I say stay open-minded to the beauty of this month. I know most people don’t appreciate March for its length, lack of holidays, and as it makes winter linger around these parts. But what if we were to take full advantage of everything this month has to offer?
For starters, for me it feels like I have more time! I just feel more abundance- warmer weather, more sunlight, more sunshine, more weeks, more weekends, more newness… To experience the newness, we also have to let go of the old… Detox to surrender the old and allow the new…
When we think of detoxing, we usually think of eating clean and giving up other substances to clean up our bodies. We might take it a step further and detox or give up some other things like: cursing, binging on Netflix, screen time, and social media. If this is you, high five!
I’d like to offer expanding your detox practice. Aside from detoxing and giving up the usual during this season, how about embracing a Refreshing Springtime Ritual that really gets rid of the old, and creates space for the new and new beginnings… This includes Decluttering as well, as we covered last week…
What does Detoxing beyond the usual look like? It means detoxing from the things we ingest, partake in, and habits in all areas of our life that don’t support our Best Self, Best Relationship and Best Life… It includes us stopping behaviors that don’t support us personally and our relationship…
Detoxing what doesn’t serve us personally, catapults us into shifting and generating newness in all areas of our life… But let’s take this a step further and let’s directly detox how we show up to our relationship if this is where we are looking to create change…
Detox Your Relationship
Unless we are mindful and stay intentional about how we show up to our relationship day-in-and-day-out, we tend to get a build-up of dullness, bad manners, cringy behaviors and might even revert to old habits.
In a past blog post, I had pointed out things that could be detoxed in our relationship to create space for new interactions and for creating the relationship we desire:
1 ~ Bad Habits – Poor hygiene or self-care, cutting the other off when speaking or finishing their sentences, endlessly speaking about oneself and showing no interest in the other’s world, allowing distractions during meals or talks, taking other people’s sides in stories, running late, not keeping promises, not making timely plans and keeping them.
Not cleaning up after oneself, not showing common courtesies (a call when running late, offering food when getting oneself something, saying thank you, not making noise when the other is sleeping, not leaving dishes in the sink, not leaving hair in the shower or wet towels on the bed, etc.)
2 ~ Chaos – Not having a consistent place for things and putting things away, not having a consistent agreed upon routine, calling insistently and leaving disgruntled messages, reacting to petty things and blowing things out of proportion, not finishing tasks or conversations, juggling a lot of things simultaneously and operating with constant stress.
Not saying no and allowing multiple demands to tug at you, not setting clear expectations and limits, not having support, now working as a team, undermining each other, operating from own agendas
3 ~ Enmeshment – Doing everything together, not having own interests or personal time, telling each other how to be, behave, think, feel and having a running commentary in one’s mind about this, not allowing for individuality and uniqueness.
Putting own needs aside consistently for the other, not identifying own needs and being overly caring of the other, worrying about what the other is or is not doing, not having own voice, pushing for “We” at expense of “I”
4 ~ Disconnect – Having a limited repertoire of joint activities, not eating meals together, going to bed at different times, having only personal pursuits, having too much alone or with own group time.
Not sharing inner world (feelings, thoughts, wishes, dreams, concerns), not sharing one’s activities / world, having more separate plans than joint, not having joint goals, not sharing a calendar, paying bills separately
5 ~ Neglect – Lack of TLC, having a limited repertoire of intimate moves or approach to intimacy, having “sex” less than one time per week, not showing appreciation or acknowledgment, not checking in throughout the day, not greeting each other hello or goodbye and having that include touching.
Not sharing affection, not being on each other’s priority list, not being thoughtful with little things (getting partner a drink when getting oneself one, using all the hot water, doing only one’s laundry, not picking up the cleaners, not putting in gas in the car, eating the last of a favorite dish or dessert, etc.)
6 ~ Toxic Interactions – Disrespect with yelling, cursing, interrupting, or digging at the other, not supporting activities, wishes, or the other’s uniqueness and needs, undermining by not keeping agreements, setting up interactions not conducive to the task at hand, controlling by “owning” the other, manipulation to get own way or not allow the other to get theirs, passive-aggressiveness in not showing up and being accountable.
