It’s amazing how often I hear that people don’t have the time to do self-care… When their lives literally depend on it… I’m not sure if they look at self-care as a luxury – like having a spa day or laying on a chaise eating bonbons – that they shouldn’t have?
But really, in this day and age to not prioritize self-care when it at the very least increases resilience? I look at self-care as a duty and a responsibility to ensure our wellbeing, and our ability to show up with our Best Self and create the relationship and life we desire… It is our duty to Embrace the Art of Self-Care…
When we embrace self-care as part of our daily responsibilities, we experience a shift in how we prioritize, how we approach our day and how we are able to create the time for it…
A rich Self-Care Practice ensures we:
~Optimize our functioning and wellbeing – health, vitality, energy, mood, focus and bandwidth…
~Are grounded and Connected with our self, that we are solid in our core and operate with authenticity…
~Are in Alignment with our Purpose, that we are creative, progressive and productive.
When we invest on our Selves in this way – we are showing ourselves Love and Compassion. Nurturing. We have our own back… We are there for ourselves, we don’t abandon ourselves…
It is very interesting to witness that the partners that suffer or struggle the most, feel overwhelmed and unsupported, and complain that their partner are not there for them enough – are the partners who least focus on having their own back… They focus on what the other is doing or not doing for them, as opposed to what they are doing for themselves…
The focus on the other triggers them making the whole thing even more challenging, and self-care even more important for its self-regulatory properties…
When partners don’t approach their day with intentionality and some self-love (self-care) and rush into their day putting out fires and allowing themselves to be pulled in 100 different directions, they will get banged about and thrown off what they want to accomplish. This is one of the meanest ways for us to go about our day and to treat ourselves, second only to beating ourselves up with our own thinking…
We want to be kind and nice to ourselves, so that we can attend to becoming the best version of ourself and showing up with our Best Self, Authentic Self, more and more consistently. So, we can show up well to create our best relationship and best life – our Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life… So, we can have our Best Human Experience…
When we invest in ourselves with a rich self-care practice, we are more regulated, contained, grounded, patient, responsive, motivated, happy, compassionate, present, peaceful, resourceful, enthusiastic, appreciative, open, flexible, solid, secure, sensitive, sensible, joyful, forgiving, giving, generous, and so much more…
It behooves us to take care of ourselves to have a real good life…
I get that making time for self-care might feel frivolous when we have what seem like more important to-dos on our agenda… I can still fall into this misconception sometimes when I create very ambitious agendas… Believe me I get it. When one is a super-achiever, one can be one’s own worst enemy…
But I challenge you to give this a serious try for when you realize that you can actually be more productive in less time with more ease and joy, save your marriage and raise amazing children, then you get hooked!
You can start slow, you don’t have to flip the switch and start with radical and extreme self-care. There is a whole range, a spectrum in embracing the Art of Self-Care. Your Self-Care Practice is what you make of it and what you want it to be.
In mine:
-I have my basics that I totally miss and feel the impact should I skip them for some reason.
-Then I add another layer as I’m willing to create the time for it.
-And, then I can really step it up when I feel the need for more or just for kicks to take things to the next level…
I know that when one is struggling, it’s very challenging for them to even think about this and never mind take action toward implementing even the simplest activity.
The key to get over the hump is in proactively and preemptively expanding our mindset, to take responsibility for our wellbeing, and in tweaking our daily routine so the Self-Care Practice becomes automatic… This is the Art of Self-Care…
Your Self-Care Practice can include any activity that recharges, restores, rejuvenates and gives you Joy… Activities that reconnect you to your Higher Self are the best… These tend to give the most bang for the investment… They usually fall within a Mindfulness Practice…
The activities can be physical, mental, social, and spiritual and can take on any form. The key is to break from the usual noise and to intentionally do something for yourself. Some activities give you little value and positive impact, others are super rich… More is not necessarily better… It’s up to you create the flavor of your Practice and decide how much you want to invest in it and what benefits you are looking for.
A rich self-care practice improves vitality, youthfulness, longevity, happiness, connection, love, success… It’s up to you how you want to do your life- Do you want to struggle or flow with ease?
Embracing the Art of Self-Care ensures you do you, your relationship and your life effortlessly, gracefully, and joyfully…
ASSIGNMENT: Make a commitment to uplevel your Self-Care Practice, to Embrace the Art of Self-Care…
-Make a list of activities that interest you in the 4 categories: Physical, mental, social and spiritual. Be open to different things to create a rich repertoire.
