Some might believe they love unconditionally, because they believe that’s what’s expected and what’s appropriate in love… But upon further inspection it is obvious that their love is conditional… Is there a right way to love? Should we love unconditionally? Or should we, what some might consider, be smart about it and love conditionally?
In my book, love has nothing to do with conditions…
Now, this doesn’t mean we put up with abusive situations, or situations that don’t honor who we are, or that don’t support our purpose and our life Journey… This also doesn’t mean we are to be doormats and have no expectations in our relationship… All these things could be true, and we could still love the other…
So, when people believe love is conditional on certain things, that doesn’t really add up because we can obviously love no matter what, codependence and other dynamics and conditions aside…
But because we can love no matter what, it doesn’t mean we put up with a less than radiant and successful relationship… One that helps us become our best self… One that enriches us and makes our journey better…
~ We invest in cultivating our love, so it doesn’t get tied up with conditions and eroded by unmet expectations…
~ We invest in creating the best relationship to support and help expand our love…
This means we create the perfect space for our love. And this doesn’t mean a perfect relationship- there is no such thing. But it means a relationship in progress to its fullest potential…
Now this is journey worth investing in- playing in this realm and experiencing the rewards it yields is one of the best feelings… It’s so satisfying and fulfilling to take the interactions to the next level where both partners feel fully heard, understood, and accepted. Where they feel appreciated for who they are and what they contribute to the relationship and the other’s life. Where they feel deeply connected, and nourished and enlivened by their interactions.
Let’s commit to playing in the realm of having a relationship in progress to its fullest potential, where our love can thrive and shine…
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
We are experiencing a stronger need for connection and love in the collective, some of us might be more aware and attuned to that than others. This has always been a theme in the work we do with our couples in couples therapyand marriage counseling. But there seems to be a deeper longing and more significant desire for more affection, connection, intimacy, and communing.
We might be experiencing this as life lacking luster, as an identity crisis, as aimlessness or boredom, as loss, sadness, or grief, as anger or disillusionment, as friction, frustration, drama, or conflict, or in a myriad of different ways…
We might be feeling really uncomfortable in our own skins, in relationship with our partner, in our professions or careers, in our other roles, and in our place in life in general at this time… We might be feeling a little lost, upside down or alone… We might be wondering what’s the meaning of everything and what’s our place in it…
Does this resonate?
These existential questions are not to be feared, and definitely not ignored and swept under the rug.
These are just signs that we are ready to grow, to upgrade, to uplevel… To evolve… To awaken…
This just means that we are ready to take our human experience to new heights. That’s very cool in my book, and I say bring it!
But what does this mean for our everyday? For our feelings? For being in relationship with our partner? And everything else?
Well, I say we take it easy and address what is the most uncomfortable first… Where are you suffering the most? What is keeping you up at night? What is giving you the most grief, anxiety and agita?
Then focus on addressing that at the root. Not by throwing out the baby with the bath water- as in leaving your partner, leaving your job, or otherwise jumping ship. You might have to eventually do that if it serves your purpose and honors your life. But don’t jump to conclusions.
Be curious first about where you are and what you need and how to go about meeting that need….
Focus on learning you, learning your partner, learning new skills, tools and talents… All this will support you in creating a more exciting, enjoyable, and fun Journey…
For additional support, check out this month’s Integration Experience on this topic that’s now on replay: Relate Intentionally and Authentically to Blossom Your Love. It’s available through our Radiance Membership at no additional cost.
And, in today’s podcast episode I have an energizing conversation with Francois Lupien on just what it takes to change things around. We talk about the power of our internal dialogue and how to have impactful interactions with others, how to go from victim of circumstances to creator of our own reality, how to reframe situations for more happiness and joy in our relationship and our life, and he offered a golden tactic to take things to the next level.
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
It is a common belief that committed relationships seem to fizzle out over time or not make it very long term. But this doesn’t have to be the case, in reality our relationship can get better with time… The thing is that because of that belief, the way that we set up our lives, and social trends, we just don’t expect to have a radiant and successful long-term relationship where connection and intimacy just get better with time. We are not all in from the get-go and settle from mediocre until it no longer works… A relationship not nurtured doesn’t thrive…
Addressing unresolved issues and properly getting our needs met
Deepening our connection and increasing our intimacy
Creating a smooth collaboration and strong partnership with our partner
When we take our partner and our relationship for granted, the connection withers away, our intimate life takes a hit, and interactions get frayed with friction and conflict. We find ourselves fighting more and / or becoming more and more distant until there is barely a semblance of a relationship left…
Living in the same home and having children in common is not substantiative enough to call that relationship your “Relationship”.
