This time of year, and specially with everything that’s going on, we might be feeling raw, sensitive, antsy, edgy, anxious, stressed, overwhelmed, depressed, unmotivated, lethargic, detached numb, and such.
These feelings are more compounded when we are feeling disconnected, might be experiencing a bout of low intimacy, and have fewer opportunities for fun. This doesn’t help the low desire and lack of intimacy epidemic of the modern-day couple…
A challenging trifecta: Feeling disconnected from our partner is usually accompanied by low desire and intimacy.
We need connection to be physically intimate (usually women, female energy) and/or we need physical intimacy to be connected (usually men, male energy)… This creates a conundrum for couples.
This conundrum has a tendency to create an impasse for couples, for the partners might need the opposite of what the other needs to become intimate and feel connected… Made even more challenging by physical intimacy also depending on the partners’ desire (libido, sex drive) and their ability to be intimate…
You’d think it’d be easy to enjoy the benefit and gift of physical intimacy in our relationship!
There is so much that gets in the way of desire and intimacy for partners…
Stress has a huge impact on your wellbeing, lifestyle and coping choices which in turn also affect your libido. We all have our stresses, and our current world is just heaping it on. And no comment on the impact on lifestyle…
And of course, then we have the actual couple dynamics, and most likely your power struggle, at play to boot!
Not for nothing the modern-day couple (and specially during this pandemic times) has difficulties sustaining consistent and satisfying intimacy in their relationship.
There are a ton of entry points from where to address your current low desire and lack of intimacy. Addressing any (or combo as needed) of the items mentioned above will make a difference in your current state of affairs.
But I want to offer you the most direct path for more immediate relief… You see, your libido, sexuality and physical intimacy with your partner is what you make of it… At the end of the day, desire and intimacy is an inside job…
You have control over your own desire… When you focus on what your partner is doing, how they look, how they are showing up, what they contribute and such, you are extinguishing your desire… Desire is not about your partner. Desire is about you!
Desire as an inside job has to do with How You Choose To:
So, you see, desire and intimacy are not something that are happening out there and that depend on your partner. Desire and intimacy are something you create…
When you shift to looking at desire and intimacy as something you create, then you can create as much of it as you want!
ASSIGNMENT: Watch what scripts came up for you as you read this post, and as you percolate with this concept…
1. Mind how you:
Victimize yourself
Get in your partner’s circle
Entertain your limiting believes
Sabotage intimacy
Have a hard time trusting and letting go
Are stingy giving, receiving, allowing
Are not fully Being…
2. Make a commitment to Be in your relationship…
3. Select the item that resonates the most as something that gets in the way of your intimacy and decide to address it full on!
Create health and vitality
Look at your partner (get out of their circle!)
Interact and bring Swag
Be available and have energy
Ready yourself for sexy time
Relax and show up
Be grace-full, grateful, and generous
Taking charge of your desire and intimacy is super empowering and exhilarating! What better time to embrace this as we continue to be impacted by the pandemic, are starting a new year, and are right around the corner from Valentine’s Day…
Make a commitment to reset your relationship and your marriage. Why not create a new marriage, or new relationship?! Let’s do this!
Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
I love new beginnings whether it’s a new year, a new season, a new chapter, or just a nice and simple refresh and reset… I believe these are amazing opportunities to take stock and plan anew to keep evolving and expanding ourselves and upleveling our life. This applies to all areas of our life, from personal to relationship to professional/business. A refresh and reset are great when feeling off and looking to increase connection in your relationship.
I usually like to connect working and improving on our life areas with creating new Habits to make it really easy to concretize, implement and sustain new behaviors… This is how we create change, through repeatable measurable behaviors.
I also usually like to advise that it’s not all about the doing, but the Being as well… It’s how and what we bring to our behaviors that create the results we desire. We can white-knuckle or willpower anything, really focus on our relationship, and work till we drop to still end up not creating the results we are after… With our Being we align, make the right choices, and connect…
When you make a decision and create a plan, you are more likely to achieve what you desire… This also means you can create the relationship you desire!
Creating the relationship you desiremeans bringing the Best You to your relationship… I have recently written extensively on this and guiding you on how to: become You 2.0, increase self-regulation and resilience, establish a rich self-care practice, take charge of your days, implement Intentional Habits™ and the like. Feel free to search for related topics on the Blog.