Criticism, banter and jokes at the other’s expense, constant complaining and whining, gossiping about others and leaking energy out of the relationship, lies, cover ups and secrets, resentment, anger and lack of resolution to concerns, not allowing each other to express feelings, not allowing each other to be their own person, being self-absorbed
Aren’t these powerful? We can certainly have a build-up of toxicity in our relationship if we are not mindful about how we show up on an ongoing basis. But additionally, it doesn’t hurt to take stock every so often and make sure we reset and catch anything that slip through…
Springtime is a perfect time for this assessment and to take a concerted approach about clearing all the gunk that has build-up.
Watch the video for on these relationship detoxing areas… Enjoy!
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Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
Happy new month. A new month brings a new beginning. This one is super special as it also brings Spring in these parts. A new season and the season of new beginnings to boot. Just lovely. I hope you are feeling the Spring and freshness in the air, and not just because of the season change, but as change is looming… We want to be ready for the change so we can ride the new wave… Declutter to create space for newness in your life and your relationship.
I know that for myself, when there is too much stuff around me or in my life that I don’t feel well. This might include things like piles of paper. How does that keep happening? I’m still working on cracking the code on not creating more piles, and fully converting to a paperless personal system. We are already paperless in the practice, but the personal just needs some more TLC… LOL
This might include a wake of supplies used for projects, or new purchases and gifts that still need a home. Or, new work processes that still need to be streamlined, too many projects, or a packed calendar.
I know I feel amazing where there is more flow in my life- more spaciousness in my days, in my routines, and in my workflow. This allows me to better tap into my creativity, to be more present, more patient and more pleasant and compassionate. Including to myself!
Does this resonate for you? That your life might be so packed, even with awesomeness, that then it is challenging to take a moment to smell the roses, to enjoy the creation. And most of the time, our lives are not even packed with awesomeness, they are packed with so much noise…
What does this mean? This means we must wade through the immediate clutter, to create space to tackle the rest of the clutter… It’s like taking everything off a table so you can then use the table to sort and organize your stuff.
To what end? Why is this important? Having spaciousness in our lives allows us to Be in our lives… When our lives are too packed, then we are just doing and not fully living…
Spaciousness and Decluttering
When there is spaciousness in our lives, we can more easily take the observer role, assess, get inspiration, course correct, manifest, transcend, witness the magic, enjoy and savor…
Spaciousness allows us to engage and play with different part of ourselves, to show up differently, to better nurture ourselves and others, to experiment with new experiences, to create what we desire…
Creating space in our life allows us to welcome newness in our life…
I love making space. I do this again and again as I’m constantly adding new things in my life, and I want to ensure I maintain the sense of spaciousness. We don’t want to just keep adding stuff. We want the additions to create Newness…
This means having an ongoing practice of assessing what needs to go. This also means embracing cleansing rituals at specific junctures during the year to support transitions and new chapters… Typically these are during the New Year, Springtime, and Back-to-School/Work…
So, let’s do some decluttering!
Decluttering can obviously be done a multitude of ways, to whatever degree we like, and on whatever catches our fancy.
I go through different phases where my decluttering means I might go all out and deconstruct everything… To where I just clear recent build ups and annoyances.
In a prior issue on decluttering I shared, that I have a Refreshing Springtime Ritual for clearing the old and creating space for the new…
Springtime is a time when I refresh how I do and show up to my life and relationship/s, and I make sure I’m on track with my yearly plan:
• I use this time to clean out junk, excess, accumulation, old things, expired things, no longer wanted things, and such.
• I use this time to clean out, tweak, streamline, retarget, refresh routines, habits, rituals, practices, approaches, and such.
• I use this time to clean out commitments, activities, goals, projects, tasks and such that are no longer in alignment with my values, current vision, and desires.