A rewarding, satisfying, radiant and successful relationship is one where the partners: ~ Feel at home when they are together. ~ Are (healthily, not codependently) invested in the other’s wellbeing and success ~ Deeply understand and accept each other ~ Can truly be themselves and they are cherished for who they are ~ Have shared values and dreams
This is the radiant and successful relationship we can create with our partner, and what we are to protect and sustain once we achieve it.
The key here is first of all, not let it go south when we first start a new relationship. To set it up well from the beginning, with boundaries, reasonable expectations, honesty, trustworthiness, vulnerability, and authenticity. And then to continue to invest in those qualities and other powerful relational tactics to ensure we set up a strong foundation.
But even after all that, and especially if our foundation is weak to begin with, we might get sidetracked with life where we start neglecting our relationship and taking our partner for granted. Hopefully we have the awareness that this is happening, and we can nip that in the bud and course correct to get back to a strong place.
And if for some reason we don’t catch the downward slope early enough, or we just can’t seem to stop what appears to be a train wreck, that’s ok- just recommit to getting back to a good place and then invest in doing so.
Getting professional help, in the form of couple therapy, marriage counselingor relationship coaching, would be beneficial at any of these stages, but it’s definitely needed if you are struggling and can’t seem to get your head above water. The sooner you get support the greater the chances of setting things on the right course and creating what you desire. Don’t wait too long, sometimes the damage that gets made is very difficult to undo.
In most cases you can get back to that wonderful place and create something amazing… You CAN create the relationship you desire…
So regardless of the status and state of your relationship, commit to investing in making it awesome. Commit to ongoingly, and even systematically, focus on nourishing your relationshipso it has a chance to thrive.
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Yes, 2020 has been challenging. Yes, 2021 seems to want to start on a rough foot also… But we don’t have to let it! It is our job to create our best life regardless of what is happening out there, to the best of our ability… Today’s topic is the second step in putting a bow on it and launching into the New Year with pizzaz. I’ll cover how to do closure, clearance and celebration for paving the path for the new year.
In the last issue I covered decluttering and minimalism to lay the groundwork for setting up the new year right… That allowed us to create wiggle way for maneuvering and Being… It created space for new flow, new energy, new creations…
Before we fill up our new wonderful space again with any kind of stuff, it behooves us to align with our desires and purpose so we lean the ladder against the right wall… And, we have to be on the right frame of mind to do that… Today’s topic is about getting on the right frame of mind…
We have to: ~ Close and wrap unfinished business. ~ Clear and let go of what’s already passed. ~ Celebrate and acknowledge our efforts, accomplishments and awesomeness.
When we ready ourselves and take the time to pave the right path is when we have an easier Journey…
Our Journey has in it exactly what it’s supposed to have – the gifts, the loved ones, the connections, the resources, the challenges and all the rest of it. It is all for us… We signed up for this human experience to have a full Human Experience… So, let’s do that. Let’s make sure we don’t miss what’s under our noses and don’t live our life by default just banging around…
When we intentionally show up to our life is when we are able to create our successful and radiant relationship with our Partner and our meaningful and all-around abundant life…
End-of-year Step2 helps us get in the right frame of mind, in our right mind…, to set and pursue the right intentions for the life we want and create an amazing relationship with our partner…
We have to close and wrap unfinished business – This can refer to different things for each of us depending on what is happening in our lives. It can range from finally choosing a wedding date, to putting our house on the market, to getting a full medical check-up, to closing the deal, to wrapping up projects, to addressing childhood wounds or resentments…
It’s important to identify for yourself what is taking up the most space, time, energy, and other resources and making a commitment to finally addressing this. Get the monkey off your back!
The best way to do that is to pay attention to what’s the first thing that came up for you as you read the above… Or, to get quiet and ask yourself what needs closure… Pay attention to what comes up for you. Don’t question it, whatever comes up needs to get addressed if you are to make headways in creating the relationship and life you want…
Make a Wrap-Up Plan to address this – completing the project, having the tough conversation, setting more effective boundaries, taking a specific action, and so forth. Crank it baby!
