From “fathering” comes discipline, the self-discipline we need to really succeed at our life.
How disciplined are you? Do you have systems or a mechanism in place to achieve your goals? Do you have goals? Do you have a strategy, a plan? We tackled this thoroughly for the New Year… If we don’t know what we want and where we are going, how are we supposed to get it and get there?!
It is imperative that you have a Vision, and Strategy, for Living your life. This is your map, the instructions to your brain… With no directions/instructions we are nomads, we create our life by default. We don’t access our potential, we don’t achieve high performance, we don’t go the extra mile, we don’t push to win the race, we don’t put icing on our cake.
Since we are at the mid-year mark, this is a perfect time to review what we established at the beginning of the year, or to establish this now. Now is the time to see if your systems are supporting you. If your routines and habits are working for you. If you are staying the course.
To assess where you need to course correct, or where you need to tweak your plan to better support yourself in your Journey. And, if you are you new to this publication, or just haven’t gotten to this yet, the timing is perfect with half the year still to go.
When you take care of yourself and your life this way, you are creating security, safety, and stability. You are in essence Fathering yourself, meeting the basic foundational needs for success and creating an approach to Win at the Game of Life.
When you do your review, or start your Visioning and Strategizing, keep in mind to weave in Mothering components as well. We always need mothering and fathering (figures/energy) to fully evolve, thrive and create our best life. Put in a good measure of structure and systems (Self-Discipline) and through those implement a rich Self-Care Practice. This combo will rock your world!
Note, how intimately connected the two are. This is one of the reasons why most people struggle at Self-Care, they don’t have the Self-Discipline for it… And, people can’t sustain high performance, rigorous loads or ambitious agendas if they don’t properly fuel and take care of themselves… Isn’t this a beauty?
Balance is the key, work hard and care hard – and always with ease!
Just as we have reprogrammed around Mothering, compassion, self-love and self-care… We’ll reprogram around Fathering in the next issue to make sure you don’t get in your own way of success and building your Masterful Life.
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Sometimes we forget, or give up on, what we want to do… Sometimes we get side tracked or distracted and can’t seem to get traction… Sometimes we are afraid to follow are dreams… We believe we don’t have what it takes, and thus hold ourselves back. Can you remember a time in your life when any of these happened for you.
Part of the reason this happens is because we don’t have enough personal ownership and self-Discipline. Because I knew I was getting ready to be ready (LOL) for this big project, I chose the Focus Term™ Discipline for myself when I was doing my year-end Strategizing… Eh?
This has been my mantra since the beginning of the year when it comes to the areas I’m addressing this year and the goals I’m working towards. I’m already a pretty disciplined person, but I’d like to improve this further. I knew getting to the place to be able to fit in this big project would require Discipline, and it will require tons more once it gets on its way. Whee!
What is the value of Discipline? Discipline is one of the most important attributes of successful people. If you do a-day-in-the-life of anyone who we consider super successful you will find loads of discipline in their lifestyle and approach to life.
Discipline means to train, teach… Discipline has to do with being the trainer, master, of your mind, your emotions, your body, your environment, your life. Discipline shows up in the habits and routines you create for yourself. In the systems and structures you put in place to support you in achieving your goals when pursuing your dreams.
Discipline comes from our Father figure growing up… Just like Nurturing comes from our Mother figure growing up… [Not a sexist, nor discrete concept, but an observation on male/female energy influence and impact on our psyche…]
The structure and discipline imparted by the male-energy figure in our early life provided stability, security, and safety. When they were absent, unhealthy or a less-than-perfect parental figure they were not able to provide this to the extent that we needed it. Which left us fending for ourselves and creating defense mechanisms to feel safe… See what this means?
This means that if we don’t intentionally Train ourselves to create the life we want, that we will create our life by default. Riddled with unfinished business, dissatisfying repeating patterns, defenses, unhealthy habits, and self-sabotage!
Without Discipline our energy is scattered and unfocused, not targeted. This is not how we create the life we want. This is not living to our full potential. This is not how we were meant to have our Human Experience. We were meant to come Win at the Game of Life on earth.
So, what say you? Ready for adding some more Discipline into your life??