Creating the relationship you desirealso means having to stretch to meet your partner…
For your relationship to be successful, you have to focus on you. You have to focus on what you need to change, improve, uplevel, and how to show up with the Best You. Now, now. This doesn’t mean you turn yourself into a pretzel to please your partner… And, that you change who you are to please your partner… It actually means exactly the opposite…
It means you become more authentically you, that you drop the defenses, the ego, the scripts, and such, to please your partner. AND, to create the relationship YOU want!
For your relationship to be successful, you also have to focus on your partner… What? We actually have to invest in our relationship? We actually have to enrich it? We actually have to nurture it? [Sarcasm…] Yes! If you don’t water a plant it dies, doesn’t it? What do you think happens to your relationship when you don’t tend to it?
Creating a Successful Relationship means implementing a Successful Couple Strategy™:
2. Getting and staying on the same page by minding your communication style, skills and tools. Preventing arguments, fights and escalations. Learning how to apologize and repair. Following healthy decision-making protocols.
4. Increasing yourconnection, intimacy and fun. Creating, protecting and sustaining your connection, establishing reciprocal loving, and generating closeness. Eliminating the blocks to desire, increasing attraction and implementing a Successful Date Night™ protocol. Becoming more compatible.
5. Becoming a stronger partnership. Creating a Shared Life Vision, dreams and projects. Embracing a collaborative approach and implementing systems for taking care of responsibilities. Developing inspiring rituals and traditions, your Couple Brand™, and leaving a legacy.
So, if you are struggling in your relationship, there is plenty you can do to turn things around!
Today let’s focus on creating more connection as feeling disconnected can be an unbearable feeling that undermines our overall wellbeing, which can already be threatened this time of year…
I – Create, protect and sustain your connection – The easiest way to increase connection is to implement Connection Habits™. This ensures whatever intention you have to nurture your relationship and love on your partner, that you actually follow through consistently… I’m sure you are aware that our partner tends to fall to the bottom of our priority list, if they even get on it at all…
Create space in your routine for connection time and don’t let yourself be distracted from Being with your partner. Protect this space, time and focus but actually scheduling time, setting reminders, blocking distractions and such.
Make note that you might have the best of intentions, might have set up the best Habits, and mean well, but when it comes time to connect it fizzles… Why? Take a look at the energy you bring to the interactions… Make sure you show up without expectations, not in your partner’s circle, and with your Best Self…
II – Establish reciprocal loving – It is a given that we usually give love the way we like to receive love… This is the surest way to disappoint our partner! For they don’t necessarily like to receive love the way we do, they almost most certainly like to receive love differently than we do…
If you’ve been beating your head against the wall thinking you do all this for your partner and they don’t even see it, this is why. And, this is also why you might not get how come they think they are doing all this for you when you don’t see anything…
The key is to identify your preferred love languages and for each of you to give love to your partner in the way you each like to receive love… Their love language might be foreign to you, but this is what is required… And, in stretching to give love in their love language you are expanding your repertoire and expanding yourself… A win-win after all!
Check out the Love Nudge app to help you, it’s from the creator of the 5 Love Languages concept. Let me know what you think.
III – Generate closeness – You might be setting up Date Nights and Couple Time to yet find that the time is filled with awkwardness, anxiety, disconnect, and even fighting. The purpose was to feel more connected and close, and by the end of it you feel worse. One of you might even be shutdown, creating additional distance…
The key here is to go deeper than superficial conversation or talking about the children or problems. And this is not the time to “talk about the relationship”!
To generate closeness the key is to share of your internal world… And, to equally induce your partner’s sharing of their internal world. Note, I used the word induce… We don’t want to force this- demand that they share. The sharing happens more naturally when there is safety… Your job is to show up inquisitive, inviting, open, accepting, trusting, and the like. Leave your criticism and judgement out the door.
Share openly, but wisely… Inquire curiously, but mindfully…
Connection can’t be forced. It happens when there is trust and safety. Make sure you are inviting and creating that for yourself and that you are creating that for your partner. When you do this, you’ll see the shift… And, they’ll reciprocate…
ASSIGNMENT: Make a commitment to nurture your relationship and love on your partner. Set the intention to increase your connection…
Choose one approach to start with to increase your connection:
Implementing Connection Habits™
Embracing your Love Languages
Sharing your Internal World
Focus on your approach with gusto, share it with your partner, make time for it, get resources, go all out.
Do keep in mind that with gusto doesn’t mean obnoxious. Go at it with ease, presence, and mindfulness. This is not about controlling and doing a ton of stuff. This is about Being with your partner…
It’s not easy to shift our attention to nurture, to give love, to be loving. Whatever approach you chose, even the intention as a whole, might be a stretch for you and/or your partner… Be easy, gentle and compassionate about it. This is a good focus. Enjoy it.
Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
Happy New Year! The promise of new beginnings is just beyond alluring, is it not? Whether you are rocking it or are struggling, a new ride is just fun! We’ve had a heck of a 2020, and though there is light at the end of the tunnel 2021 is off to a slow start. I say we go with the flow, with tenderness and compassion. I say we glide into the new year with ease.
Tenderness, compassion and ease does not mean taking it easy, being lazy or dragging butt! It just means doing it right and with finesse…
Last month we covered a whole process to help you wrap up the year and get set up to start the new one right. We:
Now we get ready to ride the new ride well… We make sure we are resourced to do what it takes, to stay the course and to enjoy the way.
Now is the time to embrace a joy, connection and abundance mindset… To shift our focus from doing to Being… You can wrestle the thing to the ground and still make nothing happen, or not get the ultimate results you are looking for, if you approach it solely by doing… The key is to infuse it with your Being…
When you integrate doing and being in your life is when the Magic happens…
So, this is the focus of today’s message, how to live your life integrating doing and being to create a beautiful symphony…
The way I like to approach this is to first create the container for the experience, the music hall for the orchestra. Every instrument has its place and time to make its appearance in the masterpiece being played, so does everything in your life.
This is why I often write about Designing our Ideal Day, the music hall, and about embracing an Enrichment Lifestyle, the orchestra, and tending to it with Intentional Habits™, the instruments, so we can easily and masterfully create our Best Life, Transcendental music…
Using Habits to manage our doing and being is a brilliant way of staying focused on the right ladder against the right wall in all areas of our life while infusing it with our Presence… This is the easiest way to get all the right instruments in the right places so they can create their music…
Let’s say that you are focusing on upleveling your wellness (joy), connection (love) and success/creation/impact (abundance), as these are typically the areas people focus on improving… And, that you have goals for these for the year. And, that you are scratching your head as to how to achieve the goals. You might know what you need to do but are worried that you won’t stick with it to get the results desired.
This is where the Habits come in. They keep you focused and going without white-knuckling or depending solely on limited willpower. They help you effortlessly imbue your day with what is important to you, stay focused, and stay the course.
Therefore, adding wellness, connection and success habits to your intentional ideal day that include Being mindful and present is the simplest and surest way to create Magic…
WELLNESS – this includes all kinds of tactics for increasing wellbeing, health, vitality, and longevity. This area is where I usually house the Self-Care Practice, which I strongly encourage includes a Mindfulness Practice…
I place a strong emphasis on this area because it is extremely difficult to be able to connect with others and be successful if we are not connected to ourselves first… and functioning optimally…
When we don’t abandon ourselves, we don’t worry about others not being there for us.
And, we bring cleaner energy and resourcefulness to our interactions… This is what helps us show up well for our loved ones, and enables us to create our meaningful and impactful life…
So, when you say you don’t have time for self-care, I say you don’t have time to not have time for self-care!
Intermittent fasting, early dinners, Sleep Healthy Brain Aid (2 tbl MCT Oil and 2 tbl of collagen powder 2 hours before bedtime), daily floss and mouth wash, brain exercises
Screenless time, social media detox, reduce blue light
Early to bed
Gratitude List, Gratitude Journal
CONNECTION – this is about connecting with our higher power, with our self, with our loved ones, with our community and with the world at large… The relationships we create are the strongest indicator of resilience, vitality and longevity… Our connection to other people and our relationships are what give our life meaning…
Connection gives us safety, security, and belonging primal drivers in our Human Experience. Connection is what makes relationships special, what gives us joy, what makes our heart sing. In connection we know we exist…
In connection we know we are having a Human Experience…
When partners complain about feeling disconnected from their partner they are not just whining, they are sharing they are in pain. They are in existential pain… Specially as they are also disconnected from themselves… Which we know they are because they feel disconnected from their partner…
You see when we complain we are feeling disconnected from our partner, we are actually complaining we are disconnected from ourselves…
We can’t fully connect with our partner if we are disconnected from ourselves…
So, for those of us who are super achievers in an effort to be known and to meet the need of knowing we exist… we are shooting ourselves on the foot with all the doing… All the doing is holding ourselves back from being in relationship with ourselves and others… All the doing is holding ourselves back from Being itself…
This is why a Self-care Practice is paramount in personal development and relationship enrichment work… This allows us to Be, to be with ourselves, and to know we exist… Then we can have a relationship with our partner and enhance the level of intimacy in our relationship…