We have to clear and let go of what’s already passed or is keeping us stuck – This is challenging as a lot of feelings are tied up with this one… And, the things to let go can take on any flavor as well. T
hey can range from feeling angry for how we were raised, feeling let down for not getting engaged yet, feeling disappointed or frustrated at not getting pregnant, feeling jealous about the attention someone else is getting, feeling envious of somebody else’s successes, feeling resentment for being passed on for a promotion or not getting a contract, feeling devastated or grief over a loss, and so on…
All this angst is heavy. It is imperative that we clear the air and let go to allow for lightness, flow and ease…
The best way to do this is to select the thing that keeps running in your mind and torturing you. If you have a running script riddled with negativity, lack, and heaviness, you are probably not feeling very well… And, you are probably not doing very well… This will show up in your health, relationship, finances and the rest of your life… Do a letting go process or ritual to let go…
Write a Goodbye Letter about the situation (not be sent to anyone), really fleshing out your feelings and addressing the grievance. This is an empowering way to get it out of your system and externalizing it. Make sure you cover everything that’s bothering you and then close it with understanding for it, compassion for yourself and a gesture to release your grip on it…
We have to celebrate and acknowledge our efforts, accomplishments and awesomeness – Yay, finally on to the good one! This is the one that even though it’s wonderful we still take it for granted. It is so important to validate ourselves, to recognize our contributions, to acknowledge our efforts, investment and dedication, to celebrate our accomplishments and to own our awesomeness.
But do we do it? No. We are really good at checking things off our list and moving on. We are really good at being humble. We are really good at not taking credit. We are really good at minimizing our efforts and contributions. We are really good at putting ourselves down, looking for the flaws and what needs improvement. We are really good at using our lack filter and honoring our negativity bias… Being good at these things is not good! LOL
The best gift we can give ourselves, our loved ones and the world at large, is to turn this on its head. So, the best approach is to target that negativity bias, lack mentality and self-deprecating mindset…
It really is time to stop this… It is time to love on yourself… Make a Love Myself List of all that you weathered this year, all that you accomplished, all the ways in that you stretched, learned, and showed up with the best self you could muster… Delight in the awesomeness. Give yourself a pat on the back!
When you start tackling these processes, you’ll automatically start feeling a shift… It might feel very uncomfortable at first as you’ll be stirring stuff up… This is worthy price to pay, I promise. Stay the course regardless of how uncomfortable you get…
You’ll soon see the light at the end of the tunnel, and you’ll start experiencing the positives of the shift… If you get too uncomfortable before the light at the end of the tunnel and it becomes challenging for you, by all means get support. Don’t just stop and quit your transformation… We want you ready for 2021 and to keep creating your best life!
ASSIGNMENT: This assignment is super powerful when done to completion, please don’t cheat yourself:
Create undisturbed time to play with this Step
Create an inspiring setting to play in – bring a candle, essential oil, journal, preferred day beverage, wrap or blanket, whatever makes you feel homey and pampered
Ground yourself with a mediation, prayer, deep breathing or such
Start your process – go through each of the Step’s processes: ~ Close – Make a Wrap-Up Plan ~ Clear – Write a Goodbye Letter ~ Celebrate – Make a Love Myself List
The more you dive into your process and embody your experience, the more you’ll allow for your shift… And, the more you’ll have the right frame of mind for the last step in getting ready for the new year… Give it your best and enjoy!
Our tendency to go-go, to jump in, to push forward, to start new things before closing old ones, and such does not serve us… Let’s be intentional about our life instead, let’s live the life we want…
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
Last month of 2020! Let’s make it a good one! In this context, making it a good one means making the rest of the Holiday Season as magical as they can be, properly wrapping up this year, and setting up the new one for more success… Today’s topic is the first step in putting a bow on it and launching into the New Year with pizzaz. It includes how to properly do end-of-year, decluttering and minimalism to lay the groundwork for setting up the new year right…
The idea is to clear the decks, reduce the load, streamline, clean up, and eliminate all the excess and the unwanted – things, clutter, disorganization, food and other substances, responsibilities, commitments, projects, tasks, minutia, information, notifications, screen-time, and the like depending on our stage of life, family constitution, and lifestyle.