Assignment: Choose a life area where you’d like to make a significant improvement or change in your life. Where being more Disciplined can pay huge dividends. You might want to tie this to your Summer Project or Theme, or to your yearly goals (more on this on the next issue!).
You might want to do a power-combo with your own Focus Term™, such as with accountability, boundaries, ownership, transparent, present, compassionate, grateful, partnership, intimacy, romance, and such…
As you continue your reprogramming, reparenting yourself, by giving yourself what you didn’t get growing up, you are healing and evolving. Embrace it and be witness to your Transformation…
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Life can be as hectic as can be this time of year with End-of-School and Summer Planning. These stressors create great strain for couples as they juggle the multitude of demands and additional expenses in their homes. There are a few times of year when things get really hairy, and this is one of them (the other main ones are Back-to-School and the Holidays, right?).
This time is challenging as there are a lot more tasks to tackle, decisions to be made, and places to be. It can be difficult to stay on top of everything and know how to share the load. Overwhelm, exhaustion and resentment can creep in if Partners struggle collaborating and supporting each other.
Partners can struggle managing the load jointly for a multitude of reasons. These can be understood in the context of key Elements in a relationship. The estate of the Elements in the relationship determine if they support creating a Successful Relationship or if they undermine one.
When the partners are overwhelmed, exhausted, feeling resentful and not consistently running a harmonious and joyful home, these are signs that the Elements are not strong enough yet… They might actually be showing up like this:
Different Perspectives (Element1 – Context & Mindset) – The partners are feeling pulled in a million directions, have narrow bandwidth, have stressful situations and full plates with work and/or other commitments, they have flimsy boundaries and are not fully owning their experience.
They are falling prey to their everyday lot and feel stuck on how to shift gears and gain control. They feel powerless, victimized, taken advantage of, burdened, and unsupported.
When partners try to address this, it only creates more conflict. They feel misunderstood, unappreciated, and alone. They are each stuck in their own perspective and are unable to get the other’s side or make changes. Partners spin trying to get a handle on roles, responsibilities, priorities, support and the like…
Poor Communication (Element2 – Communication & Alignment) – It is challenging to maintain great communications skills all the time. We might be distracted, under stress or triggered and not have a full handle on an interaction.
Partners might not even have great communications skills to begin with making their relating and exchanges even more susceptible to going wrong. A partner that is talkative, shares everything, and is insistent that an issue gets addressed immediately is not a great communicator either…
These partners are always arrogant that they communicate well vs their partner who doesn’t show up… Too much or too little are just opposite sides of the same coin! Both styles have a tremendous negative impact on the other… And, great communication skills go way beyond the amount of talking.
Power Struggling (Element3 – Clarity & Dynamic) – As if life is not interesting and complex enough, a lot of what happens in our Journey and in our Relationship is actually subconscious and unconscious… We are reactive, collude and co-create the repeating patterns in our life that don’t serve us.
Our Subconscious runs the show with scripts, narratives, and belief systems – these can be directly accessed and reprogrammed if desired. Our Unconscious makes up our psychological, physiological and energetic make up – this is deeper programming that cannot be as easily accessed but can still be reprogrammed…
We have a hardwired built-in mechanism in our brain for keeping the homeostasis for the sake of survival… this makes it challenging to make changes… So, we do the same old and keep the repeating patterns going to the dismay, disappointment and frustration of the partners. When their operating is not properly addressed the partners keep getting on each other’s nerves, triggering each other and going around in circles.
Feeling Disconnected (Element4 – Connection & Intimacy) – Well, not for nothing. When the above is going on how can partners possibly figure out how to connect and sustain their connection?
Granted not every single moment is a struggle so partners do get to connect to some extent, and they make these crumbs sustain them… But, by Gosh, this is a very challenging and lacking experience to say the least. Not only is there lots to do and conflict, but also very little to reenergize and feed the relationship.
To make matters worse, partners put the relationship at the bottom of their priority list when going about their life, especially if children are involved… UGH!!! It almost seems like a futile concept to desire a Successful Relationship. Attention, care, TLC, fun, affection, physical intimacy, passion can all seem so elusive… Feeling close, loved and cherished can seem like a pipe-dream.