• I use this time to clean out my mind of any running scripts or limiting believes that might be currently creating havoc, sabotaging, or undermining my endeavors and wishes.
• I use this time to clean out any funky approach, defense mechanisms, or less-than desirable personal characteristics when relating with others especially my most loved ones.
This decluttering, cleaning, clearing, gets rid of anything stale or no longer fitting, and allows for the new to emerge… It’s a wonderful refreshing activity that makes a great addition to our Best Life tactics repertoire.
Watch the video for details on these important decluttering areas… Enjoy!
APPLICATION: Select a decluttering area that resonates the most for you to focus on decluttering in the coming weeks. You can continue onto the others as you need.
Set time aside to:
~ Review what you’d like to accomplish with this project
~ Break the project down into smaller focus areas/tasks
~ List your smaller areas/tasks by priority in the order that they’d give you the most respite with the least amount of effort…
~ Schedule your top three items into your calendar- Give each enough time so you can complete them. If it seems that they might not get completed in the amount you allotted, then the task either needs to be split into different time segments or is too large and needs to be broken down further.
Be realistic on how you plan and schedule this as it’ll set the tone for how you make progress…
Enjoy the clearing and witness the new emerge…
When we clear and create spaciousness, we can be more in tune with our intuition, gifts, creativity, compassion, and all the other yumminess that might otherwise elude us when we are on the go. We can feel the rhythms, experience the flow, and ride the new wave…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Masterclasses
🌷 If you missed this month’s Masterclass, or any previous ones, you can still get them through our Member Center:
~ Creating a Self-Love Practice – Designing and implementing your personalized practice
~ Relationship Enrichment Mini Retreat – Reprogramming and shifting for connecting more deeply
They include gorgeous workbooks of transformational processes
🌷 Not a member? No worries, join us with a Lifestyle Membership. This Membership includes access to our private community, full access to our Member Center and previous content, and access to upcoming Masterclasses at no additional cost, all for only $29 per month.
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
Happy New Year! The promise of new beginnings is just beyond alluring, is it not? Whether you are rocking it or are struggling, a new ride is just fun! We’ve had a heck of a 2020, and though there is light at the end of the tunnel 2021 is off to a slow start. I say we go with the flow, with tenderness and compassion. I say we glide into the new year with ease.
Tenderness, compassion and ease does not mean taking it easy, being lazy or dragging butt! It just means doing it right and with finesse…
Last month we covered a whole process to help you wrap up the year and get set up to start the new one right. We:
Now we get ready to ride the new ride well… We make sure we are resourced to do what it takes, to stay the course and to enjoy the way.
Now is the time to embrace a joy, connection and abundance mindset… To shift our focus from doing to Being… You can wrestle the thing to the ground and still make nothing happen, or not get the ultimate results you are looking for, if you approach it solely by doing… The key is to infuse it with your Being…
When you integrate doing and being in your life is when the Magic happens…
So, this is the focus of today’s message, how to live your life integrating doing and being to create a beautiful symphony…
The way I like to approach this is to first create the container for the experience, the music hall for the orchestra. Every instrument has its place and time to make its appearance in the masterpiece being played, so does everything in your life.
This is why I often write about Designing our Ideal Day, the music hall, and about embracing an Enrichment Lifestyle, the orchestra, and tending to it with Intentional Habits™, the instruments, so we can easily and masterfully create our Best Life, Transcendental music…
Using Habits to manage our doing and being is a brilliant way of staying focused on the right ladder against the right wall in all areas of our life while infusing it with our Presence… This is the easiest way to get all the right instruments in the right places so they can create their music…
Let’s say that you are focusing on upleveling your wellness (joy), connection (love) and success/creation/impact (abundance), as these are typically the areas people focus on improving… And, that you have goals for these for the year. And, that you are scratching your head as to how to achieve the goals. You might know what you need to do but are worried that you won’t stick with it to get the results desired.
This is where the Habits come in. They keep you focused and going without white-knuckling or depending solely on limited willpower. They help you effortlessly imbue your day with what is important to you, stay focused, and stay the course.
