There is a reason why our relationship seems to have lost the fizzle, or when we find that we are getting on each other’s nerves, bickering, or fighting more. When we feel stuck. Partners might attribute different reasons to this, and they might be very valid. But there is usually an underlaying reason that when tapped into and addressed, creates massive shifts for the partners, the relationship, AND their lives…
Today’s reason might seem illusive or abstract, but regardless, when partners play with this concept they are rewarded for their investment.
We are talking about fully owning all aspects of ourselves… But specifically to today’s topic, to owning both our masculine and our feminine aspects, characteristics, traits, energies… Because of social conditioning and the current way of things in our still very patriarchal society, we have oppressed our feminine side… Most of us are a lot more comfortable with our masculine traits, embracing and leading with them and judge, put down, or disown our feminine ones…
This leaves us operating with less than our full selves, and for those of us who are inherently more feminine and suppress those aspects end up really operating at a lower capacity. When we don’t own or utilize the greater part of ourselves, we experience mental and physical illness along with creating unnecessary friction and discomfort in our relationship.
If we are showing up with our masculine, what is our masculine partner to do? And I’m not talking about gender… Opposite energies attract, and when the more inherently masculine partner is met with their partner showing up with their own masculine, when the unspoken agreement is that they are to show up more with their inherent feminine, they are at a loss for how to show up. This leaves the inherently more feminine partner desiring their partner to show up more in their masculine, but of course they can’t because the role is already filled. Or they do, and problems arise… As you have two masculine energies trying to have a romantic relationship…
Similarly for the inherently masculine partner, they are limited in using their masculine because their partner might be showing up with it, and their feminine is also oppressed…
A conundrum for the couple indeed and a terribly disempowering situation for partners…
We are not saying that it’s a No No for the more feminine partners to use their masculine traits. For that would mean over compensating the other way and inviting a host of other issues…
Again, we all have both energies to varying degrees and our job is to own them fully so we are whole, enabling us to have our better human experience…
The key is to integrate the traits, energies within ourselves and to learn to intentionally use them in different contexts for better outcomes…
Additionally, in the context of our romantic relationship, when we polarize, we generate the spark we desire as opposites attract…
Playing at integrating the traits within ourselves and at creating a dance with our partner’s allows us to really manifest all we desire and become our most radiant selves.
First things first – recognize what traits you lead with and which you are oppressing…
Secondly – start owning and using all of your traits more…
Thirdly – support your partner in using all of their traits, especially their inherently opposite ones…
As a result of these qualities, each energy has different needs:
~ The Masculine needs appreciation, freedom, purpose
~ The Feminine needs attention, security, nourishing
When we start owning all of our characteristics and finding the balance between them for ourselves, we become whole and more vibrant. We are in our glory.
When the more integrated partners meet and complement in the interaction with their polarities that’s where the magic happens. This is when the union feels sacred…
Give it a shot, start owning and polarizing your traits more, and see how things start shifting immediately in your interactions and overall in your relationship and in your life…
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Ah summertime… What is summertime if not a time for repose and realignment? What about a time to heal, evolve, expand? What about a time to reconnect with our partner and reset our relationship? What about a time to uplevel our life through some couple fun?
Anything goes, really, as long as we are intentional and investing in creating the relationship and life we love…
A softer approach to our relationship helps turn things around and enrich our relationship… Are you familiar with the concept of having a softer life? Well, here I extrapolate that concept and apply it to our relationship. A Softer Relationship™ is one that allows for more ease, harmony, joy, connection and love…
In today’s video, I cover the 5 Key Tactics to help us embrace a Softer Relationship™. I talk about Making Assumptions, Assigning Motives, Giving Grace, Giving Appreciations, and Delighting Our Partner… These are tactics that when embraced they remove the layer that creates drama, disturbances, and disconnect in our relationship. They help the partner create more authenticity, vulnerability, availability, safety and so much more. Enjoy!
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
We’d do anything for our partner and our family, we love them to death… Have you heard yourself say these words in your head or to others? But is that sentiment and approach to our relationship, family and life actually serving us and them?
When we love too much, we get in the way of our love…
Let me explain. When we love too much, we do for others what they can and ought to do for themselves. We let them off the hook. We enable them to underfunction, not be accountable or responsible, not to step up, and to not honor us or show up for us. Everything becomes about what they get, which doesn’t really support them at the end of the day, and at our expense to boot…
This is not love, this is codependence. This eventually leads to disease for one of both partners. To children with behavior and other problems. To large amounts of debt or financial struggle. To risky behaviors with other consequences… To conflict, dissatisfaction, and boredom in the relationship. Life becomes blah, if not hell…
Get our FREE 1-pg downloadable Codependence Quiz to identify if and how you are impacted by codependence in your relationship- do you love too much?
The partners either grow really apart or become so entrenched in their fighting that they can’t see any other way out but actually getting out.
Before things get this dire, it’s imperative that partners get support to heal wounds, change their patterns, address limiting beliefs, stories and scripts, and the rest of it that gets in the way of the partners creating, sustaining, and enjoying a deep, meaningful and beautiful connection with each other…
I know that when couples do too much damage with their stuck patterns and dynamics, that it gets really difficult to come back from that. Of course, it is always a couple’s prerogative not to continue their relationship, but please don’t choose not to continue because you’ve created so much drama that you can’t see a way out. This is totally preventable and even reversible.