Systems Failure (Element5 – Collaboration & Partnership) – And, then is the issue of being disorganized and not knowing how to partner-up in life to boot! Are you wondering why even bother yet? LOL Most people don’t have great habits, routines, structures and systems in place to thrive at their life.
They might have some, but they don’t fully address the whole context of their life, and never mind that of integrating two lives together and adding little people to the mix!
Their life is overly scheduled, flooded, and chaotic. There is no room for maneuvering or a mechanism for regrouping, course correcting, recharging and the like. I hear of multiple trips to the supermarket in a week… Of wasting hours moving cars in the evening (for alternate side of the street parking – a NYC phenomenon)… Of being swallowed up by laundry, or some aspect of doing laundry being a contentious issue…
Of nannies and sitters making matters worse… Of issues with meals, night routines, and sleeping… Of people constantly getting sick… Of children’s behavior or performance problems… Of stagnant careers or businesses… Of financial difficulties… Etc… Partners don’t leverage each other and tap into the synergy inherent to the relationship…
Successful people in a Successful Relationship, are VERY intentional about all this. They address their Mindset. They are life-long students and learn skills necessary to create a better life. They get support and mentors to help them heal, grow and evolve.
They Design their life prioritizing what’s important. They automate the junk and properly outsource. They learn how to create and operate a strong Partnership. You CAN do all this too!! Though it might seem impossible, it is not!!
The trick is to take a step back and go about your approach from a different angle. Stop white-knuckling it…
Assignment: Have a heart-to-heart with your Self and then with your Partner about how to go about your situation differently. Make sure you are calm and collected for both heart-to-hearts. Get grounded, calm your mind and reactivity. Dig within yourself, get in touch with your intuition, for an informed perspective…
After the chat with your Partner, take immediate action on a decision made. If you were unable to come to an agreement on how to proceed. Take action on something that makes sense for your own Wellbeing (never to your partner’s detriment though)…
Be Mindful. Be Decisive. Be Intentional. Be Proactive. Be Progressive. You can do it! Go rock it!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Life is full of little wonderful surprises if we allow ourselves to see them and let them in… When was the last time you were delighted by the unexpected? Are you being flexible with your approach to life, work, schedule, perspectives? Are you letting your energy flow freely? Do you allow your life approach to energize you, sustain you, elevate you? This is how the magic happens…
Embracing the new season, we know that Spring is all about what I call:
The FiveRs – Recharging, Restoring, Renewing, Reinvigorating and Rejuvenating.
After the push of the new year, the grind and the stagnation of winter, it’s time to shake things up to refresh and reenergize ourselves and our world.
How do you keep yourself fresh and going? How do you generate your personal energy? How do you stay motivated and inspired? How do you stay productive, efficient, effective? How do you make a difference? I find these concepts so fascinating as some people rock and others totally struggle with these and their lives.
I’m forever researching, exploring and playing with these to continue to evolve myself and do my own humanness better, but also to bring more awesomeness to you. I integrate my learnings in different ways for easier consumption, assimilation and results. Hence the 5Rs’ flavor in this writing.
The 5Rs help us keep things moving in our desired direction with ease and gusto. They can be applied as we wish to whatever we wish, but here is to getting you started:
Recharge – Tweak your routine to refuel yourself. It is common for our routines to get stale or played out, or for us quit a good one soon into the new year. Spring is a wonderful time to reset ourselves with a touched-up routine that captures our current needs and the new season. This is a great time to start transitioning to warmer weather activities to reawaken us from the slumber or hibernation of winter.
Restore – Address a thorn in your back to restore flow. There are always things in our lives that are annoying, bug us, deplete us or obstruct our way. Our job is to be on an ongoing lookout to prevent allowing these things from embedding themselves and wreaking havoc, and to proactively remove any old ones in our midst. Find your current thorn and pull that sucker out!
Renew – Recommit to a good habit or investment. By definition a habit is something ingrained and not easy to get rid of. Unfortunately, we do get side tracked from good habits regardless. Renew your commitment to a good habit you desire in your life that you know supports your Journey.