Therefore, adding wellness, connection and success habits to your intentional ideal day that include Being mindful and present is the simplest and surest way to create Magic…
WELLNESS – this includes all kinds of tactics for increasing wellbeing, health, vitality, and longevity. This area is where I usually house the Self-Care Practice, which I strongly encourage includes a Mindfulness Practice…
I place a strong emphasis on this area because it is extremely difficult to be able to connect with others and be successful if we are not connected to ourselves first… and functioning optimally…
When we don’t abandon ourselves, we don’t worry about others not being there for us.
And, we bring cleaner energy and resourcefulness to our interactions… This is what helps us show up well for our loved ones, and enables us to create our meaningful and impactful life…
So, when you say you don’t have time for self-care, I say you don’t have time to not have time for self-care!
Intermittent fasting, early dinners, Sleep Healthy Brain Aid (2 tbl MCT Oil and 2 tbl of collagen powder 2 hours before bedtime), daily floss and mouth wash, brain exercises
Screenless time, social media detox, reduce blue light
Early to bed
Gratitude List, Gratitude Journal
CONNECTION – this is about connecting with our higher power, with our self, with our loved ones, with our community and with the world at large… The relationships we create are the strongest indicator of resilience, vitality and longevity… Our connection to other people and our relationships are what give our life meaning…
Connection gives us safety, security, and belonging primal drivers in our Human Experience. Connection is what makes relationships special, what gives us joy, what makes our heart sing. In connection we know we exist…
In connection we know we are having a Human Experience…
When partners complain about feeling disconnected from their partner they are not just whining, they are sharing they are in pain. They are in existential pain… Specially as they are also disconnected from themselves… Which we know they are because they feel disconnected from their partner…
You see when we complain we are feeling disconnected from our partner, we are actually complaining we are disconnected from ourselves…
We can’t fully connect with our partner if we are disconnected from ourselves…
So, for those of us who are super achievers in an effort to be known and to meet the need of knowing we exist… we are shooting ourselves on the foot with all the doing… All the doing is holding ourselves back from being in relationship with ourselves and others… All the doing is holding ourselves back from Being itself…
This is why a Self-care Practice is paramount in personal development and relationship enrichment work… This allows us to Be, to be with ourselves, and to know we exist… Then we can have a relationship with our partner and enhance the level of intimacy in our relationship…
When people set goals for the year, they usually neglect setting goals for their relationship… When people design their Best Life, they usually don’t flesh out how they want to Be in their relationship… When people think about their Lifestyle, they don’t necessarily think of a creating a Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle™…
A relationship enrichment lifestyle means we keep our connection and our partner forefront in our mind. The easiest way to do that without being consumed with our relationship at the expense of what we are trying to live is to create Connection Habits™…
Some suggestions for your Connection Habits:
Meditation
Morning Coffee
Midday Check-in
Midday Connection Outreaches
Random Check-ins
Late Afternoon Sync
Anytime Connection Outreaches
Evening Reentry Ritual
Dinner
Weekly Special Dinner
Woo Wednesday
Family Night
Couple Time
Evening Ritual
Bedtime Ritual
Sexy Time
Friday Friends Night
Volunteer/Impact Projects Time
Saturday Date Night
Special Date Night
Sunday Ritual
SUCCESS – is whatever makes us feel we achieved what we are Meant to achieve, what we Desire, what our Purpose is, what we want our Human Experience to be… Success is not about having a gazillion dollars… Though being wealthy and financial freedom can very well be part of our definition, in and of itself is empty and not rewarding…
Financial success is more meaningful and rewarding when achieved through providing value…
Success as it is usually measured and at the expense of health and relationships is not success in my book. The degrees, awards, companies, assets, material things and the like don’t necessarily make for a richer Human Experience… They might, depending on how they are achieved and utilized…
Pursuing this success for its own sake defeats the purpose of Life… So, when you are told you have to sacrifice, that something needs to give and such to be successful, I say be weary. Don’t let that limiting mindset pollute your mind and hold you back from your fullest potential…
The key here is to go big on the experience you want to have… To identify and own your Personal Prime Directive™ (PPD), to own your brilliance, to own all of you and to put it to work as wisely as possible… It’s not about doing more… It’s about doing it better…
Doing it better means we use our PPD as a filter for commitments, projects, activities, tasks and all the rest of it. It means we are selective and focused on the target of our attention. And, it means we are resolute in our approach…
Some suggestions for your Success Habits:
Embrace Graceful TimeMapping™
Plan your week flow on Sunday
Share any important scheduling with your partner on Sunday
Join the 5 AM Club (this means you go to sleep earlier also!)