When people set goals for the year, they usually neglect setting goals for their relationship… When people design their Best Life, they usually don’t flesh out how they want to Be in their relationship… When people think about their Lifestyle, they don’t necessarily think of a creating a Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle™…
A relationship enrichment lifestyle means we keep our connection and our partner forefront in our mind. The easiest way to do that without being consumed with our relationship at the expense of what we are trying to live is to create Connection Habits™…
Some suggestions for your Connection Habits:
Meditation
Morning Coffee
Midday Check-in
Midday Connection Outreaches
Random Check-ins
Late Afternoon Sync
Anytime Connection Outreaches
Evening Reentry Ritual
Dinner
Weekly Special Dinner
Woo Wednesday
Family Night
Couple Time
Evening Ritual
Bedtime Ritual
Sexy Time
Friday Friends Night
Volunteer/Impact Projects Time
Saturday Date Night
Special Date Night
Sunday Ritual
SUCCESS – is whatever makes us feel we achieved what we are Meant to achieve, what we Desire, what our Purpose is, what we want our Human Experience to be… Success is not about having a gazillion dollars… Though being wealthy and financial freedom can very well be part of our definition, in and of itself is empty and not rewarding…
Financial success is more meaningful and rewarding when achieved through providing value…
Success as it is usually measured and at the expense of health and relationships is not success in my book. The degrees, awards, companies, assets, material things and the like don’t necessarily make for a richer Human Experience… They might, depending on how they are achieved and utilized…
Pursuing this success for its own sake defeats the purpose of Life… So, when you are told you have to sacrifice, that something needs to give and such to be successful, I say be weary. Don’t let that limiting mindset pollute your mind and hold you back from your fullest potential…
The key here is to go big on the experience you want to have… To identify and own your Personal Prime Directive™ (PPD), to own your brilliance, to own all of you and to put it to work as wisely as possible… It’s not about doing more… It’s about doing it better…
Doing it better means we use our PPD as a filter for commitments, projects, activities, tasks and all the rest of it. It means we are selective and focused on the target of our attention. And, it means we are resolute in our approach…
Some suggestions for your Success Habits:
Embrace Graceful TimeMapping™
Plan your week flow on Sunday
Share any important scheduling with your partner on Sunday
Join the 5 AM Club (this means you go to sleep earlier also!)
Have an empowering Morning Routine
Review your goals
Use the first hour on Monday to plan out your work for the week
Schedule your work into your TimeMap (batch work, chunk work)
Build in margin and transition times into your routine
Build in bio and recharge breaks into your routine
Protect your focus work time from distractions
Assign time to read email and return calls
Assign minimal time to check the news and social media
Attend 1-3 networking events per week
Have 2 coffees or networking conversations per week
Connect with 3 center of influence contacts per day, nurture your connections
Use templates, check lists and/or automate repeatable tasks
Subscribe to Smart Delegation
Delegate or outsource items outside your brilliance
Have outstanding follow through, keep your word
Wrap-up the workday and the week, do daily and weekly reviews
Use a MasterMind, a coach, and other support
Always be learning and growing
Learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable, develop courage
Now the three habits list can be a bit overwhelming at first glance if you are new to building habits and taking charge of your life…
Don’t worry, Rome wasn’t built in a day… You don’t have to do all of them or too many to start getting results in your life, and certainly you don’t have to start too many at once. The key is to start somewhere and keep going. You’ll be making incredible leaps in upleveling your life in no time!
ASSIGNMENT: Select one tactic from each list to add to your repertoire…
1. With each tactic create a corresponding Wellness, Connection and Success Habit. Each habit is to be a concrete quantifiable repeatable behavior at the frequency of your choice that gets plopped into your Daily Routine.
2. Calendar your Habits – build then into your schedule… Adjust your schedule as necessary…
3. For each habit make sure you prep before you are to start them – have all the information, instructions, supplies, gadgetry, tools, resources, etc. to make sure the behavior can be carried out at its allotted time…
Getting good at creating habits makes a world of difference when it comes to upleveling your life… This ensures you implement and carryout consistently and effortlessly anything your heart desires. Before you know it you are Living your Best Life!
Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
Wow, we made it. The end of 2020… And, what a year it has been. Are you excited to close what some are calling the “lost year”? I actually refuse to look at it this way and choose instead to look at it as a Transition Year into our Best Self, Best Relationship and Best Life… To that end, we’ve been closing and letting go of 2020, and getting ready to properly set up 2021. Today we’ll do the last step in this process: End-of-year vision, strategy and intention…
It behooves us to shift our energy from the trauma, lack and frustration to one of joy, connection and abundance… For how we show up to our daily life is what we end up creating…
Today, we’ll choose what we actually want to focus on and create in 2021… Woot!