-Take a look at your DailyRoutine and carve out some time to integrate an activity.
-Select something new or that you’ve been trying to add into your lifestyle from your list and add it to your carved-out time.
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
Do you often feel you are alone and unsupported – that your partner is out to lunch, or they are prissy about getting their hands dirty…? Do you feel you have to take care of everything, or things don’t get done? Do you bicker over everything and the silliest things can spark a massive fight?
Do you find that you don’t address frustrations and disappointments for fear of fighting? Does it seem like forever since you really liked each other and enjoyed each other’s company? Do you feel lonely, taken for granted, overwhelmed, and unappreciated? The solution is in adopting a Relationship Enrichment Mindset and Lifestyle…
There are a few things at play when a couple is experiencing dissatisfaction and the inability to get back in good graces. When they are feeling stuck and hopeless. When no matter how hard they try, they just seem to dig themselves into a deeper and deeper hole. Where they find they can’t get their bearings, every interaction is a conflict and source of pain.
Where they become more and more polarized and dig-in their heals on their positions. Where they completely lost sight of the other and everything is aggravating, wrong, or off. Where they prefer not to spend time with each other or be in each other’s presence. Where they are questioning their commitment to their partner and the relationship.
What’s at play for these partners can succinctly be captured as them being in a Power Struggle. Where they are beyond the infatuation stage of their relationship and are now in a place where their not so pretty parts come out to play, where their defenses become their prominent way of showing up, where they become so concerned with getting their needs met that they lose sight of the bigger picture – of the relationship, their bond, their love…
They become so engrossed and nearsighted with getting their way and being right, that they just can’t see any other options, possibilities, alternatives, meaning, perspectives, intentions and the like. They get really stuck on their side and their story that creating change becomes virtually impossible.
Luckily, it’s not impossible! We have helped many couples shift from this stuckness, and create really amazing, successful relationships- respectful, compassionate, loving, nurturing, connected, supportive, and collaborative. Where they create joyful, fun, harmonious, peaceful, and flowing homes. Where they are proud of who they are as partners and as a couple. And, where they become an inspiration and a role model to their family and friends…
What’s the secret? The secret is not to look at your partner like they are the enemy and to prioritize your relationship. Ha! This is not rocket science. But even though this is simple it doesn’t mean it’s easy… We still manage to not be able to do this at times…
Your partner is usually not out to get you, to get on your nerves, to disappoint you, to abandon or not support you, to criticize and control you, to be a jerk. After things escalate, or after a long time of the dissatisfying status quo, partners might become purposefully spiteful and such. But that’s not usually where they start off…
Your partner wants to you like them, appreciate them, love them, notice what they do for you, and such. They even go out of their way to please you…
The problem becomes that we just choose to see things with our dirty lenses, and we miss all the good stuff…
We allow our scripts, programming, negativity bias, and such to color what we see… We only see the things that confirm our perspective. We fall prey to confirmation bias… We prove ourselves right. But, to what end? There is no right and wrong, both partners are right in their own experience… There are always two sides to a story…
What we need to understand is that there is a reason for things playing out as they do… In understanding what you each bring to the relationship and how that fits perfectly together…, you get to appreciate the differences your partner contributes…
Your partner doesn’t only complement you, they also have the inherent ability to trigger all your sensitivities like no other…
This is part of your unconscious attraction… I’m sure you’ve looked at couples before and you just don’t get it- they don’t seem to fit together, they don’t seem to make a good match… This is because the attraction is not about the conscious checklist or about appearances…
The attraction is at a deeper, unexplainable level. It just is. We might be able to say all the things we love about our partner and why we love them, but it doesn’t do it justice to why we are bonded… Part of this attraction has to do with their ability to trigger unfinished business so now you have a second go at it…
~Your partner’s oppositeness shows you the other side of things, it helps you expand yourself ~Your partner’s triggering capabilities give you the opportunity for healing…
In all, your Partner is a Gift to your own Evolution… They are actually your Ally…
And, while we are at it. It behooves us to look at our relationship as a Playground. Where we get to Play with our partner to learn about ourselves and life… Where we get to practice becoming our Best Self and the Best Partner. Where we get to play Life… Now, that’s a Relationship Enrichment Mindset…
Operating from this framework provides all kinds of possibilities for your relationship, including how you prioritize your partner and the relationship… Yes, we have very full and hectic lives. This doesn’t condone forgetting about our partner… If we are to have an amazing relationship, we have to make it so. If we ignore it there is no chance of that happening!