Have an empowering Morning Routine
Review your goals
Use the first hour on Monday to plan out your work for the week
Schedule your work into your TimeMap (batch work, chunk work)
Build in margin and transition times into your routine
Build in bio and recharge breaks into your routine
Protect your focus work time from distractions
Assign time to read email and return calls
Assign minimal time to check the news and social media
Attend 1-3 networking events per week
Have 2 coffees or networking conversations per week
Connect with 3 center of influence contacts per day, nurture your connections
Use templates, check lists and/or automate repeatable tasks
Subscribe to Smart Delegation
Delegate or outsource items outside your brilliance
Have outstanding follow through, keep your word
Wrap-up the workday and the week, do daily and weekly reviews
Use a MasterMind, a coach, and other support
Always be learning and growing
Learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable, develop courage
Now the three habits list can be a bit overwhelming at first glance if you are new to building habits and taking charge of your life…
Don’t worry, Rome wasn’t built in a day… You don’t have to do all of them or too many to start getting results in your life, and certainly you don’t have to start too many at once. The key is to start somewhere and keep going. You’ll be making incredible leaps in upleveling your life in no time!
ASSIGNMENT: Select one tactic from each list to add to your repertoire…
1. With each tactic create a corresponding Wellness, Connection and Success Habit. Each habit is to be a concrete quantifiable repeatable behavior at the frequency of your choice that gets plopped into your Daily Routine.
2. Calendar your Habits – build then into your schedule… Adjust your schedule as necessary…
3. For each habit make sure you prep before you are to start them – have all the information, instructions, supplies, gadgetry, tools, resources, etc. to make sure the behavior can be carried out at its allotted time…
Getting good at creating habits makes a world of difference when it comes to upleveling your life… This ensures you implement and carryout consistently and effortlessly anything your heart desires. Before you know it you are Living your Best Life!
Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
Wow, we made it. The end of 2020… And, what a year it has been. Are you excited to close what some are calling the “lost year”? I actually refuse to look at it this way and choose instead to look at it as a Transition Year into our Best Self, Best Relationship and Best Life… To that end, we’ve been closing and letting go of 2020, and getting ready to properly set up 2021. Today we’ll do the last step in this process: End-of-year vision, strategy and intention…
It behooves us to shift our energy from the trauma, lack and frustration to one of joy, connection and abundance… For how we show up to our daily life is what we end up creating…
Today, we’ll choose what we actually want to focus on and create in 2021… Woot!
We’ll create a vision, a strategy and an intention
~ The purpose of having a vision, a strategy and an intention is so that we don’t spin our wheels, run around like a chicken with its head cut off, or lean the ladder against the wrong wall…
~ The purpose of doing this exercise before the New Year is to set the tone for how to start the new year right and prevent the post holidays blahs and the winter blues…
~ The purpose of doing this is to take ownership of our own life and create what we desire vs banging around and hoping to hit it big.
By living a life by default you’ll never create what you desire and live the life you are meant to Live… Living an Intentional Life is the way to go…
I love creating the Vision… This is where the sky is the limit. Where we get to let loose. Where we dream our Big Hairy Audacious Goal (our BHAG!). Where we get in touch with our Purpose and create our Mission… Where we activate our Personal Prime Directive™ (PPD), and create purpose for our everyday life. Where we get the inspiration, the juice, the drive, the motivation… This is where we generate energy from within and we can be the energizer bunny…
I love creating the Strategy… Don’t let the terms Aligned Vision and Life Strategic Plan scare you. Processes need a descriptive name, right? I outlined these to their simplest form in their corresponding blog posts linked above to make it really easy for you to do.