We’ll create a vision, a strategy and an intention
~ The purpose of having a vision, a strategy and an intention is so that we don’t spin our wheels, run around like a chicken with its head cut off, or lean the ladder against the wrong wall…
~ The purpose of doing this exercise before the New Year is to set the tone for how to start the new year right and prevent the post holidays blahs and the winter blues…
~ The purpose of doing this is to take ownership of our own life and create what we desire vs banging around and hoping to hit it big.
By living a life by default you’ll never create what you desire and live the life you are meant to Live… Living an Intentional Life is the way to go…
I love creating the Vision… This is where the sky is the limit. Where we get to let loose. Where we dream our Big Hairy Audacious Goal (our BHAG!). Where we get in touch with our Purpose and create our Mission… Where we activate our Personal Prime Directive™ (PPD), and create purpose for our everyday life. Where we get the inspiration, the juice, the drive, the motivation… This is where we generate energy from within and we can be the energizer bunny…
I love creating the Strategy… Don’t let the terms Aligned Vision and Life Strategic Plan scare you. Processes need a descriptive name, right? I outlined these to their simplest form in their corresponding blog posts linked above to make it really easy for you to do.
These are so simple, inspiring and motivational you’ll really miss out and shoot yourself on the foot if you don’t play with them… They are simple and easy to complete yet super powerful, a must have for every end-of-year and new year…
I love creating the Intention… I have noticed that people defy and forego setting goals and new year’s resolutions for setting intentions… I love myself setting intentions and using Focus Terms any day (and, we all know new year’s resolutions don’t work). But not at the exclusion of having a blueprint, a strategy, a plan to Focus on and serve as our guiding North Star…
It has been well documented that people that set goals are more likely to achieve them and create what they set out to create than those that don’t. Why not allow yourself your best chance of creating the relationship and life you want? Because we are setting Intentions you are not off the hook from Visioning and Strategizing!
Now is the time to play at setting up next year for a smooth transition into the New Year, preventing the winter blues, and effortlessly staying on track on achieving your goals while enjoying your life…
ASSIGNMENT: It’s Play Time!
Play at discovering your Personal Prime Directive
Play at creating your Vision
Play at establishing your Strategy
Play at selecting your Intention
Play at committing to create your best relationship and best life!
When you play with these ahead of the New Year and set yourself up with Direction, you’ll prevent starting the new year with angst, fear, uncertainty, ambivalence, lack of motivation, and such.
You’ll know exactly what to do. You’ll look forward to each day. You’ll stay the course. You’ll create your Best Self, Best Relationship and Best Life!
I hope you enjoyed this 3 Step End-of-YearProcess version of our Holiday & Year-End Process™ (HYP).
However you choose to do your end-of-year, I hope it’s intentional so you are set up to start the next year right! This is your ticket to your amazing 2021!
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
Yes, 2020 has been challenging. Yes, 2021 seems to want to start on a rough foot also… But we don’t have to let it! It is our job to create our best life regardless of what is happening out there, to the best of our ability… Today’s topic is the second step in putting a bow on it and launching into the New Year with pizzaz. I’ll cover how to do closure, clearance and celebration for paving the path for the new year.
In the last issue I covered decluttering and minimalism to lay the groundwork for setting up the new year right… That allowed us to create wiggle way for maneuvering and Being… It created space for new flow, new energy, new creations…
Before we fill up our new wonderful space again with any kind of stuff, it behooves us to align with our desires and purpose so we lean the ladder against the right wall… And, we have to be on the right frame of mind to do that… Today’s topic is about getting on the right frame of mind…
We have to: ~ Close and wrap unfinished business. ~ Clear and let go of what’s already passed. ~ Celebrate and acknowledge our efforts, accomplishments and awesomeness.