Reinvigorate – Refocus on a priority. Gosh, life gets so hectic and we take on more than we should in our attempt to live the Successful life we want… Take this opportunity to refocus on your values and your priorities. Keep in mind your desire to feel Peace, Joy and Love… Put your focus on One Thing at a time to Thrive…
Rejuvenate – Think longevity, add a new health/wellness habit. This never gets old for me! I believe I shared with you that one of my life goals is to live to 120… This means I better live a VERY healthy life. LOL I’m working on it. My self-care and wellness routine and the habits within are so amazing.
I’m in love with all the different aspects, tools, products, etc. By no means do I do my extraordinary routine to perfection. But, doing the most and best I can with it makes a huge difference in and of itself. I implore you to take this tactic seriously. It’s literally “life saving”…
I find the human condition so very interesting, with our given uniqueness, set of circumstances and what we do with them… I’m sure every single person reading this resonated with something different, took something different and will apply whatever grabbed them differently…
Our experience being the writer/creator and the reader/consumer is so varied and rich. As we are with each other in shared mediums, we are cocreating our reality… As you take what serves you from this writing and apply it to enhance and enrich your life, you are adding to our collective experience. You doing you better actually serve me as well! Heh?
This is the beauty of our experience, reality and coexistence. We are all in it together. So, let’s make it a real good one! Let’s Energize our Journey…
Share your experience by leaving a comment below! I’d love to learn which R you’ll be playing with.
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
It makes sense that New Year’s Resolutions have such a bad rep. They don’t get to really take hold as they are initiated during this challenging time and not integrated as new habits in good routines. I’m sure that if you started the New Year with Intention and a plan for creating the new habits that you are faring much better than your counterparts!
If you didn’t select ways to improve yourself, your relationship and your life, it’s not too late to select the new habits you want to develop. And again, to make sure you succeed at them, Design a daily routine from which they are to take place. The key to personal growth and development, and therefore Success, is to live our life intentionally. To Design it as we want it to be. To fully own it. To be its Masterful Creator.
There is so much rah, rah, rah going around about the New Year and new beginnings, and experts are already predicting the doom of the new initiatives (because statistics show the new attempts fail almost immediately!). I don’t want you to be a statistic, I want you to rock this year!
To rock this year, the sooner you get a handle on making the changes you want, the earlier you’ll start getting traction and results, and thus enjoy more compounded benefits. This means being gentle and nurturing yourself so you can make the changes you desire…
When we beat on ourselves, put pressure, take on too much, and freak ourselves out, we get the opposite of what we intended. Instead of feeling motivated, inspired and energized, we end up frazzled, overwhelmed, paralyzed, and blue.
So, let’s be proactive about staying in the game past the kickoff. Let’s commit to not abandoning our wishes for the year, before the year even gets on its way… Remember the 3rd Monday of January is Blue Monday. If you are not feeling so hot you are not alone! But, let’s not give up before we even start.
Let’s not marinate in the funk. Otherwise, the experience goes – blue-slow January, flyby February, sick-of-hibernation March, can’t-wait-for-spring April. And, before you know it, you lost the first quarter of the year. Yuck. This is not a life lived by Design.
The way to bypass all this is to be intentional, committed, resourced and easy about it. Slow and steady wins the race. Those who jumped in with two feet and lots of rah, rahs won’t last… If they didn’t bother to plan, they won’t get far… It’s you and I, who bothered to do the leg work, are working it, and are being gentle, compassionate, and self-caring, who win… It’s not too late, you can still join the ranks if you haven’t yet. It’s never too late to start living intentionally.
You are going about this the right way, if you are embracing the new, integrating with ease, adjusting to the flow, and enjoying as you go.
Make time for processes like this and working on yourself, your relationship and your life. That’s the only way to succeed at these. Success doesn’t just happen…
Stay tuned for processes for nurturing your relationship as we enter the Romance & Love Season…
You can start getting inspired with the Love Launch™.
Remember to complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
Share your experience by leaving a comment below!
Happy Succeeding!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Recommit to gently and lovingly making changes.
Recommit to staying the course.
Recommit to having your best year yet!
Commit to enjoying the Journey!
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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