These are so simple, inspiring and motivational you’ll really miss out and shoot yourself on the foot if you don’t play with them… They are simple and easy to complete yet super powerful, a must have for every end-of-year and new year…
I love creating the Intention… I have noticed that people defy and forego setting goals and new year’s resolutions for setting intentions… I love myself setting intentions and using Focus Terms any day (and, we all know new year’s resolutions don’t work). But not at the exclusion of having a blueprint, a strategy, a plan to Focus on and serve as our guiding North Star…
It has been well documented that people that set goals are more likely to achieve them and create what they set out to create than those that don’t. Why not allow yourself your best chance of creating the relationship and life you want? Because we are setting Intentions you are not off the hook from Visioning and Strategizing!
Now is the time to play at setting up next year for a smooth transition into the New Year, preventing the winter blues, and effortlessly staying on track on achieving your goals while enjoying your life…
ASSIGNMENT: It’s Play Time!
Play at discovering your Personal Prime Directive
Play at creating your Vision
Play at establishing your Strategy
Play at selecting your Intention
Play at committing to create your best relationship and best life!
When you play with these ahead of the New Year and set yourself up with Direction, you’ll prevent starting the new year with angst, fear, uncertainty, ambivalence, lack of motivation, and such.
You’ll know exactly what to do. You’ll look forward to each day. You’ll stay the course. You’ll create your Best Self, Best Relationship and Best Life!
I hope you enjoyed this 3 Step End-of-YearProcess version of our Holiday & Year-End Process™ (HYP).
However you choose to do your end-of-year, I hope it’s intentional so you are set up to start the next year right! This is your ticket to your amazing 2021!
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
Yes, 2020 has been challenging. Yes, 2021 seems to want to start on a rough foot also… But we don’t have to let it! It is our job to create our best life regardless of what is happening out there, to the best of our ability… Today’s topic is the second step in putting a bow on it and launching into the New Year with pizzaz. I’ll cover how to do closure, clearance and celebration for paving the path for the new year.
In the last issue I covered decluttering and minimalism to lay the groundwork for setting up the new year right… That allowed us to create wiggle way for maneuvering and Being… It created space for new flow, new energy, new creations…
Before we fill up our new wonderful space again with any kind of stuff, it behooves us to align with our desires and purpose so we lean the ladder against the right wall… And, we have to be on the right frame of mind to do that… Today’s topic is about getting on the right frame of mind…
We have to: ~ Close and wrap unfinished business. ~ Clear and let go of what’s already passed. ~ Celebrate and acknowledge our efforts, accomplishments and awesomeness.
When we ready ourselves and take the time to pave the right path is when we have an easier Journey…
Our Journey has in it exactly what it’s supposed to have – the gifts, the loved ones, the connections, the resources, the challenges and all the rest of it. It is all for us… We signed up for this human experience to have a full Human Experience… So, let’s do that. Let’s make sure we don’t miss what’s under our noses and don’t live our life by default just banging around…
When we intentionally show up to our life is when we are able to create our successful and radiant relationship with our Partner and our meaningful and all-around abundant life…
End-of-year Step2 helps us get in the right frame of mind, in our right mind…, to set and pursue the right intentions for the life we want and create an amazing relationship with our partner…
We have to close and wrap unfinished business – This can refer to different things for each of us depending on what is happening in our lives. It can range from finally choosing a wedding date, to putting our house on the market, to getting a full medical check-up, to closing the deal, to wrapping up projects, to addressing childhood wounds or resentments…
It’s important to identify for yourself what is taking up the most space, time, energy, and other resources and making a commitment to finally addressing this. Get the monkey off your back!