Give your relationship a good try!
And if you are at the end of the rope and no longer willing to invest in turning your relationship around, then please pursue conscious uncoupling. There is no need to continue to create drama, headaches, and heartaches…
In today’s episode, I’m glad for the conversation I have with Glenn Dornfeld, Esq. about the different ways couples can pursue getting divorced and how to go about a drama free, expedient, and less expensive process by using mediation. Please check it out.
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Wishful thinking or dreaming are a fabulous way to start any journey. But in and of themselves they don’t create the changes you are seeking. We might want to improve our happiness, our wellness, our health, our vitality, our fitness, our looks. Or we might want to improve the relationship with our partner, our relationship mindset, our communication, our dynamics, our connection, our intimacy, our partnership, our lifestyle, our parenting, our legacy. Or we might want to improve our service, our creativity, our productivity, our impact, our income or revenue. To manifest any of these things we require more than just dreaming…
To create anything in our life, a good doze of dreaming is required first and then a good doze of meaningful action to materialize it into our reality. Now this doesn’t mean grinding mind you! Long gone are the days where the grind actually created the results we desire… Have you noticed that the more you work doesn’t necessarily give you more or better outcomes…?
The key here is to focus on what it is we are trying to create and home in so that practice makes progress… We want to take inspired and leveraged action… We want to focus on the things that move the needle and make a difference, with gentleness, compassion, and ease…
So regardless of we want to improve, a concerted investment yields the best returns…
We can work directly on the thing, or we can work on the thing that holds us back when the direct work doesn’t seem to be doing it…Either way this can be boiled down to actions, simple practices, tactics, or habits that support our goals and desires. That helps us deprogram and heal, and decondition and grow… We drill in for the most return…
We can go really micro or esoteric on these knowing that a little tweak can crack the code. A different perspective, approach, or application can be just the thing to unravel the mysteries holding you back… One turn can open into a whole different panoramic view, a whole new reality…
We don’t need to work too hard, do all the things, stay subscribed to the grind… It’s time to intentionally, mindfully, and intelligently apply ourselves to our life to create the life the love…
In today’s episode I’m excited to have a conversation with Angela Mazza, a holistic health coach, who brings awareness to how different habitual patterns, not just behavioral but also emotional and relational, can have an impact on our health and wellbeing. We discussed how not having a voice, being a people pleaser, prioritizing others first, having low self-esteem or a sense of unworthiness, being a workaholic, a perfectionist, a type-A personality, and so forth can all take a toll… I very much enjoyed this conversation as it connects so nicely with the depatterning work we’ve been doing. Hope you enjoy it too!
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Are you finding this time of year challenging as the school year wraps up and as we start transitioning into the Summer months? There is so much that goes into this transition that people are feeling more stretched than usual… And this weekend is also Father’s Day… There is no lack of things to celebrate. This is when it’s important for us to take a step back and assess the quality of our life and relationship. How are we doing, how are we showing up to our relationships, how are we showing up for ourselves, are we creating the life we love?
Busy and transition times give us a clue as to how we are doing… They are great opportunities to take stock and reassess how we do everything- from celebrations, to relaxation, to health and wellness, to love making, and everything in between…
Times of transition are amazing opportunities for us to assess, reset and forge forward in a new way. In June I love to play with 30-Day Challenges to help with this. It’s a wonderful tool to play with deprogramming (deconditioning) and depatterning (undermining our egoic patterns, our defensive patterns) freeing ourselves from the boxes we are used to living and relating in…
Challenges help us embrace new habits, do pattern interruptions, and provide structure that serve as healing and evolutionary mechanisms…
When we choose a 30-Day Challenge for this purpose, we can consider different things to help us hone into a habit we want to play with in the challenge.
~ Lack is driven by believing we are separate and not whole, which leads to sadness, grief, loneliness, aloneness, hopelessness, depression and so on which lead to focusing on fairness and double standards, judging imperfections, self-numbing [flight response…]
~ Attachments are driving by believing we need certainty and certain outcomes which leads to let down, disappointment, resentment, frustration, anger and so on which lead to demanding apologies, owning the other, and getting stuck on expectations [fight response…]
~ Control is driven by believing that we have to make things happen and have to do all the doing which leads to fear, stress, overwhelm, exhaustion, anxiety and so on which lead to over-functioning, micromanaging, doing everything ourselves, not accepting help [freeze response…]
And, then think about how this pattern might impact things that you are trying to achieve, accomplish or create in your relationship and your life.
You might feel stuck in things like:
~ losing weight or getting fit ~ creating and sustaining connection with your partner or other loved ones ~ moving up in your career ~ growing your business ~ making, saving, growing, or keeping your money ~ creating a satisfying lifestyle ~ implementing a self-care routine ~ synchronized coparenting ~ or anything else in your life
You might experience that no matter what you do, you can’t seem to make any headways. You keep going back to the same old… That’s a sign that conditioning, programming, and patterning are holding you back…
The pattern and topic can inform the habit you choose to use in your Challenge to start dismantling the driving conditioning or programming… But at the end of the day, you can choose any habit or tactic for your Challenge as the challenge itself will work its magic…
Give it shot, you got nothing to lose and much to gain from this simple yet powerful tool. Hope you accept the challenge…
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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