When we don this lens and embrace this approach, there is no way you cannot create the Best Relationship!
ASSIGNMENT: Take a few minutes to be with yourself and take stock of how you choose to see your partner…
-Make a list of your recent thoughts about them… Catch anything that feels like a broken record… This is not about your partner this is your stuff… Note the theme and make it a point to come back to address it.
-For now, take a step back. Get grounded, become open to being compassionate and loving (meditation)… Don on the new lens crafted with the Relationship Enrichment Mindset and give it another whirl. Take new stock of your partner… See how they complement you. See how they try to please you. See the effort they put in.
-Note how much more *clearly you can see them, how there is no angst, how you see the person you fell in love with, how you see their Essence – their gifts, not their faults… *You might be very entrenched and attached to your story of how your partner sucks. Keep at donning the new lens until you can see clearly…
Here is to creating the relationship you desire! You CAN do it!
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
What is the key to an awesome day? Yes, we can say that all kinds of good things happening to us would make the day awesome. But I dare challenge that notion as we don’t want to be at the mercy of good things happening randomly to us for us to have an awesome day. When good things happen, let’s of course enjoy them and be grateful for them. But let’s not hang our hat on that. Let’s instead create our awesome day- become the of Master your day! As usual, the key is to own your day…
I’ve covered this concept from the idea of Designing and Owning our day:
These are all tactics that give us more and more control of the make-up of our day, that keep us in Alignment and flowing, that keep us focused and seamlessly cranking. These are tactics that empower us in creating awesome days, and ultimately an awesome life as life is but an accumulation of days…
We run into trouble when we don’t first take the time to Design our day and fill it with all the things that contribute to it being awesome. We run into trouble when we don’t have the right mindset to really own our day…
We run into trouble when we don’t have the right mindset to implement our design. When we don’t have the right mindset to be always improving our design and tweaking our implementation. When we don’t have the right mindset to be persistent and dedicated in striving for excellence and striving for the gold. When we don’t have the right mindset to drink the kool-aid, to be believers, to have Faith that we can create and have what we desire…
So, today’s angle is slightly different by focusing on owning our day by owning more how we look at things, how we own our mindset… This is mega powerful!
As you can imagine because of my line of work I come across many stories on a daily basis of how people look at the world and how they experience it. It is so very interesting to have two individuals go through the same event or together be part of a situation, and yet they have very different experiences…
Our experience is influenced by who we are and how we choose to experience things… We can be at the mercy of our unruly mind… We can look at something as the glass half-full or half-empty… We can let our usual limited lens color the whole experience…
And yes, we can choose. We can tame our mind. We can train ourselves how to think better. We can reprogram our operating system.
The are several layers of work that can be done here to become an expert at minding your mind and better owning how you look at things… In taking charge of your mind and how you experience things, you are better able to fully own your day and become the Master of it. No longer will you be at the mercy of blowing with the wind!
-Tame your mind – Teaching your mind how to get quiet and increasing your awareness, not allowing run-away trains or adding wood to your fire, taking charge of having a clutter free mind… For starters, this involves embracing a mindfulness practice… Meditation doesn’t have to be hard…
-Think more positive thoughts – Focusing on what worked, went well or what you liked, finding the silver-lining, identifying built-in opportunities, noticing growth places, embracing the lesson to be learned. For starters, this involves creating good thought-habits…
-Clean your dirty thinking – Identifying your thought patterns and addressing any distortions you indulge, and hugely important – taking ownership or responsibility for all the results in your life… No more blaming, pointing fingers or making excuses! For starters, this requires you set more effective boundaries for yourself…
-Edit your go-to scripts – Becoming aware of the running stories you tell yourself about yourself, your partner, the world… And, addressing the underlying unresolved wounds, pains, issues or such that still has a hold on you and taints your lens… For starters, this involves identifying the theme of what rents space in your head…
-Reprogram your limiting believes – Identifying the fears holding you back and the blueprint of your life and removing their hold on you. For starters, this requires building courage and increasing vulnerability…
Embracing these provides a more empowered approach to how you look and choose to experience your days, and your life… Once you own your mind, you own your day. Owning your day allows you to have a more peaceful, harmonious, joyful, creative, productive, connected and happy life!