The best way to do that is to pay attention to what’s the first thing that came up for you as you read the above… Or, to get quiet and ask yourself what needs closure… Pay attention to what comes up for you. Don’t question it, whatever comes up needs to get addressed if you are to make headways in creating the relationship and life you want…
Make a Wrap-Up Plan to address this – completing the project, having the tough conversation, setting more effective boundaries, taking a specific action, and so forth. Crank it baby!
We have to clear and let go of what’s already passed or is keeping us stuck – This is challenging as a lot of feelings are tied up with this one… And, the things to let go can take on any flavor as well. T
hey can range from feeling angry for how we were raised, feeling let down for not getting engaged yet, feeling disappointed or frustrated at not getting pregnant, feeling jealous about the attention someone else is getting, feeling envious of somebody else’s successes, feeling resentment for being passed on for a promotion or not getting a contract, feeling devastated or grief over a loss, and so on…
All this angst is heavy. It is imperative that we clear the air and let go to allow for lightness, flow and ease…
The best way to do this is to select the thing that keeps running in your mind and torturing you. If you have a running script riddled with negativity, lack, and heaviness, you are probably not feeling very well… And, you are probably not doing very well… This will show up in your health, relationship, finances and the rest of your life… Do a letting go process or ritual to let go…
Write a Goodbye Letter about the situation (not be sent to anyone), really fleshing out your feelings and addressing the grievance. This is an empowering way to get it out of your system and externalizing it. Make sure you cover everything that’s bothering you and then close it with understanding for it, compassion for yourself and a gesture to release your grip on it…
We have to celebrate and acknowledge our efforts, accomplishments and awesomeness – Yay, finally on to the good one! This is the one that even though it’s wonderful we still take it for granted. It is so important to validate ourselves, to recognize our contributions, to acknowledge our efforts, investment and dedication, to celebrate our accomplishments and to own our awesomeness.
But do we do it? No. We are really good at checking things off our list and moving on. We are really good at being humble. We are really good at not taking credit. We are really good at minimizing our efforts and contributions. We are really good at putting ourselves down, looking for the flaws and what needs improvement. We are really good at using our lack filter and honoring our negativity bias… Being good at these things is not good! LOL
The best gift we can give ourselves, our loved ones and the world at large, is to turn this on its head. So, the best approach is to target that negativity bias, lack mentality and self-deprecating mindset…
It really is time to stop this… It is time to love on yourself… Make a Love Myself List of all that you weathered this year, all that you accomplished, all the ways in that you stretched, learned, and showed up with the best self you could muster… Delight in the awesomeness. Give yourself a pat on the back!
When you start tackling these processes, you’ll automatically start feeling a shift… It might feel very uncomfortable at first as you’ll be stirring stuff up… This is worthy price to pay, I promise. Stay the course regardless of how uncomfortable you get…
You’ll soon see the light at the end of the tunnel, and you’ll start experiencing the positives of the shift… If you get too uncomfortable before the light at the end of the tunnel and it becomes challenging for you, by all means get support. Don’t just stop and quit your transformation… We want you ready for 2021 and to keep creating your best life!
ASSIGNMENT: This assignment is super powerful when done to completion, please don’t cheat yourself:
Create undisturbed time to play with this Step
Create an inspiring setting to play in – bring a candle, essential oil, journal, preferred day beverage, wrap or blanket, whatever makes you feel homey and pampered
Ground yourself with a mediation, prayer, deep breathing or such
Start your process – go through each of the Step’s processes: ~ Close – Make a Wrap-Up Plan ~ Clear – Write a Goodbye Letter ~ Celebrate – Make a Love Myself List
The more you dive into your process and embody your experience, the more you’ll allow for your shift… And, the more you’ll have the right frame of mind for the last step in getting ready for the new year… Give it your best and enjoy!
Our tendency to go-go, to jump in, to push forward, to start new things before closing old ones, and such does not serve us… Let’s be intentional about our life instead, let’s live the life we want…
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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