Pandemic and its implications aside, we live in interesting times. We live in a consumerism society and in the age of information. We are set up by default to be inundated with stuff and content. Unless we become amazing gatekeepers, these can take over our way of life and our very existence…
Taking on a minimalist mentality creates space, time and energy…
When we live in clutter and disorganization, we zap our own energy and kill our own time. Needless to say, that we live in less than aesthetically pleasing living spaces and have no space for the New… The same goes for when we live with over commitment and other excess. How are we to properly pivot, reconstruct, make changes, get more results, create more awesomeness when there is no wiggle way to maneuver, never mind make major desired Shifts?
So, this is why Step1 is embracing a minimalist mentality to help us reset and create the space, time and energy for something better, for the new, for the shift, for the Transformation…
My take on the minimalism / essentialism: This can be done and embraced to whatever extent you like that serves your life. In my opinion anything too extreme in either direction on anything creates imbalance… Therefore, you don’t have to overdue this where you end up living in an empty house or such a basic life that you miss out the Human Experience… But, you do want to eliminate anything and everything that gets in your way or holds you back from your True Self and creating the life you desire…
You are encouraged to do this in a way that best suits you and your life. The goal is to unencumber you of the excess in your life that holds you back… Here is a great video for avoiding minimalism pitfalls and ideas that make this concept so much more challenging than it has to be. Do minimalism your way!
For the purpose of this post and our end-of-year process, we want to do a high-level clearing of the noise in our life… You can go about this as a20 Day Declutter Challenge. Loving me some 20 day challenges this year in celebration of our 20th year practice anniversary! And, 20 days just fits really well with the length of time we have left to be productive this year… Here is a 30 Days To Minimalism guide you can tailor for yourself as you see fit.
When we embrace minimalism to whatever extent is appropriate for ourselves, we create extra margin, spaciousness and grace in our lifestyle that is super conducive for us showing up with our Best Self… When we are not triple booked, back2back, running on a chaotic schedule or runaway calendar, jammed packed with tasks and meetings, and having a gazillion pending to-dos, we have more space to operate and choose how we want to show up… Who we want to Be…
We can be more intentional and mindful. We can be more patient, accepting, present and compassionate. We can connect more easily… We can love more freely… We can live more passionately. We can create more luxuriously. We can actually be our Best Self, create our Best Relationship, and live our Best Life…
The basics in the next 20 Days:
~~ Declutter surfaces, corners, closets, shelves – Grab boxes to collect the items out of place in each room in your home. Do one room at a time gathering, sorting and putting away, throwing out or leaving in the box to donate. Schedule a donation pick-up…
~~ Silence the noise – mute or get rid of notifications, unsubscribe/leave lists, newsletters, forums, groups, programs, commitments, activities, and the like – cut off the excess fat!
~~ Get rid of the excess – food, alcohol, clothing, cosmetics, books, gadgets, appliances, electronics, supplies, equipment, instruments, tools, toys, games, apps, decorations and knick-knacks, etc.
~~ Clear a stuck project – Identify a project that’s been lingering for way too long that you don’t want to carry into the new year with you. Outline a plan for addressing and removing this energy suck from your life: Break it down into smaller to-dos and schedule them out to get it done. Or, delegate it or outsource it with very clear instructions, expectations, milestones and deadlines. Or, maybe simply just scrap it already!
~~ Clear a stuck situation – Identify a situation that you no longer want to tolerate. Decide whose problem it is, are you owning your circle and not others’? Do you need to set more effective boundaries or clarify expectations? Do you need to have a more difficult conversation? Is it time to leave, let go, make another radical change? Take one small action towards resolution… And, then another, and then another… Get support with this one!
Take charge of your physical, mental and relational space. Get rid of the stuff that no longer make sense, you are tired of, are in excess, have run their course, don’t give you joy, no longer serve you or actually undermine you… Less is better in most instances…
ASSIGNMENT: Whether you choose to tackle decluttering and minimalizing as a 20 Day Challenge or a couple of working sessions, the goal is to clear the way to more physical, mental, emotional and energetic space in your life…
Identify your approach
Identify the area that needs the most attention and will give you the most bang for your effort – Messes, noise, excess, stuck project, stuck situation
Identify your working times or sessions
Identify where you’ll start
Identify when you’ll start
Make a commitment to knock this out – feel the liberation, expansiveness, and joy you’ll feel when you finish and how you’ll be ready to tackle anything after this!
Decluttering and minimalizing your life is an amazing end-of-year tactic to clear the old and pave the way for the new…
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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