When we ready ourselves and take the time to pave the right path is when we have an easier Journey…
Our Journey has in it exactly what it’s supposed to have – the gifts, the loved ones, the connections, the resources, the challenges and all the rest of it. It is all for us… We signed up for this human experience to have a full Human Experience… So, let’s do that. Let’s make sure we don’t miss what’s under our noses and don’t live our life by default just banging around…
When we intentionally show up to our life is when we are able to create our successful and radiant relationship with our Partner and our meaningful and all-around abundant life…
End-of-year Step2 helps us get in the right frame of mind, in our right mind…, to set and pursue the right intentions for the life we want and create an amazing relationship with our partner…
We have to close and wrap unfinished business – This can refer to different things for each of us depending on what is happening in our lives. It can range from finally choosing a wedding date, to putting our house on the market, to getting a full medical check-up, to closing the deal, to wrapping up projects, to addressing childhood wounds or resentments…
It’s important to identify for yourself what is taking up the most space, time, energy, and other resources and making a commitment to finally addressing this. Get the monkey off your back!
The best way to do that is to pay attention to what’s the first thing that came up for you as you read the above… Or, to get quiet and ask yourself what needs closure… Pay attention to what comes up for you. Don’t question it, whatever comes up needs to get addressed if you are to make headways in creating the relationship and life you want…
Make a Wrap-Up Plan to address this – completing the project, having the tough conversation, setting more effective boundaries, taking a specific action, and so forth. Crank it baby!
We have to clear and let go of what’s already passed or is keeping us stuck – This is challenging as a lot of feelings are tied up with this one… And, the things to let go can take on any flavor as well. T
hey can range from feeling angry for how we were raised, feeling let down for not getting engaged yet, feeling disappointed or frustrated at not getting pregnant, feeling jealous about the attention someone else is getting, feeling envious of somebody else’s successes, feeling resentment for being passed on for a promotion or not getting a contract, feeling devastated or grief over a loss, and so on…
All this angst is heavy. It is imperative that we clear the air and let go to allow for lightness, flow and ease…
The best way to do this is to select the thing that keeps running in your mind and torturing you. If you have a running script riddled with negativity, lack, and heaviness, you are probably not feeling very well… And, you are probably not doing very well… This will show up in your health, relationship, finances and the rest of your life… Do a letting go process or ritual to let go…
Write a Goodbye Letter about the situation (not be sent to anyone), really fleshing out your feelings and addressing the grievance. This is an empowering way to get it out of your system and externalizing it. Make sure you cover everything that’s bothering you and then close it with understanding for it, compassion for yourself and a gesture to release your grip on it…
We have to celebrate and acknowledge our efforts, accomplishments and awesomeness – Yay, finally on to the good one! This is the one that even though it’s wonderful we still take it for granted. It is so important to validate ourselves, to recognize our contributions, to acknowledge our efforts, investment and dedication, to celebrate our accomplishments and to own our awesomeness.
But do we do it? No. We are really good at checking things off our list and moving on. We are really good at being humble. We are really good at not taking credit. We are really good at minimizing our efforts and contributions. We are really good at putting ourselves down, looking for the flaws and what needs improvement. We are really good at using our lack filter and honoring our negativity bias… Being good at these things is not good! LOL
The best gift we can give ourselves, our loved ones and the world at large, is to turn this on its head. So, the best approach is to target that negativity bias, lack mentality and self-deprecating mindset…
It really is time to stop this… It is time to love on yourself… Make a Love Myself List of all that you weathered this year, all that you accomplished, all the ways in that you stretched, learned, and showed up with the best self you could muster… Delight in the awesomeness. Give yourself a pat on the back!
When you start tackling these processes, you’ll automatically start feeling a shift… It might feel very uncomfortable at first as you’ll be stirring stuff up… This is worthy price to pay, I promise. Stay the course regardless of how uncomfortable you get…
You’ll soon see the light at the end of the tunnel, and you’ll start experiencing the positives of the shift… If you get too uncomfortable before the light at the end of the tunnel and it becomes challenging for you, by all means get support. Don’t just stop and quit your transformation… We want you ready for 2021 and to keep creating your best life!
ASSIGNMENT: This assignment is super powerful when done to completion, please don’t cheat yourself:
Create undisturbed time to play with this Step
Create an inspiring setting to play in – bring a candle, essential oil, journal, preferred day beverage, wrap or blanket, whatever makes you feel homey and pampered
Ground yourself with a mediation, prayer, deep breathing or such
Start your process – go through each of the Step’s processes: ~ Close – Make a Wrap-Up Plan ~ Clear – Write a Goodbye Letter ~ Celebrate – Make a Love Myself List
The more you dive into your process and embody your experience, the more you’ll allow for your shift… And, the more you’ll have the right frame of mind for the last step in getting ready for the new year… Give it your best and enjoy!
Our tendency to go-go, to jump in, to push forward, to start new things before closing old ones, and such does not serve us… Let’s be intentional about our life instead, let’s live the life we want…
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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