Let’s get better at Owning ourselves!
ASSIGNMENT: Decide which of these 5 types of mindset resetting makes the most sense for you right now.
-Note, there is a saying, “New Level, New Devil”. So, even if you’ve done some of this work before it might need to be revisited…
-Also, if you’ve been going through challenging times, you might be raw, triggered or just got dirty… It’s part of the Human Experience after all…
Be open minded about what you need, leave arrogance to the side. This is for you. Be truthful and own what you need… There is no shame in having to do this work or having to revisit this work. If anything, kudos to you for being here and investing in your personal-relational development.
-Tame your mind
-Think more positive thoughts
-Clean your dirty thinking
-Edit your go-to scripts
-Reprogram your limiting
Select the one that resonates the most and make a commitment to playing with the tactic until you feel the reset… You will notice a difference in your brain, in your mood, in your thinking habits… And, you will notice a difference in the results you get in your life…
Start owning your mind more, start owning your day more, start becoming the Master of your day and life…
What are you striving for when you are in the pursuit of Balance in your life? Do you have a visual of a scale perfectly balanced in the middle? Are you looking to work 9-5 and then you are OFF? Are you looking to break down your day into thirds: sleep, work, live? What is balance? I believe striving for balance means finding an equilibrium in our life that is satisfying to us… That honors who we are and what we are about… This is what I call Work-Life Integration…
Work-Life Integration means you intentionally go about your life in a way that pleases you. If you choose to work 100 hours per week, then that’s your choice… The key is that we choose. When we don’t choose and we are at the mercy of our work, our schedule, our load, our responsibilities and our days happen by default, this is when we become resentful and our life is not satisfying…
Work-Life Integration means setting up our life so that our routine, responsibilities, commitments, projects and the rest of it are Aligned with our Purpose, what we are trying to achieve and accomplish. If we haphazardly go about our days putting out fires and not Focusing on what is important to us and our priorities, then we are wasting our energy and efforts everyday… This is when we feel zapped, blah, burnt-out and stuck.
Work-Life Integration means we operate from a cohesive approach of who we are, what we are focused on- because that is important to us and flows from our purpose, and how we go about it, so we have our Best Human Experience.
This means we are super intentional about everything in our lives, and that you maintain stellar boundaries. This means we are in charge of our life. This means we Flow with our life.
Being super intentional doesn’t mean being rigid, inflexible, or harsh. It means quite the opposite. It means you can build into your routine plenty of flexibility, transition times, margin, down-time, self-care, and the like. It just means you fully own how the day goes…
You account for tantrums and fussiness. You account for traffic. You account for your website going down. You account for a sick team member, them going on vacation, or something else out of the norm. You create enough flexibility and cushion to stay the course with ease… And, this means you can actually handle more in your life, believe it or not…
Being super intentional means you take good care of yourself so you can properly show up to your life… This means you build-in and honor consistently, a rich self-care practice. For when you are grounded and connected to yourself, to your Higher Self, you are more resourced, you have more bandwidth, you have more energy, you have more pizzazz! You are your True You!
I know life gets so crazy and hectic that we think we don’t have time to plan things out, set all this up, do the self-care, and such. That we don’t have time to do all the things required to actually have a good life… (sarcasm) We just jump in the deep end and expect to become Olympian swimmers. What we end up doing is barely keeping our head above water…
A little intentionality goes a huge way, you can start with just a few seconds…I know you have that! Even if all you do is set the intention to have an amazing day… Of course, this is the bare minimum. But hey, we start where we are at…
You might already do some wonderful things for yourself but review how they are serving you and if they need to be changed-up or upgraded… Get the most from your investment!
Here is a lovely narration that captures this theme:
When we are in Connection with our Self, with our Higher Self, operating from a resourced state, ahhh this is where you find your juice… If you have been feeling spent, this is the answer…
In connection with our Self, we find Flow in our life… Energy, vitality, motivation, inspiration, creativity, joy, abundance, harmony, ease, love… From this state we seamlessly Flow in our life between personal and work responsibilities. There is really no distinction between them… This might be a bit advanced but stay the course. It’s extremely satisfying to find this equilibrium…
Start where you are at and keep striving for more intentionality and Connection with your Self…
Keep striving for Being in your life…
Before you know it, you are experiencing True Work-Life Integration, Life-Flow…
ASSIGNMENT: Add a Wellness Habit as part of your Self-care Practice in your daily routine that helps you Connect with your Self…
This is it! Connect to your Self and feel the magic in your life…
As we are transitioning into Back2School and the Busy Season, we are to step up our game to keep up with the faster pace, fuller schedules, and additional demands. And, as we are trying to rescue what’s left of 2020… Yet, we are going into the season already exhausted, depleted, and burnt out.
Our surge capacity lasted only so long… Now we have to recharge ourselves to beat this draggy feeling and to turn this thing around. The key is in cultivating resilience.
I’m in love with the word Cultivate. We can use it for anything we are working on, and it’s gentle but yet powerful and sturdy. As I participate in all the things in my life, I hear the struggle people are having with their energy, mood and wellbeing. What is troubling is that they are still focusing on what is happening out there, where we have no control. Where we end up feeling even more zapped…
The key is to focus internally, to generate energy from within… This is how we cultivate resilience. And, the secret to cultivating resilience is to taking charge of the flow of our day – in owning our day… This is how we generate loads of energy, larger capacity, and broader bandwidth… Trust me, I’ve been called the energy bunny once or twice in my life. LOL This is how we increase our wellness and happiness…
This is How we create What we desire, our successful relationship and meaningful life – our Best Life.
The secret to cultivating resilience is in your daily routine. There is no magic pill to take, unground cult to join or a move to the Tibetan Mountains required for you to feel and do great in your life. It is actually quite simple, just requires a bit of focus and intentionality…
Creating our daily routine is an opportunity and a responsibility. Most people have a very vague approach to their day- they might choose a wake-up time and get themselves to whatever commitment they have for the day, then get haphazardly sucked into that commitment for a chunk of time, to then stumble into their evening, dinner and night time.
They hustle throughout the day, they lose time, they don’t get their priorities completed and they don’t feel accomplished, at ease, happy and connected throughout the day and as it winds down… There is no joy or inspiration.
But it absolutely doesn’t have to be this way. You can for sure have more energy, be in the flow, have inspiration, motivation and creativity day in and day out… You can accomplish anything with gusto. You can enjoy your self, your loved ones and your life!
Again, it just takes a little bit of focus and intentionality in designing, implementing and honoring a daily routine that serves and supports you and your dreams.
Here are 5 Significant Factors to consider when Designing, and tweaking, your Daily Routine:
1- Your daily routine starts the night before! Do a brain dump of all the noise running through your head, think of 3 things you are grateful for from the day, identify your top priority for the next day, go to sleep a bit earlier than your usual
2- Choose an earlier time than your usual to get up in the morning, don’t snooze – just get up!
3- Use the extra time in the morning to enrich your Self-care Practice (hugely important!). Have it include any form and combination you like of meditation practice, exercise, journaling, and learning. It doesn’t have to take long and create stress to get this in. Any investment in yourself pays huge dividends. This is the key – you have to invest in yourself!
4- Go into the rest of the day with the Intention to stay focused and stick with your plan/routine. Plan out your days to include focus time to crank on your priority, transition and margin times to flow with ease and stay present and connected to yourself and others, bio/physical needs time – including having nutritious foods following from your diet choice, and to mindfully transition into evening time.
5- Have an enriching evening routine to tend to your personal life and intentionally wrap up the day
Each of these items can be as rich as you’d like them to be. The key is to keep the framework simple yet strong, and to work it with focus and intentionality. You can add Wellness, Connection and Success Habitsin there to flow with ease and create the results you want.
If you do this, there is no way that you won’t feel well and increase your resilience… Get working it, get cultivating!
ASSIGNMENT: Review how you are currently doing your days and identify your weak points when compared to the Best Life Daily Routine™ formula. Select the area that zaps you the most or doesn’t support you the best and focus on rehabilitating and sprucing up this area. Go all in, change that thing up! This can be a bit unsettling at first but pull off the band-aid and commit to making a change. Hang in there and you’ll soon be seeing amazing results!
Hey, I say you fully go for it. What are you waiting for to create your Best Life? You can do it now!!
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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